5. peter angelos' iron fist - for some reason, i found the "report: o's options are bedard extension, trade" headline on espn really funny. other breaking news according to espn, "report: options for time of day are am, pm" and "report: options for y is consonant, sometimes vowel". seriously, what other options were in the mix for bedard? i suppose they could just let him walk at the end of the year. but still, when there are three possible outcomes, picking the two most likely does not a report make. anyways, because orioles owner peter angelos seems to be the obstacle in the way of the rumored trade that sends bedard to the mariners for adam jones which would put an end to these ridiculous and un-noteworthy reports, i'm blaming him.
4. k-state forwards - in the 263rd meeting between kansas and kansas state, the wildcats knocked off their bitter in-state rivals, 84-75, handing the jayhawks their inaugural loss of the season. mike beasley and bill walker combined for 47 points on identical 9-of-18 shooting. and though kansas shot a reasonable 48 percent they were done in by turnovers and letting state shoot 46 percent from three included a 4-of-4 mark from beyond the arc by beasley. but most impressively, this win came on the heels of beasley and walker predicting a win only a few days earlier. bill walker told reporters that "i'm not scared to say it. i'm saying we'll beat them." beasley took it a step further and added, "we're going to beat kansas at home. we're going to beat them at their house. we're going to beat them in africa. wherever we play, we're going to beat them." even the moon, michael? "especially the moon." but how will you breathe? "space suits." then how will you make baskets with so little gravity? "space suits." so how will you get to the moon? "this interview is over." 3. minnesota timberwolves - thanks to an 83-67 win against the hapless bulls and a wade-less miami heat team losing to orlando, the timberwolves, for the first time in a long time, actually have the same number of wins as another team. but the road to nine wins didn't come easy. because after facing a 14-8 deficit after one quarter that would have made most teams pack it in, minnesota kept fighting and ended up outscoring the bulls by 22 over the next three quarters. and in case you didn't read the last sentence, the score of the bulls-wolves game was 14-8 after one quarter. i'd almost argue that the timberwolves should be at 8.75 wins in the standings but i guess it's not worth the headache. anyways, the wolves have now won four of six, one of which was a game they should have won in boston. and with al jefferson playing like a man possessed and randy foye having returned from injury, it looks like the worst of their season is behind them. also behind them? a first quarter that ended with a 14-8 score.
2. the houston astros - with news that roger clemens has showed up at astros training camp, houston looks like they'll be getting quite a "boost". you can't tell, but i'm currently nudging you with my elbow so you realize how clever i think i am. but more to the "point", since the astros already have to deal with miguel tejada, their newly acquired shortstop/perjurer, i can't imagine clemens' presence is very welcome. and unless minicamp comes back next year as maxicamp i doubt roger clemens pitching to minor leaguers really "enhanced" anything at all. i think he would have been better off keeping his "butt (that has been frequently pierced with steroid needles)" at home and spared his former team the media circus. but no one listens to me. you'd think i'd get an inch of respect. an inch.
1. ira newble - with sasha pavlovic sidelined for the last three games due to injury, ira newble has been forced into action. newble has taken to this new role and recently has been quite a pleasant surprise. a pleasant surprise in the sense that ira newble hasn't scored on the wrong basket or taken a dump in the middle of the court. in all other senses, it's been an unmitigated disaster. in three starts he's scored a total of four points and has never played for more than 16 minutes. it's almost as if he stinks. yet somehow the cavs have managed to win two of three games against western conference contenders including a tough loss to phoenix a win over the lakers at staples and last night a victory over the blazers thanks to a lebron james layup with 0.3 seconds left. unfortunately, though 0.3 seconds isn't enough time for someone to catch and shoot, it is more than enough time for ira newble to run out on the court and accidentally poke lebron james in the eye. luckily, for the cavs the blazers didn't convert and ira newble didn't ruin anything.
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