5. non-washingtonian big threes - while the play of the wizards' trio resulted in unexplained fist-shaped dents in certain walls of my home, other big threes were enjoying much more success playing effective basketball. most notably, kg and the power of three debuted this weekend and two games later look very impressive. further, new jersey's big three beat the sixers after getting throttled by toronto, san antonio's big three tossed aside the kings, and indiana's love of taking big threes is a significant reason they are 3-0. but since three's a crowd, i doubt these teams will make much noise come playoff time.
4. kobe bryant - over the summer, kobe expressed his desire for a trade and voiced his dissatisfication with his current laker teammates. as we should have expected, it appears that this was an ingenious motivational ploy all along. because over the weekend, thanks to surprising contributions from those same laker teammates, los angeles routed the suns in phoenix and beat the jazz handily at home. i imagine kobe will try to keep up this momentum by leaving his teammates messages reminding them how awful they are while also reminding them how bad he stuffed kirilenko last night.3. grand valley state - in an exhibition game in east lansing, grand valley state, a division ii school, overcame the fact that "grand valley" is not among the 50 real states and toppled the 8th ranked spartans in double overtime. luckily for michigan state, this was an exhibition game and the points didn't matter. it was basically just an episode of "whose line is it anyways". except instead of drew carey laughing at colin mochrie's improv comedy it was tom izzo screaming at drew neitzel's improv comedy. but exhibition or not, grand valley state pulled off an impressive upset. and if they ever apply for statehood, they have my support.
2. adrian peterson - the chicago bears backup running back will receive a pleasant surprise monday morning when he opens up his local newspaper and finds out that he broke the single game rushing record, even though his team was on a bye. excited, and under the assumption that the hall of fame will probably want his equipment to put on display in canton, adrian peterson sends them his slippers, a bathrobe, and the bowl he ate cereal out of while sitting on the couch. once that is settled, peterson decides to stop by bed, bath, and beyond to buy a new cereal bowl.
1. a-rod - according to sources on friday, a-rod was seeking a $350 million deal from the yankees. according to additional sources, other things a-rod was seeking from the yankees include the moon, a time machine, lou gehrig's disease to be renamed alex rodriguez's disease, and an iphone. what is it even like to walk around thinking in your head that you're worth $350 million? wouldn't you just always think to yourself, "wow, i'm not wearing nice enough pants" or "why am i walking around when i could be riding a zebra?" but with all that said, if i were an owner and a-rod was asking for $350 million, i'd probably just bite the bullet and sign him. then i'd hand him a $350 million gift certificate to chili's. "hope you like awesome blossoms, you jerk."
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