Anthony Johnson is on Steroids

according to this:

we live in a world where this man:

has done this:


twice this season. it makes no

anthony johnson is

-awful.

MLB Haul of Fame

the results of the most recent hall of fame voting were released earlier today with reliever goose gossage the only player who earned an induction. like always, there were quite a few notable players who were not elected. jim rice fell 16 votes short in his second to last year of eligibility. andre dawson and bert blyleven also received a healthy share of votes but ultimately missed the cut. mark mcgwire's stay in baseball purgatory is extended thanks in part to steroid use and not being here to talk about the past. and in his first year of candidacy, tim raines only gained a quarter of the votes. i don't have any vested interest in any of the other players but as a huge fan of tim raines and fair weather fan of crack, i'm hopeful he eventually gets in.

anyways, i enjoy baseball hall of fame voting because it always elicits spirited debate, prolonged arguments, and some good old-fashioned outrage. since i desperately strive to fit in, i found two things particularly distressing about this year's hall of fame voting. first, frank thomas conspicuously did not receive a single vote. and second, chuck knoblauch received a single vote. since frank thomas is still an active player, i can excuse those voters who decided not to bend the rules even for humanity's greatest baseball player. although i'm sure cooperstown would have let it slide this one time, i understand. however, the lone voter who cast a hall of fame vote for chuck knoblauch will receive no such empathy. but instead of complaining further about this farce, i decided to wait until this voter had a chance to explain themself. as such, i sent an email politely asking for the reasoning they used and the following was their insightful response.


all right, this is obviously not a real letter. i actually have no idea who voted for chuck knoblauch, but i assume it was someone who mistakenly thought it was a ballot for the 1991 american league rookie of the year and not the baseball hall of fame. because otherwise, it just makes no sense. at best, chuck knoblauch was an average baseball player over his career. and according to both the mitchell report and jason grimsley, he cheated just to be average. and despite this, somewhere there is a card carrying member of the baseball writers association of america running and writing amok who legitimately thinks chuck knoblauch is a hall of famer. unfortunately, we'll probably never know who cast this vote or what warped logic was behind it. maybe it's for the best. well, it's for the best if you like amok being run and written. i do not.

Today's Best - 01.07.08

5. marcus banks - in the first of two games last night where there were more than 250 combined points scored, the suns got back on track and defeated the nuggets 137-115. looking to set the tone early, denver scored 34 first quarter points. unfortunately, the suns set their tone earlier and had outscored denver by 12 points after the first. the nuggets never really threatened after that and the only answer they had for the suns' 64.5% shooting from three was to shoot 30%. most impressive to me was much maligned marcus banks who scored 23 points in 20 minutes. all of his field goal attempts were three pointers of which he went 7 of 8. i tried in vain to figure out what the record for most three point attempts in a game without taking a two was but i couldn't find anything. therefore, i'm assuming the eight three pointers marcus banks shot without attempting a two is an nba record. likewise, i'm assuming his 23 points is also a nba record.

4. the golden state - in one of the most exciting games of the year, the warriors defeated the spurs in overtime 130-121. before last night, the spurs had won 33 consecutive games when scoring more than 100 points. but those were games that didn't involve stephen jackson and baron davis going loco in front of a frenzied oakland crowd. at one point in the fourth quarter, the warriors had five straight possessions where they scored three points, three three pointers and two three point plays. but like the spurs usually do, they managed to erase a six point deficit with 2 minutes capped by an ingenious inbounds play that gave tony parker an open look at a corner three to tie the game. generally, the spurs win games where they force overtime, but last night, captain jack took matters into his own hands and scored 12 overtime points including several giant threes. and best of all, manu ginobili got really frustrated late in the game. like so frustrated that i recorded it so i can watch it again whenver i get upset about seeing him flop around the court like a fish out of water.

3. bob sanders - yesterday bob sanders was named the 2007 nfl defensive player of the year as he led a dwight freeney-less colts defense that allowed the fewest points in the league. most importantly though, at 5-8, bob sanders becomes the shortest player to ever win the defensive player of the year award. he's like a real life "rudy". well, if rudy went to iowa instead of notre dame. and if rudy was actually really, really good at football instead of a turd who tries really hard because he kind of stunk. and if rudy were black and had long dreadlocks instead of a white guy with a perfectly plain haircut. i guess it's not like a "rudy" at all.

2. lesu - in the bcs championship last night, lsu defeated ohio state 38-24 and are allegedly the unquestioned best team in college football. truthfully, i'm only mentioning this because it seems like i should. and just between you and me, i actually had the game on in picture-in-picture while i watched american gladiators, so it's very likely that many of the game's details escaped me. from what i gathered, ohio state jumped out to an early 10 point lead and lsu scored the game's next 31 points on the arm of matt flynn. then out of nowhere, hellga clobbered some poor contender in gauntlet. seriously, hellga is the biggest person i've ever seen. person, not woman. anyways, congratulations to the tigers for their second bcs championship in five years. and if les miles wants to make it three championships in six years, he should turn all his recruiting attention to signing hellga to replace glenn dorsey.


1. the 49 states not named savannah - last night, the tigers of savannah state traveled to an actual state to face michael beasley and the kansas state wildcats. after 40 minutes, the game was tied, savannah state 25, michael beasley 25. unfortunately, for the tigers, beasley's teammates chipped in an additional 60 points and k-state won 85-25. in the second half, savannah state managed to score only four points, a single free throw and a single three pointer, while shooting 4.3% (1 of 23) from the field. it was an ncaa record for worst shooting percentage and fewest points in a half. it was also hilarious. on the bright side, the tigers can go home to the state of savannah knowing that if they played ohio state last night, they would have won by one and been crowned bcs champions.

Today's Best - 01.06.08

5. denver nuggets - the nuggets have won six of their last seven games including and impressive win against the spurs and also less noteworthy wins against the kings, bucks, timberwolves, and sixers. but wins are wins, so don't expect the nuggets to apologize for beating teams they're supposed to beat. if the nuggets should apologize for anything it should be for blocking so many shots. they've blocked at least 12 shots in each of their last three games, a span where they've had one player block seven shots in each game and returned 41 shots to sender as a team. yesterday, anthony carter blocked three sixer attempts. it's madness. they're blocking shots like it's some sort of party. some sort of mario party. anyways, thanks in part to this, if the season ended today, the nuggets would be the fourth seed and would have to wait like five months before their first playoff game.

4. lebron james - after three quarters of play in toronto, the cavs faced a 13 point deficit. but after four quarters of play in toronto, the cavs had a 3 point lead thanks in large part to lebron james' 24 4th quarter points. at one point in the third, i checked the game's box score and thought to myself, "the cavs stink". after the game, i realized that only most of the cavs stink. either way, i'm sure this performance has piqued bill belichick's interest. how better to run up the score on your opponents than to sign a player who is currently averaging the most fourth quarter points in the league?

3. 60 minutes come across, - as you may have heard, roger clemens was on 60 minutes yesterday proclaiming his innocence. i was ready to watch for myself after being told that it was following the chargers-titans game until i was reminded that this was "...except on the west coast". well, i have better things to do than sit around waiting for a 60 minutes interview, so instead i sat around waiting for american gladiators. but thanks to numerous articles i'vei've gotten a good idea of what he said. i especially found it interesting when he told mike wallace, "i don't know if i can defend myself. i think people - a lot of people have already made their decisions". as someone who is both a person and person who has made a decision, this really spoke to me. at this point, is there really anything he can do or say that will convince me that he didn't use steroids? short of doing time travel or saying "i've done time travel and went back in time to prevent my past self from using steroids" i doubt it.

2. football teams on bye weeks - as someone who spends his sundays throughout the football season watching football comfortably at home, i think i can relate to those players on the colts, cowboys, packers, and patriots who did the same this weekend. sure it would have been nice to have been personally involved with any of the four good wild card games this weekend. but i think everyone from those aforementioned teams will agree with me that we would have much rather taken naps and eaten potato chip crumbs from off our shirts this weekend than risk elimination from the playoffs. lastly, because i'm curious, does anyone know whether football players collect checks during playoff bye weeks? i would think they do simply because it doesn't seem fair otherwise. but what do i know, my boss has asked me to take a day off because i spilled ketchup in his cd drive much more recently than he's asked me to take day off because of my high level of performance.

1. america - with our country still at war, it's very reassuring that brave men and women remain who risk their lives fighting for us. fourteen brave men and women in fact, with names like militia and hellga and wolf. and if these gladiators, as some would call them, weren't trying to keep people from winning $100,000, who would? i guess the point i'm trying to make is that both american gladiators and the show that depicts american gladiators are awesome. however, from what i've read, i'm in the minority. anyways, let's not get into a debate about who's right and why i'm right today. let's just agree that the sooner espn's ticker includes a tab for "american gladiating" that briefly mentions things like "anonymous contestant loses to titan in assault" or "fury extends unprecedented hang tough winning streak" the better.

Today's Best - Winter Break Edition 2

5. the wizards in games i didn't bet on or watch in person - i am apparently the biggest jinx in the world. in the two games i attended at the verizon center, the wizards lost to the bulls and hawks for no good reason. it's been nearly four years since i saw the wizards win a game in person. to make matters worse i decided to place a hefty sum on the wizards in a game against jersey. obviously they lost. of course this weekend after i ran out of money to bet, they thumped milwaukee and seattle. if i wasn't broke, i definitely would have bet that i wouldn't have any money to bet on those two games. why wouldn't i just bet on those two games? because i'm terrible at gambling.

4. baltimore ravens - brian billick may have won a superbowl some 100 years ago, but this is an age of "what have you done for me lately?" and lately, the only thing brian billick has done for me is be a horribly inept coach who mismanaged nearly every game this season including one that resulted in baltimore being the only team to lose to the dolphins this year. a now a team that won 13 games last year is watching the playoffs from home on their giant tvs. so as far as i'm concerned, ravens owner steve bisciotti was justified in canning billick. but maybe it's because billick decided to kick a field goal to send the dolphins game into overtime instead of letting mcgahee run in a td from the one-inch line that would have not only won their game but my fantasy football playoff game. good riddance.

3. rudy gay - rudy gay had a very eventful couple of weeks. in a game against the spurs where the grizzlies blew a large lead at home, rudy hit a long three with tim duncan in his face that won the game. then against the celtics, he chipped his tooth on james posey who i'm sure needed like a billion stitches afterwards. but best of all, my life size rudy gay poster finally arrived in the mail. now everyone who comes over will finally know how tall rudy gay is in real life and also how stupid i am in real life.

2. chicago white sox - unable to land any of the premier free agents, kenny williams took matters into his own hands. in december, he signed alexei ramirez the latest cuban sensation who could be a super utility player while pushing 50. then last week, the white sox sent three prospects to oakland for outfielder nick swisher. since i love nick swisher i'm not particularly concerned that the white sox have a minor league cupboard that is nearly bare. besides, with these two acquisitions, the white sox become the prohibitive favorite to make me illogically optimistic. anyways, after looking at the schedule next year, i expect them to win at least 160 games while nick swisher pitches eight no-hitters.

1. miami - at least miami has this going for them, because their sports teams are dreadful. the dolphins recently ended their season having won one of 16 games and the heat have started their season with a 8-26 record and are currently locked in the east's cellar. this means that since september, professional sports teams in miami have treated their fans to a total of nine wins. hopefully when the baseball season starts, the marlins will have a chance to add to this total. of course, since the marlins managed to trade both miguel cabrera and dontrelle willis, i think miami will be lucky if by june their city's sports teams have combined for 20 wins. seriously, the heat look awful. they've lost seven straight and in the game i watched this weekend, the five players they chose to play were chris quinn, luke jackson, earl barron, alexander johnson, and daequan cook, whose combined 2008 salary is $4.2 million. coincidentally, this is nearly the same amount of money it would cost the heat to buy $5 million worth of gumballs and then dump them all over the court. yes, they'll lose either way, but with gumballs at least their opponents will have to buy new sneakers after the game.

Today's Best - 12.17.07

5. the vikings, i guess - in a game that was largely uninteresting, the vikings beat the bears 20-13 or perhaps by another generic football score. the minnesota vikings now have won twice as many games as the minnesota timberwolves and have thereby improved their playoff chances while eliminating the rival bears from contention. the bears played a game typical of their season so far as a decent defensive effort, led by brian urlacher's two sacks, interception, and fumble recovery, was wasted by a tame orton-led offense. vikings quarterback tarvaris jackson wasn't much better as he turned it over four times. luckily, adrian peterson, who was mostly bottled up all night, picked up the slack and found a way to score two touchdowns, the second of which came on a play that began with him and brooks bollinger colliding in the backfield and put minnesota ahead for good. and now because of their recent play down the stretch, a lot of people are saying that the vikings are the team that no one wants to face in the playoffs. well no one except the bears, who i'm pretty sure would like to play anyone in the playoffs.

4. teams that beat the jazz 2 weeks ago - the jazz have only won one of their last eight games and after a 116-111 loss to atlanta last night, it's obvious that beating utah is no longer a very impressive victory. as it stands, the jazz only hold a half game lead on the final playoff spot over the blazers, who have now won 8 straight. it's hard to pinpoint exactly why the jazz have been playing so poorly especially as someone who avoids watching their games. i assume it has something to do with mehmet okur's injury which has forced a collins brother into minutes. i would love to see jason and jarron collins enter a two-on-two basketball tournament for twins. not only would they lose to every team of twins, they'd lose to numerous other teams of people who played by themselves because they didn't have a twin.

3. rudy gay - last night, the grizzlies lost 125-117 to the warriors of golden state in a high-paced, frenetic game. for the third consecutive game, pau gasol sat out nursing a jammed big toe. in his absence, rudy gay took over the reins of marc iavaroni's offense. he scored 32 points which tied the career high he set in his previous game, a win against the magic in orlando. and even more impressively, yesterday rudy gay tied a long standing nba record by collecting six total personal fouls over the course of a game. and anyone can foul the other team seven times in a single game, it's rudy gay. but even if he doesn't, he'll still likely remain memphis' leading scorer especially considering that he's the the nba's 9th highest scorer in december with 23.6 points per game and 5th in the league with 40 dunks.

2. mike d'antoni - the suns and spurs played in a close, hard-fought game last night that ended with a 100-95 phoenix win. this was the spurs first home loss of the season and it came while tony parker sat out his third consecutive game. it's easy to say that had parker played the spurs would have won. but in a game where the lead changed hands five times in the final 90 seconds, i think the spurs could have easily won had gregg popovich not been completely out-coached. because after grant hill made two free throws to push the lead to 98-95 with 9 seconds to go, the spurs made an egregious error when with a chance to tie the game, ginobili lost the ball to boris diaw. then egregiously almost as if the spurs didn't know the suns were 0-5 when they didn't reach 100 points, matt bonner committed a clear path foul. this gave the suns two free throws and possession. uh, spurs, the score is 98-95 and the suns are winless when they fail to score 100 points. if you don't give them those two free throws, chances are you'll win. amazingly, boris diaw missed one of two. the score sat at 99-95 and the spurs were given new life. surely they must now know that if they simply keep the suns from scoring another point, victory will likely be theirs. incredibly, the spurs fouled again and steve nash scored the 100th point for phoenix on a free throw that clinched the suns victory. gregg popovich has lost this team.

1. fernando viña - i'm sure andy pettitte couldn't have been very pleased that a few days after explaining that he only used hgh to recover from an injury, fernando viña used the exact same excuse to explain his inclusion in the mitchell report. soon enough, everyone who gets caught with performance enhancing drugs will use this same flimsy excuse as if this was somehow not still cheating. anyways, since the yankees dynasty of the late 90s has come under fire for the numerous alleged steroid and hgh users on their rosters including the aforementioned andy pettitte, i think it's only fair that similar suspicions are raised about fernando viña's castmates on baseball tonight. steroids and hgh could explain why peter gammons was able to return to work less than three months after a brain aneurysm or why tim kurkjian knows so many stats or why john kruk is able to wear non-sweatpants to work.

Marques from Utica, NY: The Anti-Right

well marques from utica, ny, you should be happy to hear that this weekend i not only finally found enough uninterrupted free time to find a picture of you thanks to a google image search for "marques utica ny", but i also got a chance to sit down and enjoy my copy of the mitchell report. and interestingly, as i read through it i couldn't help but notice that, despite what you suggested last week, frank thomas wasn't the player who was hurt most by the report. it doesn't even seem like frank thomas was hurt by the report at all. in fact, he was only mentioned three times in the entire document, once when he was quoted as saying that he'd "love to see testing" and two other times in reference to his helpful and informative comments. since this is infinity times more helpful and informative comments than you provided george mitchell, i think we can safely say that your hateful smear campaign against frank thomas has fallen flat on its face. the only way i could be more pleased with this is if the mitchell report is revised so that the following images are included in a new section of the report: "appendix e: pictures of marques from utica, ny being dumb".

figure 1. marques from utica, ny at blue jays batting practice

figure 2. marques from utica, ny having a picnic

figure 3. marques from utica, ny making pastries

hopefully, marques from utica, ny, you've learned a valuable lesson from this embarrassing episode and realize the consequences of making such irresponsible and inaccurate allegations. perhaps this can serve as a reminder to all future espn sportsnation chatters, and humans in general, that frank thomas didn't need the help of performance enhancing drugs to become the best baseball player in history taller than zero inches. or at least a reminder that frank thomas has weird fans.

Today's Best - 12.16.07

5. boston celtics - coming into the season, the biggest question surrounding the celtics was whether or not they were deep enough to overcome an injury to their big three. this weekend, ray allen missed both games with a calf injury which gave us a chance to see how they would respond in this situation. the celtics responsed by beating the bucks by 22 and then the raptors by 13 as tony allen tried to convince garnett and pierce that the three of them should start a new big three. these two wins certainly don't prove boston is deep enough to withstand an extended injury, but celtics fans should be comforted by these blowout wins nonetheless. boston now sits at 20-2 and probably have accrued more wins in 22 games than kevin garnett's old team will accrue in 82 games. anyways, next up for boston are the detroit pistons in a game that pits the two best eastern conference teams against one another to determine once and for all whether a big three is greater than a big four. number lines worldwide are holding their breath.

4. arizona d-backs - the diamondbacks had a busy weekend in which they made two major trades. in the first one, arizona sent a laundry list of prospects to oakland for dan haren. haren was one of the better pitchers in the american league last year and his addition gives the diamondbacks a very potent duo between he and brandon webb. next, the diamondbacks traded their closer jose valverde to houston for chad qualls and the underachieving chris burke. jose valverde saved 47 games in exciting and demonstrative fashion last year and was part of a strong bullpen that helped arizona make the playoffs despite being outscored. both these moves seem to improve arizona's chances at repeating as division champs. until you remember that a few weeks ago they traded carlos quentin to the white sox. good luck having dan haren and chad qualls replace the 50 home runs carlos quentin hits this april. why am i so excited about carlos quentin? i barely know what he looks like.

3. people whose pants are not on fire - this weekend andy pettitte admitted using human growth hormone in 2002 to recover from an elbow injury. andy pettitte coming clean means two things. first, the mitchell report, which some people had claimed lacked merit, gains a little more credence. and secondly, doubts are raised about roger clemens' denial of the extensive performance enhancing history documented in the same report. not to be outdone, keon clark, ex-toronto raptor, had a 2 and a half year prison sentence thrown out and told a vermilion county circuit court that he "never played a game sober". he admitted he was an alcoholic and drank a half pint ot a pint of gin daily while playing pro basketball and even drank at halftime while in the nba. i don't see what the big deal is, thousands of people drink during halftime of nba games. if keon clark had fired t-shirt cannons and tried to get on the kiss cam during stoppages in play i would have been more concerned. but more seriously, hopefully keon clark seeks the help he needs and can successfully overcome his alcoholism. and as part of the twelve step program, hopefully he apologizes to shawn bradley for this. aside: why is shawn bradley always letting the gravity get sucked right out of the building? it's about time shawn bradley admits he sucks.

2. fred couples - this weekend, tiger woods returned to golf after a 4-month layoff to win the target world challenge. in doing so, he received a $1.35 million check that goes to his tiger woods learning center. considering this is the 4th time tiger woods has won this event, i imagine the children at the tiger woods learning center all take classes about time travel and go on field trips to the moon. anyways, since woods won by 7 strokes the next most interesting story was concerning rory sabbatini who was heading into the final round in last place and mysteriously withdrew citing "personal reasons" and "shin splints". when asked to comment, fred couples was quoted as saying, "of course he did. and roger clemens' agent said he didn't do steroids." i can't express how happy i am that it's gotten to point where golfers make fun of roger clemens. hopefully next week poker players and bowlers will add their two cents.

1. portland trailblazers - the trailblazers won their 7th straight game after beating utah for the second time in four days on friday and then beating the nuggets in denver last night. last night's win was especially impressive because it was the 2nd consecutive night where the recap on espn's nba scoreboard included the phrase "despite a.i.'s [point total]" regarding a denver loss i.e. "blazers knock off nuggets despite a.i.'s 38 points" and "spurs prevail despite a.i.'s 30; duncan back". hopefully, this trend continues and the next few nuggets game recaps are titled things like "despite a.i.'s 75 points, rockets win", "despite a.i.'s new robotic arm, kings prevail", or "despite a.i.'s pizza bagel pre-game meal, he throws up on the court and denver loses by 45." back to the topic at hand, portland has won seven straight and the last four without lamarcus aldridge. during this stretch, brandon roy has been playing exceptionally well, averaging 24.1 points, 5.7 rebounds, 6.7 assists per game while shooting 49.6 percent from the field. frighteningly for blazer opponents though, there is still room for improvement. because, one, in the last seven games, brandon roy has only made 1 of 13 three point attempts and has actually missed his last 12 tries. and two, because he is currently shooting 49.6 percent shooting and not 100 percent.

Today's Best - 12.13.07

5. scrap, pluck, grit, and moxie - good news for anyone who tries, canada is hiring. at least that's what the toronto blue jays would have you believe after signing david eckstein to a one-year, $4.5 million contract. eckstein is known more for being a short baseball player who gives maximum effort than he is for being a good baseball player at a reasonable height. as if that weren't enough, just to prove that he cares more than everyone else, he sprints to first base whenever he gets walked. i assume this is also how he crosses the street. anyways, blue jays manager john gibbons had this to say about his new shortstop and leadoff hitter: "he's a tough out and he really battles. he just seems to find a way to get something done." the only way this could have been a more generic description of a baseball player is if john gibbons explained how david eckstein "plays the game the right way", "takes it one game at a time" and "uses steroids". i can wait until next season when david eckstein is completely mediocre despite leading the league in highest percentage given with 110%.

4. mario williams - with reggie bush likely out for the remainder of the season and vince young struggling, mario williams made a strong case for rookie of the 2nd year with a 3.5 sack game that helped the texans defeat the broncos 31-13. it was houston's seventh win this season, which ties a franchise record. after the game, mario told reporters that "this is our first big-stage game. everybody was watching. we were the only game. we kind of showed the world what we can do." unfortunately, thanks to nfl network, "we were the only game" was the only accurate sentence in his entire response. but i guess if you're second in the league in sacks you say whatever you want.

3. wizards defense on good players - for the first time in their last nine games in miami, the wizards beat the heat 104-91. it was washington's third consecutive win and the fourth time in five games where they held their opponent under 92 points. defensively, the team appears to playing better now than they at any other point during eddie jordan's regime. this is until you realize that the wizards have now allowed a middling player to score a career high number of points against them in back-to-back games. on tuesday, craig smith bullied his way to 36 points while shooting 14 of 22 from the field and last night, chris quinn managed to score 22 points on 6-10 shooting from three. it was both the first time chris quinn has scored 22 points and the first time he's ever entered a game with his shoes on the right feet. regardless, this game has taught us one important thing about each team. first, it's going to be difficult for washington to maintain their current success if they don't figure out how to stop their opponent's 8th best player. and second, if you're a team that allows chris quinn to shoot more than dwyane wade, it's time to invest in some "better basketball" dvds.

2. the parkers - last night, the lakers played a spurs team that was missing two legs of its tripod. ultimately, ginobili wasn't able to support the camera on his own and los angeles won 102-97. the results probably would have been different had duncan and parker played, but like me, they just watched the game helplessly. but as if to prove that we are not at all alike, rumors have surfaced that tony parker cheated on eva longoria, his celebrity wife, with a model. tony and eva have already released separate statements refuting these reports, but this has done little to keep me from submitting numerous all star votes for tony parker. i'd seriously trade an entire year's salary to live tony parker's charmed life for one day. not only would i get to be a star basketball player with two women draped off both of my arms, but i'd make more money in one day as him than i do in an entire year as me.

1. clear plastic report covers - i assume whatever company makes these things made a killing yesterday when the mitchell report was released and then made available for download, for whatever reason. i can't think of another time a document like this was ever widely distributed to the public. it's like in high school when the basketball coach put up the list of players who made the team on his door and everyone rushed to see if they were on it. except in this case, the high school kids are really strong, copies of checks they wrote are included, and the list is 400 pages long. i guess it's not very similar at all. other than the fact that in both cases, my name wasn't listed. maybe next year.

Today's Best - 12.12.07

5. Arthur Blank - Arthur Blank now has a built in excuse for anything he does in his life from now on : "trust issues". Earlier this year he was burned by his Pro-Bowl, franchise quarterback, Micheal Vick who he reportedly trusted and treated like a son and is now serving a 23 month sentence for his role in a dog-fighting enterprise. On Wednesday Blank spoke about his disappointment in coach Bobby Petrino saying that the best way to describe the teams feeling is "betrayed". The betrayal comes from Petrino's decision to leave Blank's Atlanta Falcons to take the vacant coaching position at the University of Arkansas. Just earlier in the week Blank was singing his adoration of his first year coach from the mountaintop that is the booth on Monday Night Football. I think the 65 year old Blank should take this opportunity to have second mid-life crisis, and go out and engage in all sorts of debauchery, nobody will be able to point the finger, he has trust issues!

4. The Struggling Houston B-12 Market - Miguel Tejada was traded from the Baltimore Orioles to the Houston Astros in exchange for five minor league players. The former MVP has turned into the most glorified singles hitter in baseball (.442 Slugging in 2007) and has even lost his Ironman mystique after cracking a bone in his wrist last season, forcing him to miss 29 games. Also of worry is Tejada's diminishing range at the shortstop position especially making plays going to his left. I don't know if it's just me, but every time am watching an Orioles game or an All-Star game that Tejada has been involved in he is ALWAYS stretching, I thought that this would aid in his range at short, but now that I think about it he is probably wrapping up his lunge stretches as dribblers are being hit up the middle.

3. Willie Mays' Legacy - Aaron Rowand has agreed to a five year - 60 million dollar deal to patrol center field in San Francisco. Although nobody can deny the incredible season that Rowand had in the Phillies outfield, and it is clear that Rowand will be an upgrade to the combination of Dave Roberts, Randy Winn and Rajaj Davis that patrolled the position last year, Ii think after the length of the contract both Willie Mays' legacy as the best Centerfielder in baseball history and more importantly in Giants history will remain intact. This however could change if fans and analysts alike begin to count broken bloody faces as a result of making plays in the center a hall of fame caliber stat. If this is the case, Rowand may already have an insurmountable lead.

2. NBA Technical Foul Fund - In the Bulls/Pacers game Troy Murphy and Tyrus Thomas get into a scrap. After being forced to the ground by Murphy after grabbing a rebound and retaliating with a punch to the face. After the ensuing scrum between the two teams, officials awarded Murphy his second technical foul of the game and gave Tyrus Thomas a double technical. Added to an earlier technical foul received by Pacers coach Jim O'Brien this leads to a hefty chunk of change for the technical foul fund. Jermaine O'Neal said of the incident "We appreciate Murph getting thrown out of the game, getting us going." It's kind of difficult to tell if this is a compliment or a put-down, just for the sake of controversy, I'll go with put-down.

1. Carlos Boozer's Elbow - I'd like to applaud what has been reported as an accidental elbow to the face of Steve Nash delivered by Carlos Boozer. The blow chipped Steve Nash's tooth late in the first half and forced Nash to play the entire second half with an oral affliction. I would like to believe that the elbow was targeted and on-purpose. It is time that someone stood up and made sure that Nash remembers the lesson taught to him by Robert Horry last year. That lesson: "Yea, you could run around and make your jump-passes and shoot your threes, and steal MVPs but when it comes down to it, you'll have to out-physical the rest of us to win a championship." Nash went on to finish the game with 29 points and 11 assists while going 10-12 from the field in a Suns 103-98 win, which goes to show you, he refuses to learn his lesson and is a glutton for punishment.