Buy One, Get One Free

when i found out today that the white sox acquired carlos quentin from arizona, i clapped loudly and screamed "yes! carlos quentin!" my boss came over to see what the commotion was about, and i quickly told him "oh, uh... nothing. i just really love work!" he was as glad to hear that as i was glad to see that the white sox traded for an outfielder that wasn't darrin erstad. we both win! anyways, last year, it became apparent that quentin was the odd man out among a talented diamondbacks outfield featuring justin upton, the next ken griffey jr, chris b. young, the next eric b. davis, and eric brynes, the next baseball player who tries too hard. at the time, i thought arizona would be better off with carlos quentin than eric byrnes roaming their outfield for the next several years, but eric byrnes proved to be the engine behind their surprising playoff berth and the arizona decision makers were inclined to keep him. and upon hearing about byrnes' contract extension i was openly hoping that the white sox could steal away quentin, who was only a year ago very highly ranked. and to my surprise, that's exactly what they did.

more to the point, not fifteen minutes ago, i was just about to excitedly order a new carlos quentin white sox jersey and then send carlos quentin an e-vite to a pizza party at my place to celebrate this great news. unfortunately, in the process of figuring out how i could get carlos quentin's email address, i came across another piece of newer and more distressing news: the marlins traded miguel cabrera and dontrelle willis to the detroit tigers for cameron maybin, andrew miller, and assorted other prospects. my cheerful mood had been replaced with a more sour disposition as my least favorite team acquired the best young hitter in the league. and now after spending the last five minutes fruitlessly looking for ivan rodriguez's email address so i can send him an e-vite to a party where we throw eggs at him, i'm left to stew alone about this horrific turn of events.

last year, the tigers were already a pain to pitch against with brandon inge and sean casey taking their hacks. those two have been effectively replaced by miguel cabrera and edgar renteria, and now detroit's lineup looks absolutely fearsome. the white sox's only hope next year is that along with his bat, miguel cabrera brings his poor eating habits with him to detroit. but based on initial reports, this seems unlikely. i guess those of us looking for a silver lining can point to the fact that the tigers had to give up king's ransom in prospects to acquire these two. maybin has been talked about endlessly for years now and andrew miller is also highly regarded. also, even though i am a big fan of dontrelle willis, he is coming off of his worst major league season and could face a rough transition into the superior american league. and let's not forget that it is the white sox and not the tigers who traded for carlos quentin, who i expect in this upcoming season will pass hank aaron's career home run total while saving kittens from trees in his spare time. so take that.

in summary, whenever you get an incredible talent like miguel cabrera in exchange for several players who were not guaranteed to start next year, your team has significantly improved. therefore, i think it's obvious that the winner of this blockbuster tigers-marlins trade is me. because after ozzie guillen tampers and meddles such that his long-time friend and countryman, miguel cabrera, is on the white sox at the beginning of the season, i am throwing an epic pizza party and you're all e-vited.