5. teenage drama - for those of you who haven't been following the intriguing story of kevin hart, here's a brief, but not that brief, summary: high school student holds a press conference on national signing day to announce what school he has chosen, high school student picks cal over oregon, both schools release statements that they never recruited high school student, high school student is believed to have been defrauded, authorities search for the scam artists who defrauded the high school student, authorities find nothing, high school student admits he made it all up, high school student does his pre-calculus homework. so to summarize, kevin hart is the funniest person i've ever heard of. no wonder he shares the same name with the star of "soul plane" and "in the mix ". anyways, if something there is one positive that could result from this, it's a buddy cop movie called "hart to hart". the plot would revolve around one kevin hart coming up with an outrageous lie about how he made lieutenant when in fact he isn't even in the police force while the other kevin hart flies the soul plane. then there would be a 40-minute food fight to end the movie.
4. booing teenagers - last night, indiana beat illinois 83-79 in double overtime in eric gordon's first game in champaign. illini fans had it in for gordon as last year he backed out of a verbal commitment to illinois and signed with the rival hoosiers. gordon only had one point in the first half, but moderately turned it on after that with 18 points and a banked three that forced the first overtime. so despite the vicious heckling and relentless booing, eric gordon gets the last laugh. anyways, as i watched highlights of this game, i tried to figure out the most i've ever been booed at one time. i honestly, couldn't come up with anything other than in elementary school when my parents really let me have it during dinner one time. therefore, my new goal this year is to at some point be greeted by a chorus of boos from a large group of people. my other goal this year is to verbally committ to play basketball somewhere and then reneg and sign with one of their rivals.
3. happyi new yaor - yesterday, was the lunar new year and yao ming celebrated by having a typically efficient game with 22 points 14 rebounds to help the rockets top the cavs 92-77. then after the game yao and his panda friends ling ling and ting ting went back to the bamboo furniture shack, or so salesgenie.com would have us believe. mercifully though, yi jianlian, the league's other chinese player, had the night off. since the american new year started yi has been dreadful, averaging 7.3 points per game on sub-35% shooting. but now that this horrid jianlianuary is behind him, hopefully yi has made a chinese new years resolution to stop bringing shame to his country.
2. hurt schilling - something is wrong with curt schilling but i refuse to read any articles to find out what it is for fear of accidentally having to read things that schilling has to say. but if i had to guess using only the headline "schilling: i'll relent to nonsurgical option", i think it's a pretty safe assumption that schilling is somehow injured. either that or schilling is a faith healer who doesn't believe in surgery. or even better, a scientologist who doesn't believe in medicine. and who also doesn't even... who's glib, who's glib, and doesn't even know what ritalin is. anyways, the most annoying thing about curt schilling is that even in headlines, curt schilling manages to get his two cents in. "schilling: i'll relent to nonsurgical option" could have very easily been "schilling to relent to nonsurgical option" of "schilling did something". but of course, with curt schilling everything is "me" and "i". though i guess that's just how he is. besides, when you're a scientologist and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one who can really help.
1. golden state worriers - chris webber's return to the bay was spoiled last night as a bulls team without ben gordon, kirk hinrich, and luol deng beat golden state 114-108. so how were the bulls able to put up 114 without their three most gifted offensive players and on a night where ben wallace was held to 0-of-7 from the free throw line? because the warriors are the worst team in the world and let chris duhon score 34 points on 11-of-16 shooting. this was a career high for duhon and likewise a career low for me. even worse, duhon's 34 points were the most points scored by any player yesterday. this means that forty years from now, chris duhon will be able to tell his grandchildren that on february 7th, 2008, he was the nba's most prolific scorer. then when his grandchildren tell him, "yeah, but duhon, you sucked every other day of your life", chris duhon will respond by swatting them with his cane. thanks warriors, you've just contributed to child abuse and also a future where grandchildren that call their grandparents by their last name.
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