Season Preview: Colorado Rockies

quang: last year, the rockies were one of the biggest surprises of the mlb season as they caught fire down the stretch and won 21 of their final 22 games en route to the world series. if the rockies were party planners, they would have thrown me the biggest most extravagant surprise birthday of all time. of course, once colorado got to the world series the red sox swept them back out. this means, if the rockies were party planners, they would have thrown me the biggest most extravagant surprise party of all time and the red sox would have told me about it three days before. those jerks. this upcoming season, the rockies return almost the same team as last year. this means if everything goes to plan, the rockies could be one of the top teams in the league, we'll have to endure another rocktober, and someone's finally going to throw me a surprise birthday party.

this is the first time in nearly a decade that colorado begins the season with a player other than todd helton as its face. that honor goes to matt holliday who is an coming off an mvp-caliber season. he is surrounded by so many potent hitters that critics have often referred to the rockies as an american league lineup. i'm not completely sure what this means but it seems like an american league lineup is one that is good. either way, including helton and holiday, colorado trots out brad hawpe, willy taveras, troy tulowitzki, and garrett atkins. hawpe is a solid outfielder and taveras is a decent table setter. tulo is coming off of a should be rookie of the year season and is already the best defensive shortstop in the national league. while garrett atkins is trying to decide which of the last two seasons he is more like. most impressively, even with these big bats, colorado was the best defensive team. more impressive would be if they took at bats while wearing fielding gloves.

the pitching staff is what i think will be the biggest question mark, which isn't really going out a limb when aaron cook and kip wells are two cogs in the rotation. other than that, jeff francis isn't a very intimidating ace and though ubaldo jiminez was good late in the season, i don't think the rockies can realistically expect much more than a back end starter right now. the bullpen is a little more solid considering how good corpas last year and how good brian fuentes had been before then. overall, i think the rockies are just as good as they were last year, but unfortunately i'm not sure that'll be enough because the rest of the west has improved. a division championship is certainly within grasp, but i'm predicting that they'll fight over the wild card throughout the season because of their pitching. but considering how well that went for them last year, i'm sure they'll be more than satisfied. and hopefully this means my surprise party has a moon bounce.

joe: It was kind of hard to not land squarely on the Colorado Rockies bandwagon last season as they made their completely unexpected run all the way to the NLCS. The run was wrought with clutch performances, emergent stars and poor umpiring but when all was said and done, the rockies provided us with ample excitement in a National League that everyone seems to think plays second fiddle to the American League. During the 2007 Rockies miracle season, the eventual World Champion Red Sox lost 2 of three and the perennial favorite Yankees got swept on their nightmare trips to Coors Field. Since I hardly ever watched a Rockies game with any interest prior to late last year, I had a hard time distinguishing between their power core of Matt Holliday, Garrett Atkins and Brad Hawpe. When you add in Todd Helton, Troy Tulowitzki, Ryan Spilborghs and Jeff Baker to the mix you would think that Jackie Robinson didn't exist.

Even though Matt Holiday has still not crossed the plate during the one game playoff against the Padres, the Rockies playoff success has placed them squarely back into the conversation for top honors in the National League West. It's very hard to imagine that a pitching staff consisting of Jeff Francis, Aaron Cook, Ubaldo Jimenez and Jason Hirsch will have enough fire power to turn in a repeat performance. Francis' breakout' 2007 consisted of an underwhelming mid- four ERA and his compatriots in the starting rotation all pitched similarly mediocre. The amazing thing is that this mediocre baseline was much more than the Rockies could have hoped for, these guys had to pitch way over their heads just to be considered mediocre. Manny Corpas enjoyed a break-out season from the bullpen and has proven to be dependable when his team needs him to protect a lead. If he falters, Brian Fuentes is capable to fill the position.

Troy Tulowitzki made a strong case for rookie of the year in 2007 eventually losing out to a slightly more deserving Ryan Braun. Tulowitzki is one of the new breed, "big" shortstops that have the build of a third basemen that could put a charge into a ball at any point but are still agile enough to make amazing plays in the field. In fact he took the number of his idol, Derek Jeter and looked as if he was going to pull out a Derek Jeter baseball card and a sharpie from his back pocket when the Yankees came to town. I expect Tulowitzki to continue what he started last year, as he seems to be very patient hitter who will not be prone to long-term slumps, and the fact that he takes a genuine joy in displaying his defensive abilities will keep his head in the game if he does encounter any struggles at the plate.

unsung hero:

• ian stewart (q)
• ryan spilborghs (j)
• aaron cook (d)

achilles heel:

• aaron cook (q)
• willy taveras (j)
• willy taveras (d)

favorite moment:

• Josh Fogg earns the nickname "Dragon Slayer" for winning a bunch of games against good pitchers. Then in his first game against the Red Sox he earns the nickname "Slaying Over His Head". (q)
• quang makes a reference to the motion picture Norbit every time Yorvit Torrealba's name is mentioned (j)
• Colorado sweeps the Phillies in the NLDS.

bold prediction:

• Troy Tulowitzki improves his range as a shortstop to the outfield and finishes the season with 189 errors. (q)
• because they feel they don't have to, the delusional rockies dont ever touch home plate and score zero runs. (j)
• Fresh off their Rocktober success, Colorado renames months “sedimentary September”, “metamorphic May”, and “igneous August”. (d)

Colorado Must Be Stopped

i bit my tongue when they somehow changed halloween from october 31st to rocktober 31st, but colorado's recent obsession with recreating our calendar has now gotten out of hand. weeks ago i bought a plane ticket home for thanksgiving. now i'm not sure whether thanksgiving is still on or even if my ticket scheduled for "november" and not "nuggvember" is still valid. it cost like $400! and what about their blatant disrespect for our veterans and their day? i can already see the chaos now: "uh, i'm sorry veterans, but veterans day is the 11th of november. today is clearly the 11th of nuggvember. and according to our company's policy, i'm afraid i can not accept this 'buy one whopper, get one free' coupon." we can not continue to stand idly by while colorado progressively invades the entire year. because if we do, here's what i think we'll be faced with.

• janugguary - the new year never starts because everytime the countdown gets close to zero, carmelo anthony hits a clutch jumper and sends the old year into overtime.
• febroncoary - instead of "be mine", "kiss me", and "maybe tonight", valentines day candy hearts read "be mike shanahan's", "kiss mike shanahan", and "definitely mike shanahan every night".
• mavalarche - if you don't wear green on st. patrick's day, you no longer get pinched. you get penatly minutes.
• avaprilanche - tax day is avaprilanche 15th. avaprilanche fool's! tax day is every day, and the avalanche only accept hip checks.
• carmaylo anthony - while everyone else is taking siestas to celebrate cinco de carmaylo, carmelo runs around pouring salsa on our heads.
• junuggets - hey george karl, thanks for knocking out this rent! hey george karl, i sure love this hot water! hey george karl, this is easy to read with all this light! happy father's day, george karl.
• julykies - fireworks on independence day have been replaced with matt holliday coming down your chimney to hit you with a bat. why is he coming down a chimney? because colorado is out of control.
• broncaugust - since nothing noteworthy happens in broncaugust, colorado just gives everyone bronchitis.
• septembrock - on labor day everyone gets the day off of work, to do todd helton's chores.
• rocktober - every rocktoberfest, the rockies get swept in the world series forcing the rest of us to put up with the growing smugness of red sox fans.
• nuggvember - in nuggvember, grown men go to nuggets games, hold up signs that look like they were made by elementary school students, and embarrass their families.
• decembroncos - jay cutler is makes a list and checks it twice, thereby finding out who's naughty and nice. then he throws coal at you if you're on either list.

is this a world you want to live in? is this dumb list anything you ever want to read again? well if coloradoians... colorodeos... choleras ...if they have their way, this is exactly what we're headed towards. so unless the knicks and nuggets prove that they've learned nothing from their last game in new york and get into the exact same fight tonight, resulting in david stern suspending both teams and both states, we'll have to take it upon ourselves to stop this madness before we all have to buy new far side desk calendars. and if that's the case, i think the first step we should take is to ignore these fake month names. i guess that's also the last step. whatever, maybe the knicks and nuggets will get into another fight anyways.