Season Preview: Boston Celtics

Quang: it was no secret that the 06-07 celtics didn't give 110% throughout the season. they very obviously tanked down the stretch and tanked up the stretch too. though with a chance to land one of two prized franchise changing phenoms, i have a hard time arguing against their logic. so with that end in mind, the celtics secured the second worst record in the league thanks to 39 losses in the 53 games they played in 2007 thanks in part to a bumbling 18-game losing streak. ultimately, this meant boston had just about a 20% chance at the top pick and nearly a 40% chance at a top-2 pick. but a funny thing happened on the way to the lottery. doc rivers walked into a bar with an alligator under his arm. he asked the bartender, "do you serve lawyers here?" the bartender said, "yes, we do!" "good," doc rivers replied. "give me a beer, and i'll have a lawyer for my alligator!" and soon after doc rivers left the bar, the lottery results awarded the celtics with the 5th pick in the draft. so unless greg oden and kevin durant donned morris almond and stanko barac costumes, the celtics' tanking was for naught.

we all know by now that instead of accpeting this fate lying down, danny ainge created his own luck and completed two blockbuster trades for perennial all stars ray allen and kevin garnett. as such, the celtics had two big questions coming into this season. first, do they have enough behind pierce, garnett, and allen to contend? i always thought this was a little overblown. obviously, opponents will try to make the less heralded celtics beat them, so this trio will likely face numerous double teams throughout the game. but mathematically, only two people can be double teamed at a time, right? this leaves one poor defender covering the leftover musketeer and his two celtic friends. it's a three-on-one fast break every possession! more seriously, rajon rondo, kendrick perkins, james posey, and tony allen are good enough to play fourth and fifth fiddle. yes the rest of the bench gets dicier after that, but the celtics can remedy this by never playing the rest of the bench. it's science.

anyways, the more important and pressing question facing the new-look celtics is, what are should the big three be called? from what i've read, "the gap band" seems to be the frontrunner though garnett himself prefers "the ceatles". thanks, but no thanks. because if we've learned anything from mean girls it's that "from his grades to his lines, you can't touch kevin g". therefore, a very obvious solution presents itself and that solution is "kg and the power of 3". anyways, i think the "kg and the power of 3"-led celtics should finish among the top four teams in the east. how high among the top will be decided on how well and how soon all their new players adapt to one another, allaying concerns about chemistry. but i assume chemistry won't be a problem for a mathlete. so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard he's like james bond the third. sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred.

Joe: I’ll tell you one thing; Ray Allen sure knows how to pick a threesome. His role of Jesus Shuttlesworth in He Got Game is highlighted by the most awesome unexpected ménage a’ trios in commercial cinema – and the threesome he finds himself in now with Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce surely has Boston fans sporting that same satisfied grin that Jesus Shuttlesworth had at the end of said scene. With that said this team is also one injury to the “big three” away from Kevin Garnett once again clutching his head and weeping on national television. Factoring in age, an injury to any one of these players leads to a team not much better than any of the other teams each has tried and failed to carry. KG had Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell playing the best basketball of their careers and failed, having only one of the two wingmen healthy isn’t much of an upgrade. Ray Allen has had Rashard Lewis; Let’s say KG gets nicked up for an extended period of time, Is Pierce a tremendous upgrade? James Posey was a great signing and adds some cheap insurance to Pierce and Allen; however the rest of the team leaves much to be desired. Don’t get me wrong, this team is no-doubt going to the playoffs, injuries or not, but with Pierce and Allen’s injury history and the fact that KG is due for his injury, I am not granting this team a free pass to winning the division, let alone representing the East in the finals.

Dhivy: I’m not as excited about the Celtics as everyone else is, mainly because they missed an opportunity to have Allen Ray, Ray Allen, & Tony Allen on the same team. How could the other team have game planned for this?

Coach: Ok, you screen Allen and you screen Ray.
Player A: I thought I had Allen.
Player B: No, I’ve got Allen. You screen Allen.
Coach: No! He screens Ray, and you take Allen.
Ref: 5-second violation, Celtics ball.
Coach: Every time!

Obviously, the story of the Celtics is their trio of Garnett, Allen & Pierce. I suggest that in the off-season, the three run a law firm. As for 07’-08’, they should be very hard to stop on a night-to-night basis. Garnett scores out of the low- and high-post, Allen gets open shots on the perimeter, and Pierce gets his driving/slashing baskets. On paper, this seems like the team to beat in the East. But the lack of talent on the rest of the roster is glaring, and I don’t see how they make a championship run with this roster. Admittedly the Celtics are going to be a much more enjoyable team, but I don’t see them doing damage in the playoffs. The only reason I feel this way is because I’ve started to hate Boston fans for their incredible run of success, as well as the sense of entitlement that has come along with it. If the Celtics take the NBA by storm, Massachusetts might break the record for most shoulders dislocated while patting one’s self on the back.

Achilles heels

• Brian Scalabrine (q)
• Kendrick Perkins (j)
• Glen Davis (d)

Unsung heroes

• Eddie House (q)
• James Posey (j)
• Kendrick Perkins (d)

Bold predictions

• Tired of being overshadowed by the garnett, pierce, and allen, glen davis, leon powe, and esteban batista form their own big three. a rift divides the lockerroom. (q)
• The Celtics start the season 3-0. They lose their fourth game and true to form Kevin Garnett clutches his head and starts bawling on national TV. Boston media spins it as him being ultra competitive and not just a weepy loser. (j)
• Warming up for a game, Scot Pollard guards KG while on-looker Charles Barkley says “dat’s da ugliest haircut I’ve ever seen”. (d)

Favorite memory

• in a battle of the two main oden/durant suitors, the celtics lose to the grizzlies after rudy gay hits a long jumper with two seconds left. "enjoy greg oden, suckers!" rudy gay screams. "we will," the trailblazers assure. (q)
• in the final seconds of a laugher against Portland, a backup point guard passes the ball of the backboard for Gerald Green and he flushes it at the buzzer….ridiculous! (j)
• Tony Allen blows out his knee while attempting a dunk five seconds after the whistle has blown. (d)