Today's Best - 03.06.08

5. the utah jazz - last night the mavs hosted the red hot rockets without the services of the reigning mvp dirk nowitzki. dirk was handed a suspension for a flagrant foul against andrei kirilenko in monday night's game against the jazz. the rockets ultimately won their 17th straight game and now the mavs fall to seventh place in the conference. just as jerry sloan drew it up. anyways, people will be quick to point out that since acquiring jason kidd, dallas is a pedestrian 4-5. but each of those losses have been to the five top teams in the conference, four of which were on the road. of course, maybe the reason those five teams have reached the top of the conference is because they've been able to beat the mavericks. so it's really a chicken or the egg situation, in that the mavericks have egg on their face.

4. the spurs - a few weeks ago, i remember reading an article that argued that it was in the realm of possibility that the spurs could miss the playoffs. well article, san antonio is now the western conference's top team after a 108-97 win over the pacers. they've also quietly won 11 consecutive games and now look like the unstoppable force that we've been accustomed to seeing in previous seasons. anyways, last night was an intersting game in that tim duncan scored fewer points than kurt thomas, bruce bowen, and matt bonner. now that the spurs have proven they don't even need the league's best center to win games, their western conference opponents should be worried. now if only the spurs could prove they can also win with the league's best center.

3. tripp isenhour - isenhour is a professional golfer who has recently come under fire for killing a protected/endangered hawk. during a taping of a tv show, the departed was allegedly making noise which caused the 39-year old grown man to fire golf shots at it. unfortunately, golfers are clearly way too good at their craft because one of tripp's shots struck and killed the bird. if i ever tried to hit a bird with a golf ball, i'd have a better chance of killing myself than the bird. anyways, isenhour was charged yesterday with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird. who knows if there'll be any more developments, but right now my favorite part of this whole story is that apparently "the bird was buried at the golf course and later dug up by florida investigators." i don't know what's funnier to imagine, isenhour dumping a body in the sand trap hoping no one would find it or investigators exhuming a bird's grave.

2. the brothers lopez - in yesterday's biggest college basketball game, 3rd ranked ucla topped 7th ranked stanford 77-67 in overtime. the win clinched the pac-10 regular season title for ucla while also providing the lopez twins, brook and robin, a chance to demonstrate what they can do against the highest level of competition. brook led the cardinal with a team-high 18 points and 13 rebounds while robin led the cardinal players who weren't related to him with 14 points. unfortunately, i think they left a lot to be desired. brook and robin? what kind of names for twins are those? twins' names should be much more interesting, like brook and brobin or rockin' and robin or by brook and by crook or batman and robin. i guess it's too late now. i just hope the lopezes are better than stanford's last twin duo, jason and jaron collins. and since brook and robin both have fingers, i like their chances.

1. florida's oh-fours - last night in a 107-96 win over the division rival cavaliers, the bulls' joakim noah grabbed 20 rebounds and scored 13 points. this makes noah the third florida rookie from the back-to-back ncaa champions to collect at least 18 rebounds in a game. corey brewer was the first, grabbing 18 boards in only the third start of his career, and al horford has had two games where he pulled down 19 and 20 rebounds. i'm curious to see whether taurean green and chris richard will also join the club. or if lee humphrey joins any club. anyways, i'm no elias or his sports bureau, so i can't confirm whether this is the first time three rookies from the same college team have each gotten at least 18 rebounds in a game in their first season. i can confirm though that joakim noah is the loudest rookie to have ever gotten a rebound.

Today's Best - 02.28.08

5. miami offensive rebounding opportunities - as is the case when you miss 55 shots, there are plenty of chances to rebound your misses. unfortunately, as typical of the heat this year, they didn't capitalize. and instead of the heat scoring second chance points, the heat allowed a lot of first chance points to the lakers as los angeles had four players finished with at least 11 rebounds. on the bright side heat for heat fans, the heat are the worst team in the league and have the inside track on michael beasley. beasley would quickly make the heat relevant and might even convince dwyane wade to hang around past 2009.

4. nfl free agents - nfl free agency starts today and it looks like there are many players hoping to cash in. i think nfl free agency is a little overrated. the only time it seems to work out really well is if the player signed with new england. otherwise, far too many marquee free agent signings end in disappointment of some sort. and this isn't helped by the fact that most teams franchise their best players which leaves a thinner talent pool in free agency and fewer noteworthy transactions. but maybe i'm just bitter because i've been sitting by my phone since midnight waiting for an offer that doesn't seem to be coming.

3. devin harris - harris played his first game for new jersey since being traded and led the nets with 21 points in a 120-106 win over the bucks. meanwhile, the mavs fell 97-94 to the defending champion spurs and jason kidd sat out the decisive play of the game. luckily, jason kidd had company on the bench as juwan howard also sat out the decisive play of the game as well as the remaining plays of the game too.

2. california college basketball teams playing in arizona - yesterday 4th ranked ucla easily dispatched arizona state, 70-49. interestingly, this game pitted ucla forward josh shipp against his younger brother jerren. jerren shipp has not yet won a between the two of them and is probably on his way to tell on him to their parents. hopefully, ucla avoids arizona state in the pac-10 tournament because if they do play, it's likely josh will be miss the game due to parents decision. not to be outdone, in a game between two tournament bubble teams, usc knocked off arizona, in tuscon, 70-58. this game featured a head-to-head matchup between two star freshman in oj mayo and jerryd bayless, who scored 20 and eight points respectively. it also featured an arizona fan throwing a water bottle at sc's bench resulting in arizona coach kevin o'neill scolding the responsible party. there should be no tolerance for this type of behavior so i found this to be a welcome stoppage of play. the only way it could have been better is if someone dumped a bucket of gatorade on coach o'neill during his speech.

1. mlb sportsmanship - yesterday there were three spring training games scheduled that were played against college teams, washington-georgetown, boston-boston college, and boston-northeastern. all told, major league baseball teams won 55-0 and allowed a total of eight hits to their scholarly opponents. in two games, boston's 15-0 and 24-0 victories, the games were over after the top of the seventh, presumably due to some sort of mercy rule. this begs two questions: why would anyone ever not go pro immediately? and, what does anyone gain from these games? hopefully in the future, one of these games results in a bench-clearing brawl. or college players doing homework while on base.

Today's Best - 02.25.08

5. darren mcfadden - i usually don't pay too much attention to the pro football combine and this year was no exception. i know prospects work very hard to prepare, but for whatever reason, i'm just very rarely interested in what happens. and this is from someone who loves minor league prospects and nba rookies. anyways, from what i could tell this year's biggest winner was darren mcfadden. he ran a blistering 4.33 40 and more importantly was the only player whose 40 time i cared to read about.

4. the detroit pistons - on friday, the pistons became the second nba team to reach 40 wins with a 127-100 win over milwaukee. on sunday, the pistons became the second nba team to reach 41 wins with a 116-86 win over the new look phoenix suns. if the pistons continue to score this easily and the celtics might have some company atop the eastern conference. similarly, if the pistons continue to win by thirty, this might make for a very uninteresting playoffs. hopefully, rasheed wallace plays the rest of the shooting with his left hand.

3. new and old cavs - on the heels of their mega-deal on thursday and due to an assortment of injuries, the cavs were forced to sign two d-league players to meet the minimum roster requirements in a game against the wizards. apparently, lebron james is either better than we all thought or the wizards are much, much worse because the cavs won 90-89. cleveland got a tremendous boost from damon jones who scored 27 points. i can't decide if this means i never should have opened my big yap about damon jones in the first place or if i should have opened it wider. yesterday, the cavs four new players finally were cleared to play and which meant damon jones returned to his usual role of player who bothers me from the bench and not the basketball court. it's tough to draw any conclusions from a game against one of the worst teams in the league, but i was somewhat impressed regardless. delonte west shot poorly but was a willing and able passer, joe smith showed off his ability to hit mid-range jumpers, wally szczerbiak hit a pair of threes, and ben wallace finished with a double-double, the first of his career. and late in the fourth, in one sequence ben wallace dunked putting the cavs up 16 and then forced a five-second violation. the cavs got the ball back and the grizzlies never threatened again. of course, they didn't really threaten at all in the second half.

2. tiger woods - on sunday, the final round of the accenture match play championship ended with tiger woods getting spoils. having once applied for a job at accenture, i think i know first hand how hard it is to win a golf tournament that they sponsor. or maybe i would if they ever called me back. anyways, yesterday tiger topped stewart cink with an 8-and-7 victory which was the largest, and losing, margin in the final match in the history of this event. for those of you who don't know what an 8-and-7 victory in match play means, i think it's when one golfer hits eight hole-in-ones while the other golfer quietly weeps in seven different sand traps. anyways, with this victory tiger woods moves past arnold palmer for 4th all-time in tour victories. he is now only 19 wins away from sam snead's pga tour record 82 wins, a record i fully expect tiger will break this easter sunday.

1. denver's summer break plans - last thursday, denver stood idly by as the trade deadline passed without making a significant move. while other western conference teams indulged in the trading frenzy, the nuggets eschewed a kleiza-artest deal and instead stood pat. this was apparently a theme this weekend, because in their two games, the nuggets spent much of their time standing pat as their opponents ran them up and down the court. on friday, the nuggets surrendered 135 points to a impotent bulls offense. then on saturday, denver coughed up a 23-point lead and lost to milwuakee 115-109. in both games it was obvious that the nuggets could have used ron artest's perimeter defense. they allowed 37 points to ben gordon and then 42 points to michael redd. they also could have used ron artest's crazy becuase if there was one thing denver's two losses was missing, it was bulls and bucks fans getting punched in the face. currently, the nuggets are tied with golden state for the final playoff spot. i'm not sure what the tiebreaker rules are but unless it's whichever team came closest to trading for ron artest, the nuggets could be in trouble.

Today's Best - 02.21.08

5. ryan howard - yesterday, the phillies slugger was awarded $10 million in his salary arbitration case against the team. this was the highest salary every awarded to a player who won their case though last year alfonso soriano was also awarded $10 million in a losing effort. i've always wanted to be a fly on the wall during a typical arbitration hearing just because i'm very curious how it usually goes. well, flies are kind of gross. maybe just a person on the wall, who can fly. oh man that'd be so cool. back to the topic at hand, from how i understand arbitration, it seems like a player makes a case for why he deserves a certain amount of money and his team makes a case for why the player stinks. maybe there's more to it. like arm wrestling or the judge allowing 10 minutes for each side to come up with "yo momma" jokes.

4. spurs fans - last night, the spurs clipped the timberwolves, 100-99 thanks to a jumper with six seconds left by human ginobili who led the spurs with 44 points. and to continue my trend of never giving ginobili credit, note that he missed 5-of-18 shots. had he hit all of these, this game would have been decided long ago. and on top of that he even missed a free throw! uh, manu, they're called "free" throws for a reason. now that i've gotten my "bash ginobili for no reason" fix we can talk about the fact that spurs fans have the least stressful team to watch. there was not a moment in that game that i thought the spurs were going to lose. it was inevitable. i wonder what it's like to cheer for a team knowing they won't ever blow it. is it even fun? the answer is obviously yes.

3. baby miner - last night, the rockets capped a very busy day with a 112-100 win over the less busy miami heat. earlier, houston swung one trade that shipped off bonzi wells and mike james for bobby jackson and another one that sent kirk snyder to minnesota for gerald green. the rockets have been playing well enough lately that i think if they manage to make the playoffs it will be less about these trades and more about carl landry dunking all the time. but the most interesting aspect about these trades to me is the rockets acquiring houston native gerald green, who i think is quickly becoming the new harold miner. if you don't remember harold miner, he was potential personified. in his rookie year he won the slam dunk contest, then in his third year he won it again. after that season he was traded and played only 19 more games in his nba career. so far, gerald green's career path has been eerily similar. this is now his third team in less than a season's worth of games and i want to see if another change of scenery will help him avoid flaming out a la miner. though i'm not sure the rockets can afford to give gerald green playing time while they fight for they're in the thick of a competitive playoff race. this means we'll likely never see someone do the cupcake dunk during a game. but if gerald green just ate a cupcake during a game that'd be almost as good to me.

2. brary bodns - sometime last week, a report surfaced that in a filing by prosecutors for barry bonds' perjury trial he failed a drug test in 2001. the sports world was abuzz, but the next day it was discovered that this was a typo as they actually meant he failed a drug test in 2000. bonds' defense is now claiming that these typos have compromised his chance for a fair trial and have filed a complaint. likewise, i expect to receive a similar complaint from bonds' team about the typos on this site very soon. anyways, because i'm not well-versed in law, i have no clue what the result could be if this complaint is accepted. it seems kind of ridiculous to throw out an entire case just because of a few typos. unless there were additional typos throughout the original document where "barry bonds" was accidentally misspelled as "roger clemens", i doubt this is going to go very far. trust me, i complain constantly, and best thing that's ever happened as a result was one time at ruby tuesday's when someone spit on a steak that i sent back to get re-cooked.

1. lebron's new teammates - the real winners of yesterday's nba trade deadline were not any specific teams, but all of the players who now get to play alongside lebron james. after missing out on mike bibby and jason kidd, cleveland gm danny ferry burned up phone lines trying to appease his lone star player. his efforts weren't in vain as he managed to pull of a 3-team, 11-player deal. all told, the cavs sent off drew gooden, larry hughes, ira newble, donyell marshall, cedric simmons and got back ben wallace, joe smith, wally szczerbiak, and delonte west. i'm sure cleveland's jersey guy is currently burning up phone lines himself trying to figure out if he has enough letters in stock to spell "szczerbiak". regardless, it's hard not to like this trade for cleveland. at only the cost of several members of the worst supporting cast in the league, lebron gets some new and better functioning toys to play with. it's like danny ferry threw away lebron's old hungry hungry hippos game that was missing all but two marbles and bought him rock-em sock-em robots. sure it's not the best toy in the world, but at least you don't have to use fruit loops in lieu of marbles when you play it. but overall, i'm not sure this is quite enough to push them past boston or detroit. of course, i'm not going to be the one who counts out lebron james. or wally scerbak.

Today's Best - 02.19.08

5. jared dudley - in yesterday's spurs-bobcats game, charlotte rookie jared dudley was the only player who made at least half his shots. strangely, he was also the bobcat who had the lowest +/- as the bobcats. what does this mean? it means the spurs won 85-65 and held charlotte to an unbelievable 28.2 percent shooting. only a few weeks ago, it seemed like san antonio was being written off. but sure enough it appears as if the reports of their demise were greatly exaggerated and they were apparently just rounding into form. i know it's kind of silly to draw conclusions from a single game against the bobcats, but if the spurs either hold the rest of their opponents under 30 percent shooting or only play the bobcats for the rest of the year, they'll probably repeat as nba champs.

4. the player most likely to be traded by thursday - ron artest helped the kings beat the tepid blazers 105-94 and in the process showed why he would be an asset to any team. this win came only a few days after artest expressed interest in remaining in sacramento past the trade deadline. the kings have already traded mike bibby away and appear ready to hand over the franchise to kevin martin, shelden williams, and a slew of expiring contracts so i have to think something else is also in the works for artest. even if he says he'd like to remain in sacramento. currently, denver has been rumored to be the front runner for artest's services and i for one think this would be a terrific trade. he'd provide an immediate boost defensively to a team that's already among the most physical in the league. plus, a nuggets lineup featuring iverson, artest, carmelo, kenyon, and camby would likely be the most intimidating in the league. and if there's anything i'd like to see in the second half of the season, it's denver opponents intimidating into scoring on their own baskets.

3. the well rested knicks - the knicks were one of a few teams that did not have a single player involved in any regard during the all-star weekend. i'm sure they had a nice extended break spent relaxing and not giving a blank about these white people because in an overtime game in dc, the knicks scored 23 points and beat the wizards 113-100. the knicks scored as many points in the final five minutes as they scored in the 12 minutes of quarters 1, 2, and 4. they fell short of the record of most points in an overtime, but did manage to score the exact same amount of points in four different periods which i think is just as neat. the wizards meanwhile have lost nine of their final 10 games and two of three this year against new york. but there is hope, because yesterday gilbert arenas was cleared to practice. and though he's probably a few weeks away from returning, i expect the wizards will lose every game from now until then. this means of course that they will somehow move up the woeful eastern conference standings.

2. the durant-less sonics - kevin durant missed last night's game against grizzlies, the sonics' peers in the western conference cellar, with the flu. yet despite missing their most celebrated player, the sonics maanged to erase a 19-point, third quarter deficit to beat memphis 108-101. seattle now improves to 1-0 in games that durant doesn't play this season and 13-38 in games that he did. and for those of you who think this is too small a sample size to prove that the sonics are better off without durant, consider that since 1968 seattle is 1726-1523, for a .531 winning percentage, in all games durant didn't play. of course, since i doubt many of those 1,726 wins came against teams whose centers were the darko milicic, jason collins, and kwame brown, i guess i'll wait a few more days before starting a trade durant petition. and in case you were wondering, darko was 2-of-8 from the field, collins fouled out, and coaches decided to not play kwame brown.

1. 2008 all-star mvps - in a 93-85 setback against houston, cleveland's lebron james recorded his fifth triple-double of the season and the fifteenth of triple-double of his career. just to clairfy, both of those were the same triple-double not two separate ones in the same game. anyways, he finished with 26 points, 13 rebounds, and 11 assists. of major concern to cavs fans should be the fact that in sunday's all-star game he scored 27 points against much better players. logically, this means against the battiers, alstons and bonzis of the league, he should be going off for 60, easy. but it appears lebron is resigned to just play down to his competition for the remainder of the season. what a waste of talent. anyways, the most interesting i read about lebron was his all-star dunk late in the game over a gaggle of west players was because he was "mad at dirk because he stole my point guard". because of this i think we're in for a relatively dull trading deadline as gms do their best to avoid upsetting lebron by stealing any other players from the cavs.

Today's Best - 02.18.08

5. andy pettitte - yesterday yankees pitcher andy pettitte held a press conference to talk about his use of human growth hormone. for an hour or so, he answered any and all questions regarding his past use while taking the opportunity to apologize profusely to everyone. and although pettitte didn't address what he told congress regarding roger clemens, it still seems like he's coming out smelling like roses. or at least smelling like a different flower that didn't smell as good as roses and was forced to take hgh out of desperation. anyways, generally these press conferences involve players apologizing without once mentioning what they did. so to me, it's very refreshing to see a player being so candid. unfortunately, we're in an era where it's safe to assume that this high a level of candidness this late in one's career is likely due to steroids.

4. a fool and his money - with no nba games scheduled and with no new episode of american gladiators monday night, college basketball was the only game in town, unless your town watches hockey. mine does not. anyways, last night featured a texas-texas a&m game that was a longhorn blowout and a hard fought louisville win over an up and down syracuse team. additionally, georgetown won, xavier won, and saint mary's won. i could go in more depth about what happened in each game, but come march madness it won't matter. especially because i've already decided to bet on st mary's under any circumstances.

3. eric gagne's family - yesterday former cy young winner eric gagne, apparently unimpressed by andy pettitte, apologized to his family, friends, and teammates for being a distraction. yet for whatever reason, he failed to address why he was being a distraction, which is becoming a common practice for baseball players facing steroid accusations. it's quite a leap of faith to take this brief statement as a tacit admission of guilt, but what else can we infer if he refuses to elaborate? anyways, since these statements are so trendy, the most interesting thing i got from gagne's apology was the fact that from what i can tell, he didn't mention his fans. i think it's fair to assume this is a tacit admission that he has no fans.

2. nick fazekas - last week when the initial jason kidd trade was announced nick fazekas was probably more than a little excited that the future hall of famer was joining the mavericks. but thanks to saboteurs jerry stackhouse and devean george, the trade had to be reconfigured. and unfortunately, a fazekas-kidd duo just wasn't in the stars. in fact, it doesn't appear a fazekas-any dallas maverick duo is in the stars because tomorrow nick fazekas is expected to be cut in order to make room on the roster for keith van horn who will be immediately traded to the nets. so not a week after buying a jason kidd fat head, fazekas is now unemployed. and because of this, i expect tomorrow, jerry stackhouse and devean george will both receive nice going away presents from nick fazekas. presents that involve their cars being towed.

1. college football players getting suspended six months before the season starts - lsu back-up quarterback ryan perrilloux was suspended indefinitely yesterday for the always ambiguous "violation of team rules". naturally, an explanation this vague invites wild speculation as to which team rule was violated. my money's on rule 3, "don't tickle coach miles". in a similar story about a far less important player, tennessee punter britton colquitt was suspended for five games and had his scholarship rescinded for a recent arrest on charges of driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident. these were both violations of tennessee's team rules and also violations of the law's rules. interestingly, britton is the younger brother of nfl punter dustin colquitt and is apparently the fourth member of his family to punt for the volunteers. and if i had to deal with the incessant text messages from my family telling me to "punt it farther next time" or "remember: don't outkick your coverage, love mom" i'd probably drink excessively too.

Today's Best - 02.13.08

5. versatility - on a night that jason kidd didn't play, players across the league picked up his slack. carlos boozer recorded his first career triple-double with 22 points, 11 reobounds, and 10 assists while lamar odom finished with 10 points, 16 rebounds, and 10 assists for his 12th career triple-double. additionally, three other players came very close to triple-doubles of their own. andre iguodala had 29 points, eight rebounds, and eight assists; detroit's amir johnson had eight points, nine rebournds, and seven blocks; and antonio daniels had nine points, eight rebounds, and seven assists. interestingly, each of these players' teams won. this further proves my theory that being a good basketball player is good for your team. unfortunately, it also disproved my theory that players who lie to blind people do not get triple-doubles.

4. stan van gundy - after the monday night's loss to cleveland, magic coach stan van gundy publicly challenged dwight howard. among other things van gundy said that howard needed to make a more concerted effort to focus on defense. it was a bold move by van gundy especially considering that sloppy, mustachioed coaches are much easier to replace than franchise big men. but it seems to have paid off as dwight howard responded with 23 points and 24 rebounds in a 109-98 win against the nuggets. this likely means that in addition to dwight howard make a concerted effort to focus on defense every game, stan van gundy will also make a concerted effort to criticize dwight howard after every game. as such, last night dwight howard was so dumb that it took him two hours to watch 60 minutes. and he was also so ugly that when he was born, the doctor slapped his mother. anyways, expect the ugly, dumb dwight howard to go off for 50 and 50 next game.

3. ginobody - because i'm a spiteful and petty person, i promised myself that i will never heap praise on manu ginobili no matter what. therefore, today i won't mention the 46 points he scored on 15-of-20 shooting which included 8-of-11 from three in a 112-105 win in cleveland. instead let's talk about how the career-high 2.8 turnovers he's averaging per game that currently leads all nba players who don't start. which means in this regard, horse manure ginobili is actually the worst sixth man in the entire league. worse than malik allen!

2. memphis - last night, the number one memphis tigers won their 24th game 68-59 in hard fought game against the houston cougars. houston played admirably but ultimately couldn't overcome the fact that the tigers shot 42 free throws while the cougars shot twice. but to be fair, the cougars committed 19 fouls in the final minute while trying to extend the game. anyways, with every win the tigers get closer to a perfect season, which is my way of saying something plainly obvious while trying to pass it off as insight. but while memphis' college basketball team has been in the midst of a terific season, memphis' professional basketball team has been struggling. so far, the grizzlies have won 10 fewer games than the tigers. since trading pau gasol, the grizzlies have won a single game, which is generally what you can expect when you trade away your second best player and get kwame browm in return. though it's also what you can expect when you trade away anyone and get kwame brown in return. but with the grizzlies season going nowhere except sportscenter highlights that feature rudy gay jumping over the moon and running away with the spoon, i think it's time kwame brown gets that college education he should have gotten seven years ago. plus, with kwame brown in the mix, the memphis tigers would become the prohibitive favorites to win the ncaa tourney. or at least the favorites to violate several ncaa regulations by starting a professional basketball player.

1. devean george - yesterday afternoon, jason kidd appeared to be on his way back to dallas in a seven player trade. but in a surprise development before last night's 96-76 victory over portland, devean george, one of the five mavericks that was to be sent to jersey, told the team that he was going to block the trade. impressively, this means devean george is only two more blocked trades from matching his season total of blocked shots. in spite of this news, devean george started in place of an injured josh howard and even managed to match howard's production as neither howard nor george scored a point nor made a basket. this probably didn't endear himself to the already angry dallas crowd. anyways, in the end i expect george will eventually relent. i can't imagine he really wants to spend the rest of the season as public enemy number one in dallas. he's probably just holding up the trade until after the all-star game so that the league doesn't get confused about which team jason kidd will suit up for. but if i'm wrong and george does stay, hopefully this results in a sharp division in the mavs' posh locker room between the players who were supposed to be traded and those that weren't. and hopefully this culminates in a west side story-esque gang fight where dirk nowitzki sings "i feel pretty".

Today's Best - 02.11.08

5. dallas philanthropy - over the last two nights, mediocre eastern conference teams that are defying logic to remain in the playoff hunt have run roughshod over the mavericks. on sunday, new jersey blew out dallas to remain the 8th best nba team on the east. then yesterday, philadelphia rode terrific defense and a reggie evans-josh howard collision to beat dallas 85-76. the mavericks are now 22-6 against the west and 12-11 against the worst including a 4-9 mark on the east coast. i'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this. such as, the mavericks really aren't as good as i thought they were. or the mavericks have had to start jj barea in their last five games. or the mavericks don't know what time zones are. either way, i'm not sure the return of devin harris from injury is going solve all of the mavs problems. unless devin harris grew like 10 feet while he was injured. and even then, that'd probably cause more problems than it would solve.

4. the league's best sub-.500 playoff team - the warriors came back from a 23 point deficit to hand the wizards their eight straight loss. the wizards jumped out early but the calm, steadying hand of stephen jackson helped golden state claw back. ultimately, jackson finished with 41 points and the wizards took wild threes and turned it over like they forgot which side of the court they were supposed to shoot on. anyways, as a wizards fan, i'm not sure if i should be encouraged that they've been playing so well recently without caron butler and antonio daniels, or hopping mad that they've let winnable games escape. on one hand, the wizards rookies and role players are getting much needed experience. on the other hand i'm hopping mad that it's been two weeks since they've last won a game. but i guess it could be worse, they could be in the western conference where an eight game losing streak would result in an immediate lottery pick.

3. poortland - in a game between the two teams who are angriest that they don't play in the east, the rockets defeated the blazers 95-83 in houston. since their terrific run from december to early january, portland has cooled off considerably. they haven't won consecutive games in over a month and it looks like they might need greg oden next year after all. on the other side, houston has been playing much better of late and have run off 10 wins in their last 11 games. it's going to be interesting to see what each team does around the trade deadline. the rockets have been getting suprisingly good production from their rookies carl landry and aaron brooks, but they still look like a team that's missing a piece. the blazers however, as documented in truehoop, could have as many as 21 players under contract for next season, so they could be very active in the trade market. hopefully, these teams kill two birds with one stone and just trade with each other. my suggestion: mutomobo for oden straight up. it makes perfect sense, the blazers need veteran leadership and the rockets would be willing to trade veteran leadership for greg oden.

2. kansas state - texas handed kansas only their second loss of the season last night in a 72-69 thriller. it was a back and forth game throughout as neither team held a lead larger than seven points. ultimately, texas prevailed thanks to their great play down the stretch. and that's pretty much as generic as a recap can get. but to me, the real story is that with a jayhawks loss, kansas state moves into first place in the big 12. hopefully, this means that michael beasley just leaves school now to go pro. like right now. like i hope today in his physics class when his teacher assigns homework, beasley stands up, throws all his papers in the air, and screams "well, i'm going pro!" although, if his physics teacher is anything like my physics teacher, he better actually go pro. because if he doesn't and shows up for class the next day, he's going to have to clap erasers after physics for the next month.

1. bigotry - yesterday, john rocker, former pitcher-current jerk, alleged that bud selig knew he failed a drug test in 2000 and that the league and the players association "advised him how to effectively use steroids." rocker then alleged that new york "is the most hectic, nerve-racking city" and "having to take the 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you're riding through beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with aids, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year old mom with four kids" is "depressing." anyways, his intial allegations, if true, would be pretty serious. though they would have been more serious if they weren't from such a classless bigot. also, why did it take so long for this to come out? rocker's been out of baseball for a while why was this the perfect time to say something and not years earlier? but i guess questioning the timing of someone who doesn't think the appropriate time to make ignorant and intolerant comments is never is kind of fruitless.

Today's Best - 02.07.08

5. teenage drama - for those of you who haven't been following the intriguing story of kevin hart, here's a brief, but not that brief, summary: high school student holds a press conference on national signing day to announce what school he has chosen, high school student picks cal over oregon, both schools release statements that they never recruited high school student, high school student is believed to have been defrauded, authorities search for the scam artists who defrauded the high school student, authorities find nothing, high school student admits he made it all up, high school student does his pre-calculus homework. so to summarize, kevin hart is the funniest person i've ever heard of. no wonder he shares the same name with the star of "soul plane" and "in the mix ". anyways, if something there is one positive that could result from this, it's a buddy cop movie called "hart to hart". the plot would revolve around one kevin hart coming up with an outrageous lie about how he made lieutenant when in fact he isn't even in the police force while the other kevin hart flies the soul plane. then there would be a 40-minute food fight to end the movie.

4. booing teenagers - last night, indiana beat illinois 83-79 in double overtime in eric gordon's first game in champaign. illini fans had it in for gordon as last year he backed out of a verbal commitment to illinois and signed with the rival hoosiers. gordon only had one point in the first half, but moderately turned it on after that with 18 points and a banked three that forced the first overtime. so despite the vicious heckling and relentless booing, eric gordon gets the last laugh. anyways, as i watched highlights of this game, i tried to figure out the most i've ever been booed at one time. i honestly, couldn't come up with anything other than in elementary school when my parents really let me have it during dinner one time. therefore, my new goal this year is to at some point be greeted by a chorus of boos from a large group of people. my other goal this year is to verbally committ to play basketball somewhere and then reneg and sign with one of their rivals.

3. happyi new yaor - yesterday, was the lunar new year and yao ming celebrated by having a typically efficient game with 22 points 14 rebounds to help the rockets top the cavs 92-77. then after the game yao and his panda friends ling ling and ting ting went back to the bamboo furniture shack, or so salesgenie.com would have us believe. mercifully though, yi jianlian, the league's other chinese player, had the night off. since the american new year started yi has been dreadful, averaging 7.3 points per game on sub-35% shooting. but now that this horrid jianlianuary is behind him, hopefully yi has made a chinese new years resolution to stop bringing shame to his country.
2. hurt schilling - something is wrong with curt schilling but i refuse to read any articles to find out what it is for fear of accidentally having to read things that schilling has to say. but if i had to guess using only the headline "schilling: i'll relent to nonsurgical option", i think it's a pretty safe assumption that schilling is somehow injured. either that or schilling is a faith healer who doesn't believe in surgery. or even better, a scientologist who doesn't believe in medicine. and who also doesn't even... who's glib, who's glib, and doesn't even know what ritalin is. anyways, the most annoying thing about curt schilling is that even in headlines, curt schilling manages to get his two cents in. "schilling: i'll relent to nonsurgical option" could have very easily been "schilling to relent to nonsurgical option" of "schilling did something". but of course, with curt schilling everything is "me" and "i". though i guess that's just how he is. besides, when you're a scientologist and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one who can really help.

1. golden state worriers - chris webber's return to the bay was spoiled last night as a bulls team without ben gordon, kirk hinrich, and luol deng beat golden state 114-108. so how were the bulls able to put up 114 without their three most gifted offensive players and on a night where ben wallace was held to 0-of-7 from the free throw line? because the warriors are the worst team in the world and let chris duhon score 34 points on 11-of-16 shooting. this was a career high for duhon and likewise a career low for me. even worse, duhon's 34 points were the most points scored by any player yesterday. this means that forty years from now, chris duhon will be able to tell his grandchildren that on february 7th, 2008, he was the nba's most prolific scorer. then when his grandchildren tell him, "yeah, but duhon, you sucked every other day of your life", chris duhon will respond by swatting them with his cane. thanks warriors, you've just contributed to child abuse and also a future where grandchildren that call their grandparents by their last name.

Today's Non-Super Bowl Best - 02.03.08

5. brad miller - for some reason the kings have won seven of their last nine games, including the last four in a row, when by all accounts they should have been losing to improve their draft position. it appears sacramento fans have brad miller to thank. in the last three games, miller has scored 22 points in each and also contributed two games of 20 or more rebounds. anyways, as adorable as this recent stretch has been, the kings still have a long hill to climb to join the top 10 west teams as they currently sit 4.5 games behind the rockets. interestingly, they're seven games ahead of the 12th ranked clippers which means they also have a long hill to fall down to join the group of bad teams. hopefully this convinces the kings to finally trade ron artest and mike bibby for jack and jill.

4. the knicks - this weekend the knicks lost to the blazers and the sonics, two games they were leading late in the fourth. new york has now lost five straight, but have been competitive in each game. or at least competitive enough to convince david stern they haven't started tanking yet. anyways, more important than almost winning to me is elbowing sahsa vujacic in the face, which renaldo balkman accomplished in their game against the lakers last week. balkmen was retroactively assessed a flagrant foul and suspended a game. then he was sent numerous pieces of fan mail from me.

3. tiger woods - tiger woods birdied five of the last seven holes in the dubai desert classic to erase ernie els' four shot lead coming into the final round. tiger's won his first two events this year and is looks poised to win the rest of his events for the rest of the years. i'd say something more insightful about this, but unfortunately i've only seen highlights. plus i waited over an hour through super bowl coverage before sportscenter showed these highlights. and then when they finally did, for some reason emmitt smith and sean salisbury were talking over them, saying things like "tiger woooods!" and "solid striker of the golf ball". it was the single worst thing that's ever happened in the world.

2. gasol-less grizzlies - when the pau gasol trade was first announced, i couldn't decide whether the grizzlies were real smart or real dumb. on one hand, this trade means they're smartly building their franchise around rudy gay. on the other hand, this trade means kwame brown is now on their roster. how bad were the other offers for gasol that memphis took one where kwame brown was involved? every other proposal must have centered around 2nd round draft picks and ebola virii. thankfully though, kwame's contract expires at the end of the year and by then, memphis is likely to have the inside track on the 1st pick in the draft which will almost certainly be used on michael beasley. and once the grizzlies pair rudy and beasley in the same frontcourt, the world will end. or more likely continue, with rudy gay and beasley dunking all over the place.

1. gasol-less lakers - since acquiring pau gasol the lakers have won the last two games against the raptors and wizards by an average of sixteen points. kobe has been unstoppable while the newly acquired gasol has been very stoppable, mainly because he hasn't yet suited up for a game. pau is expected to make his laker debut this tuesday in new jersey. i'm curious to see how long it will take the lakers to get accustomed to playing with gasol. but i'm equally as curious to see how long it takes for the lakers to get accustomed to playing without kwame brown. specifically how they adjust to not having to chase after long rebounds from missed dunks or having to tie their starting center's shoes because he doesn't know how to tie them himself.

Today's Best - 01.31.08

5. jacquing up shots - yesterday the spurs returned to phoenix for the first time since last year's controversial western conference finals and squeaked out at a hard fought 84-81 victory. suns fans must have been waiting for this game all summer if only for the chance to rain boos on robert horry while voicing their displeasure over the cheap shot that may have cost their team an nba championship. unfortunately, robert horry didn't play a single minute and even more unfortunately, jacque vaughn played 30 single minutes. and in this half hour, for reasons only beknownst to him, vaughn shot the ball 15 times. not only was it only one shot fewer than tim duncan took, it was the first time since march 2005 that vaughn took that many shots. i suspect that letting vaughn shoot as much as possible was part of the suns' gameplan. because otherwise, they are much worse defensively than i ever could have imagined.

4. all-star snubs - on wednesday, al thornton responded to not getting invited to the rookie-sophomore challenge by going off for a career-high 32 points. and since the all-star reserves were announced just last night, a other few key snubs will also get their chance to prove their worth. our first glimpse of this came in the celtics-mavericks game where after one quarter, ray allen had 15 points and josh howard countered with 13 of his own. boston eventually pulled out a close victory thanks to contributions from two other all star snubs, rajon rondo, who scored the go ahead basket, and brian scalabrine, who played 16 shotless minutes. and if that's what it takes to keep scalabrine from ever shooting again, i hope he never makes an all-star team.

3. all-star subs - for some reason, when the all-star rosters are announced, i've noticed that more time is spent talking about the people who didn't make the team than is spent talking about those people who played well enough to make the team. such as chauncey billups, who's been even better than usual, or caron butler, who has become the leader of the wizards, or carlos boozer, who's very loud. and let's not forget that chris paul, david west, and byron scott are all not only more than qualified to be part of the all-star game, but will be terrific ambassadors of the host city. sure jose calderon has been playing brilliantly, but i like joe johnson. and baron davis would be a welcome addition but he would also be mercilessly booed in new orleans. also, who in the west do you take out? the list goes on and we could spend endless hours arguing about the various players that should have been invited. or we could combine those endless hours to convince david stern to let rudy gay play in the all star game.

2. kobe bryant deferring - the pistons beat the lakers on a tayshaun prince three pointer in the waning seconds, but the real story of the game was kobe bryant's continued unselfish play. kobe finished with 39 points, 10 rebounds, five assists to his teammates, and 11 assists to detroit. and just in case you were interested, here are all 11:

• Kobe Bryant lost ball (Richard Hamilton steals)
• Kobe Bryant bad pass (Richard Hamilton steals)
• Kobe Bryant bad pass (Chauncey Billups steals)
• Kobe Bryant bad pass (Jarvis Hayes steals)
• Kobe Bryant lost ball (Rasheed Wallace steals)
• Kobe Bryant bad pass (Richard Hamilton steals)
• Kobe Bryant bad pass (Amir Johnson steals)
• Kobe Bryant traveling
• Kobe Bryant bad pass (Antonio McDyess steals)
• Kobe Bryant lost ball (Arron Afflalo steals)
• Kobe Bryant bad pass (Jarvis Hayes steals)

strangely, only one of his turnovers was of the dead ball variety. the rest were picked up by seven different pistons. hopefully all these bad passes finally convince kobe that he should never pass the ball again.

1. jesus christ berman - by now this video featuring chris berman kirking out has been linked and discussed many times over across the indernet already. and since i strive to fit in, i too will mention it. here goes: uh, chris berman kirks out, t's extremely funny. plus it features pretty much everything you could want in a tantrum: screaming, obscenities, breaking the third commandment, growing frustration, and swatting imaginary flies. the only thing that could have made this better is if at some point he asked, "do you know who i am?" or "so you gonna get in the truck?" but i guess beggars can't be choosers, even though bermans can be losers.

Today's Best - 01.30.08

5. peter angelos' iron fist - for some reason, i found the "report: o's options are bedard extension, trade" headline on espn really funny. other breaking news according to espn, "report: options for time of day are am, pm" and "report: options for y is consonant, sometimes vowel". seriously, what other options were in the mix for bedard? i suppose they could just let him walk at the end of the year. but still, when there are three possible outcomes, picking the two most likely does not a report make. anyways, because orioles owner peter angelos seems to be the obstacle in the way of the rumored trade that sends bedard to the mariners for adam jones which would put an end to these ridiculous and un-noteworthy reports, i'm blaming him.

4. k-state forwards - in the 263rd meeting between kansas and kansas state, the wildcats knocked off their bitter in-state rivals, 84-75, handing the jayhawks their inaugural loss of the season. mike beasley and bill walker combined for 47 points on identical 9-of-18 shooting. and though kansas shot a reasonable 48 percent they were done in by turnovers and letting state shoot 46 percent from three included a 4-of-4 mark from beyond the arc by beasley. but most impressively, this win came on the heels of beasley and walker predicting a win only a few days earlier. bill walker told reporters that "i'm not scared to say it. i'm saying we'll beat them." beasley took it a step further and added, "we're going to beat kansas at home. we're going to beat them at their house. we're going to beat them in africa. wherever we play, we're going to beat them." even the moon, michael? "especially the moon." but how will you breathe? "space suits." then how will you make baskets with so little gravity? "space suits." so how will you get to the moon? "this interview is over."

3. minnesota timberwolves - thanks to an 83-67 win against the hapless bulls and a wade-less miami heat team losing to orlando, the timberwolves, for the first time in a long time, actually have the same number of wins as another team. but the road to nine wins didn't come easy. because after facing a 14-8 deficit after one quarter that would have made most teams pack it in, minnesota kept fighting and ended up outscoring the bulls by 22 over the next three quarters. and in case you didn't read the last sentence, the score of the bulls-wolves game was 14-8 after one quarter. i'd almost argue that the timberwolves should be at 8.75 wins in the standings but i guess it's not worth the headache. anyways, the wolves have now won four of six, one of which was a game they should have won in boston. and with al jefferson playing like a man possessed and randy foye having returned from injury, it looks like the worst of their season is behind them. also behind them? a first quarter that ended with a 14-8 score.

2. the houston astros - with news that roger clemens has showed up at astros training camp, houston looks like they'll be getting quite a "boost". you can't tell, but i'm currently nudging you with my elbow so you realize how clever i think i am. but more to the "point", since the astros already have to deal with miguel tejada, their newly acquired shortstop/perjurer, i can't imagine clemens' presence is very welcome. and unless minicamp comes back next year as maxicamp i doubt roger clemens pitching to minor leaguers really "enhanced" anything at all. i think he would have been better off keeping his "butt (that has been frequently pierced with steroid needles)" at home and spared his former team the media circus. but no one listens to me. you'd think i'd get an inch of respect. an inch.

1. ira newble - with sasha pavlovic sidelined for the last three games due to injury, ira newble has been forced into action. newble has taken to this new role and recently has been quite a pleasant surprise. a pleasant surprise in the sense that ira newble hasn't scored on the wrong basket or taken a dump in the middle of the court. in all other senses, it's been an unmitigated disaster. in three starts he's scored a total of four points and has never played for more than 16 minutes. it's almost as if he stinks. yet somehow the cavs have managed to win two of three games against western conference contenders including a tough loss to phoenix a win over the lakers at staples and last night a victory over the blazers thanks to a lebron james layup with 0.3 seconds left. unfortunately, though 0.3 seconds isn't enough time for someone to catch and shoot, it is more than enough time for ira newble to run out on the court and accidentally poke lebron james in the eye. luckily, for the cavs the blazers didn't convert and ira newble didn't ruin anything.

Today's Best - 01.28.08

5. sober connecticut huskies - last night, connecticut guards jerome dyson and doug wiggins missed their second consecutive game due to a team imposed suspension after the two players were caught by campus police officers with alcohol and then caught existing for less than 21 years. yet without one of their starting guards and key back ups, uconn topped louisville 69-67, a game after a 68-63 upset victory in indiana. next up for the huskies is a couple of tough games against 21st ranked pitt and a game in syracuse. it's unclear whether dyson or wiggins will return for either game as coach calhoun has decided to suspend them indefinitely. i don't and never will understand the big deal about college athletes getting in trouble for things normal college students do all the time. if coaches want to suspend somebody they should suspend the people at college who complained about my music being too loud or the people that didn't let me copy their homework. they're the real problem.

4. where's knoblo - the feds finally got a hold of chuck knoblauch after a few days or so on the lam. no explanation was given as to why it took so long to track him down, but i assume it had something to do with knoblauch wearing a disguise composed of glasses and a red and white striped shirt. anyways, knoblauch agreed to talk to congress before the "hearing" and as a result, congress withdrew the "subpoena" it had issued last week. hearing is listed in quotes because i have no idea what upcoming hearing they're talking about, though i assume one about steroids and chuck knoblauch. likewise, subpoena is in quotes because i have no idea what it means. i assume it's the weird hat chuck knoblauch wears.

3. wake forest basketball - as luck would have it, three of the four wake forest alums in the nba were scheduled to play. josh howard led the mavericks with 26 points en route to a 103-84 win over memphis. he added six rebounds and four assists and one instance of tossing aside juan carlos navarro to catch a pass. chris paul led the hornets with 23 points and 17 assists as new orleans thumped the nuggets 117-93. paul was only one rebound away from a triple double though he was less impressively eight steals and nine blocks from a quintuple double. lastly, despite a 97-91 road loss in utah, tim duncan also played well with 26 and 11 in the spurs' first game on their annual rodeo road trip. interestingly, each of these player's teams is among the four best in the western conference. and thanks to the hornets surprising start, it looks like chris paul is not only one of the front runners for mvp of the league but also mvp of the wake forest alums. meanwhile, in our nation's capital, darius songaila is designing t-shirts that read "1st team all wake forest."

2. wake forest football - as luck would have it, two of the numerous wake forest football players on the football team are weirdos. first up is reserve running back luke caparelli, who i guess technically is now a former wake forest football player. well, like most college students, luke has a facebook page. unlike most college students, luke used his facebook page as a forum to explain that he would "blow up campus" and had a uzi "locked and loaded in his bag." not to be outdone, according to fanhouse, wake's quarterback riley skinner took pictures of himself posing naked. well i assume he took these pictures himself because i can't imagine him asking a friend to take them for him. anyways, unsurprisingly these pictures were made public and now as of yesterday afternoon, every wake forest student has transferred to another school. meanwhile, in our nation's capital, darius songaila is designing t-shirts that read "my school's football team is weird and all i got was this lousy t-shirt."

1. the point guard market - with the news that jason kidd's agent has contacted the nets asking for him to be traded and damon stoudamire's pending buyout from the grizzlies, it seems there is a surplus of point guards looking for new teams. and this is without considering gary payton, who has been rumored to a number of teams, mike bibby, who has been attracting various suitors, and chris paul, who i want traded to the wizards right now. anyways, simply because there are so many available point guards, it seems very likely that at least one will make a significant contribution in the postseason. if i had to make an educated and obvious guess as to who will make the biggest difference, i'd have to say jason kidd. however, if i had to make a ridiculous guess as to who will make the biggest difference, i'd have to say no one after the grizzlies somehow trade for both kidd and bibby, sign gary payton, and then sign damon stoudamire immediately after buying him out.