5. the yankees - as of yesterday, the twins and yankees have begun preliminary trade talks about johan santana, who is a free agent after next season. new york's best prospects are young pitchers but the twins should be in the market for bats more so than arms. that's why i don't think there's a fit, though i say this as someone who thinks the yankees' limitless payroll is unfair to other teams with fewer resources. but with that said, i'm not ever sure what "preliminary" means regarding trade talks, so i'm holding out hope this is nothing more than an overblown report coming from the new york media. and if it isn't, i'm holding out hope that the twins trade santana to the yankees for alex rodriguez.
4. marko jaric - in addition to helping beat the hornets 103-94 last night, the mediocre timberwolf is also apparently dating supermodel adriana lima. the mediocre timberwolf has also apparently not told adriana lima what he does for a living, because if she knew how poorly he often plays basketball i doubt she'd be very interested. this is where my attempt at trying to knock marko jaric down a couple pegs ends because landing a brazilian supermodel is pretty impressive. and besides, if we're lucky, the news of this jaric-lima power couple will send eva longoria into a jealous fit of rage. and in order to reclaim media attention, she is seen canoodling with a certain blogger for this website.
3. beno udrih - in a game against his former employer beno udrih led the kings to a 112-99 win. the spurs had no answer for beno udrih who scored a career high 27 points. the spurs having no answer for beno udrih is like a very good math teacher having no answer for a very simple math problem, like "if beno udrih usually misses every shot he takes throughout the 30 minutes he averages a game, how many minutes should beno udrih usually play?" well if you answered zero minutes, you aren't reggie theus and you wouldn't have ignored conventional wisdom to beat the spurs.
2. the cleveland cavaliers - anytime anderson varejao says "i don't want to play there anymore" where "there" is the city your basketball team is in, i think it's a win. that's why if i were a cavalier fan, right now i'd be overjoyed to hear that varejao feels that he has been treated so unfairly by danny ferry that he has no interest playing for cleveland again. but i'm not a cavs fan, i'm only someone who wishes to never see varejao play another nba minute because he makes me so angry i want to eat an entire hornet's nest. there are those who will argue that anderson varejao brings a lot of intangibles to the table. but from what i can tell these intangibles include energetic and frequent flopping and the table in which varejao brings these intangibles is probably laying upside down with all four legs in the air after trying to take a flop.
1. mud - as if it thought we forgot about it, mud decided to reinsert itself into our world on the grand stage that is monday night football. heavy rain made the field conditions miserable which also resulted in a final score of pittsburgh 3, dolphins 0, mud 49. the first points didn't happen until 17 seconds remained in the game, but by then the game had been long decided because i decided to watch something else like two hours earlier. "ugh, anything is better than this mud-day night football game," i thought to myself. pleased that i could come up with something so clever, i spent the next ten minutes telling other people things like "man, talk about mud-day night football!" and "this mud-day night football game sure is 'mud see tv!'", and "the steelers are getting away with mud-der!" no one commented about how clever i was at the time, but i think that's partly because they immediately called their friends to tell them how clever i was.
4. marko jaric - in addition to helping beat the hornets 103-94 last night, the mediocre timberwolf is also apparently dating supermodel adriana lima. the mediocre timberwolf has also apparently not told adriana lima what he does for a living, because if she knew how poorly he often plays basketball i doubt she'd be very interested. this is where my attempt at trying to knock marko jaric down a couple pegs ends because landing a brazilian supermodel is pretty impressive. and besides, if we're lucky, the news of this jaric-lima power couple will send eva longoria into a jealous fit of rage. and in order to reclaim media attention, she is seen canoodling with a certain blogger for this website.3. beno udrih - in a game against his former employer beno udrih led the kings to a 112-99 win. the spurs had no answer for beno udrih who scored a career high 27 points. the spurs having no answer for beno udrih is like a very good math teacher having no answer for a very simple math problem, like "if beno udrih usually misses every shot he takes throughout the 30 minutes he averages a game, how many minutes should beno udrih usually play?" well if you answered zero minutes, you aren't reggie theus and you wouldn't have ignored conventional wisdom to beat the spurs.
2. the cleveland cavaliers - anytime anderson varejao says "i don't want to play there anymore" where "there" is the city your basketball team is in, i think it's a win. that's why if i were a cavalier fan, right now i'd be overjoyed to hear that varejao feels that he has been treated so unfairly by danny ferry that he has no interest playing for cleveland again. but i'm not a cavs fan, i'm only someone who wishes to never see varejao play another nba minute because he makes me so angry i want to eat an entire hornet's nest. there are those who will argue that anderson varejao brings a lot of intangibles to the table. but from what i can tell these intangibles include energetic and frequent flopping and the table in which varejao brings these intangibles is probably laying upside down with all four legs in the air after trying to take a flop.
1. mud - as if it thought we forgot about it, mud decided to reinsert itself into our world on the grand stage that is monday night football. heavy rain made the field conditions miserable which also resulted in a final score of pittsburgh 3, dolphins 0, mud 49. the first points didn't happen until 17 seconds remained in the game, but by then the game had been long decided because i decided to watch something else like two hours earlier. "ugh, anything is better than this mud-day night football game," i thought to myself. pleased that i could come up with something so clever, i spent the next ten minutes telling other people things like "man, talk about mud-day night football!" and "this mud-day night football game sure is 'mud see tv!'", and "the steelers are getting away with mud-der!" no one commented about how clever i was at the time, but i think that's partly because they immediately called their friends to tell them how clever i was.
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