Season Preview: Utah Jazz

Quang: i've never been a utah jazz fan. i don't think there's ever been a game they've played where i haven't rooted against them or at least rooted for any of their players to score on the wrong basket. i guess that's just how i was raised. in the west, stockton and malone were the enemy and barkley, robinson, olajuwon were my heroes. as a kid, rooting for the jazz was like rooting for harry and marv in home alone, or rooting for gaston in beauty in the beast, or rooting for harry and marv in home alone 2: lost in new york. now i'm an adult, and unfortunately i haven't matured. whenever i watch jazz games i still loudly root against them and similarly, whenever i watch home alone 2 i still hope harry and marv haven't yet learned from their previous mistakes.

as much as it pains me to say, this current jazz team isn't quite as annoying as previous incarnations. i really wanted to hate deron williams, but he's just a really good point guard. i still think chris paul is better, but the gap in my eyes is close, which is something i never thought i'd admit after they got drafted. carlos boozer screams too much for no reason, but he's a very good power forward and punished the warriors last year. mehmet okur, despite rumored chemistry issues, is an incredibly useful center and is too unassuming to make me very upset otherwise. matt harpring is frequently mentioned as one of the strongest players in the league. not as frequently mentioned is how he is one of the few nba players who has a legoman haircut. but like always there are plenty of jazz players who i hope get their shoelaces tied together. i never liked kirilenko even when he was good, but now he's become nothing more than a scarecrow. gordan giricek is a do everything player in that he does everything poorly and clumsily. and i really want to like paul millsap, but just something about how hard he plays kind of irritates me. i'm sure if he fell to any other team in the 2nd round i wouldn't feel this way, but this is the hand i was dealt.

the jazz have an interesting mix of players, but i'm not sure they'll be able to challenge the western conference elite just yet. and even though they are a definite playoff team, i'm not sure they'll enjoy the success they had last year when they lost to the spurs in the conference finals. if either morris almond or ronnie brewer can become the true shooting guard they've been missing for as long as i can remember, this team will be a factor. but regardless of if that happens or not, just out of habit i'm probably going to root against the jazz in every game they play. it's nothing personal. but even though my movie tastes have broadened as an adult, rooting for the jazz is still like rooting for whichever eddie murphy character is the antagonist in norbit, or rooting for poverty in the pursuit of happyness, or rooting for french stewart in home alone 4. it's unamerican.

Dhivy: Everyone thinks of the Utah Jazz as a classy organization, but I don’t get it. Jerry Sloan reportedly uses anti-gay slang in addressing players he sees slacking off. Carlos Boozer broke a handshake agreement he made with former Cavs owner Gordon Gund, who is legally blind. And one of their most famous players is the pound-for-pound dirtiest player in NBA history, John Stockton. So forgive me if I come across as anti-Jazz.

Andrei Kirilenko has fallen out of favor in Utah, which isn’t much of a surprise. His value as a fantasy player is greater than his actual value, and he’s extremely injured prone. Probably because he took steroids while he was training to fight Rocky Balboa. The Jazz would be best served trying to find a team to take Kirilenko off their hands. Even if they don’t find a piece that can help them win now, they’d get cap flexibility or a draft pick. Besides, they have players who play Andrei’s position already. Between Mehmet Okur, Carlos Boozer and Paul Millsap, the frontcourt is loaded and there’s no real need for someone to make $33 million to sit on the bench and bawl his eyes out.There’s not much I like about this Jazz team, but one exception is Matt Harpring. As soon as he goes into the game, he is immediately drenched in sweat. Either he works really hard when he plays, or he’s just gets nervous. He played at Georgia Tech alongside Stephon Marbury, which makes me believe he too asks random floozies if they’re gonna get in the truck. Of course, since he lives in Utah, he probably has 4 or 5 women get in the truck at once. Ronnie Brewer is another young player I’m irrationally infatuated with and I’m hoping he gets more minutes this year. Jerry Sloan is notorious for sticking to his own way of doing things, but if I can change, and you can change, everyone can change.

Joe: Deron Williams ruined my 2005 March Madness I had what would be a great game between two of my favorite programs and coaches of all time line up with Pitino's Louisville squad against Olsen's Arizona team in the Final Four, to decide who will play UNC for the national championship. Well the chubby point guard on Illinois definitely had different plans, willing his team to victory and hitting multiple back breaking three-pointers in overtime to squeak by Arizona in the Elite Eight before playing the role of the heady floor general in a lopsided win over Louisville. With my bracket busted, I held a two year grudge against Williams. I laughed at the Jazz for picking him before Chris Paul and Ray Felton. Then I watched in disbelief as in his second year in the NBA he flourished, becoming the team leader Jerry Sloan wanted him to be. My hatred of Williams reached a climax and ended on the same day. In a game against the Knicks with the Jazz down one in overtime Williams hits a deep step back jumper to put the Jazz up one with three seconds left... with me on the verge of tears wondering why Deron Williams wants to constantly hurt me so, Stephon Marbury streaks down the length of the floor and puts in a layup with no time left to give the Knicks the win. I felt some measure of retribution and decided to sweep our differences under the rug.

Jerry Sloan's young team with another year of experience under there belts are destined to repeat the success they had last year. They have the core components for success, a great point guard and an excellent post scorer and rebounder in Carlos Boozer. The tandem is eerily reminiscent of Stockton and Malone except with longer shorts and I would assume more tact around Kobe Bryant's wife. The duo is flanked by Mehmet Okur who is apparently became really, really, really good after being traded from the Pistons. I knew he had extremely impressive range for a big man but i was pleasantly surprised last year by his deceptive quickness when putting the ball on the floor and either putting up an assortment of floaters or hitting the open man. Perhaps through some kind of weird transference Andrei Kirilenko lost all of his basketball skills which were promptly absorbed by Okur. Apparently Kirelenko is seeking approval from Jerry Sloan and has requested that Sloan deliver an equal amount of compliments as condemnations. I doubt that will happen, Jerry Sloan is just not a warm and fuzzy person, but because I believe you can't become a scrub overnight without some kind of injury, I think Andrei will bounce back this season regardless. I also expect increased growth from Paul Millsap who was a rebounding fool last year. Rebounding and defense are skills that are tough to lose so if Millsap could focus on his offensive game, and avoid catching whatever afflicted Kirilenko Utah could have one of the most formidable frontcourts in the league. There is not much depth at the point guard spots or at the wings. The Jazz will have to rely on Jason Hart to carry backup point guard duties and youngsters Ronnie Brewer and Morris Almond may not be ready to provide quality minutes at the 2 and 3 positions. The Jazz, like the Nets are also guilty of providing a Collins brother gainful employment. They are like the wonder twins, in that they are twins and when you see them on the court you wonder why the hell you couldn't make the NBA.

Achilles Heel:

• Gordan Giricek (q)
• Andrei Kirilenko (d)
• Jarron Collins (j)

Unsung Hero:

• Ronnie Brewer (q)
• Matt Harpring (d)
• Ronnie Brewer (j)

Bold Prediction:

• True to their surnames, Carlos Boozer and Ronnie Brewer both get wasted before a game. True to his surname, Jarron Collins plays seven miserable minutes of basketball during a game. (q)
• Jarron Collins proves that Jason Collins not the worst player in the NBA. Just the second worst. (d)
• The Utah Jazz experience a huge early uptick in ticket sales from the African American female demographic due to some confusion regarding Morris Chestnut and Morris Almond. (j)

Favorite Moment:

• The game winning three Gilbert hit against the Jazz over Deron Williams at the buzzer. The Jazz had no chance. (q)
• Andrei Kirilenko crying after only playing 16 minutes in a Jazz playoff game. (d)
• Deron Williams beats Kevin Martin and throws down an unexpected one-handed dunk on Brad Miller late in the season. (j)