The Johan Santana Clause

if we ran a legitimate website, the above graphic is what would have been used to announce the johan santana trade. but since we don't, i guess it's going to waste. anyways, since the johan santana deal is finally complete, i thought now would be a good time to finally discuss it especially since i've had a few days to let the trade sink in. unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of letting things sink in because you're actually just too lazy to write about it then is that everyone has said what you want to say before you can. there aren't too many novel ways to talk about how much i like this trade for the mets and how glad i am that the white sox won't face santana more than once every few years. so i've decided that instead of talking about the trade itself, i'm going to talk about the clever headlines and graphics that other websites came up with to announce it.

cbs sportsline:

if cbs thinks they can fool me by shameless promoting one of their most popular shows into the news, they have another thing coming. and that thing is outrage. i don't care that the headline fits almost perfectly or that even that king of queens isn't on tv any more, it's completely unethical. the only way this could have made me more angry was if it cbs had used "how i mets your-han santana" or "new york adventures of old johan santana" or "new king of queens to the mets, and also to dvd shelves at your local best buy".

cnnsi:

as the definitive sports magazine, i guess sports illustrated doesn't think they need to sensationalize their news by using puns or even alitteration in its headlines to draw viewers. they are more than content to just let the news speak for itself. which is strange considering if news actually spoke for itself, we wouldn't need the emotionless robots at sports illustrated at all.

espn:

i think this headline works because it's very simple and seems to get the point across in not so many words. which is the opposite of how i usually operate.

fox sports:

surprisingly, fox didn't go the cbs route by trying to inject advertisements for their shows into my news. good for them. as a reward for displaying such admirable integrity, johan santana should go on "the moment of truth" so fox's integrity level returns to normal.

major league baseball:

bud selig runs a pretty tight ship, so it's understandable that the new york mets mlb website's take on this trade is very plain. bonus points for being the only headline i came across that described johan as an ace. unfortunately, this exercise does not involve any points whatsoever.

the new york times:

this was by far the most confusing headline for me to read. why did they feel the need to clarify that the pitching prize was johan santana, especially if they had an accompanying picture? it seems unnecessary and redundant.

the sporting news:

i like this headline because instead of talking about how well the mets did, they admonish the twins for getting such a poor return. i also like it because it read like a public service announcement along the lines of "crime doesn't pay" and "only you can prevent forest fires". if it was "patience doesn't pay... and knowing is half the battle" this would have easily been my favorite.

yahoo! sports:

amazin' imitation would have been just as appropriate. truthfully, i have no idea who among yahoo! or espn published their amazin'-related headline first, so it's hard to know which company has a spy in the other.