Today's Best - Winter Break Edition 2

5. the wizards in games i didn't bet on or watch in person - i am apparently the biggest jinx in the world. in the two games i attended at the verizon center, the wizards lost to the bulls and hawks for no good reason. it's been nearly four years since i saw the wizards win a game in person. to make matters worse i decided to place a hefty sum on the wizards in a game against jersey. obviously they lost. of course this weekend after i ran out of money to bet, they thumped milwaukee and seattle. if i wasn't broke, i definitely would have bet that i wouldn't have any money to bet on those two games. why wouldn't i just bet on those two games? because i'm terrible at gambling.

4. baltimore ravens - brian billick may have won a superbowl some 100 years ago, but this is an age of "what have you done for me lately?" and lately, the only thing brian billick has done for me is be a horribly inept coach who mismanaged nearly every game this season including one that resulted in baltimore being the only team to lose to the dolphins this year. a now a team that won 13 games last year is watching the playoffs from home on their giant tvs. so as far as i'm concerned, ravens owner steve bisciotti was justified in canning billick. but maybe it's because billick decided to kick a field goal to send the dolphins game into overtime instead of letting mcgahee run in a td from the one-inch line that would have not only won their game but my fantasy football playoff game. good riddance.

3. rudy gay - rudy gay had a very eventful couple of weeks. in a game against the spurs where the grizzlies blew a large lead at home, rudy hit a long three with tim duncan in his face that won the game. then against the celtics, he chipped his tooth on james posey who i'm sure needed like a billion stitches afterwards. but best of all, my life size rudy gay poster finally arrived in the mail. now everyone who comes over will finally know how tall rudy gay is in real life and also how stupid i am in real life.

2. chicago white sox - unable to land any of the premier free agents, kenny williams took matters into his own hands. in december, he signed alexei ramirez the latest cuban sensation who could be a super utility player while pushing 50. then last week, the white sox sent three prospects to oakland for outfielder nick swisher. since i love nick swisher i'm not particularly concerned that the white sox have a minor league cupboard that is nearly bare. besides, with these two acquisitions, the white sox become the prohibitive favorite to make me illogically optimistic. anyways, after looking at the schedule next year, i expect them to win at least 160 games while nick swisher pitches eight no-hitters.

1. miami - at least miami has this going for them, because their sports teams are dreadful. the dolphins recently ended their season having won one of 16 games and the heat have started their season with a 8-26 record and are currently locked in the east's cellar. this means that since september, professional sports teams in miami have treated their fans to a total of nine wins. hopefully when the baseball season starts, the marlins will have a chance to add to this total. of course, since the marlins managed to trade both miguel cabrera and dontrelle willis, i think miami will be lucky if by june their city's sports teams have combined for 20 wins. seriously, the heat look awful. they've lost seven straight and in the game i watched this weekend, the five players they chose to play were chris quinn, luke jackson, earl barron, alexander johnson, and daequan cook, whose combined 2008 salary is $4.2 million. coincidentally, this is nearly the same amount of money it would cost the heat to buy $5 million worth of gumballs and then dump them all over the court. yes, they'll lose either way, but with gumballs at least their opponents will have to buy new sneakers after the game.