Clemens Party Pitchers!

i know i'm horribly late on this, put i couldn't pass up another chance to talk about the hilarious misadventures of roger clemens. like most of you know, one of the many interesting sub-plots of the clemens-mcnamee saga revolves around an alleged party at jose canseco's house. well, the party itself wasn't alleged, by all accounts it took place and by some accounts it was "...awesome, bro!! wooo!!". however, what was alleged was roger clemens' attendance at said party. brian mcnamee claims that clemens was there, clemens claims he wasn't. clemens' nanny may have been chasing around kids if you believe mcnamee, or she may have been at home if you prep her before she testifies. anyways, the back and forth continued with seemingly no end in sight as if this were an episode of "my super sweet 16". last weekend however, reports surfaced that pictures of roger clemens at jose canseco's miami house party possibly exist. i thought that this was terrific news and i immediately sought out to find this evidence. and thanks to my endless supply of resources, i've been able to successfully track down these exclusive pictures. here they are in all their perjury.

things got off to a rather innocent start. looks like all that batting practice roger clemens put in is finally paying off. also paying off: a piñata filled with hundreds of syringes.

here's a picture of roger hanging out in the shriveled pall pit. nothing about this picture makes sense. why is this ball pit so deep? why is roger clemens' face so pained? whose kids are these?

not even baseball's second most prolific strikeout pitcher can say no to a theme party. here's roger with some friends in togas. other theme parties that i'm sure roger clemens frequents include 80's parties, where he wears a red sox hat and fewer pimples on his back, and republican parties, where republican senators fall in love with him and grill brian mcnamee.

if there's one person who parties hardier than jose canseco and roger clemens it's probably nintendo's prodigal son, mario mario. this is like mario's eighth party in 10 years! of course, i bet this was the only party mario's been to where princess toad compared her boob job to debbie clemens'.

apparently one of the perks of being a rich baseball player is that you own a big enough house to put a chuck e. cheese's in it. speaking of which, it's time congress opens up an investigation on this charles cheese and examines the root of his unusual continued success. the average mouse lives about one-to-two years, is measured by length in inches, and does not have a middle name. charles entertainment cheese turns 31 this year and is enormous.

as the old adage sometimes goes, you've got to fight for your right to party. and besides, what's party without random acts of rebellion against great britain? here's clemens and a few friends throwing bats and boxes of tea overboard just to show their british oppressors what they think of those darn stamp and townshend acts. take that, the queen of england.

so there you have it. feel free to draw your own conclusions, especially if the actual pictures ever emerge. personally, i don't think these or the real photos will unequivocally prove that jose canseco supplied clemens with steroids or anything else. but it will prove that roger clemens was not out golfing at the time of the party like he'd have you believe and was instead enjoying what appears to be the most fun party i've ever seen in my life.