5. versatility - on a night that jason kidd didn't play, players across the league picked up his slack. carlos boozer recorded his first career triple-double with 22 points, 11 reobounds, and 10 assists while lamar odom finished with 10 points, 16 rebounds, and 10 assists for his 12th career triple-double. additionally, three other players came very close to triple-doubles of their own. andre iguodala had 29 points, eight rebounds, and eight assists; detroit's amir johnson had eight points, nine rebournds, and seven blocks; and antonio daniels had nine points, eight rebounds, and seven assists. interestingly, each of these players' teams won. this further proves my theory that being a good basketball player is good for your team. unfortunately, it also disproved my theory that players who lie to blind people do not get triple-doubles.
4. stan van gundy - after the monday night's loss to cleveland, magic coach stan van gundy publicly challenged dwight howard. among other things van gundy said that howard needed to make a more concerted effort to focus on defense. it was a bold move by van gundy especially considering that sloppy, mustachioed coaches are much easier to replace than franchise big men. but it seems to have paid off as dwight howard responded with 23 points and 24 rebounds in a 109-98 win against the nuggets. this likely means that in addition to dwight howard make a concerted effort to focus on defense every game, stan van gundy will also make a concerted effort to criticize dwight howard after every game. as such, last night dwight howard was so dumb that it took him two hours to watch 60 minutes. and he was also so ugly that when he was born, the doctor slapped his mother. anyways, expect the ugly, dumb dwight howard to go off for 50 and 50 next game.
3. ginobody - because i'm a spiteful and petty person, i promised myself that i will never heap praise on manu ginobili no matter what. therefore, today i won't mention the 46 points he scored on 15-of-20 shooting which included 8-of-11 from three in a 112-105 win in cleveland. instead let's talk about how the career-high 2.8 turnovers he's averaging per game that currently leads all nba players who don't start. which means in this regard, horse manure ginobili is actually the worst sixth man in the entire league. worse than malik allen!
2. memphis - last night, the number one memphis tigers won their 24th game 68-59 in hard fought game against the houston cougars. houston played admirably but ultimately couldn't overcome the fact that the tigers shot 42 free throws while the cougars shot twice. but to be fair, the cougars committed 19 fouls in the final minute while trying to extend the game. anyways, with every win the tigers get closer to a perfect season, which is my way of saying something plainly obvious while trying to pass it off as insight. but while memphis' college basketball team has been in the midst of a terific season, memphis' professional basketball team has been struggling. so far, the grizzlies have won 10 fewer games than the tigers. since trading pau gasol, the grizzlies have won a single game, which is generally what you can expect when you trade away your second best player and get kwame browm in return. though it's also what you can expect when you trade away anyone and get kwame brown in return. but with the grizzlies season going nowhere except sportscenter highlights that feature rudy gay jumping over the moon and running away with the spoon, i think it's time kwame brown gets that college education he should have gotten seven years ago. plus, with kwame brown in the mix, the memphis tigers would become the prohibitive favorites to win the ncaa tourney. or at least the favorites to violate several ncaa regulations by starting a professional basketball player.
1. devean george - yesterday afternoon, jason kidd appeared to be on his way back to dallas in a seven player trade. but in a surprise development before last night's 96-76 victory over portland, devean george, one of the five mavericks that was to be sent to jersey, told the team that he was going to block the trade. impressively, this means devean george is only two more blocked trades from matching his season total of blocked shots. in spite of this news, devean george started in place of an injured josh howard and even managed to match howard's production as neither howard nor george scored a point nor made a basket. this probably didn't endear himself to the already angry dallas crowd. anyways, in the end i expect george will eventually relent. i can't imagine he really wants to spend the rest of the season as public enemy number one in dallas. he's probably just holding up the trade until after the all-star game so that the league doesn't get confused about which team jason kidd will suit up for. but if i'm wrong and george does stay, hopefully this results in a sharp division in the mavs' posh locker room between the players who were supposed to be traded and those that weren't. and hopefully this culminates in a west side story-esque gang fight where dirk nowitzki sings "i feel pretty".
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