Today's Best - 01.30.08

5. peter angelos' iron fist - for some reason, i found the "report: o's options are bedard extension, trade" headline on espn really funny. other breaking news according to espn, "report: options for time of day are am, pm" and "report: options for y is consonant, sometimes vowel". seriously, what other options were in the mix for bedard? i suppose they could just let him walk at the end of the year. but still, when there are three possible outcomes, picking the two most likely does not a report make. anyways, because orioles owner peter angelos seems to be the obstacle in the way of the rumored trade that sends bedard to the mariners for adam jones which would put an end to these ridiculous and un-noteworthy reports, i'm blaming him.

4. k-state forwards - in the 263rd meeting between kansas and kansas state, the wildcats knocked off their bitter in-state rivals, 84-75, handing the jayhawks their inaugural loss of the season. mike beasley and bill walker combined for 47 points on identical 9-of-18 shooting. and though kansas shot a reasonable 48 percent they were done in by turnovers and letting state shoot 46 percent from three included a 4-of-4 mark from beyond the arc by beasley. but most impressively, this win came on the heels of beasley and walker predicting a win only a few days earlier. bill walker told reporters that "i'm not scared to say it. i'm saying we'll beat them." beasley took it a step further and added, "we're going to beat kansas at home. we're going to beat them at their house. we're going to beat them in africa. wherever we play, we're going to beat them." even the moon, michael? "especially the moon." but how will you breathe? "space suits." then how will you make baskets with so little gravity? "space suits." so how will you get to the moon? "this interview is over."

3. minnesota timberwolves - thanks to an 83-67 win against the hapless bulls and a wade-less miami heat team losing to orlando, the timberwolves, for the first time in a long time, actually have the same number of wins as another team. but the road to nine wins didn't come easy. because after facing a 14-8 deficit after one quarter that would have made most teams pack it in, minnesota kept fighting and ended up outscoring the bulls by 22 over the next three quarters. and in case you didn't read the last sentence, the score of the bulls-wolves game was 14-8 after one quarter. i'd almost argue that the timberwolves should be at 8.75 wins in the standings but i guess it's not worth the headache. anyways, the wolves have now won four of six, one of which was a game they should have won in boston. and with al jefferson playing like a man possessed and randy foye having returned from injury, it looks like the worst of their season is behind them. also behind them? a first quarter that ended with a 14-8 score.

2. the houston astros - with news that roger clemens has showed up at astros training camp, houston looks like they'll be getting quite a "boost". you can't tell, but i'm currently nudging you with my elbow so you realize how clever i think i am. but more to the "point", since the astros already have to deal with miguel tejada, their newly acquired shortstop/perjurer, i can't imagine clemens' presence is very welcome. and unless minicamp comes back next year as maxicamp i doubt roger clemens pitching to minor leaguers really "enhanced" anything at all. i think he would have been better off keeping his "butt (that has been frequently pierced with steroid needles)" at home and spared his former team the media circus. but no one listens to me. you'd think i'd get an inch of respect. an inch.

1. ira newble - with sasha pavlovic sidelined for the last three games due to injury, ira newble has been forced into action. newble has taken to this new role and recently has been quite a pleasant surprise. a pleasant surprise in the sense that ira newble hasn't scored on the wrong basket or taken a dump in the middle of the court. in all other senses, it's been an unmitigated disaster. in three starts he's scored a total of four points and has never played for more than 16 minutes. it's almost as if he stinks. yet somehow the cavs have managed to win two of three games against western conference contenders including a tough loss to phoenix a win over the lakers at staples and last night a victory over the blazers thanks to a lebron james layup with 0.3 seconds left. unfortunately, though 0.3 seconds isn't enough time for someone to catch and shoot, it is more than enough time for ira newble to run out on the court and accidentally poke lebron james in the eye. luckily, for the cavs the blazers didn't convert and ira newble didn't ruin anything.

New Rule: No Old Rookies Allowed

the nba announced the rosters for the annual all star weekend rookie-sophomore challenge today and i for one am very displeased. sure the sophomore team shaped up pretty well, but that's mainly because rudy gay is involved. which, by default, means i'm throwing a slice of pizza at my wall whenever he does anything. the rookie team however, is very lacking. emphasis on "very". also emphasis on "lacking". and although i didn't even say it, emphasis on "horrible" too.

obviously, my main gripe is that despite being 2nd among rookies in points per 48 minutes, nick young was not asked to participate. in fact, none of the wizards three hilarious rookies were. uh nba, dominic mcguire grabbed 10 rebounds last night and six were offensive and pecherov shoots threes all the time! when i see an exhibition game i want chuckers, dunkers, and rebounders. yet curiously, three of the best rookie chuckers, dunkers, and rebounders will watch this game from home. actually, they probably have no interest watching a rookie team that they should have been on get bum rushed so they'll probably watch something else from home during the game. if they're lucky, "demolition man" will be on.

anyways, these are not the only rookies that should be disappointed over getting snubbed. thaddeus young, jason smith, daequan cook, glen davis, and joakim noah "bilities" are all uninvited. and who do we have to blame for this? old rookies. without a doubt this is the oldest rookie team of all time. in fact, the rookie team is actually older than their sophomore opponents. it's literally the oldest thing i've ever seen. jamario moon, luis scola, and juan carlos navarro are all 27 years old. and if that weren't enough, juan carlos navarro and jamario carlos moon share the same birthday. shouldn't we let let some other days of birth in? and this is without even considering that yi jianlian and my dad share the same haircut and probably the same birthday. there have been persistent rumors by some sources that not only claim yi is as old as 26, but that yi grounded me several times for missing curfew when i was in middle school. instead of a fold up chairs, i hope the rookies' bench is just a bunch of plastic covered couches.

so why do these generation w-ers get the nod over the league's younger stars? because they've played better? they're like seven years older than their peers, of course they've played better! what's worse, they're old and they're role players, which isn't exactly a recipe for must see tv. seriously, luis scola is just going to spend the entire game setting screens and playing good help defense, jesus christ navarro is going to try to improve the team's spacing, and jamario moon is going to tap rebounds out to get the rookies additional possessions. unfortunately, these additional possessions will be spent tripping over their walkers, trash talking the sophomores about how much more expensive stamps are today, eating dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon, and dribbling the ball off their liver spots.

don't get me wrong, i like all three 27-year olds, even luis scola surprisingly. but they are too old to be in a rookie-sophomore challenge. this is supposed to be a display of up and coming talent, not an overly competitive game featuring talent that has already blossomed. besides, jamario moon is in the dunk contest, navarro could be in the three point contest, and rudy gay already stamped spalding on luis scola's and yi jianlian's face earlier this season, so it's not like any of them are hard up for exposure. so hopefully these guys come to their senses and realize that maybe it's time they quit hanging around high schools trying to pick up jv cheerleaders and just grew up. they can start by sitting out this game so nick young can play.

Today's Best - 01.28.08

5. sober connecticut huskies - last night, connecticut guards jerome dyson and doug wiggins missed their second consecutive game due to a team imposed suspension after the two players were caught by campus police officers with alcohol and then caught existing for less than 21 years. yet without one of their starting guards and key back ups, uconn topped louisville 69-67, a game after a 68-63 upset victory in indiana. next up for the huskies is a couple of tough games against 21st ranked pitt and a game in syracuse. it's unclear whether dyson or wiggins will return for either game as coach calhoun has decided to suspend them indefinitely. i don't and never will understand the big deal about college athletes getting in trouble for things normal college students do all the time. if coaches want to suspend somebody they should suspend the people at college who complained about my music being too loud or the people that didn't let me copy their homework. they're the real problem.

4. where's knoblo - the feds finally got a hold of chuck knoblauch after a few days or so on the lam. no explanation was given as to why it took so long to track him down, but i assume it had something to do with knoblauch wearing a disguise composed of glasses and a red and white striped shirt. anyways, knoblauch agreed to talk to congress before the "hearing" and as a result, congress withdrew the "subpoena" it had issued last week. hearing is listed in quotes because i have no idea what upcoming hearing they're talking about, though i assume one about steroids and chuck knoblauch. likewise, subpoena is in quotes because i have no idea what it means. i assume it's the weird hat chuck knoblauch wears.

3. wake forest basketball - as luck would have it, three of the four wake forest alums in the nba were scheduled to play. josh howard led the mavericks with 26 points en route to a 103-84 win over memphis. he added six rebounds and four assists and one instance of tossing aside juan carlos navarro to catch a pass. chris paul led the hornets with 23 points and 17 assists as new orleans thumped the nuggets 117-93. paul was only one rebound away from a triple double though he was less impressively eight steals and nine blocks from a quintuple double. lastly, despite a 97-91 road loss in utah, tim duncan also played well with 26 and 11 in the spurs' first game on their annual rodeo road trip. interestingly, each of these player's teams is among the four best in the western conference. and thanks to the hornets surprising start, it looks like chris paul is not only one of the front runners for mvp of the league but also mvp of the wake forest alums. meanwhile, in our nation's capital, darius songaila is designing t-shirts that read "1st team all wake forest."

2. wake forest football - as luck would have it, two of the numerous wake forest football players on the football team are weirdos. first up is reserve running back luke caparelli, who i guess technically is now a former wake forest football player. well, like most college students, luke has a facebook page. unlike most college students, luke used his facebook page as a forum to explain that he would "blow up campus" and had a uzi "locked and loaded in his bag." not to be outdone, according to fanhouse, wake's quarterback riley skinner took pictures of himself posing naked. well i assume he took these pictures himself because i can't imagine him asking a friend to take them for him. anyways, unsurprisingly these pictures were made public and now as of yesterday afternoon, every wake forest student has transferred to another school. meanwhile, in our nation's capital, darius songaila is designing t-shirts that read "my school's football team is weird and all i got was this lousy t-shirt."

1. the point guard market - with the news that jason kidd's agent has contacted the nets asking for him to be traded and damon stoudamire's pending buyout from the grizzlies, it seems there is a surplus of point guards looking for new teams. and this is without considering gary payton, who has been rumored to a number of teams, mike bibby, who has been attracting various suitors, and chris paul, who i want traded to the wizards right now. anyways, simply because there are so many available point guards, it seems very likely that at least one will make a significant contribution in the postseason. if i had to make an educated and obvious guess as to who will make the biggest difference, i'd have to say jason kidd. however, if i had to make a ridiculous guess as to who will make the biggest difference, i'd have to say no one after the grizzlies somehow trade for both kidd and bibby, sign gary payton, and then sign damon stoudamire immediately after buying him out.

Erich from CT: Dumb

well i thought sportsnation had learned its lesson, but i was wrong. because instead of asking thoughtful questions to elicit intelligent discussion during espn chats, they would apparently rather pose horribly inane questions while spewing anti-frank thomas propaganda. the latest example was the following exchange taken from keith law's most recent chat.
erich from connecticut, why don't you en-rich your life by spending the rest of it living in a cave? seriously, the only scenario where frank thomas gets his at bats cut back is if pitchers finally realize they are statistically better off walking him every plate appearance and then balking three times to let him score rather then letting him score via colossal home runs that poke holes in our ozone layer. and if that first insinuation weren't enough, to suggest the league's best player wouldn't be welcomed back on any team makes me want to run around a pool holding scissors in both hands. but since that wouldn't accomplish anything, i came up with a response that also accomplishes nothing, but doesn't result in lifeguards pulling my bloodied body out from the deep end.
in conclusion, frank thomas is the greatest. also, erich from connecticut, your dumb. not my dumb, your dumb.

Today's Best - 01.24.08

5. smush parker - i heat to keep talking about the hate... er... i hate to keep talking about heat but everytime i think it can't get worse for them, it looks like it won't and then it does. last night, miami played host to the defending champion san antonio spurs and played them tough before losing by one point. this was the fourth consecutive game where the heat were either tied or held a lead in the fourth quarter against their opponent. it was also the fifteenth consecutive game where the heat were losing after the game ended. the heat fall to 8-33 on the season and are looking for answers, something i can't provide them. unless they put stock into thier 3-10 record with smush parker as opposed to 5-23 without him. then my answer is to trade dwyane wade to the wizards before you ruin him completely.

4. wildcats out the wazzou - despite being the nation's sixth ranked team, washington state came into tucson thursday night as underdogs against an inconsistent arizona team. i've had it in for washington state since last year's march madness when i lost a bet involving one of their tournament games. and because of them, that's $10 i'll never see again. because of this, i was very pleased that arizona managed to pull off a 76-64 "upset". the wildcats were led by their star players chase budinger and jerryd bayless who scored 22 and 23 points each. after the game, budinger told reporters, "i think we can beat anyone in the country right now." upon hearing this, a bunch of reporters challenged arizona to a game. the reporters lost by 11.

3. marco belinelli - last night, the warriors edged the nets 121-119 in a game that featured golden state going on a 22-0 run spanning the third and fourth quarters only to be rebuffed by an 18-4 nets run. the game went back and forth down the stretch until the warriors pulled away thanks in part to poor shot selection that doomed the nets. at game's end, baron davis had his eighth career triple double,monta ellis added a career best 39 points, and al harrington scored 19 points, 14 of which came in the first five minutes of the fourth. but all that paled in comparison to warriors' rookie marco belinelli's contribuions. late in the third, don nelson challenged his team to foul nets center josh boone, who came into the game shooting 34.3 percent from one, as much as possible. belinelli answered the call and in 73 seconds of play, he collected 4 fouls to go along with no other stats.

2. spiting john madden - yesterday it was announced that ethan albright, the redskins long snapper, was selected to his first pro bowl in 12 nfl seasons. this is quite an achievement considering that just last year, albright was the worst player in the league according to his 53 rating in madden '07. but one thing john madden's flawed statistical model failed to capture was ethan albright's perserverance rating of 93. because instead of walking away from football defeated with an awareness of 59, albright worked even harder. and thanks to that dedication, he joins fellow redskins chris samuels and chris cooley in hawaii where all three will pay tribute to sean taylor by wearing his number and then decking a punter.

1. idiots - the nba all star starters were announced yesterday and the only surprise was allen iverson beating out tracy mcgrady for the final guard spot in the west. but that's not to say the voting results were entirely uninterestng. for example, zaza pachulia received 98,563 votes. this means there were 98,563 times when someone looked at an all star ballot and decided "hmm... dwight howard's been pretty good, but i think zaza pachulia's been a little better." zaza has played 19 games this season and averaged 4.6 points, 3.4 rebounds, and 35.2 percent shooting. in his last six appearances, zaza has played 58 minutes, shot 2-of-19 from the field, scored eight points, and turned it over 12 times. as a fan, i'm all for giving us a chance to vote, but the mere fact that zaza has a non-zero number of votes means perhaps this is a privilege we shouldn't be granted. seriously, what could he possibly offer an all star game? cookie crumbs all over the locker room? basketballs wedged in between the rim and the backboard? zaza pachulia wedged in between the rim and the backboard? it's madness.

Mike D'Antoni: The Everyman

since i'm simple-minded and extremely immature, it should be no surprise that i found the above picture of mike d'antoni's apparent admiration of the female form unbelievably hilarious. i imagine that as this picture was taken, d'antoni was saying something like "hubba, hubba", "...huge!", "nice rack!!" or something equally perverted. i'd call coach d'antoni a pig but he'd probably just respond, "oink, oink mama" and continue on lusting left and right. and besides, who among us can say that they've never had eyes for the occasional buxom beauty? i can't, and obviously neither can coach mike d'antoni. anyways, since i doubt d'antoni is the only coach this applies to, and also because i've found this one picture so funny, from now on when i see a picture of a coach, i'm assuming it was taken while they were in the middle of harrasing women. as such, here are some of the seedy degenrates around the league.

mike danpervy - phoenix suns

pervj carlesimo - seattle supersonics

pervsiah thomas - new york knicks
stan van pervy - orlando magic
pervie jordan - washington wizards

perv karl - denver nuggets

pervery johnson - dallas mavericks

doc pervers - boston celtics
don pervson - golden state warriors

pervy sloan - utah jazz

gregg pervovich - san antonio spurs

mike dunpervy - los angeles clippers
sam pervernt - charlotte bobcats

jim o'pervy - indiana pacers

Today's Best - 01.22.08

5. early detection - yesterday, news surfaced that the tumor removed from nene's testicle about a week ago was malignant. thankfully, it was detected by doctors very early on and nene is expected to make a full recovery. but since cancer is a subject i don't joke about, here's another subject that i do: chuck knoblauch. way to get subpoenaed, you idiot.

4. the nets stink - the nets were so bad yesterday that i'm not even going to come up with a different title for this entry. and maybe this is a knee jerk reaction but i think it's pretty apparent that the kidd, carter, jefferson trio is not going to work. last night, they lost 128-94 to the kings. they've now now lost their last six games, a span in which they've been outscored by an average of 18.7 points. and despite this, new jersey is only a half game behind the pacers for the eighth playoff spot. if this were a movie, it would be "alien versus predator" because "whoever wins, we lose".

3. tony romo's back - jerry jones confirmed yesterday that he plans on exercising a roster bonus that assures terrell owens will return for another year with the cowboys. interestingly during the press conference jones choked back tears and told reporters that blaming this news on tony romo's vacation "is really unfair... that's my teammate... that's my wide receiver..." well, that was my lame attempt of humor at t.o.'s expense. truthfully, i'm in no position to make fun of someone who cares so passionately about something that they're brought to tears. especially considering that t.o. now has 3 million reasons to be alive while i only have like the minimum reasons to liver per hour.

2. centers named o'neal - with jermaine o'neal already out indefinitely with a knee injury, the o'neal clan was dealt another blow after news that shaq will miss the next two weeks with a nagging hip injury. on the bright side, the pacers have played well in jermaine's absence so far this year and even though the heat are 0-8 without shaq, they're only 8-24 with him. this not only means that they'll get fat sums of money to sit on their team's bench, their teams won't even miss them while they're gone. but if miami and indiana are looking for more people who will accept money to not ruin their team, please let them know that i am also available. and for the low price of $100 a game i'll refrain from pouring buckets of gatorade on coach riley during timeouts and spilling mustard all over the court among other conduct detrimental to the team.

1. grant hill - grant hill returned to the suns last night for the first game since his appendectomy and led them to a 114-105 against milwaukee. sure steve nash had a season-high 37 points and amare shot 75 percent from the field, but they did so with appendices. grant hill meanwhile had a points per appendix average that was off the charts. anyways, the suns' latest victory makes them the first western conference team to reach 30 wins. though whether they can duplicate this success in the playoffs when the games slow down and their opponents have more appendices to throw at them remains to be seen.

2007 Dunk Contest Preview

the dunk contest field was recently announced and it appears to be the tallest competition ever. but it's also shaping up to be one of the most exciting so i can't say that i'm not pleased. or if you dislike double negatives, i can say that i am pleased. dwight howard returns despite getting hosed last year and rudy "mayday" gay, your and my favorite nba player, gets an opportunity to convince everyone else that he's the best player in the league not named lebron james or kobe bryant or a few other names as well. sure i'd rather see nick young in there instead of defending champ gerald green, who can't find the floor in minnesota of all places. and i wouldn't complain if jamario moon, though a very competent dunker, was replaced with someone else, like rudy gay. but since i understand that nick was kind of a long shot considering he isn't widely known and also having two rudy gays in a single dunk contest would make everyone gasp so much that there wouldn't be any oxygen left afterwards, the current participants are more than acceptable. besides, rudy gay is going to win regardless of who you throw out there and it's not even going to be close.

look how many people it takes to keep rudy gay from dunking in a normal contest. you may not know this, but in a dunk contest those same players must sit helplessly on the sideline while rudy gay goes unabated to the basket. given these circumstances, i see no scenario where rudy doesn't annihilate his competition. so obviously predicting rudy gay to win isn't really going out on much of a limb. that's why i'm instead going to predict the individual dunks that he'll do en route to his inevitable dunk contest victory.

dunk #1 - rudy starts off the competition conservatively with his patented two-handed cradled reverse dunk from the three point line. four judges give him tens while another judge combines two scorecards to award rudy 11 points. it's a record score of 51.

dunk #2 - a few minutes after dwight howard's fabled kiss the rim dunk sends the crowd into a frenzy, an unimpressed rudy gay decides to use his next dunk to demonstrate how much higher he can jump. rudy takes two steps, leaps up, and takes the rim out on a date. they watch "p.s., i love you" and eat at a fancy restaurant all in the same jump. afterwards, rudy gay dunks it and quits it. the judges give the dunk a perfect 50 while "p.s., i love you" receives decidedly mixed reviews.

dunk #3 - rudy retreats all the way into the backcourt to get a full head of steam for his 3rd dunk. he sprints the length of the court, jumps from a few steps behind the free throw line, and throws down a violent dunk on luis scola who was minding his own business on a practice court in houston about 300 miles away. back in new orleans, rudy gets another perfect score.

dunk #4 - with victory all but assured, rudy does a standard 720 windmill where he dunks after spinning completely around twice while jumping over an actual windmill. the resulting energy collected from the windmill is estimated to be able to power the earth for another 5-7 years after the sun burns out. rudy gay is awarded the slam dunk contest trophy and a nobel peace prize.

hopefully, the nba has a plan to inject some suspense back into this year's all star festivities since it's pretty much a wrap on the old dunk contest. my suggestion? let rudy gay enter the 3-point contest and race dick bavetta so we he can try to capture the elusive all star triple crown. that should keep the masses entertained. or at least one unbelievably simple-minded mass.

Antonio Daniels: Noooooo!

as yesterday's wizards-mavericks matinee was winding down, antonio daniels finally figured out who the killer was. at least i assume he did. because usually in a 15 point game with 30 seconds left i would be much more likely to smile than react as if i was watching a horror movie where the murderer was in the backseat of caron butler's car. anyways, despite caron's apparent death, for me this was the icing on the top of the cake that was a very impressive and delicious victory over dallas. so i guess if we're lucky, throughout the rest of the season, antonio daniels will make this face at the end of games at least 30 more times. i expect 28 of these instances will be after wizard wins while the remaining two are after he stubs his toe or is about to get hit by a truck.

Today's Best - 01.20.08

5. punctuality - with miami's losing it's 12th and 13th consecutive games this weekend, it's gotten to the point where we can set our watches to miami's continued failures. and i don't know about you but i haven't been late to anything in the last two weeks. most recently, in both their last two games, miami held leads heading into the fourth quarter. on friday, the blazers outscored the heat 29-15 in the fourth and won 98-91. then to prove that wasn't a fluke, the knicks outscored the heat 23-15 in the fourth and won 88-84. thankfully for the heat, they didn't play on sunday. but as a result, i had no clue what time it was all day and walked around impossibly disoriented. i woke up at 4 pm, ate lunch, took a 2-hour nap, then woke up and ate breakfast. hopefully tomorrow when the heat host the cavs, things get back to normal so i don't accidentally get locked inside the mall again.

4. detroit pistons - apparently, deeeee-troit baaaaaa-sketball involves giving two different teams their 16th win of the season in back to back games this weekend. on friday, the kings went into detroit and won 100-93 then the following day the pistons got run out of chicago 97-81. of the pistons 12 losses this year, three have been to the bulls while two have been to the kings. luckily, they have no more games scheduled against sacramento while only having one more versus chicago for the rest of the season. unfortunately, unless the can solve the bulls, it looks like detroit's chances of tying the 97-98 bulls' record for most wins in a season are in serious jeopardy.

3. the murrland turrapins - murland handed number 1 ranked unc their first loss of the year with an 82-80 win in chapel hill. this leaves memphis and kansas as division i's only undefeated teams. while unc now joins a large group of one-loss teams and murland remains in an even bigger group of seven-loss teams. i didn't watch the game very intently so i can't give any insight into how the terror-pins were able to win other than just general good play. in fact, the main thing i'm taking away from this is an increased intense excitement for march madness. i have a feeling this year we're going to see a number 16 knock off a number 1 seed. assuming this was a bad enough loss to drop unc to a 16 seed.

2. lawrence tynes - the giants-packers nfc championship game ended in dramatic fashion with a 47-yard overtime field goal from giants kicker lawrence tynes. after the make, giants fans mobbed their teammate and carried him out of the stadium on his shoulders. or i'm sure they would have had he not missed two previous field goals that would have made this game far less dramatic. instead the giants probably celebrated by not throwing all of tynes' clothes in the shower and not making him walk back to new york.

1. greedy nate kaeding - nate kaeding had a field day yesterday as he drilled four field goals in yesterday's afc championship game against new england. unfortunately, his individual success was at the cost of his team's as the chargers lost 21-12 to an unspectacular patriots team. if san diego could have finished any of their drives in the end zone, perhaps the outcome would have been different, especially considering the chargers forced three brady interceptions. but, they ultimately lost because they suspiciously couldn't convert when it mattered the most. i suspect this had something to do with kaeding stealing norv turner's headset on 3rd down plays and calling "60-stretch far left (yawn)".

Charlgers in Charge

as i've been minding my own business this past week, i couldn't help but notice that there had been an exponential increase in chargers jerseys being worn around as compared to other weeks. i suspect it's a result of last sunday's epic upset of the colts that leaves the norv turner-led chargers one game from the super bowl. although, it's equally likely that i just keep running into chargers players who are, for whatever reason, wearing their own jerseys out in public. but since i don't think that ladainian tomlinson bags groceries in his spare time or that shawne merriman is actually a 5-year old asian girl whose parents make her wear a helmet when she's playing on the jungle gym, i doubt this is the case.

either way, people around here are understandably excited about this week's game in new england. this is in direct contrast to two weeks ago when the chargers nearly had to blackout their first round playoff game against the titans on local tv due to not having sold out their tickets. the forecast called for a light rain which in san diego means schools are closed, canned food and bottled water is re-stocked, and windows are boarded up. as such, many residents decided they'd rather watch the game from the comforts of their homes as opposed to in person with a rain coat, umbrella, or worse, galoshes. but even so, i wouldn't describe san diegans as fair weather fans, unless you meant they generally cheer their teams on in fair weather. it's just that their priorities are a little different. given the few years i've lived here, this is how i would rank where i think the common san diegan's rooting interests lie:

1. the beach
2. the chargers
3. surfing
4. the padres
5. the san diego zoo
6. quang
7. fish tacos
8. seaworld
9. reggie bush
10. the white sox

anyways, the more i've talked to chargers fans, fair weather or not, the more i've been told that they, the chargers not their fans, are going to make the patriots the league's first 17-1 team and advance to the super bowl. at first i just assumed it was delusion and hysterics from overzealous fans who had just eaten spoiled fish tacos. but then i started to talk myself into it too. they've beaten the colts twice, they've won eight straight games, their defense is playing well, their running game is superior, why can't they win? oh, because the patriots have won seventeen straight, their offense is the most potent in the league, and their coach doesn't lose or give extended handshakes or wear collared shirts. well, no one said it was going to be easy, other than a few chargers fans at work who told me "it's going to be easy", but i have a feeling this game might be more competitive than i originally thought.

new england comes into the game as 14-point favorites while san diego limps in with questions surrounding the status of three of their best players. tomlinson is expected to play, but if he can't, mike'n'ike turner is a more than capable back up. rivers is probably the most questionable, having injured his knee against the colts. if he doesn't suit up, the chargers will hope billy volek can play nearly as well as he did last weekend while also finding time to taunt fans. to me, the chargers' biggest health concern is that of antonio gates, especially if volek is forced into action. gates has posed tremendous match up problems for most teams this year, and against an old and slow patriots linebacking corps he'd likely continue this success. the patriots defense can be exploited, but is san diego's offense healthy enough to do so?

if i were a die-hard chargers fan, my biggest concern is defensively trying to contain new england's nintendo-like offense. of course, if they had a game genie this would be no problem as they could just start the game with 50 points, turn offsides off, and give jamal williams infinite lives. but since performance enhancers are frowned upon, they'll have to face the patriots' frightening passing attack straight up. therefore i think the key to this game is going to be the battle in the trenches between the chargers defense and the patriots offensive line. if merriman, shaun phillips, jamal williams, luis castillo and company can generate the type of pressure we've seen in games past, it would certainly help slow down the new england offense.

unfortunately though, new england's offensive line is an impenetrable and immovable fortress that has kept king brady upright and throwing darts at his loyal subjects. well it's a metaphorical fortress, i'm pretty sure building a moat in front of your quarterback is not allowed. regrettably, i don't know enough about line play to know anything beyond "that offensive line is good" or "that offensive line is bad. me hungry". but since tom brady has not once had to wash his jersey after a game this entire season, i'm pretty sure new england's falls into the first category. of course, you probably already knew that. but did you know that in addition to being good, they're all white? all of them. not just the starters, every offensive linemen on the patriots is white. this is fascinating to me. new england is the only team in the league where this is the case. they're also the only team that hasn't lost this season. and since this is a copycat league, i'm afraid in a few years roger godell might have to implement another rooney rule for o-linemen.

all things considered, i don't share the optimism that my fellow san diegans do about this game. between injuries and the glaring fact that the patriots are a pretty good football team, things just seemed stacked in new england's favor. it also seems like the chargers have already had to overcome so much just to get here that i don't know what they have left. but like most people across the country, i'll be rooting for san diego all the same. though unlike most people across the country, i'll be rooting a little harder for the beach.