Rocket in an Blue Dress

I remember sitting in the computer lab of my highschool fervently trying to obtain a copy of Kenneth Star's report that outlaid the sexual misconduct of former President Bill Clinton and one Monica Lewinsky. Why the enthusiasm you ask? Because me and my friends are perverts, and you don’t get lurid tales of oral sex, cigar deviancy and inappropriately stained blue dressess in Catholic-school text-books. Anyway, the story of the blue dress complete with the official presidential seal was always my favorite; what kind of creep would you have to be to save such a "souvenir" for over two years? While I respect Ms. Lewinsky for turning her and Bill's clumsiness into fame, you can’t blame me for placing her directly into the starting lineup of the All-Weirdo team.

Well move over Ms. Lewinsky because Brian McNamee has just out-creeped you. Reportedly, Mr. McNamee's defense team has turned over to Congressional court used syringes and gauze pads that McNamee says were part of the steroid and human-growth-hormone treatments that he administered to Roger Clemens. The source says that the materials were from 2000 and 2001 and contain Clemens' DNA. While I am in favor of anything that sullies the career of Roger Clemens, I cant get over the fact that any sane person would save such items without some kind of pre-meditated strategy to either set Clemens up, or to wait for the technology to arise that will enable him to create an army of cloned Roger Clemenses (in which case I hope the technology arises the day after I perish, and not a day sooner). The man saved used, bloody, gauze for 8 years!! Where do you keep something for 8 years? Does he have a refrigerator filled with other weird and disgusting stuff? Andy Pettite’s snot rockets, a 2000 Yankees "championship" hair doll, Derek Jeter's herpes medicine? Makes you wonder, was Chuck Knoblaucks confidence and career ruined because every time he tried to throw to first he was thinking about why his tobacco spitoon kept disappearing? All I know is that if I'm Roger Clemens, I'm coming clean, and quick, because you never know if Brian will open up a whole new can of worms when he pulls a Lewinsky and unearths some sort of "rocket-fuel" stained garment he's been saving for a rainy day. A gross can of worms indeed.