Thats A Scary Mask Bro!

I’ve never really liked Halloween; even when I was a kid, I thought costumes were silly. Batman doesn’t wear the Larry Johnson Cons with the REACT Juice and Batman doesn’t have to wear glasses over his mask. But my fourth grade representation of Batman did. I guess as an adult, more creative costumes are now in play, but I still have no real interest. I have noticed however that certain athletes parade around like its Halloween everyday, scaring little kids and haunting the dreams of those that are forced to watch them perform on the field:

• Shelley Duncan – Poor Yankees, after every homerun not only do they have to deal with the fear of having this Yeti descend upon the dugout, but they also have to deal with the most powerful high-fives and forearm smashes imaginable. Robinson Cano only exchanges pleasantries with Duncan when he has his arm fully wrapped in a protective layer of towels.

• Reche Caldwell – I’m not sure if Reche Caldwell is scary or is constantly scared of something, but either way there is no earthly reason for someone’s eyes to constantly be like this. It’s a strange mix between scared, surprised and just insane.

• Monica Seles – With ridiculously attractive female tennis players so pervasive in the sport today, It makes you wonder if whoever is in charge of women’s tennis kind of nudged her out of the door. “Ms. Seles, were going in a different direction – the direction opposite that of gargoyles roaming the greens.”

• Chris Kaman – What would happen if Hulk Hogan had a drunken rendezvous with one of the villains from the Hills Have Eyes and then taught the offspring to play basketball – poorly? My guess is that the result would closely resemble Chris Kaman. You would think in such a pretentious city Chris Kaman would find it hard to fit in, maybe everyone is to horrified to say anything.

• Tyrone Hill – This ghoulish looking power forward haunted the fan bases of the Warriors, Cavaliers, Bucks, Sixers and Heat over his 14 year career. I remember once during a Cavaliers/ Knicks game, my great-aunt saying to no one in particular “Oh Lord! Why don’t they stop putting the camera on this goblin?…it’s making me sick.” That’s the power of Hill’s face; it could make even the sweetest old lady have something mean to say.

Have a happy and a safe Halloween!