Marques from Utica, NY: I Hate You

i was reading rob neyer's espn chat this afternoon and i came across this question and answer that, as a tremendous frank thomas fan, i found particularly infuriating.

um, first of all, marques from utica, frank thomas doesn't take performance enhancing drugs, performance enhancing drugs take frank thomas. and the only chance frank thomas has of getting hurt by the mitchell report is if someone leaves it lying around and frank thomas trips over it and stubs his toe. to even suggest that he could be implicated in this or any other report that wasn't written by me in fifth grade is both hog-wash and balderdash. as such, here's what i think would be a more appropriate response to this ridiculous assertion.

seriously though, if anything, frank thomas stands to gain the most from this report. because once this list comes out, everyone is going to realize that in spite of these numerous artificially inseminated players, frank thomas still became baseball's greatest player ever, living or dead or undead.

anyways, by this time tomorrow, i expect this matter will be put to bed after we have all gone over the mitchell report. frank thomas will be exonerated of any wrongdoing in the court of marques from utica ny's opinion and i will be first in line at george mitchell's book signing. then instead of reading chats where someone insinuates that frank thomas may have cheated, i'll read chats where there is an intelligent discussion about things like whether frank thomas should be admitted into the hall of fame tonight or tomorrow night or if we should put an asterisk next to frank thomas' name in the record books for the 400 additional home runs he would have hit if other players weren't on steroids.