Season Preview: Florida Marlins

quang: i wonder if i'd like being a marlin fan. on the one hand my team has won two world series in the last eleven years. on the other hand, my team doesn't keep its players around long enough for me to build any sort of attachment to them. consider that jeff conine is one of the most celebrated marlins in their fifteen years of existence. the same jeff conine who shouldn't be any teams most celebrated player. this winter, the marlins trend of cost cutting trades continued as the marlins sent their two most familiar and established players, miguel cabrera and dontrelle willis, to detroit. as usual though, the marlins were shrewd in their transactions and received cameron maybin, andrew miller, and a handful of other prospects. unfortunately, these prospects probably won't change the marlins' prospects of a winning season.

interestingly, florida enters this season with by far the lowest payroll in the league. there are at least ten individual players in the league who are making more money next season than the 25 floridians who play professional baseball. i think this may result in clubhouse chemistry problems. especially because the marlins are so short on funds that i doubt they can afford more than one clubhouse locker that all players will be forced to share. and unless they get some generous donations, it seems like they'll start the season with only five bats and three fielding gloves for the team. anyways, florida has faced seasons like this before, and they always seem to outperform expectations. i can' i'd like to think this will be one of those seasons, because that's always exciting, but i have my doubts.

the marlins top player next year will be handsome ramirez, a player who most teams would love to have as their best player. he carries an unusually big bat for a shortstop but is a butcher in the field and is probably in line for a position change. behind hanley, the marlins have several solid but unspectacular to throw at opposing pitchers. second baseman dan uggla avoided a sophomore slump and continued his surprising success. jeremy hermida, one-time hot shot prospect, is primed for a breakout based on nothing more than his first major league at bat where he hit a grand slam. and josh willingham once had catcher eligibility in fantasy baseball and is good enough to be an effective player at almost any position. mike jacobs returns as the first basemen and seems like a perfectly average player, which i hope is a compliment. last year, the marlins were one of the most inept offenses and this year i don't see a dramatic improvement.

pitching-wise the marlins have a very high ceiling and are almost decent when healthy. scott olsen, aside from being a perceived malcontent, has incredible potential. josh johnson had a very good 2006 but missed most of last season due to an injury. i expect both will be effective, but i have far less confidence with the rest of the rotation. anibal sanchez followed up a year where he threw a no-hitter with an injury plagued season where he threw several yes-hitters. ricky nolasco is another high potential arm that couldn't stay healthy last year, andrew miller is too young to be relied on, and sergio mitre was good for two-thirds of a season that was three-thirds long. the bullpen isn't very inspiring either. kevin gregg was the de facto closer but i'm pessimistic he'll be as effective or even have as many chances to save games this year. the only other marlin pitcher i can name off the top of my head is taylor tankersley which can't be a good sign. overall, i figure the marlins will be firmly entrenched in fifth place throughout the season. on the bright side, they'll do so while their cheap, young players continue to develop. and when they do blossom into star players, they'll make whatever team trades for them very happy.


dhivy: the marlins are entering their super sweet 16th season and already they've got two world series trophies under their belts. aside from the discomfort of carrying 60 pounds of metal in one's pants, it's hard to question the front office's decision making. after the first world series win, the team was dismantled, rebuilt from the ground up, and won a second title six years later with a completely different roster. though their highest-paid player (luis gonzalez, $7.2 million) makes more than their seven next highest-paid players, it's hard not to be enamored with some of the pieces they have in place. i don't consider them a factor in their division, but a year of seasoning for these fish will make them a delicious team come 2009.

the pitching staff reflects the "one year away" dynamics of the marlins. anibal "the cannibal" sanchez is currently recovering from a torn labrum, but if he can return close to the pitcher who threw a no-hitter in his 13th career start, the marlins may have an ace in the hole. after a mere three starts in '07, josh johnson underwent tom john surgery and missed the rest of the season. he'll sit out '08 as well, but after a 3.03 ERA in his rookie season, his return will be a promising one. in the meantime, the marlins are forced to use placeholders like sergio mitre and mark hendrickson, castoffs from the cubs and dodgers. scott olsen showed promise last season, but will have to improve his k/bb ratio as he headlines this ragtag bunch of misfits. the key for 2008 is the development of former tiger andrew miller. looked upon as the replacement for dontrelle willis, he's drawn comparisons to randy johnson due to his imposing left-handed delivery. let's hope he's not subjected to the nickname "small unit". i would mention the bullpen, but does anyone honestly think they'll have any leads to protect?

'potential' is a word thrown around a lot in marlins camp, but some of these youngsters have already proven how talented they are. hanley ramirez might be the best shortstop in the league and his counterpart, second baseman dan uggla, scored 100 runs in each of his two major league seasons. the drop in his contact rate is very alarming though, and is something worth monitoring. shrewd transactions have filled their corner infield with two exciting youngsters: mike jacobs and dallas mcpherson. meanwhile, the mets and angels are left with a decrepit carlos delgado and this haircut. the centerpiece of the cabrera trade was centerfielder cameron maybin, who will get to learn on the fly this year. anyone who got their first major league hit, home run, hitch by pitch and steal off roger clemens is a star in the making. flanking him will be josh willingham and jeremy hermida, a .300 hitter who gets little to no pub on this team. while his last two campaigns have been cut short because of injury, jeremy has the tools to be a major player in the marlins' future. at least he'll turn out better than that jeremy kid from the pearl jam song. that dude was nuts.

Unsung Hero:

• Jeremy Hermida (q)
• Jeremy Hermida (d)
  
• Mike Jacobs (j)

Achilles Heel:

• Luis Gonzalez (q)
  
• Dan Uggla (d)
  
• Dan Uggla (j)

Favorite Moment:

• Jose Reyes incites a brawl in a game against the Marlins when he teases Miguel Olivo who charges third base from the mound. (q)
• Miguel Olivo gets thrown out of a game for trying to punch his friend Jose Reyes in the face. (d)
• Watching Armando Benitez pitch for the Marlins against the Padres at Petco Park and being the only person in the stadium excited to see him, including his teammates. (j)

Bold Prediction:

• Because they're paid so little, Marlins players all are forced to take up second jobs. As a result, TGI Fridays beats Ruby Tuesdays 452-1 in the annual day-themed restaurant softball game. (q)
• Players revolt when management, in an effort to cut costs, starts charging them for balls hit into the stands. (d)
  
• After his appearence in the ESPN Fantasy Baseball commercial, Hanley Ramirez demands to be called "Hollywood" Hanley Ramirez. (j)

Season Preview: Colorado Rockies

quang: last year, the rockies were one of the biggest surprises of the mlb season as they caught fire down the stretch and won 21 of their final 22 games en route to the world series. if the rockies were party planners, they would have thrown me the biggest most extravagant surprise birthday of all time. of course, once colorado got to the world series the red sox swept them back out. this means, if the rockies were party planners, they would have thrown me the biggest most extravagant surprise party of all time and the red sox would have told me about it three days before. those jerks. this upcoming season, the rockies return almost the same team as last year. this means if everything goes to plan, the rockies could be one of the top teams in the league, we'll have to endure another rocktober, and someone's finally going to throw me a surprise birthday party.

this is the first time in nearly a decade that colorado begins the season with a player other than todd helton as its face. that honor goes to matt holliday who is an coming off an mvp-caliber season. he is surrounded by so many potent hitters that critics have often referred to the rockies as an american league lineup. i'm not completely sure what this means but it seems like an american league lineup is one that is good. either way, including helton and holiday, colorado trots out brad hawpe, willy taveras, troy tulowitzki, and garrett atkins. hawpe is a solid outfielder and taveras is a decent table setter. tulo is coming off of a should be rookie of the year season and is already the best defensive shortstop in the national league. while garrett atkins is trying to decide which of the last two seasons he is more like. most impressively, even with these big bats, colorado was the best defensive team. more impressive would be if they took at bats while wearing fielding gloves.

the pitching staff is what i think will be the biggest question mark, which isn't really going out a limb when aaron cook and kip wells are two cogs in the rotation. other than that, jeff francis isn't a very intimidating ace and though ubaldo jiminez was good late in the season, i don't think the rockies can realistically expect much more than a back end starter right now. the bullpen is a little more solid considering how good corpas last year and how good brian fuentes had been before then. overall, i think the rockies are just as good as they were last year, but unfortunately i'm not sure that'll be enough because the rest of the west has improved. a division championship is certainly within grasp, but i'm predicting that they'll fight over the wild card throughout the season because of their pitching. but considering how well that went for them last year, i'm sure they'll be more than satisfied. and hopefully this means my surprise party has a moon bounce.

joe: It was kind of hard to not land squarely on the Colorado Rockies bandwagon last season as they made their completely unexpected run all the way to the NLCS. The run was wrought with clutch performances, emergent stars and poor umpiring but when all was said and done, the rockies provided us with ample excitement in a National League that everyone seems to think plays second fiddle to the American League. During the 2007 Rockies miracle season, the eventual World Champion Red Sox lost 2 of three and the perennial favorite Yankees got swept on their nightmare trips to Coors Field. Since I hardly ever watched a Rockies game with any interest prior to late last year, I had a hard time distinguishing between their power core of Matt Holliday, Garrett Atkins and Brad Hawpe. When you add in Todd Helton, Troy Tulowitzki, Ryan Spilborghs and Jeff Baker to the mix you would think that Jackie Robinson didn't exist.

Even though Matt Holiday has still not crossed the plate during the one game playoff against the Padres, the Rockies playoff success has placed them squarely back into the conversation for top honors in the National League West. It's very hard to imagine that a pitching staff consisting of Jeff Francis, Aaron Cook, Ubaldo Jimenez and Jason Hirsch will have enough fire power to turn in a repeat performance. Francis' breakout' 2007 consisted of an underwhelming mid- four ERA and his compatriots in the starting rotation all pitched similarly mediocre. The amazing thing is that this mediocre baseline was much more than the Rockies could have hoped for, these guys had to pitch way over their heads just to be considered mediocre. Manny Corpas enjoyed a break-out season from the bullpen and has proven to be dependable when his team needs him to protect a lead. If he falters, Brian Fuentes is capable to fill the position.

Troy Tulowitzki made a strong case for rookie of the year in 2007 eventually losing out to a slightly more deserving Ryan Braun. Tulowitzki is one of the new breed, "big" shortstops that have the build of a third basemen that could put a charge into a ball at any point but are still agile enough to make amazing plays in the field. In fact he took the number of his idol, Derek Jeter and looked as if he was going to pull out a Derek Jeter baseball card and a sharpie from his back pocket when the Yankees came to town. I expect Tulowitzki to continue what he started last year, as he seems to be very patient hitter who will not be prone to long-term slumps, and the fact that he takes a genuine joy in displaying his defensive abilities will keep his head in the game if he does encounter any struggles at the plate.

unsung hero:

• ian stewart (q)
• ryan spilborghs (j)
• aaron cook (d)

achilles heel:

• aaron cook (q)
• willy taveras (j)
• willy taveras (d)

favorite moment:

• Josh Fogg earns the nickname "Dragon Slayer" for winning a bunch of games against good pitchers. Then in his first game against the Red Sox he earns the nickname "Slaying Over His Head". (q)
• quang makes a reference to the motion picture Norbit every time Yorvit Torrealba's name is mentioned (j)
• Colorado sweeps the Phillies in the NLDS.

bold prediction:

• Troy Tulowitzki improves his range as a shortstop to the outfield and finishes the season with 189 errors. (q)
• because they feel they don't have to, the delusional rockies dont ever touch home plate and score zero runs. (j)
• Fresh off their Rocktober success, Colorado renames months “sedimentary September”, “metamorphic May”, and “igneous August”. (d)

Today's Best - 03.06.08

5. the utah jazz - last night the mavs hosted the red hot rockets without the services of the reigning mvp dirk nowitzki. dirk was handed a suspension for a flagrant foul against andrei kirilenko in monday night's game against the jazz. the rockets ultimately won their 17th straight game and now the mavs fall to seventh place in the conference. just as jerry sloan drew it up. anyways, people will be quick to point out that since acquiring jason kidd, dallas is a pedestrian 4-5. but each of those losses have been to the five top teams in the conference, four of which were on the road. of course, maybe the reason those five teams have reached the top of the conference is because they've been able to beat the mavericks. so it's really a chicken or the egg situation, in that the mavericks have egg on their face.

4. the spurs - a few weeks ago, i remember reading an article that argued that it was in the realm of possibility that the spurs could miss the playoffs. well article, san antonio is now the western conference's top team after a 108-97 win over the pacers. they've also quietly won 11 consecutive games and now look like the unstoppable force that we've been accustomed to seeing in previous seasons. anyways, last night was an intersting game in that tim duncan scored fewer points than kurt thomas, bruce bowen, and matt bonner. now that the spurs have proven they don't even need the league's best center to win games, their western conference opponents should be worried. now if only the spurs could prove they can also win with the league's best center.

3. tripp isenhour - isenhour is a professional golfer who has recently come under fire for killing a protected/endangered hawk. during a taping of a tv show, the departed was allegedly making noise which caused the 39-year old grown man to fire golf shots at it. unfortunately, golfers are clearly way too good at their craft because one of tripp's shots struck and killed the bird. if i ever tried to hit a bird with a golf ball, i'd have a better chance of killing myself than the bird. anyways, isenhour was charged yesterday with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird. who knows if there'll be any more developments, but right now my favorite part of this whole story is that apparently "the bird was buried at the golf course and later dug up by florida investigators." i don't know what's funnier to imagine, isenhour dumping a body in the sand trap hoping no one would find it or investigators exhuming a bird's grave.

2. the brothers lopez - in yesterday's biggest college basketball game, 3rd ranked ucla topped 7th ranked stanford 77-67 in overtime. the win clinched the pac-10 regular season title for ucla while also providing the lopez twins, brook and robin, a chance to demonstrate what they can do against the highest level of competition. brook led the cardinal with a team-high 18 points and 13 rebounds while robin led the cardinal players who weren't related to him with 14 points. unfortunately, i think they left a lot to be desired. brook and robin? what kind of names for twins are those? twins' names should be much more interesting, like brook and brobin or rockin' and robin or by brook and by crook or batman and robin. i guess it's too late now. i just hope the lopezes are better than stanford's last twin duo, jason and jaron collins. and since brook and robin both have fingers, i like their chances.

1. florida's oh-fours - last night in a 107-96 win over the division rival cavaliers, the bulls' joakim noah grabbed 20 rebounds and scored 13 points. this makes noah the third florida rookie from the back-to-back ncaa champions to collect at least 18 rebounds in a game. corey brewer was the first, grabbing 18 boards in only the third start of his career, and al horford has had two games where he pulled down 19 and 20 rebounds. i'm curious to see whether taurean green and chris richard will also join the club. or if lee humphrey joins any club. anyways, i'm no elias or his sports bureau, so i can't confirm whether this is the first time three rookies from the same college team have each gotten at least 18 rebounds in a game in their first season. i can confirm though that joakim noah is the loudest rookie to have ever gotten a rebound.

Season Preview: Cleveland Indians

quang: to many people last year, the indians' extreme success was one of the biggest surprises of the 2007 season. but those of you who have seen them play over the past few seasons and knew about their incredible run differential in 2006 probalby weren't as suprised that they, along with the red sox, won the most games in the league. what i did find surprisng was that they were able to do so despite off years fom so many of their key contributors. travis hafner had a mediocre year by his standards, josh barfield was extremely ineffective, and cliff lee and jeremy sowers were both so unbelievably horrible that i didn't believe it. if i knew these players were going to be as bad as they were last year i would have written the indians off immediately. but thankfully for them, cc sabathia and fausto carmona were lights out, asdrubal cabrera and kenny lofton contributed a lot down the stretch, and the indians bullpen was outstanding. if these players don't regress too much and if the previous players rebound, i think this team will be a tough out.

last year, the indians one through nine could all rake. this is a trend that continues this year as i think cleveland's depth in the lineup remains one of their biggest strengths. it all starts from the top with grady sizemore. he is probably the heart and soul of this team. he has power, he has speed, he has plate discipline and he is an incredible centerfielder to boot. victor martinez is probably next on the pecking order. he's one of the most gifted offensive catchers in the league which likely means a shift to first base is forthcoming. another key cog on this team is the aforementioned travis hafner. if he returns to his intimidating form of the previous few years it improves the whole lineup. the rest of the team is as they say, solid but unspectacular. jhonny peralta is a better than averag shortstop and also a walking typo. as for the other middle infielder, asdrubal cabrera took over for barfield late last season and provided a much needed spark down the stretch. manning the corners of the diamond are casey blake and ryan garko. to me their essentially both the same player which isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially if they can share jerseys. the corner outfields, where franklin guitierrez, jason michaels, and david dellucci will all have a chance to play, are probably the biggest concern offensively. typically, you'd expect a little more production from left and right fielders, but i guess these short comings are more than made up for at other positions.

pitching wise, the indians are decent. sabathia is the reigning cy young award winner and his upcoming free agency should be reason enough to expect similar numbers as last year. fausto carmona meanwhile made a seemless transition from horrendous closer to incredible starter. it will be very hard for a pitcher who pitches to contact like fausto to be able to duplicate his success, so i don't think it's unreasonable to expect slightly worse numbers this time around. other than those two, the indians will throw out throwback paul byrd, league average jake westbrook, and either cliff lee, adam miller, or sowers. though miller has the highest ceiling, lee would probably give them their best chance to win now, while sowers gives them the highest era. whatever they decide, if the indians bullpen is anything like last years, they'll be more than up to task of eating some innings. set up men rafael betancourt and rafael perez shared first names and sub-2.00 eras. toss in jensen lewis and aaron fultz and cleveland will be tough to beat in innings 6-8. the final inning is another story altogether. joe borowski returns as closer and his 46 saves and 5.07 era last year will get him labeled as "a gamer" and "someone who knows how to win" by baseball purists even though "bad" and "kind of really bad" would be more appropriate.

overall, the indians have pretty much exactly the same team as the one that relenquished a 3-1 series lead in the alcs to the red sox. i'm actually concerned that they were a little too complacent this offseason and are relying a little too much on everyone having a similar season from last year. unfortunately, baseball doesn't work that way and from year to year, unpredictability is the only constant. well the only constant other than frank thomas hitting giant home runs. anyways, if for some reason the white sox can't win the division, like if they win too many games that the standings can't accommodate their enormous win total, i'd much rather the indians take it than the tigers. first, because i don't like the tigers. and second, because of the irony that ensues when cleveland fans, who occasionally cheer their team on by wearing red face, pitching fits about lebron james wearing a yankees hat. but objectively, though i think the indians have a very good team, i'm not confident a team with a shaky back end of the rotation and back end of the bullpen can beat these mighty tigers. hopefully, i'm proven wrong and the white sox with their shaky rotation and bullpen, win the central.


dhivy: People of Cleveland, be on the lookout for 6’3”, 240 pound male with “Apache” beard who answers to the name Pronk. He was last seen in 2006 when he hit a home run every 10.8 at-bats and drove in 117 runs. Last year, his presence in the lineup was replaced by a poor facsimile with a higher k-rate, lower walk-rate, and slugging percentage over 200 points worse. If spotted, please contact Eric Wedge and Mark Shapiro.

Assuming a bounce back year from Travis Hafner, the Native Americans are “Hopi”-ng to build on their 2007 campaign, which saw them one win away from a World Series. Three straight losses in the ALCS sealed their fate and left the city wondering if they missed their opportunity. It’s hard to predict a division title with the moves that the Tigers made, but with their core still intact, Cleveland should remain a major player in the American League. CC Sabathia is fresh off a Cy Young year and with free agency looming, his motivation has never been higher. Fausto Car-“Mohawk” preformed admirably in his “Seminole” season in the rotation, but he’ll be hard pressed to repeat his performance from ’07. And when Paul Byrd isn’t scrounging for HGH, he and Jake Westbrook provide solid, if unspectacular innings. Whether or not prize prospect Adam Miller pans out will determine if this rotation goes from good to great. The weakness of this staff is in their closer, “Nava”-Joe Borowski. Despite a league-leading 45 saves, his ERA was over 5 and the team cannot hesitate to lean on Rafael Betancourt or import Masahide Kobayashi should Borowski falter.

The player to watch in the Native Americans’ lineup is Josh Barfield. He was traded from the Padres last off-season and had a difficult time adjusting to the AL, both at the plate and in the field. While he starts the season behind Asdrubal Cabrera, I expect a resurgent year that will force Eric to Wedge him into the lineup somehow. At the very least he won’t end up as big a disappointment as “Cherokee” Parks. Sizemore, Hafner, and Martinez have become household names, but Casey Blake, Ryan Garko, and Jhonny Peralta make this one of the deeper lineups in the majors. The infield trio combined for 60 bombs and 230 runs scored. With Peralta and Garko entering their prime, this team is not “Cheyenne” away from predicting another postseason birth.

In the thirteen years baseball has employed a wild card, that spot has been captured by the AL East nine times. With such a discrepancy, I’m surprised the other divisions didn’t “Sioux”. Simply put, I don’t see the East’s domination continuing this year. The gap between the top and bottom teams in the Central is more pronounced than it has been in years past and I expect Cleveland to take advantage of the lesser competition. With their youthful exuberance an die-hard fan base, the Native Americans are a fun team to watch and appears poised for a long run of success.

“Algonquian”.

Unsung Hero:

• Franklin Gutierrez (q)
• Josh Barfield (d)
• Asdrubal Cabrera (j)

Achilies Heel:

• Joe Borowski (q)
• Joe Borowski (d)
• Joe Borowski (j)

Favorite Moment:

• In a game against the White Sox, Aaron Fultz gives up a walk off home run in the bottom of the 13th to Juan Uribe. Somewhere in San Diego someone buys a whole bunch of hamburgers to celebrate. (q)
• The Indians score a run off the Yankees as Joba Chamberlain is eaten by insects in the alds. (d)
• I win one of my fantasy baseball leagues last year after choosing Josh Barfield in the fifth round....the fifth round!!! (j)

Bold Prediction:

• People finally remember that Rafael Betancourt was once suspended for failing a drug test for performance enhancing drugs when pictures from a party at Jose Canseco's house surface of Brian McNamee injecting Betancourt before the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Photo Shoot. (q)
• Grady Sizemore tries to reenact Willie Mays Hayes’ double steal from ‘Major League’, but Travis Hafner is unable to beat out the bunt. (d)
• Grady Sizemore demands a trade to either San Diego, Los Angeles or Florida solely because his "Grady's Ladies" cheering contingent would probably be hotter there. (j)

Season Preview: Chicago White Sox

dhivy: The White Stockings lineup centers around an aging, yet effective core of sluggers. Jermaine Dye, Paul Konerko and Jim Thome all played below their expected output, but still accounted for over 100 home runs. With the all-or-nothing Nick Swisher patrolling center field, it appears that GM Ken Williams has eschewed the station to station strategy and decided the chicks dig that long ball. Other new faces include D-Backs castoff Carlos Quentin, who should see far more than the 229 ABs he got last season. Orlando Cabrera is the new shortstop and his playoff experience should bring a much needed jolt to the south side. The most interesting battle I see is at third base. Incumbent and heartthrob Joe Crede only hit .216 last season before succumbing to a lower back injury. 2004 first-round pick Josh Fields had 67 RBI as his replacement and his presence has created trade rumors regarding Crede. Maybe the White Sox should just petition Bud Selig to change the baseball diamond to a pentagon.

In 2005, the pitching was the key component that earned Chicago their World Series rings. What remains in ’08 consists of some of the same parts, along with several unknowns that manager Ozzie Guillen must develop. Mark Huehrle Buehrle is still a worthy staff ace and Javier Vazquez was able to save his bullpen and consistently put his team in position to win games. However, last season was a significant improvement on Vazquez’s numbers compared to the past three, so I’d envision a downturn in his ERA and WHIP. Jose Contreras celebrated his super sweet 37th this offseason after somehow losing seventeen games last year. But the fate of the White Sox lies on the arms of John Danks and Gavin Floyd. Floyd has been somewhat of a disappointment since being the fourth overall pick in 2001. But the Sox organization feels he has turned a corner and left his control problems behind him. A bullpen headlined by Bobby Jenks sounds good, but there are many questions to be answered. Can Octavio Dotel continue to rebound from Thomas Jonathan surgery? How will Scott Linebrink adjust to the American League? Is Matt Thornton going to stop being terrible? Answers to these issues will determine whether or not this year’s Sox are mismatched.

Motivational tactics in Venezuela must be very different than here in America. Guillen promised that should his team win the World Series in 2008, he will run naked through the streets of Chicago. If the White Sox do win it all this year, what does that say about the players in that locker room? If it takes the guarantee of a slightly overweight, extremely naked 44-year-old man to get them to play to their full potential, it may be more than static cling that makes these White Sox stick together.

quang: if there's one thing i know how to do, it's how to be unreasonably optimistic about the white sox every spring. this year is no exception. i loved every single one of general manager kenny williams' moves this off-season, and looking at their improved roster i like their chances. maybe not their chances to win an ultra-competitive al central, but definitely their chances to be the thing i talk about most over the next seven months. with that said, here's my best attempt at a rational preview about the only major league team that i would slap a baby across its face for if they asked me to.

last year was one of the worst seasons i've ever seen the white sox have. they were across the board awful. they had the lowest batting average in the league and similarly the lowest on-base percentage. yes, worse than every national league team. national league teams that allow their pitchers to hit. on the other side of the ball, the white sox did not fare much better. thanks mainly due to a underwhelming bullpen that often allowed runs while the starters were still in the game, the white sox pitching staff finished with a 4.77 era, sixth worst in baseball. and if that weren't enough, in 34 at bats they got a total of zero hits. yet somehow, despite all their shortcomings, the white sox won 72 games, 70 more than they deserved to win. so now, having endured a season where they secured the 8th pick in the upcoming draft, they come into this season with nowhere to go but up. or possibly down.

the white sox enter this season with only ten players who remain from their 2005 championship team. the latest cast offs since last season began included jon garland, a solid middle rotation pitcher, tadahito iguchi, a good second basemen and a prototypical hitter from the second slot, and scott podsednik, the catalyst who set the table for the white sox during their championship run. but with these departures come a number of fresh faces. most noteworthy of which is nick swisher, acquired from the athletics in a trade that gutted the white sox minor league system. aside from frenetic energy and switch-hitting, i think the most important thing swisher brings is the ability to draw walks and reach base. orlando cabrera was brought in from the garland trade and takes the shortstop job away from juan uribe, my favorite white sock. i know cabrera is probably an upgrade, but despite his obvious flaws, like a plus .700 out-making percentage, i'm a uribe man through and through. besides, after his defensive heroics in 2005, juan uribe has earned the right to take a few seasons off.

anyways, aside from those big splashes, the white sox also added carlos quentin and alexi ramirez, two young position players who i think have a lot of promise. quentin was only a season ago a very highly touted prospect for the diamondbacks, but after shoulder surgery and eric brynes' emergence the white sox bought low. alexi ramirez is a utility man who has the inside track on the vacant slot at second base. as a cuban defector, i expect he'll be incredible and also be 15 years older than he says. the white sox only major other additions were to their maligned bullpen by signing scott linebrink and octavio dotel. linebrink was the padres long-time lights out set up man before being traded to milwuakee midseason last year. octavio dotel is a decent bullpen arm but has battled injuries over the last several seasons, making him a great unknown. but if either of these guys can consistently get through a single inning without tossing a wild pitch that hits the third base coach, i think the white sox will be in good shape.

thankfully, there is some continuity between this year and last. paul konerko, jermaine dye, jim thome, aj pierzynski, and joe crede all return to the lineup hoping that their sub-par 2007 seasons don't follow. i expect most of them to rebound simply because, based on the difference between their predicted ops and actual ops, many of the white sox hitters were horribly unlucky. konerko, pierzynski, and thome were each the second unluckiest players for their respective positions while jermaine dye was the fourth unluckiest outfielder. other teams better hope these white sox players spent their off-season passing black cats, walking under ladders, and stepping on cracks that break their mother's back because that's the only way i see them not returning to form. joe crede on the other hand missed almost the entire season due to injury. but in his absence, josh fields established himself as a legit player. sadly, one of these two is expected to be dealt sometime this season. deciding which one i'd rather have traded is like picking between two of my kids. kids who for whatever reason i want to trade to someone else so i can give the other more playing time. what a horrible father i've become. anyways, with these players, and jerry owens and pablo ozuna in the mix, the white sox lineup seems pretty deep and very versatile. hopefully this makes up for the fact that their talent at the top isn't as high as many other contenders. if not, hopefully bud selig extends the batting order from nine players to 15.

thus far, my outlook on the white sox has been extremely rosy, so i guess it's only fair that i discuss my biggest area of concern: the starters. mark buehrle and javier vazquez had very strong 2007 campaigns and i expect their success to continue. but behind them, things get dicey with jose contreras and the duo of gavin floyd and john danks. contreras has been dreadful for the last year and half and i'm not optimistic he'll be able to return to his previous form. floyd finished last season very strong and has the talent to flourish, but who knows how his first crack at an extended stay in a rotation will go? lastly, danks, the prize in the brandon mccarthy deal last year, played as expected in his first full season; some ups and a lot of downs. at this point, only a rotation of five matthew leskos would have more question marks as the white sox rotation currently does. of course, if that were the case, with all the money they saved from free stuff the government gives out, maybe they'd be able to afford more proven pitchers. anyways, to summarize this long-winded preview, as it stands right now, the white sox seem firmly entrenched in third place. i don't think a division title is completely out of reach but they'll definitely need a few breaks to get there. specifically breaks to the bones of miguel cabrera and grady sizemore. but regardless of what happens, this is as excited i've been about a white sox team for quite some time. the only thing they're missing right now is frank thomas patrolling centerfield.

Unsung Hero:

• Gavin Floyd (d)
• Alexi Ramirez (q)
• Orlando Cabrera (j)

Achilles Heel:

• Javier Vasquez (d)
• Jose Contreras (q)
• Octavio Dotel (j)

Favorite Moment:

• Mark Buehrle picking off the only base runner in his no-hitter against Texas. (d)
• The White Sox first allow six runs in the top of the 9th in a game against the rival Twins before rallying for six runs of their own in the bottom of the ninth and later winning in the extras. Then 10 days later against the Angels, Jim Thome in the bottom of the ninth hits his 500th home run for a walk off White Sox victory. (q)
• Ozzie Guillen makes an offhand remark about how fat Miguel Cabrera is. (j)

Bold Prediction:

• With the news that Fidel Castro has ceded power, Jose Contreras travels by raft back to Cuba. (d)
• The White Sox win the AL Central and also every other division in the league thanks to Nick Swisher's MVP season where he hits 75 home runs from each side of the plate. (q)
• Juan Uribe will hit a walk-off grand slam during the White Sox first day game. Quang spends the remainder of the afternoon explaining to his employer why he was running around the office shirtless. (j)

Season Preview: Chicago Cubs

joe: Looking at this team on paper, the sky is the limit, there is speed, power, exuberant youth and insanity everywhere you look. However nothing with the Cubs comes easy, and that is even more alarming since they are in a gift division, where teams seem to hover around .500, get ravaged by injury or feel content to parade out perennial losers. With St. Louis facing plenty of questions around their primary slugger and their pitching staff, and Milwaukee still being a little to young to be taken seriously, this is the Cubs Division to lose.

This may be the best corner infield in baseball with both, Aramis and Derek Lee capable of putting up 35-40 Homeruns and driving in over 110 runs each. As a matter fact along with being the best corner infield, this duo may also be the best backcourt in Chicago, as Derek Lee was recruited to play basketball at UNC, currently the number 1 school in the nation, and I am confident that playing 3rd base Aramis is quick enough to defend some guards. If all else fails, the Bulls may need to explore this option. Regardless, coupling these two with a healthy Alfonso Soriano makes for at least 100 HRs in the lineup right off the bat, so any dudes planning any summer vacations to the Mid-west, make sure you put a game at Wrigley on your itinerary because we all know 'chicks dig the longball' so you're guaranteed at least 50 hookups in the Wrigley Field bleachers.

Kosuke Fukudome, the next big position player from Japan signed with the Cubs and is expected to contribute some much needed pop in the outfield from a source other than Soriano. Japaneese transplants must deal with so much attention during their rookie seasons that it's a wonder some of them succeed immediately. The Cubs are hoping that since he is not being bought on to be a "savior" he will have ample opportunity to ease in and be productive. Other young players on the Cubs roster include sparkplug, Felix Pie, who at best could be the type of phenom Soriano was and at worst he could be an actual pie, and I dont know about you - but I never met a pie that I didn't like so the kid can't lose. Ryan Theriot played almost a full season last year and took the role of disruptor on the basepaths and displayed a pretty impressive glove at short, if he can improve on his contact and draw a few more walks he will be a fine addition to this already dynamic outfield.

Perhaps the most intriguing part of the roster is the pitching staff. Here you have everyone's favorite crazy Carlos Zambrano who signed a fresh new deal and also broke at least 3 bats over his knee (every pitching coaches dream) after bad at-bats. Aside from a rough beginning to 2007 which can be attributed to contract negotiations and Micheal Barrett's poor effect on pitchers, Zambrano finished the year with dominant outings and hushed those that say that his workhorse schedule the past couple of years were beginning to take their toll. Rich Hill is primed for more success, his tall lanky frame makes it seem like he is delivering his curveball a couple inches from the batter's head and tossing it straight down into the catcher's glove. When he's on it's hilarious to see the befuddlement on the face of opposing batters; and Ted Lilly and Jason marquis are quality innings eaters that wont surprise anyone but will give a solid output on any given day. Finally the bullpen should be able to protect many a lead as Carlos Marmol moves into the closer role with the still electric Kerry Wood looming just in case Marmol cannot handle the job full-time. This team is an absolute problem and we should fully expect to see them playing meaningful September baseball.

quang: it has been 100 years since the cubs last won a world series. there have probably been four or five generations of die hard fans that have died hard without their beloved cubs finishing one season as the best team in baseball. a century has passed. do you realize how much time a century is? think about this, the last time the cubs won the fall classic, fall wasn't even a season, the president of the united states was christopher columbus, and america's pastime was racism. anyways, some of you may know by now that i'm a white sox fan. thankfull. though for whatever reason, i'm not a white sox fan that hates the cubs. maybe it's because i'm not a native chicagoan or because henry rowengartner is one of my favorite fictional characters ever, but i rarely openly root against them. sure i call them "the cubes" every now and then, and sometimes i'll burn effigies of certain cubs players, but it's mostly all in fun. so with that in mind, i genuinely like their chances this year.

last year, the cubs were the team with the fewest wins to make the playoffs. and just to do so, they had to stage a furious rally to catch up with the brewers, who helped by fading down the stretch. unfortunately, the upstart diamondbacks swept them back home in the first round and highlighted one of the cubs' biggest weaknesses coming into the postseason, not winning many games. i think the cubs can expect last year's deficiencies will be a thing of the past, as this year, from top to bottom, the team looks much improved. cliff floyd and jacque jones have been replaced with heralded prospect felix pie and japanese import, kosuke fukudome. though both are unproven in the majors, they should be heads and shoulders above the proven liabilities that were floyd and jones. additionally, the cubs are returning their core of derrek lee, aramis ramirez, and alfonso soriano. all three are right in their prime years and are as potent a right-handed trio as there is in the league. catching for his first full season, is highly-regarded geovany soto. similar to pie and fukupayme, soto is very raw and unproven. but since he's replacing team cancer michael barrett and offense cancer jason kendall, if soto finishes this season without once poking himself in the eye with a bat it's an upgrade. my biggest question surrounding the cubs' position players concerns the middle infielders. ryan theriot had a pseudo-break out season, but by the end was barely league average. second basemen mark derosa had a quietly solid year but recently had heart surgery. and though doctors say he should be able to play later this month, heart surgery is always a big question mark.

pitching wise, though i'm not sure how talented the staff is, the cubs appear to have tremendous depth, which is often times just as important. fiery ace carlos zambrano is back for his eighth season on the north side. he had is worst full professional year in 2007. and despite leading the national league in walks allowed for the second consecutive year, he still had a more than reasonable 3.91 era. after big z, the cubs trot out ted lilly, who led cubs starters in era and whip last year, and rich hill, who built off his strong finish to 2006 to be one of the better 3rd starters in the league. after that though, i'm not sure what to expect. they've seemingly guaranteed the fourth spot to ryan dempster who has been a closer since 2005 and since 2006 has had trouble pitching one effective inning nevermind six. for their final rotation slot, the cubs are trying to decide between jon lieber and jason marquis. i'm not sure if sean marshall is in the picture, but i think any team would be glad to have him as their fifth wheel. besides, lieber is 37 and marquis is redundant seeing that the cubs already filled their quota of french names with theriot. but if sweet lou does decide to hand the job over to one of these two, at least it means we'll get to see the cubs outstanding bullpen more often. though kerry wood, carlos marmol, and bobby howry are all competing for the team's vacant closer job, between them angel guzman, neal cotts, michael wuertz, the cubs will be in good hands, specifically hands that will baffle opposing hitters.

overall, i think the nl central will be a tight race between the cubs and brewers. i'm giving the slight edge to the cubs, even though i think milwuakee has a much higher ceiling, because the cubs have more pitchers than the brewers. though if the cubs fall short i suspect it will be because bullpens are completely unpredictable year to year and they have three position players who are playing their first full major league season. either way, since i'm not sure the cubs have enough to win the world series it looks like after this year, the cubs will have had waited as many years since their last championship as cruella deville has dalmations. unless of course, when the white sox win the world series this year, they change their name to the cubs.

Unsung Hero:

• Carlos Marmol (j)
• Matt Murton (q)
• Geovany Soto (d)
  

Achilles Heel:

• Mark DeRosa (j)
• Jason Marquis (q)
• Ted Lilly (d)
  

Favorite Moment:

• The Padres Chris Young throws a hard high one at Derek Lee's head, Derek Lee calmy walks out in the general direction of the mound, when antagonized by Young the two trade wild yet off-target haymakers. (j)
• After a scuffle between he and the dugout of a game, Michael Barrett eventually gets traded to the Padres. With Barrett on board, the Padres successfully miss the playoffs. (q)
• Carlos Zambrano punches teammate Michael Barrett in the face. The face! (d)
  

Bold Prediction:

• When tensions flare up again between 6'5 Derek Lee and the Padres' 6'11 Chris Young, it doesnt come to fist-a-cuffs but the two meet after the game for a heated slam dunk contest. (j)
• Kerry Wood finally plays a full season when the players union surprisingly decides to go on strike in mid-April. (q)
• Pronunciation of Kosuke Fukudome’s name causes Cubs games to be broadcast on a seven-second delay.

Season Preview: Baltimore Orioles

quang: a decade has passed since the orioles last made the playoffs and last won 80 or more games in a season. even as a staunch oriole supporter, i can't envision a scenario where these streaks don't reach a decade.1 years. this off-season, baltimore traded away eric bedard, their best player, and miguel tejada, their best perjurer. melvin mora and brian roberts were also frequently mentioned in trade rumors and though they remain on the team, it seems like just a matter of time before they're forced to eat poorer quality crab cakes. this isn't news to anyone familiar with baseball, but the root of the orioles' problems starts and ends with owner peter angelos and his iron will. and judging by how mismanaged his baseball team is, i wouldn't be the least bit surprised if everything peter angelos owned was similarly woeful. like if the car he drives to work had square tires, no seat belts because there were no seats, and was powered by his feet like fred flintstone's car because angelos is too cheap to buy gas. alright, maybe i'd be a little surprised. especially because he didn't trade it in for a worse, older car.

this isn't to say i've written off the orioles already because there are some things to look forward to this season. for one, brian roberts and melvin mora are still with the team. and though i expect both will be traded by season's end, at least for the time being they have the american league's best second basemen and the longest tenured oriole. also, outfielder nick markakis is a burgeoning star and adam jones, the center piece of the bedard trade, is a promising five-tool prospect who the orioles have no choice but to play. i expect this season markakis will continue to build on last year's breakout campaign while jones shows flashes of his immense potential. well, hopefully orioles fans enjoy that because i really think that's where the list of "some things to look forward to" ends. unless of course you like daniel cabrera as much as i do, which is very unlikely since i'm obsessed with the wildly inconsistent 6-9 flamethrower. i don't think there's a pitcher in the league that has had their repetoire referred to as "electric" more often than cabrera. this year, i hope he finally puts his tools together because if there's anything the orioles could use this year, it's a pitcher whose pitches are measured in volts.

to me, the rest of the team doesn't inspire much confidence or optimism. nowadays, kevin millar is known more for his chemistry in the clubhouse than his physics with the baseball bat. aubrey huff and luke scott are too old to expect anything other than the mediocre norm. and luis hernandez, the man replacing tejada at short, has 69 career at-bats and looks like he's a few b-12 shots away from replacing anyone's offense, nevermind tejada's. unfortunately, the pitching staff doesn't look much better. though jeremy guthrie had a surprisingly good year and adam loewen pitched well in limited action, neither of these two or daniel cabrera can be expected to be a staff ace in the al east of all divisions. especially if pitching guru leo mazzone isn't also returning. and let's not forget a bullpen that hasn't improved since last year and will be without closer chris ray for the entire season. fortunately, i doubt baltimore was going to have many leads to protect anyways. seriously, if the orioles manage to improve their 28th ranked 5.38 era it's probably because their pitchers start making errors on purpose so that the hundreds of runs they allow are unearned. anyways, overall, i think the orioles are in for a very long season. as in a season where they somehow finish 3-198 long.

joe: The Orioles had the most non-sensical off season ever. Facing heavy competition 30 miles down the road from the Nationals who are moving into a flashy new pad, one would think that owner, Peter Angelos and the boys would want to hold on to their superstar in the making ace Erik Bedard. You would also think that the one player with any real name recognition on the team, Miguel Tejada would be a priority, and finally you would think that the player they bring back in return for Bedard to patrol centerfield would not have the same name as the much maligned NFL cornerback with a well-documented hankering for strippers, bar-fights and firearm toting bodyguards. But all these things didn’t happen and the O's are relying on a smattering of youngsters and journeymen to make a bid for 3rd in the two-horse race that is the AL East while at the same time keeping their share of regional dominance.

On the bright-side, Baltimore has been a perfect setting for talented yet unknown professionals to come together and do something great. The Wire has been entertaining millions of viewers for five seasons now with its mix of young and journeyman actors, so perhaps Angelos is onto something. I say that he stops half-stepping and take it even further. Have a shotgun wielding stick-up man roaming the bleachers of Camden Yards or perhaps maybe have uber-talented right fielder Nick Markakis masquerade as an alcoholic womanizer with a penchant for good police work. Speaking of Markakis, he quietly put together a quality season, picking up the pace in the second half and is poised to break out this year. The O's also need a big year from dynamic second baseman Brian Roberts, who's name has been sullied to a certain extent by the Mitchell Report. Aside from these two, and perhaps Jones, the lineup is shrouded with mystery. Melvin Mora has been extremely hit or miss throughout his career and he has been trending on the miss side of things for the past year and a half, while Jay Payton and Aubrey Huff aren’t even guaranteed a starting roster spot. Just glancing at the lineup it's very difficult to see how they are going to score runs most games.

The problems with the lineup pale in comparison with the travesty that is the Oriole's pitching situation. Jeremy Guthrie had a masterful first half last year, until the AL East figured him out and he reverted to being the batting practice pitcher that the Indians gave up on. Meanwhile, Daniel Cabrera has been on the verge of "getting it together" for the past three seasons. Granted he is still very young, but at some point you have to question whether or not trying to harness your talent on a team that has averaged only 71 wins over the last three years does more harm than good. While there are some workable pieces, this Orioles team shows all the signs of a comedically bad bunch and I for one can't wait to see it.

unsung hero:

• Daniel Cabrera (q)
• Adam Jones (j)
• Freddy Bynum (d)

achilles heel:

• Ramon Hernandez (q)
• Melvin Mora (j)
• Melvin Mora (d)

favorite moment:

• In a game against the Red Sox, Daniel Cabrera balks in Coco Crisp from third. Daniel Cabrera is ejected after his next pitch that nearly takes off Dustin Pedroia's head. (q)
• O's commentator Gary Thorne claims that Curt Schilling's bloody sock was a hoax and that Doug Mirabelli told him it was for PR, Mirabelli says no such thing happened and Thorne is forced to appologize, I still beleive him though. (j)
• In an effort to foster solidarity, the orioles bullpen grew mustaches. Unfortunately, they got some unwanted attention from “to catch a predator”. (d)

bold prediction:

• The Orioles become the first MLB team to ever start five black outfielders. Unfortunately, they decide to start Adam Jones, Jay Payton, Tike Redman, Freddie Bynum, and Chris Roberson in the outfield all in the same game and the Royals manage to bleed out 60 infield singles. (q)
• Insurance companies hit it big as after learning of Adam Jones' arrival to the city, Scores-Baltimore takes out the biggest policy on record. (j)
• Daniel Cabrera throws a no-hitter and strikes out 20 batters. he also walks 14 and hits 5. (d)

Today's Best - 02.28.08

5. miami offensive rebounding opportunities - as is the case when you miss 55 shots, there are plenty of chances to rebound your misses. unfortunately, as typical of the heat this year, they didn't capitalize. and instead of the heat scoring second chance points, the heat allowed a lot of first chance points to the lakers as los angeles had four players finished with at least 11 rebounds. on the bright side heat for heat fans, the heat are the worst team in the league and have the inside track on michael beasley. beasley would quickly make the heat relevant and might even convince dwyane wade to hang around past 2009.

4. nfl free agents - nfl free agency starts today and it looks like there are many players hoping to cash in. i think nfl free agency is a little overrated. the only time it seems to work out really well is if the player signed with new england. otherwise, far too many marquee free agent signings end in disappointment of some sort. and this isn't helped by the fact that most teams franchise their best players which leaves a thinner talent pool in free agency and fewer noteworthy transactions. but maybe i'm just bitter because i've been sitting by my phone since midnight waiting for an offer that doesn't seem to be coming.

3. devin harris - harris played his first game for new jersey since being traded and led the nets with 21 points in a 120-106 win over the bucks. meanwhile, the mavs fell 97-94 to the defending champion spurs and jason kidd sat out the decisive play of the game. luckily, jason kidd had company on the bench as juwan howard also sat out the decisive play of the game as well as the remaining plays of the game too.

2. california college basketball teams playing in arizona - yesterday 4th ranked ucla easily dispatched arizona state, 70-49. interestingly, this game pitted ucla forward josh shipp against his younger brother jerren. jerren shipp has not yet won a between the two of them and is probably on his way to tell on him to their parents. hopefully, ucla avoids arizona state in the pac-10 tournament because if they do play, it's likely josh will be miss the game due to parents decision. not to be outdone, in a game between two tournament bubble teams, usc knocked off arizona, in tuscon, 70-58. this game featured a head-to-head matchup between two star freshman in oj mayo and jerryd bayless, who scored 20 and eight points respectively. it also featured an arizona fan throwing a water bottle at sc's bench resulting in arizona coach kevin o'neill scolding the responsible party. there should be no tolerance for this type of behavior so i found this to be a welcome stoppage of play. the only way it could have been better is if someone dumped a bucket of gatorade on coach o'neill during his speech.

1. mlb sportsmanship - yesterday there were three spring training games scheduled that were played against college teams, washington-georgetown, boston-boston college, and boston-northeastern. all told, major league baseball teams won 55-0 and allowed a total of eight hits to their scholarly opponents. in two games, boston's 15-0 and 24-0 victories, the games were over after the top of the seventh, presumably due to some sort of mercy rule. this begs two questions: why would anyone ever not go pro immediately? and, what does anyone gain from these games? hopefully in the future, one of these games results in a bench-clearing brawl. or college players doing homework while on base.

Clemens Party Pitchers!

i know i'm horribly late on this, put i couldn't pass up another chance to talk about the hilarious misadventures of roger clemens. like most of you know, one of the many interesting sub-plots of the clemens-mcnamee saga revolves around an alleged party at jose canseco's house. well, the party itself wasn't alleged, by all accounts it took place and by some accounts it was "...awesome, bro!! wooo!!". however, what was alleged was roger clemens' attendance at said party. brian mcnamee claims that clemens was there, clemens claims he wasn't. clemens' nanny may have been chasing around kids if you believe mcnamee, or she may have been at home if you prep her before she testifies. anyways, the back and forth continued with seemingly no end in sight as if this were an episode of "my super sweet 16". last weekend however, reports surfaced that pictures of roger clemens at jose canseco's miami house party possibly exist. i thought that this was terrific news and i immediately sought out to find this evidence. and thanks to my endless supply of resources, i've been able to successfully track down these exclusive pictures. here they are in all their perjury.

things got off to a rather innocent start. looks like all that batting practice roger clemens put in is finally paying off. also paying off: a piñata filled with hundreds of syringes.

here's a picture of roger hanging out in the shriveled pall pit. nothing about this picture makes sense. why is this ball pit so deep? why is roger clemens' face so pained? whose kids are these?

not even baseball's second most prolific strikeout pitcher can say no to a theme party. here's roger with some friends in togas. other theme parties that i'm sure roger clemens frequents include 80's parties, where he wears a red sox hat and fewer pimples on his back, and republican parties, where republican senators fall in love with him and grill brian mcnamee.

if there's one person who parties hardier than jose canseco and roger clemens it's probably nintendo's prodigal son, mario mario. this is like mario's eighth party in 10 years! of course, i bet this was the only party mario's been to where princess toad compared her boob job to debbie clemens'.

apparently one of the perks of being a rich baseball player is that you own a big enough house to put a chuck e. cheese's in it. speaking of which, it's time congress opens up an investigation on this charles cheese and examines the root of his unusual continued success. the average mouse lives about one-to-two years, is measured by length in inches, and does not have a middle name. charles entertainment cheese turns 31 this year and is enormous.

as the old adage sometimes goes, you've got to fight for your right to party. and besides, what's party without random acts of rebellion against great britain? here's clemens and a few friends throwing bats and boxes of tea overboard just to show their british oppressors what they think of those darn stamp and townshend acts. take that, the queen of england.

so there you have it. feel free to draw your own conclusions, especially if the actual pictures ever emerge. personally, i don't think these or the real photos will unequivocally prove that jose canseco supplied clemens with steroids or anything else. but it will prove that roger clemens was not out golfing at the time of the party like he'd have you believe and was instead enjoying what appears to be the most fun party i've ever seen in my life.