I Still Miss Sean Taylor

it's always tough to know the right things to say when an athlete dies. is it ok that we sometimes care more about an athlete's passing than the countless other anonymous people who tragically die every day? is it accurate when people say "it's not a sports story" when we wouldn't even know about them if not for their sports career? these are questions that i'm not smart nor insightful enough to provide answers to. the only thing i know at this point is that i woke up this morning and my favorite football player did not. and now, maybe or maybe not justifiably, i'm heartbroken.

when i initially read that sean had been shot in his miami home, for whatever reason, i wasn't exceptionally concerned. the report said he had been shot in his leg and i ignorantly assumed he'd be fine. wizards forward andray blatche was shot in the chest a few years ago and he's since made a full recovery, paul pierce was stabbed in the face and he looks exactly the same as before, even joey porter got shot in his buttocks and has lived to tell about it even though no one is particularly fond of stories involving joey porter's buttocks. with that in mind, i thought sean would make a similar recovery and besides, if there was anyone who could survive a gunshot it was the invincible sean taylor.

instead, the local radio reports regarding his health persisted and though he remained in critical condition, i remained optimistic that he'd make a full recovery. when i was writing the most recent today's best entry late last night, i even considered including sean based solely on the positive reports of his improved signs of responsiveness. i ultimately decided to hold off until what i assumed was his inevitable and forthcoming hospital release before i began to sing his praises and predict that in his next game he'd record 15 sacks, two of which would be of jason campbell. so i went to bed satisfied about a paragraph i wrote about mud. when i woke up, i couldn't believe what i was hearing. i sat helplessly on my bed in stunned silence shaking my head for fifteen minutes. i was confused, bewildered, angry, and emotional. i wanted to go back to sleep hoping that when i woke up, espn's breaking news wasn't about sean taylor dying, but about sean taylor dodging gunfire, hit sticking these burglars into submission, and saving christmas. it was unfortunately the last desperation of a stubborn man and an outcome that i never even seriously considered had just become a horrible reality. i was sick to my stomach.

anyways, i'm sure you're familiar with the latest details surrounding this upsetting death by now. so instead of depressing myself further and telling you things that can easily be found on credible websites, i'd much rather celebrate my favorite memories involving sean taylor that you can only find on in-credible websites. because ever since he was drafted, he became many redskins fans' favorite redskin and in my case, he became my favorite football player. though i doubt i'm the biggest sean taylor fan, i'd like to believe i'm one of the most irrational and blindly loyal. as such, here are a few moments that i'll always remember from his all too brief time in my life.

• before the 2004 draft, my roommate and i were hopeful that kellen winslow would fall to washington. we knew that drafting his miami teammate was the smarter move, but we were too enthralled with junior winslow's unique skill set and unique press conference where he famously declared himself a soldier. thankfully for the redskins, they don't consult us for these decisions and with the 5th pick of the draft sean taylor became a redskin.
• in fall 2004, i went to the redskins store in the mall with the sole purpose of buying a sean taylor jersey. sean taylor's freakish and reckless play had endeared himself to me and i decided to support him in jersey form. as i was paying, the employee at the register said to me, "nice, i've been meaning to get a sean taylor jersey too." i thought to myself, "uh, i didn't ask for your life story. just ring me up so i can pretend i'm sean taylor already." he did and i did.
• in the final game of sean taylor's rookie season, my brother and i went to landover to watch the redskins-vikings play in person. we had somehow acquired field level tickets and watched up close as sean tossed randy moss around. the redskins eventually won and randy moss left the field before the game ended drawing the ire of football purists who don't understand the concept of beating the rush. more importantly though, with our seats we got free hot dogs which i assume were courtesy of sean taylor.
• one year i participated in a fantasy football league with individual defensive players. in the second round of the draft i took sean taylor. after the draft, another team offered me a trade that would send sean taylor to his team for his first 10 draft picks. i smartly declined and began the season on a very long winning streak before my season collapsed when it was apparent i hadn't surrounded sean taylor with enough talent.
• in a playoff game in 2005 against the buccaneers, marcus washington recovered a fumble and then fumbled it himself. sean taylor flew in, picked up the ball without breaking stride, and streaked into the end zone. if i had five dollars for every high five i gave after that play, i'd have made like $35. this would have put me halfway closer to a more recent sean taylor jersey which reflected his number change at the beginning of this year.
• during last year's pro bowl, sean taylor leveled an afc punter so hard that the punter ran over and congratulated him. the same punter also later congratulated sean taylor for curing diabetes, so take that for what it's worth.
• in madden 08, i created a team and after a fantasy draft, sean taylor was inserted as the fairfax megamen's starting free safety. i soon figured out that when you add a created team in franchise mode, the players on that team are duplicates. as you would expect, i took full advantage as my defense boasted two sean taylors in its starting secondary. not one to waste time trying to tame all madden, i played a season on pro level and the sean taylors combined for 40+ interceptions. i'm 24 years old.
• earlier this year against the packers, sean taylor intercepted brett farve twice during one of those games where brett favre just has more fun than everyone else. during this game, sean also had a chance to intercept two or three other passes which would have almost certainly resulted in the first game that ended with someone other than brett favre having the most fun. sean taylor is the best.

if it's not obvious, sean taylor was one of my favorite things about sundays and pretty much every other day of the week as well. his loss, in every sense imaginable, is devastating and he, in every sense imaginable, is irreplaceable. i'm not really sure what else there is to say because after a full day of work, i still feel miserable. but i guess it's hard to feel anything else when someone you've rooted so hard for is suddenly murdered as yet another grim and unnecessary reminder that it's a despicably cold world out there. a cold world that cuts short lives full of potential. a cold world that takes a young father away from his daughter before her 2nd birthday. and unfortunately, a cold world in which life will continue even after this senseless death.

one day i'm sure i'll move on and instead of getting hopelessly sad when i remember sean taylor, i'll smile fondly. maybe it'll be when i tell my kids stories about how great sean taylor was. maybe when it'll be when i see my kids wearing an old sean taylor jersey. or maybe it'll be when i explain to my kids how their mother and i almost got a divorce when i told her i wanted to name each of them "the invincible sean taylor". one day.

just not today.