Season Preview: Minnesota Timberwolves

dhivy: At the time of this writing, there is a rumor floating around that the Minnesota Timberwolves have traded Mark Blount and Ricky Davis for Michael Doleac, Wayne Simien and Antoine Walker. There is also a rumor that Trang Pak is a grotsky little biotch and Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin. FYI, the first suggestion spell check gave me for ‘biotch’ was “biotech”. I found this hilarious. This trade amounts to one team’s headache for another team’s headache. Davis staying with the Wolves would hinder the development of some of the younger players. Walker, on the other hand, can assume a position as a role player and facilitate the youth movement in Minnesota. While it doesn’t help Minnesota win right away, they’d probably be better off without Ricky Davis. Of course, there are very few things that wouldn’t be better off without Ricky Davis. The only exception that comes to mind is Skip Bayless, because no Ricky Davis means he’d have one less person to scream about.

The rebuilding began with Kevin Garnett finally being traded. Why they accepted an offer from the Celtics that was worse than an offer the Celtics made a month earlier remains to be seen. Regardless, Kevin G’s departure leaves a roster with a lot of untapped potential, youthful athleticism, and Mark Madsen’s dancing. Al Jefferson has been proclaimed the focus of this offense and while he’s a promising athlete, I question whether he can actually handle the burden of leading a team. I’m much more excited about the prospects of Randy Foye and Corey Brewer. Foye is a fearless penetrator and a natural leader on the court. Brewer was a jack-of-all-trades at Florida and has a chance to excel in the open court. Chris Richard would have been a star at any college program other than Florida, and was a steal in the second round. Dunk contest champion Gerald Green is more athlete than basketball player, but if they draw up a play where someone needs to jump over a table for a dunk, Green would be the most likely recipient. And if given the opportunity, I see Rashad McCants as the breakout player on the Timberwolves. A lot of the things he does remind me of Latrell Sprewell. For example, this off-season alone, McCants choked PJ Carlesimo and strangled a woman he was having sex with on his yacht. At this rate, he’ll soon claim he can’t feed his children on a multi-million dollar salary.

quang: the timberwolves finally traded kevin garnett this summer after mismanaging his talents for the last few seasons. but luckily for minnesota fans, another superstar has come to town to help them forget about the big ticket. his name is adrian peterson and he plays football for the minnesota vikings. but timberwolves season ticket holders shouldn't feel too bad because one, the wolves have a stable full of young, promising talent and two, if adrian peterson played for the wolves, he'd probably just foul out of every game after collecting six charges within the first three minutes anyways. not really the production you're looking for from a starting power forward. but like it or not, a new era of timberwolves basketball is upon us and we have no choice but to grin and bear it. well, i have a choice, because i don't really care about the minnesota timberwolves. but you don't.

as if the team wasn't unstable enough, minnesota recently completed a trade that sent ricky davis and mark blount to the heat for antoine walker, michael doleac, and wayne simien. this is a move that all but ensures the wolves will make an absolute killing on their media guide sales as it brings the total of new faces on the team to an even and unlucky 13. consider that mark madsen has now become the longest tenured timberwolf and with four years of service, he has been on the team twice as long as the next most veteran players, rashad mccants and marko jaric. what insight could mark madsen possibly have? "uh, have you tried trying as hard as possible? that seems to work for me." other than shooting, dunking, passing, defense, and cool sneakers, chemistry is the most important thing in basketball. so unless juwan howard is a whiz with the bunsen burners and ryan gomes owns a lot of lab coats, i expect the timberwolves will struggle mightily this year.

there is hope in the horizon though. al jefferson, the centerpiece of the garnett trade, at 22 is already halfway towards becoming a very potent weapon in the post. randy foye came into his rookie season as a candidate for rookie of the year and was compared favorably to dwyane wade. this year, he'll be given every opportunity to deliver on that promise. rashad mccants was microfractured last year, but is a deadly shooter and hasn't been the off the court problem that many predicted. corey brewer is already the wolves' best defender and could become an excellent complimentary player for this team. and gerald green is still trying to prove that he's more than an athlete, and at 21 he has a lot of time to present his case. if two of these players develop into certified stars, the wolves will be in good shape. even their bench is filled to the brim. craig smith is one of the strongest players in the league and is the team's resident bully, ryan gomes is just a player (translation: he's not athletic, but he hustles), and sebastian telfair was overhyped but isn't washed up yet. the biggest question to me is who is the team's leader? most of the veterans aren't good enough to demand attention and the young players haven't proven enough to take the lead. juwan howard? theo ratliff? greg buckner? are these wings that any of the young wolves would like to be taken under? hopefully someone like randy foye can assume a leadership role so we avoid situations where juwan howard tells someone else what to do. in fact, i can't think of anything i'd like the wolves to do more this season than constantly call juwan howard, "rook" and tell him things like "welcome to the league, rook" or "rooks in the back, rook." anyways, assuming they don't try to sign joe smith again, the wolves are all but guaranteed a lottery pick this year. but i think they'll be better than most people expect and i'd even venture a guess that with the addition of antoine walker, the timberwolves will not miss kevin garnett at all. and if you don't believe that how about "with the addition of antoine walker, i am given another chance to include strange pictures of antoine walker".

joe: Many are saying that this team without Garnett will be a shoe-in for worst record in the NBA. While I am not saying that they are going to be even close to a competitor, it wont surprise me if this team could scratch out 30 wins, which definitely wouldn't put them in contention for worst in the league. Al Jefferson seems like he will be the real deal, hes aggressive down low and already has an assortment of post moves. The front line is further bolstered by Ryan Gomes and Crag Smith, both effort filled bangers that should give the Timberwolves some toughness down low. Randy Foye seemed like a capable NBA starter last year, and although it seems as though the coaching staff feels as though he will fit at point guard, I believe that Sebastian Telfair would be a better fit as early reports from preseason indicate that he has rededicated himself to basketball and is no longer trying to smuggle his "girlfriend's" gun onto the team plane or sending out hits on rappers in New York City clubs. For the sake of full-disclosure you must realize that I am irreversibly programmed to give any basketball player from the Marbury/Telfair/Thomas (Jamel), the benefit of the doubt. Telfair running the point position will allow the Wolves to play Randy Foye at the two, since I don't believe that Gerald Green is yet capable of being an NBA starter. Obviously I am happy about the trade today that sent Antoine Walker to Minnesota, my feelings about Walker were documented in the preview for the Heat. Walker could provide a more positive veteran presence to the team as a whole, but don't be surprised if Ryan Gomes and Al Jefferson add the three pointer from the hash-mark to their budding repertoires. I'm not sure if you get a ring for winning a National Championship but at the very least Corey Brewer, Rashad McCants and Chris Richard have five pieces of championship net between them so at least you know they have a winning mentality which is important for a young team.

Achilles Heel:

• Sebastian Telfair(d)
• Marko Jaric (q)
• Gerald Green (j)

Unsung Hero:

• Rashad McCants(d)
• Craig Smith (q)
• Corey Brewer (j)

Bold Prediction:

• The Timberwolves have a chance to beat the Clippers but Greg Buckner lets a loose ball go through his legs. Brevin Knight picks it up and scores the game-winner. (d)
• With a 2008 salary of nearly $12 million, Theo Ratliff is the team's most well paid player. As such and in order to build team unity, he treats the team to a few games of cosmic bowling. On Jupiter. (q)
• Sebastian Telfair is embarrassed when he once again takes his girlfriend's pillowcase on the team flight - apparently not only is she a gun enthusiast but also a frequent visitor to adult specialty shops. (j)

Favorite Moment:

• Any time Kevin McHale was shown wearing a sweater he bought in 1987. He’s such a biotech. (d)
• Hakim Warrick dunking on Mark Blount so violently that Mark Blount tried to change his name to Hakim Warrick. (q)
• Kevin Garnett probably gave an impassioned speech to his teammates about how things will be different next year... he was sooooo right. (j)