Garbage Points

What?

2008-03-17T06:41:00.004-04:00

Um...what?

Season Preview: Florida Marlins

2008-03-13T13:25:00.000-04:00

quang: i wonder if i'd like being a marlin fan. on the one hand my team has won two world series in the last eleven years. on the other hand, my team doesn't keep its players around long enough for me to build any sort of attachment to them. consider that jeff conine is one of the most celebrated marlins in their fifteen years of existence. the same jeff conine who shouldn't be any teams most celebrated player. this winter, the marlins trend of cost cutting trades continued as the marlins sent their two most familiar and established players, miguel cabrera and dontrelle willis, to detroit. as usual though, the marlins were shrewd in their transactions and received cameron maybin, andrew miller, and a handful of other prospects. unfortunately, these prospects probably won't change the marlins' prospects of a winning season.

interestingly, florida enters this season with by far the lowest payroll in the league. there are at least ten individual players in the league who are making more money next season than the 25 floridians who play professional baseball. i think this may result in clubhouse chemistry problems. especially because the marlins are so short on funds that i doubt they can afford more than one clubhouse locker that all players will be forced to share. and unless they get some generous donations, it seems like they'll start the season with only five bats and three fielding gloves for the team. anyways, florida has faced seasons like this before, and they always seem to outperform expectations. i can' i'd like to think this will be one of those seasons, because that's always exciting, but i have my doubts.

the marlins top player next year will be handsome ramirez, a player who most teams would love to have as their best player. he carries an unusually big bat for a shortstop but is a butcher in the field and is probably in line for a position change. behind hanley, the marlins have several solid but unspectacular to throw at opposing pitchers. second baseman dan uggla avoided a sophomore slump and continued his surprising success. jeremy hermida, one-time hot shot prospect, is primed for a breakout based on nothing more than his first major league at bat where he hit a grand slam. and josh willingham once had catcher eligibility in fantasy baseball and is good enough to be an effective player at almost any position. mike jacobs returns as the first basemen and seems like a perfectly average player, which i hope is a compliment. last year, the marlins were one of the most inept offenses and this year i don't see a dramatic improvement.

pitching-wise the marlins have a very high ceiling and are almost decent when healthy. scott olsen, aside from being a perceived malcontent, has incredible potential. josh johnson had a very good 2006 but missed most of last season due to an injury. i expect both will be effective, but i have far less confidence with the rest of the rotation. anibal sanchez followed up a year where he threw a no-hitter with an injury plagued season where he threw several yes-hitters. ricky nolasco is another high potential arm that couldn't stay healthy last year, andrew miller is too young to be relied on, and sergio mitre was good for two-thirds of a season that was three-thirds long. the bullpen isn't very inspiring either. kevin gregg was the de facto closer but i'm pessimistic he'll be as effective or even have as many chances to save games this year. the only other marlin pitcher i can name off the top of my head is taylor tankersley which can't be a good sign. overall, i figure the marlins will be firmly entrenched in fifth place throughout the season. on the bright side, they'll do so while their cheap, young players continue to develop. and when they do blossom into star players, they'll make whatever team trades for them very happy.

dhivy: the marlins are entering their super sweet 16th season and already they've got two world series trophies under their belts. aside from the discomfort of carrying 60 pounds of metal in one's pants, it's hard to question the front office's decision making. after the first world series win, the team was dismantled, rebuilt from the ground up, and won a second title six years later with a completely different roster. though their highest-paid player (luis gonzalez, $7.2 million) makes more than their seven next highest-paid players, it's hard not to be enamored with some of the pieces they have in place. i don't consider them a factor in their division, but a year of seasoning for these fish will make them a delicious team come 2009.

the pitching staff reflects the "one year away" dynamics of the marlins. anibal "the cannibal" sanchez is currently recovering from a torn labrum, but if he can return close to the pitcher who threw a no-hitter in his 13th career start, the marlins may have an ace in the hole. after a mere three starts in '07, josh johnson underwent tom john surgery and missed the rest of the season. he'll sit out '08 as well, but after a 3.03 ERA in his rookie season, his return will be a promising one. in the meantime, the marlins are forced to use placeholders like sergio mitre and mark hendrickson, castoffs from the cubs and dodgers. scott olsen showed promise last season, but will have to improve his k/bb ratio as he headlines this ragtag bunch of misfits. the key for 2008 is the development of former tiger andrew miller. looked upon as the replacement for dontrelle willis, he's drawn comparisons to randy johnson due to his imposing left-handed delivery. let's hope he's not subjected to the nickname "small unit". i would mention the bullpen, but does anyone honestly think they'll have any leads to protect?

'potential' is a word thrown around a lot in marlins camp, but some of these youngsters have already proven how talented they are. hanley ramirez might be the best shortstop in the league and his counterpart, second baseman dan uggla, scored 100 runs in each of his two major league seasons. the drop in his contact rate is very alarming though, and is something worth monitoring. shrewd transactions have filled their corner infield with two exciting youngsters: mike jacobs and dallas mcpherson. meanwhile, the mets and angels are left with a decrepit carlos delgado and this haircut. the centerpiece of the cabrera trade was centerfielder cameron maybin, who will get to learn on the fly this year. anyone who got their first major league hit, home run, hitch by pitch and steal off roger clemens is a star in the making. flanking him will be josh willingham and jeremy hermida, a .300 hitter who gets little to no pub on this team. while his last two campaigns have been cut short because of injury, jeremy has the tools to be a major player in the marlins' future. at least he'll turn out better than that jeremy kid from the pearl jam song. that dude was nuts.

Unsung Hero:

Jeremy Hermida (q)
Jeremy Hermida (d)
Mike Jacobs (j)

Achilles Heel:

Luis Gonzalez (q)
Dan Uggla (d)
Dan Uggla (j)

Favorite Moment:

Jose Reyes incites a brawl in a game against the Marlins when he teases Miguel Olivo who charges third base from the mound. (q)
Miguel Olivo gets thrown out of a game for trying to punch his friend Jose Reyes in the face. (d)
Watching Armando Benitez pitch for the Marlins against the Padres at Petco Park and being the only person in the stadium excited to see him, including his teammates. (j)

Bold Prediction:

Because they're paid so little, Marlins players all are forced to take up second jobs. As a result, TGI Fridays beats Ruby Tuesdays 452-1 in the annual day-themed restaurant softball game. (q)
Players revolt when management, in an effort to cut costs, starts charging them for balls hit into the stands. (d)
After his appearence in the ESPN Fantasy Baseball commercial, Hanley Ramirez demands to be called "Hollywood" Hanley Ramirez. (j)

Season Preview: Detroit Tigers

2008-03-11T23:25:00.009-04:00

Joe: Detroit is routinely at the top of the annual listing of the U.S. Most Dangerous Cities. While fear of the high murder, assault and petty crime rates keep many tourists away, until the last two years the Detroit Tigers were the most ironically unintimidating team in baseball (What could be more scary than Detroit and tigers). Visiting teams would hate to travel there because of the conditions of the city but they were consoled by the fact that it was basically a guaranteed victory. Over the past two years however, the Tigers have been moving in a completely different direction, turning their lineup into a group that reflects the image of the city, a squad that sports a murderous combination of offense and defense that is bringing the crowds out to Comerica Park in droves. If I were a Detroit fan however, I would be kind of pissed off that my team was so good. The way I see it, I can't be murdered or assaulted if the murderers and assaulters don't know where I am and with the Tigers beating everybody under the sun and being relevant again all interested parties know that 81 times throughout the year there is up to 41,070 people to bump-off and batter at Comerica Park.

But with my Detroit bashing quota all but filled up I'll move on to these Tigers and especially their incredibly potent lineup. There's something for everyone here, speed, power, steroid abuse, bigotry, eating disorders - anything and everything under the sun. You start off with Curtis Granderson, teeming with talent that flourished last year as he made strides in reducing his K Rate and was rewarded with the finest season of his career. He is a placesetter with ample pop and a magnetic personality that should continue his success if he keeps working on cutting down on his whiffs. Edgar Renteria joins the team to play a better shortstop than Carlos Guillen (who's bat hasn't left the lineup - it just has moved over to 1st base) and also provide the same dependable numbers he's been known to provide except for that brief stint in Boston. Then comes the meat and potatoes, literally. Miguel Cabrera, one of the most gifted players in the league joins a lineup that already included Gary Sheffield and resurgent 2007 MVP candidate Magglio Ordonez. This Cabrera signing is huge! Not everyday can you add a 24 year old phenom with the skills to hit .320 with 34 HRs and drive in 119 when for much of the season he was the only person teams game planned for within the Marlins lineup. The lineup that the Tigers have put together have them definitely in "win now mode" especially when you consider the ages of everyone else in the lineup including the ever-present team captain Pudge Rodriguez. However, if they can work out a deal to keep Cabrera in town after this season, and Cabrera can find a way to stay in shape and keep his weight from ballooning to the 260+ mark he was tiptoeing last season they have an absolute can't miss legendary players on their hands.

The Tigers pitching is not as spectacular as their bats, however there is demonstrated talent and potential there and it will surprise nobody either way if this group dominates or struggles. The pearl is obviously Justin Verlander, who after an impressive rookie season in 2006, threw a no-hitter in 2007 to solidify the fact that he had arrived. He should continue to thrive as his arm matures and he learns more about pitching rather than hurling his 100mph heat. Jeremy Bonderman has been inconsistent as a starter, but has streaks where he is absolutely dominant and he too is very young and must learn the finer nuances of pitching. The young core of the staff is rounded out by Dontrelle Willis who played the unlikely part of "throw in" in the Miguel Cabrera trade. While the D-Train has not pitched well over the past two seasons, I feel this can be explained by the fact that he has been the elder statesman of a young pitching staff for years when he himself has just turned 26. When this is the case you have nobody to mentor you on the game and the pressure of carrying a pitching staff at the age of 24 or 25 I could imagine isnt the easiest thing in the world to do. When I was 24 i threw a tantrum when Dhivy asked me to do something simple like, "Post the 2008 Colorado Rockies preview," so I could imagine if I was asked to anchor a pitching staff, i'd be an absolute mess. I think Dontrelle will strive in his new role, as he is no longer looked upon as the ace, and more importantly he will have the old lefty Gambler, Kenney Rogers to teach him old man moves like how to effectively change speeds and most importantly how to cheat.

Dhivy: Waiting for prospects to develop is part of the fun in being a baseball fan. I cheer for every free agent my team signs, but the homegrown talent has something extra special about them. The danger for many teams comes from knowing when is the right time to stand pat and when to roll the dice. This off-season, the Tigers shook their dice cup when they shipped off high-ceiling players in Cameron Maybin and Andrew Miller for proven commodities in Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis. Cabrera is a mere 24 years old and is already a premier hitter in the league. With a lineup that includes Gary Sheffield and Magglio Ordonez, Cabrera is sure to add even more explosiveness. The addition of Willis, however, is a puzzling one. His ERA has increased a full point each of the last two years and his 2007 WHIP was a cool 1.62. While the import of a future Hall of Famer in Cabrera has Tigers fans yelling "Yahtzee!", my concern is that Dontrelle could end up crapping out.

The Tigers' starting pitching is headlined by Justin Verlander, a youngster who is still learning to harness his talent. With a triple-digit fastball and a biting curve, Detroit is optimistic that his future will yield Cy Youngs. As for the rest of the rotation, there are many questions to be answered. Was Jeremy Bonderman's plummeting k-rate a one-year aberration? Can Nate Robinson recover from a year that saw his ERA balloon nearly a full point? Are there enough steroids in Detroit to keep Kenny Rogers chugging along? With limited depth, the Tigers may have to lean on their bullpen, and I don't know that closer Todd Jones can shoulder that burden. With Joel Zumaya out until midseason because of a falling box, look for Fernando Rodney to step in if/when Jones plays himself out of a job. Though it may affect how much time he's able to spend booby-trapping Zumaya's parents' house.

The biggest strength in Detroit's lineup is that they don't have a real weakness. Because he's surrounded by All-Stars, Curtis Granderson might be the most unheralded player in the league. Anyone with the versatility to hit 23 home runs, 23 triples, steal 26 bases, and write a top-notch blog deserves more credit than Curt McGirt gets. Placido Polanco and Edgar Renteria are a great duo up the middle, but Edgar struggled in his lone season in the AL. Hopefully he'll play better without the drunken shouts of "you suck, Edgah!" The emotional leader, Ivan the Terrible, enters his 18th season and although he's not the same hitter he once was, his ability to handle a pitching staff is unparalleled. Even their bench boasts plenty of promise, including Marcus "they call me Mr." Thames, Ryan Rayburn and Brandon Inge. The Detroit Tigers may have mortgaged their future to get here, but if I had the choice, I'd bet the pass line on this squad.

Unsung Hero

dontrelle willis (j)
fernando rodney (d)
placido polanco (q)

Achilles' Heel

jaque jones (j)
dontrelle willis (d)
kenny rogers (q)

Favorite Moment

The amounts of comedy provided by any Gary Sheffield interview. (j)
Justin Verlander's hot girlfriend rushes the field after his no-hitter. (d)
Marcus Thames hit a broken bat home run. (q)

Bold Prediction

Feeling shown up by the Cleveland gnats, the wild birds that populate the outfield of Comerica in the summer months decide to attack opposing pitchers. (j)
Kenny Rogers is replaced in the pitching rotation by Will Sasso's impression of Kenny Rogers. The results are not good. (d)
Miguel Cabrera hits his weight in his first season in Detroit. He hits .450. (q)

Season Preview: Colorado Rockies

2008-03-11T01:04:00.011-04:00

quang: last year, the rockies were one of the biggest surprises of the mlb season as they caught fire down the stretch and won 21 of their final 22 games en route to the world series. if the rockies were party planners, they would have thrown me the biggest most extravagant surprise birthday of all time. of course, once colorado got to the world series the red sox swept them back out. this means, if the rockies were party planners, they would have thrown me the biggest most extravagant surprise party of all time and the red sox would have told me about it three days before. those jerks. this upcoming season, the rockies return almost the same team as last year. this means if everything goes to plan, the rockies could be one of the top teams in the league, we'll have to endure another rocktober, and someone's finally going to throw me a surprise birthday party.

this is the first time in nearly a decade that colorado begins the season with a player other than todd helton as its face. that honor goes to matt holliday who is an coming off an mvp-caliber season. he is surrounded by so many potent hitters that critics have often referred to the rockies as an american league lineup. i'm not completely sure what this means but it seems like an american league lineup is one that is good. either way, including helton and holiday, colorado trots out brad hawpe, willy taveras, troy tulowitzki, and garrett atkins. hawpe is a solid outfielder and taveras is a decent table setter. tulo is coming off of a should be rookie of the year season and is already the best defensive shortstop in the national league. while garrett atkins is trying to decide which of the last two seasons he is more like. most impressively, even with these big bats, colorado was the best defensive team. more impressive would be if they took at bats while wearing fielding gloves.

the pitching staff is what i think will be the biggest question mark, which isn't really going out a limb when aaron cook and kip wells are two cogs in the rotation. other than that, jeff francis isn't a very intimidating ace and though ubaldo jiminez was good late in the season, i don't think the rockies can realistically expect much more than a back end starter right now. the bullpen is a little more solid considering how good corpas last year and how good brian fuentes had been before then. overall, i think the rockies are just as good as they were last year, but unfortunately i'm not sure that'll be enough because the rest of the west has improved. a division championship is certainly within grasp, but i'm predicting that they'll fight over the wild card throughout the season because of their pitching. but considering how well that went for them last year, i'm sure they'll be more than satisfied. and hopefully this means my surprise party has a moon bounce.

joe: It was kind of hard to not land squarely on the Colorado Rockies bandwagon last season as they made their completely unexpected run all the way to the NLCS. The run was wrought with clutch performances, emergent stars and poor umpiring but when all was said and done, the rockies provided us with ample excitement in a National League that everyone seems to think plays second fiddle to the American League. During the 2007 Rockies miracle season, the eventual World Champion Red Sox lost 2 of three and the perennial favorite Yankees got swept on their nightmare trips to Coors Field. Since I hardly ever watched a Rockies game with any interest prior to late last year, I had a hard time distinguishing between their power core of Matt Holliday, Garrett Atkins and Brad Hawpe. When you add in Todd Helton, Troy Tulowitzki, Ryan Spilborghs and Jeff Baker to the mix you would think that Jackie Robinson didn't exist.

Even though Matt Holiday has still not crossed the plate during the one game playoff against the Padres, the Rockies playoff success has placed them squarely back into the conversation for top honors in the National League West. It's very hard to imagine that a pitching staff consisting of Jeff Francis, Aaron Cook, Ubaldo Jimenez and Jason Hirsch will have enough fire power to turn in a repeat performance. Francis' breakout' 2007 consisted of an underwhelming mid- four ERA and his compatriots in the starting rotation all pitched similarly mediocre. The amazing thing is that this mediocre baseline was much more than the Rockies could have hoped for, these guys had to pitch way over their heads just to be considered mediocre. Manny Corpas enjoyed a break-out season from the bullpen and has proven to be dependable when his team needs him to protect a lead. If he falters, Brian Fuentes is capable to fill the position.

Troy Tulowitzki made a strong case for rookie of the year in 2007 eventually losing out to a slightly more deserving Ryan Braun. Tulowitzki is one of the new breed, "big" shortstops that have the build of a third basemen that could put a charge into a ball at any point but are still agile enough to make amazing plays in the field. In fact he took the number of his idol, Derek Jeter and looked as if he was going to pull out a Derek Jeter baseball card and a sharpie from his back pocket when the Yankees came to town. I expect Tulowitzki to continue what he started last year, as he seems to be very patient hitter who will not be prone to long-term slumps, and the fact that he takes a genuine joy in displaying his defensive abilities will keep his head in the game if he does encounter any struggles at the plate.

unsung hero:

ian stewart (q)
ryan spilborghs (j)
aaron cook (d)

achilles heel:

aaron cook (q)
willy taveras (j)
willy taveras (d)

favorite moment:

Josh Fogg earns the nickname "Dragon Slayer" for winning a bunch of games against good pitchers. Then in his first game against the Red Sox he earns the nickname "Slaying Over His Head". (q)
quang makes a reference to the motion picture Norbit every time Yorvit Torrealba's name is mentioned (j)
Colorado sweeps the Phillies in the NLDS.

bold prediction:

Troy Tulowitzki improves his range as a shortstop to the outfield and finishes the season with 189 errors. (q)
because they feel they don't have to, the delusional rockies dont ever touch home plate and score zero runs. (j)
Fresh off their Rocktober success, Colorado renames months “sedimentary September”, “metamorphic May”, and “igneous August”. (d)

Today's Best - 03.06.08

2008-03-07T07:32:00.001-05:00

5. the utah jazz - last night the mavs hosted the red hot rockets without the services of the reigning mvp dirk nowitzki. dirk was handed a suspension for a flagrant foul against andrei kirilenko in monday night's game against the jazz. the rockets ultimately won their 17th straight game and now the mavs fall to seventh place in the conference. just as jerry sloan drew it up. anyways, people will be quick to point out that since acquiring jason kidd, dallas is a pedestrian 4-5. but each of those losses have been to the five top teams in the conference, four of which were on the road. of course, maybe the reason those five teams have reached the top of the conference is because they've been able to beat the mavericks. so it's really a chicken or the egg situation, in that the mavericks have egg on their face.

4. the spurs - a few weeks ago, i remember reading an article that argued that it was in the realm of possibility that the spurs could miss the playoffs. well article, san antonio is now the western conference's top team after a 108-97 win over the pacers. they've also quietly won 11 consecutive games and now look like the unstoppable force that we've been accustomed to seeing in previous seasons. anyways, last night was an intersting game in that tim duncan scored fewer points than kurt thomas, bruce bowen, and matt bonner. now that the spurs have proven they don't even need the league's best center to win games, their western conference opponents should be worried. now if only the spurs could prove they can also win with the league's best center.

3. tripp isenhour - isenhour is a professional golfer who has recently come under fire for killing a protected/endangered hawk. during a taping of a tv show, the departed was allegedly making noise which caused the 39-year old grown man to fire golf shots at it. unfortunately, golfers are clearly way too good at their craft because one of tripp's shots struck and killed the bird. if i ever tried to hit a bird with a golf ball, i'd have a better chance of killing myself than the bird. anyways, isenhour was charged yesterday with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird. who knows if there'll be any more developments, but right now my favorite part of this whole story is that apparently "the bird was buried at the golf course and later dug up by florida investigators." i don't know what's funnier to imagine, isenhour dumping a body in the sand trap hoping no one would find it or investigators exhuming a bird's grave.

2. the brothers lopez - in yesterday's biggest college basketball game, 3rd ranked ucla topped 7th ranked stanford 77-67 in overtime. the win clinched the pac-10 regular season title for ucla while also providing the lopez twins, brook and robin, a chance to demonstrate what they can do against the highest level of competition. brook led the cardinal with a team-high 18 points and 13 rebounds while robin led the cardinal players who weren't related to him with 14 points. unfortunately, i think they left a lot to be desired. brook and robin? what kind of names for twins are those? twins' names should be much more interesting, like brook and brobin or rockin' and robin or by brook and by crook or batman and robin. i guess it's too late now. i just hope the lopezes are better than stanford's last twin duo, jason and jaron collins. and since brook and robin both have fingers, i like their chances.

1. florida's oh-fours - last night in a 107-96 win over the division rival cavaliers, the bulls' joakim noah grabbed 20 rebounds and scored 13 points. this makes noah the third florida rookie from the back-to-back ncaa champions to collect at least 18 rebounds in a game. corey brewer was the first, grabbing 18 boards in only the third start of his career, and al horford has had two games where he pulled down 19 and 20 rebounds. i'm curious to see whether taurean green and chris richard will also join the club. or if lee humphrey joins any club. anyways, i'm no elias or his sports bureau, so i can't confirm whether this is the first time three rookies from the same college team have each gotten at least 18 rebounds in a game in their first season. i can confirm though that joakim noah is the loudest rookie to have ever gotten a rebound.

Season Preview: Cleveland Indians

2008-03-07T05:34:00.011-05:00

quang: to many people last year, the indians' extreme success was one of the biggest surprises of the 2007 season. but those of you who have seen them play over the past few seasons and knew about their incredible run differential in 2006 probalby weren't as suprised that they, along with the red sox, won the most games in the league. what i did find surprisng was that they were able to do so despite off years fom so many of their key contributors. travis hafner had a mediocre year by his standards, josh barfield was extremely ineffective, and cliff lee and jeremy sowers were both so unbelievably horrible that i didn't believe it. if i knew these players were going to be as bad as they were last year i would have written the indians off immediately. but thankfully for them, cc sabathia and fausto carmona were lights out, asdrubal cabrera and kenny lofton contributed a lot down the stretch, and the indians bullpen was outstanding. if these players don't regress too much and if the previous players rebound, i think this team will be a tough out.

last year, the indians one through nine could all rake. this is a trend that continues this year as i think cleveland's depth in the lineup remains one of their biggest strengths. it all starts from the top with grady sizemore. he is probably the heart and soul of this team. he has power, he has speed, he has plate discipline and he is an incredible centerfielder to boot. victor martinez is probably next on the pecking order. he's one of the most gifted offensive catchers in the league which likely means a shift to first base is forthcoming. another key cog on this team is the aforementioned travis hafner. if he returns to his intimidating form of the previous few years it improves the whole lineup. the rest of the team is as they say, solid but unspectacular. jhonny peralta is a better than averag shortstop and also a walking typo. as for the other middle infielder, asdrubal cabrera took over for barfield late last season and provided a much needed spark down the stretch. manning the corners of the diamond are casey blake and ryan garko. to me their essentially both the same player which isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially if they can share jerseys. the corner outfields, where franklin guitierrez, jason michaels, and david dellucci will all have a chance to play, are probably the biggest concern offensively. typically, you'd expect a little more production from left and right fielders, but i guess these short comings are more than made up for at other positions.

pitching wise, the indians are decent. sabathia is the reigning cy young award winner and his upcoming free agency should be reason enough to expect similar numbers as last year. fausto carmona meanwhile made a seemless transition from horrendous closer to incredible starter. it will be very hard for a pitcher who pitches to contact like fausto to be able to duplicate his success, so i don't think it's unreasonable to expect slightly worse numbers this time around. other than those two, the indians will throw out throwback paul byrd, league average jake westbrook, and either cliff lee, adam miller, or sowers. though miller has the highest ceiling, lee would probably give them their best chance to win now, while sowers gives them the highest era. whatever they decide, if the indians bullpen is anything like last years, they'll be more than up to task of eating some innings. set up men rafael betancourt and rafael perez shared first names and sub-2.00 eras. toss in jensen lewis and aaron fultz and cleveland will be tough to beat in innings 6-8. the final inning is another story altogether. joe borowski returns as closer and his 46 saves and 5.07 era last year will get him labeled as "a gamer" and "someone who knows how to win" by baseball purists even though "bad" and "kind of really bad" would be more appropriate.

overall, the indians have pretty much exactly the same team as the one that relenquished a 3-1 series lead in the alcs to the red sox. i'm actually concerned that they were a little too complacent this offseason and are relying a little too much on everyone having a similar season from last year. unfortunately, baseball doesn't work that way and from year to year, unpredictability is the only constant. well the only constant other than frank thomas hitting giant home runs. anyways, if for some reason the white sox can't win the division, like if they win too many games that the standings can't accommodate their enormous win total, i'd much rather the indians take it than the tigers. first, because i don't like the tigers. and second, because of the irony that ensues when cleveland fans, who occasionally cheer their team on by wearing red face, pitching fits about lebron james wearing a yankees hat. but objectively, though i think the indians have a very good team, i'm not confident a team with a shaky back end of the rotation and back end of the bullpen can beat these mighty tigers. hopefully, i'm proven wrong and the white sox with their shaky rotation and bullpen, win the central.

dhivy: People of Cleveland, be on the lookout for 6’3”, 240 pound male with “Apache” beard who answers to the name Pronk. He was last seen in 2006 when he hit a home run every 10.8 at-bats and drove in 117 runs. Last year, his presence in the lineup was replaced by a poor facsimile with a higher k-rate, lower walk-rate, and slugging percentage over 200 points worse. If spotted, please contact Eric Wedge and Mark Shapiro.

Assuming a bounce back year from Travis Hafner, the Native Americans are “Hopi”-ng to build on their 2007 campaign, which saw them one win away from a World Series. Three straight losses in the ALCS sealed their fate and left the city wondering if they missed their opportunity. It’s hard to predict a division title with the moves that the Tigers made, but with their core still intact, Cleveland should remain a major player in the American League. CC Sabathia is fresh off a Cy Young year and with free agency looming, his motivation has never been higher. Fausto Car-“Mohawk” preformed admirably in his “Seminole” season in the rotation, but he’ll be hard pressed to repeat his performance from ’07. And when Paul Byrd isn’t scrounging for HGH, he and Jake Westbrook provide solid, if unspectacular innings. Whether or not prize prospect Adam Miller pans out will determine if this rotation goes from good to great. The weakness of this staff is in their closer, “Nava”-Joe Borowski. Despite a league-leading 45 saves, his ERA was over 5 and the team cannot hesitate to lean on Rafael Betancourt or import Masahide Kobayashi should Borowski falter.

The player to watch in the Native Americans’ lineup is Josh Barfield. He was traded from the Padres last off-season and had a difficult time adjusting to the AL, both at the plate and in the field. While he starts the season behind Asdrubal Cabrera, I expect a resurgent year that will force Eric to Wedge him into the lineup somehow. At the very least he won’t end up as big a disappointment as “Cherokee” Parks. Sizemore, Hafner, and Martinez have become household names, but Casey Blake, Ryan Garko, and Jhonny Peralta make this one of the deeper lineups in the majors. The infield trio combined for 60 bombs and 230 runs scored. With Peralta and Garko entering their prime, this team is not “Cheyenne” away from predicting another postseason birth.

In the thirteen years baseball has employed a wild card, that spot has been captured by the AL East nine times. With such a discrepancy, I’m surprised the other divisions didn’t “Sioux”. Simply put, I don’t see the East’s domination continuing this year. The gap between the top and bottom teams in the Central is more pronounced than it has been in years past and I expect Cleveland to take advantage of the lesser competition. With their youthful exuberance an die-hard fan base, the Native Americans are a fun team to watch and appears poised for a long run of success.

“Algonquian”.

Unsung Hero:

Franklin Gutierrez (q)
Josh Barfield (d)
Asdrubal Cabrera (j)

Achilies Heel:

Joe Borowski (q)
Joe Borowski (d)
Joe Borowski (j)

Favorite Moment:

In a game against the White Sox, Aaron Fultz gives up a walk off home run in the bottom of the 13th to Juan Uribe. Somewhere in San Diego someone buys a whole bunch of hamburgers to celebrate. (q)
The Indians score a run off the Yankees as Joba Chamberlain is eaten by insects in the alds. (d)
I win one of my fantasy baseball leagues last year after choosing Josh Barfield in the fifth round....the fifth round!!! (j)

Bold Prediction:

People finally remember that Rafael Betancourt was once suspended for failing a drug test for performance enhancing drugs when pictures from a party at Jose Canseco's house surface of Brian McNamee injecting Betancourt before the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Photo Shoot. (q)
Grady Sizemore tries to reenact Willie Mays Hayes’ double steal from ‘Major League’, but Travis Hafner is unable to beat out the bunt. (d)
Grady Sizemore demands a trade to either San Diego, Los Angeles or Florida solely because his "Grady's Ladies" cheering contingent would probably be hotter there. (j)

Season Preview: Cincinnati Reds

2008-03-06T20:30:00.007-05:00

Joe: For some reason last year I watched more than my fair share of Cincinnati Reds games. I am by no means a fan of the Reds, they dont play a particularly good brand of baseball, but they have perhaps the most exciting young player in baseball taking the field every day at second base,2007 30 - 30 club member Brandon Phillips. Castaway by two teams, the Expos and the Indians for attitude issues, Phillips combines the coolest attributes of some of the best players in the past decade into one package. He has a Garry Sheffield-esque bat flick for timing, which makes every at bat look like something amazing is about to happen, and gives opposing pitchers reason to change their shorts after every inning Phillips has a turn at-bat. He has Jimmy Rollins type speed which allows him to swipe bags at a high rate and make unbelievable stabs at would-be bloop hits. And finally he makes Roberto Alomar-esque plays at second, combining the perfect mix of "i cant believe my eyes" athleticism with hot-dog flare. Although he is still not mature enough to be the leader of this team in the traditional sense e.g. team captain, he is definitely primed to lead the Reds in tons of offensive and defensive statistics and Sportscenter highlights and really, when your team is horrible - thats really all that matters.

I expect more of the same from the Reds this season. They have not improved much besides the fact that they have a pretty reliable everyday closer in the form of Francisco Cordero and they will have the services of highly touted hurler, Homer Bailey for the whole season. You can expect more of the same from Aaron Harang, quality starts, a high K rate and because of his location in Cincinnati, he will fly under the radar of most casual baseball fans. Bronson Arroyo proved that he is what the league thought he was after he had a torrid 2006 campaign he fell back to earth and is little more than an average starter. On the offense side of things, the Reds return the same bunch. Aside from Phillips, Adam Dunn will provide a truckload of homeruns and at one point in the year showed that he has some wheels and will steal a base if you let him. Ryan Freel, Norris Hopper, and Corey Patterson will battle it out for Center field honors, and all three speedsters have their fair share of problems actually getting on base, but Freel makes up for it with his ability to play almost any position on the field. Nevertheless without any major upgrades, new manager Dusty Baker will be hard pressed to improve much over the 72 wins that the Reds were able to scratch out last year. It's a shame as perhaps the teams most recognizable player Ken Griffey Jr. enters the twilight of his career.

Ken Griffey Jr. had all the makings of a legendary player, the type of athlete that Micheal Jordan turned out to be. I remember in 7th grade, me and my friends would crowd around the lunch table with the new Eastbay catalog first to approve or disapprove of the new Jordans, and then quickly after admire the new Griffey sneakers. It's amazing that a baseball player would have enough clout to share the mid-nineties sneaker conversation with Micheal Jordan, but that was the type of player Griffey was on trajectory to be. Mastery of the game, and an engaging personality. Then came the injuries, and he has become more or a sympathetic figure, as people like I think wistfully upon what could have been. Griffey, even in his mature ages can still put on a show, and even experienced a bit of an injury-free renaissance last year mashing 30 round-trippers and playing in a stunning 144 games. This may be due to a less demanding role in right-field or it could be that he is no longer talented enough physically to attempt the high risk activities that would seem to cause his most severe injuries - but either way I will make sure I enjoy Ken's last couple games for what they were and not harp on what they could have been.

Dhivy: At the height of McCarthyism in the 1950s, the Reds changed their team nickname to the Redlegs to disassociate themselves from Communism. So it comes as no surprise that Mike Stanton, relief pitcher for the Reds, was named in the Mitchell Report. The document details drug use in baseball and has been compared to Joe McCarthy’s “personal witch hunt”. Something tells me shortstop Juan Castro is in for a rough season.

This bit of history might strike you as a clever historic parallel, but really I’m just killing time before I have to start talking about this team. Cincinnatians are killing time waiting for the emergence of two high-ceiling prospects: Homer Bailey and Jay Bruce. Bailey saw time in the big show last season and showed flashes of brilliance. With a full-time spot in the rotation, Dusty Baker is hoping that Homer’s pitches won’t require an odyssey before reaching home. Bruce will start the season in the minors, but he was last year’s minor league player of the year and has drawn comparisons to Larry Walker. Should the Reds falter in the first half or need some extra punch in their outfield, don’t be surprised to see Bruce in the lineup. And should they both flame out, Bailey & Bruce sounds like a great name for a travelling circus.

Pitching is always going to be a problem in Cincy because the stadium they play in is skewed in the batter’s favor. I don’t know the exact dimensions but I’d estimate that dead center is roughly 12 feet from home plate. So a pitcher who can keep the ball in the park is a hot commodity. Pitchers like Bailey, Cy Young candidate Aaron Harang, and new closer Francisco Cordero have had success in this regard. But Bronson Arroyo, slated to be the #2 starter, carried a groundball-to-flyball ratio of 0.83 in 2007. He’s given up 59 home runs in two years at the Great American Ballpark and if the trend continues, he may be better served sticking to the guitar. Josh Fogg moves from Coors Field to Cincinnati, so he still will be struggling against his home park. It’s like waking up from a nightmare only to discover you’re still in a different nightmare.

The red herring I’m most interested in following this season is catcher David Ross. He set a career high for games played with 112, but his numbers didn’t reflect the increase in playing time. Despite a marginally better k-rate, his batting average plummeted from .255 to .203 and had 13 fewer RBI in 64 more ABs. Either he was victimized by some sort of voodoo warlord, or he had terrible luck with the balls he hit into play. I expect a much better season from Ross and I’ll even go out on a limb and predict 25-30 home runs. Junior Griffey and Adam Dunn will continue to mash this year, but the outlook is bleak without a more consistent pitching staff. But at least the Reds aren’t a bunch of criminals, unlike some Cincinnati teams.

Unsung Hero

Norris Hopper (j)
David Ross (d)
Homer Bailey (q)

Achilles' Heel

Bronson Arroyo (j)
Bronson Arroyo (d)
David Ross (q)

Favorite Memory

Brandon Phillips swipes second and third base on one pitch in a game against the Nationals. (j)
Homer Bailey’s call up is met with fanfare because he is a great prospect and because no one has been named Homer since Homer Simpson. (d)
I drop Brandon Phillips in fantasy baseball and Joe picks him up, Joe wins the league and I am to directly to blame. That's the last time Joe ever wins a fantasy league that I'm a part of. (q)

Bold Prediction

Dusty Baker becomes the first manager to go on the DL when he opts for splinter removal surgery following a toothpick mishap in the clubhouse. (j)
The Reds embrace their Communist brethren and denounce baseball’s open market spending. (d)
Trying to reverse the curse Dhivy put on him when Dhivy bought a Mariners Griffey jersey, Ken Griffey Jr. buys a Dhivy jersey. Dhivy tears his ACL at work while typing on his computer. (q)

Today's Best - 03.05.08

2008-03-06T08:22:00.001-05:00

5. Shan Foster – The all-time leading scorer for Vanderbilt put another notch in his belt today when his 42 points led the Commodores to an overtime victory against SEC rivals Mississippi State. In the final home game of his career, Foster’s late game heroics saved Vandy once again. In the waning seconds of regulation, Shan hit a three to tie the game at 74. Trailing with thirty seconds left in overtime, the team turned again to Foster, who drilled his ninth three to give his team an 86-85 win. At this rate, we’ll be talking about his time with the Commodores like that of Lionel Richie.

4. Kevin Johnson –The former Suns point guard made headlines when he announced his candidacy for Mayor of Sacramento. Since his playing career ended, KJ has dedicated himself to urban renewal projects, including one in the Sacramento neighborhood in which he grew up. While elections in California have been a joke ever since the Governator took office, Kevin has a track record of public service and could do some good for a struggling community. His platform centers on economic stimulation, along with a more dynamic foreign policy. When asked why he was running, Johnson claimed that government has become “nonresponsive, tired, uninspired and bureaucratic. They want something different in Sacramento.” Is he talking about government, or the Kings? Am I right folks?

3. Knick Drama – With head coach Isiah Thomas and star guard Stephon Marbury feuding, it’s understandable that the Knicks are not 100% focused on basketball. But it seems like a professional basketball team, even if they’re at 80%, should be able to stop someone from scoring 50. But along with 10 boards, 8 dimes and 4 steals, LeBron James was able to rack up a JFK (he’s on the half dollar). A running argument among my friends is about who the best player in the league is: LeBron or Kobe. After Kobe went for 52 against the Mavs, this game proves that at this point in their careers Kobe is exactly 2 points better than LeBron. It’s science.
2. The Patriot League – Conference tournaments started this week and the opening round of the Patriot League provided more dramam than most NCAA tournament games. Top-seed American needed a layup by Brian Gilmore in the closing seconds to defeat Holy Cross 62-60. Kyle Roemer put the Colgate Raiders on his back and scored 32 to knock off Lafayette 76-74. And in overtime, the Black Knights of Army eeked out a 64-61 win on the strength of 25 by Josh Miller. But the Bucknell-Navy battle topped them all. Despite 37 from midshipman Greg Sprink, John Griffin hit a buzzer-beating three in the third overtime to earn an 87-86 victory for the Bison. This must’ve been what Paul Revere envisioned on his famous ride.

1. Revenge – Jason Richardson was a key part of the Warriors success last year, averaging 16.0 points, 5.1 rebounds and 3.4 assists. But his contract was a bit of an albatross, so he became part of a draft day trade to Charlotte, the NBA equivalent of Kosovo. But J-Rich got his payback last night when he dropped 42 on his former team in a 118-109 upset. Facing a thirteen point deficit at the end of the first, the Bobcats turned to the Flintstone whose 14-point second quarter got them out of Barney. So it turns out that Richardson got the last laugh. Assuming that there are no more games played after today.

What’s that? Playoffs? Oh. Nevermind.

Season Preview: Chicago White Sox

2008-03-06T06:41:00.007-05:00

dhivy: The White Stockings lineup centers around an aging, yet effective core of sluggers. Jermaine Dye, Paul Konerko and Jim Thome all played below their expected output, but still accounted for over 100 home runs. With the all-or-nothing Nick Swisher patrolling center field, it appears that GM Ken Williams has eschewed the station to station strategy and decided the chicks dig that long ball. Other new faces include D-Backs castoff Carlos Quentin, who should see far more than the 229 ABs he got last season. Orlando Cabrera is the new shortstop and his playoff experience should bring a much needed jolt to the south side. The most interesting battle I see is at third base. Incumbent and heartthrob Joe Crede only hit .216 last season before succumbing to a lower back injury. 2004 first-round pick Josh Fields had 67 RBI as his replacement and his presence has created trade rumors regarding Crede. Maybe the White Sox should just petition Bud Selig to change the baseball diamond to a pentagon.

In 2005, the pitching was the key component that earned Chicago their World Series rings. What remains in ’08 consists of some of the same parts, along with several unknowns that manager Ozzie Guillen must develop. Mark Huehrle Buehrle is still a worthy staff ace and Javier Vazquez was able to save his bullpen and consistently put his team in position to win games. However, last season was a significant improvement on Vazquez’s numbers compared to the past three, so I’d envision a downturn in his ERA and WHIP. Jose Contreras celebrated his super sweet 37th this offseason after somehow losing seventeen games last year. But the fate of the White Sox lies on the arms of John Danks and Gavin Floyd. Floyd has been somewhat of a disappointment since being the fourth overall pick in 2001. But the Sox organization feels he has turned a corner and left his control problems behind him. A bullpen headlined by Bobby Jenks sounds good, but there are many questions to be answered. Can Octavio Dotel continue to rebound from Thomas Jonathan surgery? How will Scott Linebrink adjust to the American League? Is Matt Thornton going to stop being terrible? Answers to these issues will determine whether or not this year’s Sox are mismatched.

Motivational tactics in Venezuela must be very different than here in America. Guillen promised that should his team win the World Series in 2008, he will run naked through the streets of Chicago. If the White Sox do win it all this year, what does that say about the players in that locker room? If it takes the guarantee of a slightly overweight, extremely naked 44-year-old man to get them to play to their full potential, it may be more than static cling that makes these White Sox stick together.

quang: if there's one thing i know how to do, it's how to be unreasonably optimistic about the white sox every spring. this year is no exception. i loved every single one of general manager kenny williams' moves this off-season, and looking at their improved roster i like their chances. maybe not their chances to win an ultra-competitive al central, but definitely their chances to be the thing i talk about most over the next seven months. with that said, here's my best attempt at a rational preview about the only major league team that i would slap a baby across its face for if they asked me to.

last year was one of the worst seasons i've ever seen the white sox have. they were across the board awful. they had the lowest batting average in the league and similarly the lowest on-base percentage. yes, worse than every national league team. national league teams that allow their pitchers to hit. on the other side of the ball, the white sox did not fare much better. thanks mainly due to a underwhelming bullpen that often allowed runs while the starters were still in the game, the white sox pitching staff finished with a 4.77 era, sixth worst in baseball. and if that weren't enough, in 34 at bats they got a total of zero hits. yet somehow, despite all their shortcomings, the white sox won 72 games, 70 more than they deserved to win. so now, having endured a season where they secured the 8th pick in the upcoming draft, they come into this season with nowhere to go but up. or possibly down.

the white sox enter this season with only ten players who remain from their 2005 championship team. the latest cast offs since last season began included jon garland, a solid middle rotation pitcher, tadahito iguchi, a good second basemen and a prototypical hitter from the second slot, and scott podsednik, the catalyst who set the table for the white sox during their championship run. but with these departures come a number of fresh faces. most noteworthy of which is nick swisher, acquired from the athletics in a trade that gutted the white sox minor league system. aside from frenetic energy and switch-hitting, i think the most important thing swisher brings is the ability to draw walks and reach base. orlando cabrera was brought in from the garland trade and takes the shortstop job away from juan uribe, my favorite white sock. i know cabrera is probably an upgrade, but despite his obvious flaws, like a plus .700 out-making percentage, i'm a uribe man through and through. besides, after his defensive heroics in 2005, juan uribe has earned the right to take a few seasons off.

anyways, aside from those big splashes, the white sox also added carlos quentin and alexi ramirez, two young position players who i think have a lot of promise. quentin was only a season ago a very highly touted prospect for the diamondbacks, but after shoulder surgery and eric brynes' emergence the white sox bought low. alexi ramirez is a utility man who has the inside track on the vacant slot at second base. as a cuban defector, i expect he'll be incredible and also be 15 years older than he says. the white sox only major other additions were to their maligned bullpen by signing scott linebrink and octavio dotel. linebrink was the padres long-time lights out set up man before being traded to milwuakee midseason last year. octavio dotel is a decent bullpen arm but has battled injuries over the last several seasons, making him a great unknown. but if either of these guys can consistently get through a single inning without tossing a wild pitch that hits the third base coach, i think the white sox will be in good shape.

thankfully, there is some continuity between this year and last. paul konerko, jermaine dye, jim thome, aj pierzynski, and joe crede all return to the lineup hoping that their sub-par 2007 seasons don't follow. i expect most of them to rebound simply because, based on the difference between their predicted ops and actual ops, many of the white sox hitters were horribly unlucky. konerko, pierzynski, and thome were each the second unluckiest players for their respective positions while jermaine dye was the fourth unluckiest outfielder. other teams better hope these white sox players spent their off-season passing black cats, walking under ladders, and stepping on cracks that break their mother's back because that's the only way i see them not returning to form. joe crede on the other hand missed almost the entire season due to injury. but in his absence, josh fields established himself as a legit player. sadly, one of these two is expected to be dealt sometime this season. deciding which one i'd rather have traded is like picking between two of my kids. kids who for whatever reason i want to trade to someone else so i can give the other more playing time. what a horrible father i've become. anyways, with these players, and jerry owens and pablo ozuna in the mix, the white sox lineup seems pretty deep and very versatile. hopefully this makes up for the fact that their talent at the top isn't as high as many other contenders. if not, hopefully bud selig extends the batting order from nine players to 15.

thus far, my outlook on the white sox has been extremely rosy, so i guess it's only fair that i discuss my biggest area of concern: the starters. mark buehrle and javier vazquez had very strong 2007 campaigns and i expect their success to continue. but behind them, things get dicey with jose contreras and the duo of gavin floyd and john danks. contreras has been dreadful for the last year and half and i'm not optimistic he'll be able to return to his previous form. floyd finished last season very strong and has the talent to flourish, but who knows how his first crack at an extended stay in a rotation will go? lastly, danks, the prize in the brandon mccarthy deal last year, played as expected in his first full season; some ups and a lot of downs. at this point, only a rotation of five matthew leskos would have more question marks as the white sox rotation currently does. of course, if that were the case, with all the money they saved from free stuff the government gives out, maybe they'd be able to afford more proven pitchers. anyways, to summarize this long-winded preview, as it stands right now, the white sox seem firmly entrenched in third place. i don't think a division title is completely out of reach but they'll definitely need a few breaks to get there. specifically breaks to the bones of miguel cabrera and grady sizemore. but regardless of what happens, this is as excited i've been about a white sox team for quite some time. the only thing they're missing right now is frank thomas patrolling centerfield.

Unsung Hero:

Gavin Floyd (d)
Alexi Ramirez (q)
Orlando Cabrera (j)

Achilles Heel:

Javier Vasquez (d)
Jose Contreras (q)
Octavio Dotel (j)

Favorite Moment:

Mark Buehrle picking off the only base runner in his no-hitter against Texas. (d)
The White Sox first allow six runs in the top of the 9th in a game against the rival Twins before rallying for six runs of their own in the bottom of the ninth and later winning in the extras. Then 10 days later against the Angels, Jim Thome in the bottom of the ninth hits his 500th home run for a walk off White Sox victory. (q)
Ozzie Guillen makes an offhand remark about how fat Miguel Cabrera is. (j)

Bold Prediction:

With the news that Fidel Castro has ceded power, Jose Contreras travels by raft back to Cuba. (d)
The White Sox win the AL Central and also every other division in the league thanks to Nick Swisher's MVP season where he hits 75 home runs from each side of the plate. (q)
Juan Uribe will hit a walk-off grand slam during the White Sox first day game. Quang spends the remainder of the afternoon explaining to his employer why he was running around the office shirtless. (j)

Season Preview: Chicago Cubs

2008-03-06T00:07:00.009-05:00

joe: Looking at this team on paper, the sky is the limit, there is speed, power, exuberant youth and insanity everywhere you look. However nothing with the Cubs comes easy, and that is even more alarming since they are in a gift division, where teams seem to hover around .500, get ravaged by injury or feel content to parade out perennial losers. With St. Louis facing plenty of questions around their primary slugger and their pitching staff, and Milwaukee still being a little to young to be taken seriously, this is the Cubs Division to lose.

This may be the best corner infield in baseball with both, Aramis and Derek Lee capable of putting up 35-40 Homeruns and driving in over 110 runs each. As a matter fact along with being the best corner infield, this duo may also be the best backcourt in Chicago, as Derek Lee was recruited to play basketball at UNC, currently the number 1 school in the nation, and I am confident that playing 3rd base Aramis is quick enough to defend some guards. If all else fails, the Bulls may need to explore this option. Regardless, coupling these two with a healthy Alfonso Soriano makes for at least 100 HRs in the lineup right off the bat, so any dudes planning any summer vacations to the Mid-west, make sure you put a game at Wrigley on your itinerary because we all know 'chicks dig the longball' so you're guaranteed at least 50 hookups in the Wrigley Field bleachers.

Kosuke Fukudome, the next big position player from Japan signed with the Cubs and is expected to contribute some much needed pop in the outfield from a source other than Soriano. Japaneese transplants must deal with so much attention during their rookie seasons that it's a wonder some of them succeed immediately. The Cubs are hoping that since he is not being bought on to be a "savior" he will have ample opportunity to ease in and be productive. Other young players on the Cubs roster include sparkplug, Felix Pie, who at best could be the type of phenom Soriano was and at worst he could be an actual pie, and I dont know about you - but I never met a pie that I didn't like so the kid can't lose. Ryan Theriot played almost a full season last year and took the role of disruptor on the basepaths and displayed a pretty impressive glove at short, if he can improve on his contact and draw a few more walks he will be a fine addition to this already dynamic outfield.

Perhaps the most intriguing part of the roster is the pitching staff. Here you have everyone's favorite crazy Carlos Zambrano who signed a fresh new deal and also broke at least 3 bats over his knee (every pitching coaches dream) after bad at-bats. Aside from a rough beginning to 2007 which can be attributed to contract negotiations and Micheal Barrett's poor effect on pitchers, Zambrano finished the year with dominant outings and hushed those that say that his workhorse schedule the past couple of years were beginning to take their toll. Rich Hill is primed for more success, his tall lanky frame makes it seem like he is delivering his curveball a couple inches from the batter's head and tossing it straight down into the catcher's glove. When he's on it's hilarious to see the befuddlement on the face of opposing batters; and Ted Lilly and Jason marquis are quality innings eaters that wont surprise anyone but will give a solid output on any given day. Finally the bullpen should be able to protect many a lead as Carlos Marmol moves into the closer role with the still electric Kerry Wood looming just in case Marmol cannot handle the job full-time. This team is an absolute problem and we should fully expect to see them playing meaningful September baseball.

quang: it has been 100 years since the cubs last won a world series. there have probably been four or five generations of die hard fans that have died hard without their beloved cubs finishing one season as the best team in baseball. a century has passed. do you realize how much time a century is? think about this, the last time the cubs won the fall classic, fall wasn't even a season, the president of the united states was christopher columbus, and america's pastime was racism. anyways, some of you may know by now that i'm a white sox fan. thankfull. though for whatever reason, i'm not a white sox fan that hates the cubs. maybe it's because i'm not a native chicagoan or because henry rowengartner is one of my favorite fictional characters ever, but i rarely openly root against them. sure i call them "the cubes" every now and then, and sometimes i'll burn effigies of certain cubs players, but it's mostly all in fun. so with that in mind, i genuinely like their chances this year.

last year, the cubs were the team with the fewest wins to make the playoffs. and just to do so, they had to stage a furious rally to catch up with the brewers, who helped by fading down the stretch. unfortunately, the upstart diamondbacks swept them back home in the first round and highlighted one of the cubs' biggest weaknesses coming into the postseason, not winning many games. i think the cubs can expect last year's deficiencies will be a thing of the past, as this year, from top to bottom, the team looks much improved. cliff floyd and jacque jones have been replaced with heralded prospect felix pie and japanese import, kosuke fukudome. though both are unproven in the majors, they should be heads and shoulders above the proven liabilities that were floyd and jones. additionally, the cubs are returning their core of derrek lee, aramis ramirez, and alfonso soriano. all three are right in their prime years and are as potent a right-handed trio as there is in the league. catching for his first full season, is highly-regarded geovany soto. similar to pie and fukupayme, soto is very raw and unproven. but since he's replacing team cancer michael barrett and offense cancer jason kendall, if soto finishes this season without once poking himself in the eye with a bat it's an upgrade. my biggest question surrounding the cubs' position players concerns the middle infielders. ryan theriot had a pseudo-break out season, but by the end was barely league average. second basemen mark derosa had a quietly solid year but recently had heart surgery. and though doctors say he should be able to play later this month, heart surgery is always a big question mark.

pitching wise, though i'm not sure how talented the staff is, the cubs appear to have tremendous depth, which is often times just as important. fiery ace carlos zambrano is back for his eighth season on the north side. he had is worst full professional year in 2007. and despite leading the national league in walks allowed for the second consecutive year, he still had a more than reasonable 3.91 era. after big z, the cubs trot out ted lilly, who led cubs starters in era and whip last year, and rich hill, who built off his strong finish to 2006 to be one of the better 3rd starters in the league. after that though, i'm not sure what to expect. they've seemingly guaranteed the fourth spot to ryan dempster who has been a closer since 2005 and since 2006 has had trouble pitching one effective inning nevermind six. for their final rotation slot, the cubs are trying to decide between jon lieber and jason marquis. i'm not sure if sean marshall is in the picture, but i think any team would be glad to have him as their fifth wheel. besides, lieber is 37 and marquis is redundant seeing that the cubs already filled their quota of french names with theriot. but if sweet lou does decide to hand the job over to one of these two, at least it means we'll get to see the cubs outstanding bullpen more often. though kerry wood, carlos marmol, and bobby howry are all competing for the team's vacant closer job, between them angel guzman, neal cotts, michael wuertz, the cubs will be in good hands, specifically hands that will baffle opposing hitters.

overall, i think the nl central will be a tight race between the cubs and brewers. i'm giving the slight edge to the cubs, even though i think milwuakee has a much higher ceiling, because the cubs have more pitchers than the brewers. though if the cubs fall short i suspect it will be because bullpens are completely unpredictable year to year and they have three position players who are playing their first full major league season. either way, since i'm not sure the cubs have enough to win the world series it looks like after this year, the cubs will have had waited as many years since their last championship as cruella deville has dalmations. unless of course, when the white sox win the world series this year, they change their name to the cubs.

Unsung Hero:

Carlos Marmol (j)
Matt Murton (q)
Geovany Soto (d)

Achilles Heel:

Mark DeRosa (j)
Jason Marquis (q)
Ted Lilly (d)

Favorite Moment:

The Padres Chris Young throws a hard high one at Derek Lee's head, Derek Lee calmy walks out in the general direction of the mound, when antagonized by Young the two trade wild yet off-target haymakers. (j)
After a scuffle between he and the dugout of a game, Michael Barrett eventually gets traded to the Padres. With Barrett on board, the Padres successfully miss the playoffs. (q)
Carlos Zambrano punches teammate Michael Barrett in the face. The face! (d)

Bold Prediction:

When tensions flare up again between 6'5 Derek Lee and the Padres' 6'11 Chris Young, it doesnt come to fist-a-cuffs but the two meet after the game for a heated slam dunk contest. (j)
Kerry Wood finally plays a full season when the players union surprisingly decides to go on strike in mid-April. (q)
Pronunciation of Kosuke Fukudome’s name causes Cubs games to be broadcast on a seven-second delay.

Today's Best - 03.04.08

2008-03-04T23:57:00.001-05:00

5. kyle korver - this photo was emailed to me by no less than three people. and every time i opened it, i laughed. i'm still having trouble understanding exactly how this happened, so i went back to the play by play to figure it out:

- "rashad mccants with the steal, he's going the other way."
- "korver and price are back and...what's this?"
- "it appears that the boogie man has entered the arena!"
- "and there's dracula and the wolfman! oh no, it's all of kyle korver's childhood nightmares!"
- "and he's cowering in fear and resisting the urge to wet himself. what a sad day for basketball!"
- "mccants scores. someone get korver out from under the scorer's table."

4. sidney crosby - when alex ovechkin scored his 50th goal of the season, sid the kid decided that he needed to get back to work. he played a big part in the game, providing the assist on the game-winner in a 2-0 victory over the lightning. after a month and a half on the shelf, crosby looked a little rusty, but i imagine i wouldn't skate too well after 6 weeks off either. with alex and sid the only reasons the nhl is relevant, it's good to have them both on the ice. but we need to focus on getting them some better nicknames. i suggest "sexy lexy" and "sidney the kidney".

3. chris andersen - for the first time in two years, it's time for the birdman to fly. so flight traffic controllers need to be on the lookout for irregular patterns appearing overhead. chris was suspended in 2006 for a positive test for an unspecified amphetamine. the league became suspicious of possible drug use when they looked at him. andersen is best known for the 2005 dunk contest, in which he threw half court passes to himself for five solid minutes before finishing his dunk. a former hornet, he is expected to receive a contract offer from the team in the coming weeks. his presence would be a welcome boost to their playoff push, if only because bonzi wells would no longer being the craziest person on the team.

2. scoring point guards - it's not every day that a team scores 118 and ends up getting blown out by 17. but despite 38 from joe johnson, the atlanta hawks proved to be no match for golden state. baron davis led the warriors with 35 points and 9 passes that directly led to field goals for his teammates (aka "assists"). for the highest scoring team in the league even tuesday was a surprise, as they set a season-high for points in a game. "we figured that this is not comfortable scoring at a pace like this," said baron. keeping people uncomfortable must explain why the warriors’ defense relies so heavily on wedgies and wet willies.

1. brett favre - i'm a little nervous writing this because i'm scared that favre could change his mind at any moment. he announced his retirement yesterday and for the first time in seventeen years, i'll go into the next football season without fear of the number 4. for many years, i've downplayed favre's accomplishments, harped on his shortcomings, and attacked his character. but the fact is favre is probably the best quarterback of my lifetime and for someone to have his longevity is absolutely unbelievable. he's a first ballot hall of famer and i'll probably be complaining about him fifty years from now. while i'm glad he won't be on the field any more, a part of me wishes he'd stick around. beating green bay won't feel the same without his miserable face on the sidelines.

Season Preview: Boston Red Sox

2008-03-04T16:00:00.018-05:00

joe: Save for Manny Ramirez, there is no one on the 2007 World Series Champions that I particularly like. My whole life I have been staunchly anti-Yankee because of my unwavering support for the New York Metropolitans. So naturally by extension I've been sympathetic to the Red Sox and their never ending quest to topple the evil-empire. Now for the first time ever, I can honestly say that I would be happier if the Yankees had success than this team. I'm not sure if it's the annoying dancing, the frat-boy arrogance or the constant yapping about Red-Sox nation from their fans that annoys me most, but every time I see coverage about the Red Sox I am irritated to the point where I change the channel or turn the radio dial.

All that aside, I still very much do appreciate Manny Ramirez. Talent is so important in baseball, there is less of that concept of intangibles and "making your team better" so often seen in basketball. Manny Ramirez is blessed with the most natural hitting talent I have seen since I started seriously watching baseball in the mid 90s. Talent aside, his general aloofness and almost child-like displays of admiration with his own abilities is what many people hate about him but I cant get enough of the highlights of him mashing a monster homerun of some schlub pitcher and keeping his arms fully extended, lingering in the batter's box until the ball leaves the park. He has his quirks, he says what he feels when he wants to, and does what he needs to do when he needs to do them and is completely unapologetic to those that say his 'antics' are disrespectful to the game.

Regardless of my personal feelings about the rest of the Red Sox, this is a team built to win. Josh Beckett has truly become the player he was groomed to be since his early success with the Marlins, Jonathan Papelbon is as dominant as he is irksome, Dice-K will be more comfortable pitching in the U.S. during his second year as the mania surrounding his arrival dies down. With those kinds of weapons in their arsenal, if David Ortiz can keep in shape for one more season, there is no reason to not expect the Red Sox in the thick of things in late August and' September. Dustin Pedroia and to a lesser extent Jacoby Ellsbury came up and played a huge role in the teams success in their first years which always leads to high expectations in the sophomore season. It will be interesting to see if their success continues, as the team cannot afford to have these guys slump when nothing that Coco Crisp, J.D. Drew or Julio Lugo are expected to offer can be counted on.

dhivy: The question all of Boston is asking is what to expect from Curt Schilling. His shoulder has become a major concern and it’s unknown when he’ll be able to contribute to the rotation. Unfortunately, it hasn’t affected his egomania, so we’re still subject to Curt’s views on everything from steroids to foreign policy. While Boston’s other starters lack his desire to annoy everyone around him, there’s plenty of talent to carry the Sox. Josh Beckett has proven himself one of the premier pitchers in the league and fans expect Jon Lester & Clay Buchholz to improve on their ’07 campaigns. Of course, Clay threw a no-hitter last year so I’m not sure how much he can improve. Maybe he’ll throw no-hitters and take over as designated hitter on his off days. Papelbon is the big name out of the pen, but don’t discount the importance of Hideki Okajima. The lefty’s changeup baffled hitters for most of the season, and his ability to manage the late innings could dictate the direction this bullpen turns.

The Red Sox know what they’re going to get out of Manny, Lowell & Ortiz. They know Lugo’s going to play great D and Youkilis is going to have a high OBP. After that there's a high level of uncertainty in the lineup. JD Drew turned in a great postseason, but can we expect him to replicate that success, or is another sub-par regular season on tap? Jason Varitek is the unquestioned leader of the squad, but will his production continue to wane as he enters his twelfth season? Dustin Pedroia won the AL Rookie of the Year, but can he avoid a sophomore slump? Perhaps the biggest unknown and the one player that everyone is excited to see is Jacoby Ellsbury. He hit .355 in 141 ABs spanning the regular and postseason and stole 11 bases in 40 starts. His defense in center has also been good enough to unseat incumbent and cereal mogul Coco Crisp. As the first Native American to play in the majors, he might even step his game up when Cleveland comes to town. Just try not to litter around him.

In 2004, I was a senior in college and was excited to see the Red Sox win their first World Series in 86 years. I even wore the same green sweatshirt for the final eight games of the postseason. Three years later when the Red Sox swept Colorado to capture their second title in four years, I found myself hating everything about them. Schilling & Beckett were the most pompous people I’d ever seen. Manny & Ortiz were lazy, overpaid oafs. Pedroia & Ellsbury had a couple good games and the media was anointing them as saviors. What made me sour on this organization so quickly was the attitude the fans took on overnight. Boston fans went from hoping to win to expecting to win, which puts them on par with the Yankee’s fans in my estimation. Combine that with the Patriots' historic run and the Celtics' new found relevance and Boston's entitlement has become a cultural phenomena on par with its slurred speech pattern. Here’s hoping the AL East race isn’t limited to Sawks and the Yuckees.

Unsung Hero:

Sean Casey(j)
Jacoby Ellsbury(d)
Clay Buchholz(q)

Achilles' Heel:

Curt Schilling(j)
Jason Varitek(d)
Julio Lugo(q)

Favorite Memory:

In game four of the ALCS Manny Ramirez smashes a majestic 451 foot shot and stands in the box for a full 9 seconds as the ball travels through the air. The Red Sox were still down by 4 runs after the homer.(j)
Jon Lester wins his first start back after recovering from lymphoma.(d)
Against Oakland, Curt Schilling had a no-hitter going with two outs in the ninth. Shannon Stewart ended Schilling's bid at history with a sharp single and in turn started his bid at Most Valuable Player Who Spared Us From A World Where Curt Schilling Has Pitched A No-hitter. (q)

Bold Prediction:

In his quest to continually do annoying dances, Jonathan Papelbon does "the superman dance" after each strikeout.(j)
Manny Ramirez takes a bathroom break inside the green monster. The Red Sox give up 7 runs as they have no left fielder for the inning.(d)
Red Sox reliever Manny Delcarmen decides to adopt Boston's popular "Manny Being Manny" credo. In his first appearance of the season, Delcarmen gives up seven runs in a third of an inning while eating hot dogs on the mound and is ejected for doctoring the ball after getting mustard everywhere. (q)

Season Preview: Baltimore Orioles

2008-03-04T10:23:00.020-05:00

quang: a decade has passed since the orioles last made the playoffs and last won 80 or more games in a season. even as a staunch oriole supporter, i can't envision a scenario where these streaks don't reach a decade.1 years. this off-season, baltimore traded away eric bedard, their best player, and miguel tejada, their best perjurer. melvin mora and brian roberts were also frequently mentioned in trade rumors and though they remain on the team, it seems like just a matter of time before they're forced to eat poorer quality crab cakes. this isn't news to anyone familiar with baseball, but the root of the orioles' problems starts and ends with owner peter angelos and his iron will. and judging by how mismanaged his baseball team is, i wouldn't be the least bit surprised if everything peter angelos owned was similarly woeful. like if the car he drives to work had square tires, no seat belts because there were no seats, and was powered by his feet like fred flintstone's car because angelos is too cheap to buy gas. alright, maybe i'd be a little surprised. especially because he didn't trade it in for a worse, older car.

this isn't to say i've written off the orioles already because there are some things to look forward to this season. for one, brian roberts and melvin mora are still with the team. and though i expect both will be traded by season's end, at least for the time being they have the american league's best second basemen and the longest tenured oriole. also, outfielder nick markakis is a burgeoning star and adam jones, the center piece of the bedard trade, is a promising five-tool prospect who the orioles have no choice but to play. i expect this season markakis will continue to build on last year's breakout campaign while jones shows flashes of his immense potential. well, hopefully orioles fans enjoy that because i really think that's where the list of "some things to look forward to" ends. unless of course you like daniel cabrera as much as i do, which is very unlikely since i'm obsessed with the wildly inconsistent 6-9 flamethrower. i don't think there's a pitcher in the league that has had their repetoire referred to as "electric" more often than cabrera. this year, i hope he finally puts his tools together because if there's anything the orioles could use this year, it's a pitcher whose pitches are measured in volts.

to me, the rest of the team doesn't inspire much confidence or optimism. nowadays, kevin millar is known more for his chemistry in the clubhouse than his physics with the baseball bat. aubrey huff and luke scott are too old to expect anything other than the mediocre norm. and luis hernandez, the man replacing tejada at short, has 69 career at-bats and looks like he's a few b-12 shots away from replacing anyone's offense, nevermind tejada's. unfortunately, the pitching staff doesn't look much better. though jeremy guthrie had a surprisingly good year and adam loewen pitched well in limited action, neither of these two or daniel cabrera can be expected to be a staff ace in the al east of all divisions. especially if pitching guru leo mazzone isn't also returning. and let's not forget a bullpen that hasn't improved since last year and will be without closer chris ray for the entire season. fortunately, i doubt baltimore was going to have many leads to protect anyways. seriously, if the orioles manage to improve their 28th ranked 5.38 era it's probably because their pitchers start making errors on purpose so that the hundreds of runs they allow are unearned. anyways, overall, i think the orioles are in for a very long season. as in a season where they somehow finish 3-198 long.

joe: The Orioles had the most non-sensical off season ever. Facing heavy competition 30 miles down the road from the Nationals who are moving into a flashy new pad, one would think that owner, Peter Angelos and the boys would want to hold on to their superstar in the making ace Erik Bedard. You would also think that the one player with any real name recognition on the team, Miguel Tejada would be a priority, and finally you would think that the player they bring back in return for Bedard to patrol centerfield would not have the same name as the much maligned NFL cornerback with a well-documented hankering for strippers, bar-fights and firearm toting bodyguards. But all these things didn’t happen and the O's are relying on a smattering of youngsters and journeymen to make a bid for 3rd in the two-horse race that is the AL East while at the same time keeping their share of regional dominance.

On the bright-side, Baltimore has been a perfect setting for talented yet unknown professionals to come together and do something great. The Wire has been entertaining millions of viewers for five seasons now with its mix of young and journeyman actors, so perhaps Angelos is onto something. I say that he stops half-stepping and take it even further. Have a shotgun wielding stick-up man roaming the bleachers of Camden Yards or perhaps maybe have uber-talented right fielder Nick Markakis masquerade as an alcoholic womanizer with a penchant for good police work. Speaking of Markakis, he quietly put together a quality season, picking up the pace in the second half and is poised to break out this year. The O's also need a big year from dynamic second baseman Brian Roberts, who's name has been sullied to a certain extent by the Mitchell Report. Aside from these two, and perhaps Jones, the lineup is shrouded with mystery. Melvin Mora has been extremely hit or miss throughout his career and he has been trending on the miss side of things for the past year and a half, while Jay Payton and Aubrey Huff aren’t even guaranteed a starting roster spot. Just glancing at the lineup it's very difficult to see how they are going to score runs most games.

The problems with the lineup pale in comparison with the travesty that is the Oriole's pitching situation. Jeremy Guthrie had a masterful first half last year, until the AL East figured him out and he reverted to being the batting practice pitcher that the Indians gave up on. Meanwhile, Daniel Cabrera has been on the verge of "getting it together" for the past three seasons. Granted he is still very young, but at some point you have to question whether or not trying to harness your talent on a team that has averaged only 71 wins over the last three years does more harm than good. While there are some workable pieces, this Orioles team shows all the signs of a comedically bad bunch and I for one can't wait to see it.

unsung hero:

Daniel Cabrera (q)
Adam Jones (j)
Freddy Bynum (d)

achilles heel:

Ramon Hernandez (q)
Melvin Mora (j)
Melvin Mora (d)

favorite moment:

In a game against the Red Sox, Daniel Cabrera balks in Coco Crisp from third. Daniel Cabrera is ejected after his next pitch that nearly takes off Dustin Pedroia's head. (q)
O's commentator Gary Thorne claims that Curt Schilling's bloody sock was a hoax and that Doug Mirabelli told him it was for PR, Mirabelli says no such thing happened and Thorne is forced to appologize, I still beleive him though. (j)
In an effort to foster solidarity, the orioles bullpen grew mustaches. Unfortunately, they got some unwanted attention from “to catch a predator”. (d)

bold prediction:

The Orioles become the first MLB team to ever start five black outfielders. Unfortunately, they decide to start Adam Jones, Jay Payton, Tike Redman, Freddie Bynum, and Chris Roberson in the outfield all in the same game and the Royals manage to bleed out 60 infield singles. (q)
Insurance companies hit it big as after learning of Adam Jones' arrival to the city, Scores-Baltimore takes out the biggest policy on record. (j)
Daniel Cabrera throws a no-hitter and strikes out 20 batters. he also walks 14 and hits 5. (d)

Today's Best - 03.03.08

2008-03-03T23:59:00.001-05:00

5. ben roflsberger - a day after his 26th birthday, the steelers quarterback was the recipient of an eight year contract totaling $102 million. to contrast, i got "saved by the bell" on dvd for my last birthday. i can't wait 'til i turn 26. after leading his team to a super bowl win, big ben has established himself as a premier quarterback in the league and threw a team-record 32 touchdowns last season. while it's nice to lock up a young quarterback throughout his prime, i think the steelers made a rash move here. the pats signed randy moss for only three years and $27 million, and he caught 23 touchdowns last year. how many did roethlisberger catch? you guessed it, not a one.

4. walk-offs - we're in the first week of spring training, but things are starting to feel like october already. aside from the fact that i haven't seen a baseball game in four months. with two outs in the ninth, mark teahan singled in angel berroa to lead the royals to a 7-6 victory over the chi sox. not to be outdone, ruben tejada plated michael abreu to help the mets defeat atlanta 3-2. but the star of the night was chris basak, whose game-winning home run sent the reds packing and led to minnesota's first jumping-home-plate-throng of the season. although i'd imagine the nickname "mr. march" is not very fulfilling.

3. deron williams - after andrei kirilenko was on the receiving end of a flagrant foul by dirk the jerk, he had to leave the game early in the first quarter. x-rays on his hip came back negative and fortunately for jazz fans, deron williams was more than willing to pick up where the lanky ukrainian left off. his 17 points and season-high 20 assists led the way to a 116-110 victory over the mavericks. of course, those assists would have been worthless if not for his teammates converting their shots. so really, the credit goes to everyone on the jazz except for deron williams.

2. gilbert arenas - the mercurial wizards guard has missed 51 games this season due to a knee injury. yesterday he was finally cleared to practice, but no timetable has been set for his return. arenas himself has voiced concern over returning too early and possibly reaggrivating the injury. "it's nerve-racking because I don't want to get hurt again. two injuries back-to-back kind of messes with a guy's mental state." as much as i want to see arenas in action as soon as possible, it's refreshing to hear an athlete admit he's dealing with fear. let's hope gilbert's fear of dinosaurs and carnivorous felines doesn't affect his status for the team's weekend games against the raptors and bobcats.

1. schizophrenia - try and make sense of the last three games from texas tech: 45 point loss to texas a&m, upset the #5 texas longhorns, 58 point loss to kansas. on senior night in lawrence, the jayhawks scored a season-high 109, a point total typically reserved for the louisiana-monroes and florida atlantics of the world. bill self's squad had six double-figure scorers and shot a mind-boggling 60% from the field. in the midst of all that boggle, they were even able to hold the red raiders under 30% from the field. texas tech isn't quite done yet, a strong showing in the big 12 tournament could vault them into the big dance. but for that to happen, pat knight's going to have to get his hands on some lithium.

Season Preview: Atlanta Braves

2008-03-03T19:49:00.000-05:00

quang: in 2007, even despite tbs' new deal to air mlb playoff games, the atlanta braves did not have a single playoff game aired on tbs or any network for that matter. ultimately, they finished third in the division behind the phillies and mets. it was the second consecutive year they didn't qualify for the playoffs after winning their division for the 11 previous seasons. looking at their team, and more importantly the other teams, it's hard to imagine atlanta will keep their current postseason-less streak from reaching three years. for what it's worth, at least their streak of like 20 years of tomahawk chopping and general insensitivity towards native americans will continue.

the braves have most of their core returning which should mean they'll be good enough to hover around .500. chipper jones is back at third for his 15th year and remains a potent bat when not limited by injuries. unfortunately, he returns without his long-time teammate of the same surname, andruw, which puts the chances of a "money train" remake in serious jeopardy. mark teixeira, who the braves traded for midseason last year, will man first in his contract year. the braves' future appears to be built around jeff francoeur, brian mccann, and kelly johnson. francoeur's biggest knock has been his inability to reach base via walk, an area where he has improved such that now he's at least passable. brian mccann continues to one of the top catchers in the league though he did not play as well last year as he did the year before. lastly, kelly johnson had a breakout year for atlanta and was a terrific offensive second basemen. sprinkle in a little yunel escobar, matt diaz, and even mark kotsay and for my money, this is a decent offense.

i think the biggest question mark facing the braves is their pitching staff despite being fairly good last year. john smoltz was incredible and tim hudson looked at least somewhat like the hudson of old. if they can duplicate that success, that's a fairly solid one-two punch. rounding out the rest of the rotation is chuck james, a perfectly average pitcher, tom glavine, who showed his true braves colors last year by keeping the mets out of the playoffs, and maybe mike hampton, who can't be expected to play an entire season. if the starters fall short, i don't have much confidence in a bullpen that might not be able to overcome the loss of bob wickman. that might be a stretch but other than soriano and gonzalez, the rest of the staff is unproven. overall, it'll be a tough road ahead for atlanta, who is staring at two superior teams and two far inferior teams, to not finish third in the nl east.

dhivy: I’ve spent most of my life hating the Atlanta Braves for constantly winning the NL East. Their run of 14 straight division titles is unbelievable, even if they were only able to win a single World Series in that span. Manager and crankypants Bobby Cox has a great feel for managing a pitching staff, getting the most out of his youngsters and role players, and building a winning atmosphere up and down the organization. While there has been great stability amongst the Braves in seasons past, this year will bring a new challenge, as there have been some major changes in their roster. Cox’s ability to create the right matchups will dictate whether this season brings the Braves back to prominence or continues their two-year mini-drought.

The move that has many Braves fans gearing up their racist chants in the return of Tom Glavine. After notching the worst outing of his career in the Mets’ final game, Tommy G was lured back to Atlanta by an $8 million contract. But based on his 2007 season, it’s hard to envision Glavine providing more than a replacement-level pitcher. The hope is that he won’t have to. John Smoltz and Tim Hudson were dominant at times last season, and they don’t show any signs of slowing. The wild card is Mike Hampton, who hasn’t thrown a pitch in the majors since 2005. Based on his first Spring Training start, Hampton looks good to go and should round out their rotation well. With a revamped bullpen headlined by Rafael Soriano and Michelangelo Gonzalez, the Braves are halfway to a TMNT reunion. It’s too bad Donatello Drysdale and Leonardo Durocher have passed on.

With Andruw Jones and his annoying smirk shagging flies in LA, Mark Kotsay’s the new centerfielder in the ATL. Kotsay never set the world on fire with his bat, but after back surgery last season, the hole in the lineup is even more glaring. Then again, if Kotsay was setting the world of fire with his bat, he’d probably be better off fighting crime and providing heat to low income housing. The Brave that I’m most intrigued by is left fielder Matt Diaz. He’s got deceptive speed, a great arm, and is murder on left-handed pitchers. He hit .338 in limited action last season, but Atlanta is excited to see what he can do in a full-time roll. With consistency from Mark Teixeira, Jeff Francoeur, Kelly Johnson and Brian McCann, the question is how many games Chipper Jones will be healthy. He’s already suffered a small setback this spring and a tweaked hamstring could be the difference in how October is spent: fighting for a World Series birth or thinking up new ways to offend indigenous people.

Unsung Hero

Kelly Johnson (q)
Matt Diaz (d)
Yunel Escobar (j)

Achilles' Heel

Will Ohman (q)
Tom Glavine (d)
Tom Glavine (j)

Favorite Moment

Joe acquires incredible seats to a Mets-Braves game at Shea that is broadcast on TBS. During a David Newhan at bat in the bottom of the 8th after the Braves took a 9-6 lead, Joe screams "balls" loud enough to be heard on TV. (q)
Bobby Cox getting ejected for a record 133rd time in a game against the brew crew. (d)
Julio Franco clears waivers and signs with the Braves, he also clears the Mets clubhouse of the smell of liniment and coupons for the early bird-dinner special. (j)

Bold Prediction

The Atlanta Braves run into enormous problems with scalpers who before games, hang around Turner Field and scalp fans. (q)
Jo-Jo Reyes quits the team mid-season to become a teen pop sensation. (d)
After continuing to rake at Shea Stadium, Chipper Jones gets into a huge fight with his wife after he demands his next child be named CitiField. (j)

Season Preview: Arizona Diamondbacks

2008-03-03T16:23:00.005-05:00

dhivy: while they lost innings-eater (and presumably, eater of everything else in sight) livan hernandez, the d-backs' trade for dan haren gives them as fearsome a front three as there is in the majors. brandon webb spent most of last year as a cy young candidate and assuming he can stay healthy, horny wiener still has the skills to dominate. what they get out of their silver slugger micah owings may determine how this team performs. aside from his .333 batting average, owings finished the season with 15 shutout innings. if the youngster plays up to his ability and gains some confidence, the nl west could be in trouble. arizona took a risk in trading their closer and resident maniac jose valverde to the astros, but management is confident in the players they have. houston returned chad qualls and he and tony pena will play the setup role. brandon lyon falls into the closer role and relies on a nasty curve to retire batters. he's a bit of an unknown but he's better than their other option (brandon lamb).

no one in arizona's lineup really stands out as a great hitter, but there's depth 1 through 8 and five of their starters are under 25. with time, you can expect this group to round into a very productive unit. chris b. young was just short of joining the 30-30 club last year, despite his .237 batting average. there's a lot of space to patrol in 'zona's centerfield, and young does so admirably. their off-season trade of carlos quentin signals the beginning of the justin upton era, an era sure to be rife with jokes about his brother being named 'bj'. and while he can't make an appearance on baseball tonight without looking like he just rolled out of bed, eric byrnes is as reliable hitter as they have and makes their outfield a potentially scary one.

questions marks lurk at the corner infield spots. mark reynolds was a highly-touted call up that had solid numbers, but struck out in once in every three at-bats. conner jackson split time with tony clark last year, but has been thrust into the full-time role. expect chad tracy to see time at both spots if either struggles. the offense may hinge on what they get up the middle from stephen drew and orlando hudson. if they can pull a steve nash on this phoenix team, the diamondbacks could outrun the competition and fast break to a division title. that made no sense.

the d-backs were an intriguing case last year. bob melvin's crew won 90 games, but had a run differential of minus 20. in fact, only one other team had a winning record with a negative margin (seattle). some would call this occurrence a reflection of a solid bullpen, but i call it a reflection of solid luck. things tend to even out in baseball more than any other sport, strictly because of the season's length. so while arizona made some shrewd off-season decisions and their young studs should develop further, a wild card birth might be their most attainable goal in '08. aside from the goal of not looking like an absolute mess on national television.

joe: The National League West has an infatuation with sick pitching staffs. Nowhere is this more apparent than the Arizona Diamondbacks. The D-Backs (I love how the text on their uniforms sometimes makes it seem like they are called the D-Bags) augmented their core of filthy sinkerballer, and Cy Young contender Brandon Webb; Power hurler, and Home Run King contender Micah Owings; and grumpy old man, and Father of the Year contender Randy Johnson with the under appreciated, yet ridiculously effective AL CY young contender, Danny Haren from Oakland. When you add Doug Davis to this foursome, the D-Bags easily have a top three starting rotation in the National League. Jose Valverde pitched his way into a big payday last year and his spot has been filled by Brandon Lyon, a player we've heard a lot about for a while now, but has never been handed the keys to the closer spot until this year. It'll be interesting to see if he can be as effective or more importantly as excitable as Valverde.

What the D-Bags have pitching-wise is the exact opposite of what they have offensively, on paper at least. The D-Bags finished in the bottom 3rd of the majors in OPS, as well as in the bottom sixth in Runs and Batting Average. The young lineup however, is teeming with talent and are perhaps one year away from being just as dynamic in the field as they are on the hill. Aside from their perpetual blowhard left-fielder, Eric Byrnes, I am absolutely smitten with the D-Bags outfield. Chris B. Young and Justin Upton can be the Darryl Strawberry and Kevin Mitchell of the early eighties Mets, sans drug paraphernalia and velour sweatsuits. I am a little upset that Eric Byrnes ruins the group as a whole. A friend of mine asked why I hate Eric Byrnes so much even though I am generally in love with hustle hard - balls to the wall type players like Grady Sizemore, and i replied to him that when Grady makes an unbelievable "how did he do that without breaking his neck?" catch he gets up dusts his uniform off and runs back to his position emanating greatness. I am no baseball purist by a a longshot, I love braggadocio, but I would much rather Grady's approach than Byrnes' constant demonstrative "hang loosing" and head-banging. The D-Bags infield, I am less than impressed with, Stephen Drew has tons of 'talent' but he also has tons of 'having Drew as his last name' which kind of means he will never flourish. Orlando Hudson and Connor Jackson come off as solid but unspectacular and Mark Reynolds will be a solid third baseman in the league someday, but I believe he is at least one year away. The scary part is that even with an underwhelming offense, the D-Bags were able to win 90 games and get into the playoffs. This was without Dan Haren, and with their young sluggers still learning on the job. The team as currently constituted should easily be in contention in the tough-tough NL West.
Unsung Hero

Micah Owings (d)
Tony Pena (j)
Tony Pena (q)

Achilles' Heel

Mark Reynolds (d)
Eric Byrnes (j)
Eric Byrnes (q)

Favorite Moment

The constant struggle to differentiate between Chris B. Young and Chris Young of the Padres. (d)
Micah Owings finds out that he is pitching an hour before game time against the Pirates late in the season, he proceeds to go 4 for 4 with 3 RBI and gets the win. (j)
Eric Byrnes was in a kayak during the All-Star game and for some reason brought his dog who jumped into the cove and swam away. (q)

Bold Prediction

Pitcher Billy Buckner sets a record for lowest fielding percentage when every ball hit at him goes through his legs. (d)
Justin Upton and Stephen Drew have a rousing game of "my brother is better than your brother". After losing the baseball points, Drew petulantly repeats "oh yea, well my brother makes more money than yours". (j)
Micah Owings finishes the season with more pinch-hit home runs than wins. (q)

Today's Best - 03.02.08

2008-03-02T22:33:00.001-05:00

5. mike and mike - golic and greenberg are the premier sports radio team and are syndicated in markets all over the country. so what could they do to gain more publicity? why, do a commercial for domino's, of course! in a commercial highlighted by nerds trying to speak in bad new york accents, mg squared provide the voiceover for domino's brooklyn style pizza. i’m not sure why domino’s wouldn’t just hire a normal voiceover guy to do their commercials. Maybe they brokered a deal to pay golic in cinnastix. no word on how dana jacobsen feels about the commercial, but she's probably just glad they aren't promoting jerusalem style pizza.

4. mike dunleavy - between friday and sunday, dunleavy scored 72 points and his team notched two wins. when i heard this, i assumed they had split four games, with a doubleheader scheduled somewhere in there. the truth is dunleavy tied his career high in consecutive games, defeating the raptors and bucks. averaging just under a point per minute and shooting 67% from behind the arc, dunleavy has led the pacers to 2 1/2 games behind the eastern playoff logjam. the pacers upcoming road trip (houston, san an, cleveland) will go a long way in determining their fate. dunleavy may have to put up 36 in each of those games as well. it might help if every other pacer scores 36, too.

3. kobe bryant - in a very competitive, very physical game, the lakers defeated the mavs 108-104. dirk nowitzki hit a three in the waning seconds to send the game to overtime and jason kidd had an opportunity to tie it in the extra session, but came up short on a free throw. i'm not saying the kidd trade was a bad idea, but devin harris does shoot a higher percentage from the line. the real story was kobe putting the game on his shoulders and scoring 52 points, including converting seventeen straight free throws. on the anniversary of wilt chamberlain's 100 point game, announcer jeff van gundy said it best: "dallas should go box and one. put the box on kobe and the one on everyone else."

2. arkansas - analysts always talk about a hangover effect after a team scored a big win. i think it's very obvious that vanderbilt needs to drink a lot of water and take a nap. after dispatching tennessee, vandy was no match for the razorbacks. arkansas capitalized on vanderbilt talking a timeout with 7.3 seconds remaining - a timeout the commodores didn't have. senior sonny weems led the way with 20 points and the victory brings arkansas to 8-6 in the sec. this sets up a big matchup against ole miss, two teams desperately in need of a win to bolster their tournament resume. or, they could just do what i do and lie on their resumes. no one checks those things out.

1. cornell university - for the first time since 1988, the ivy league will not be represented by penn or princeton as the big red locked up the conference with a win over harvard. cornell is riding a 14-game winning streak and boasts seven players who score at least seven points. their nerdy statistician would be quick to note that the deviation among these players is 2.93, if that means anything to you. the ivy league is the only one that awards its ncaa bid based on the regular season, which makes cornell the first team in the field of 65. so even if they don't make it out of the first round, they can say they've been in the tournament for two and a half weeks. unless a team makes the final four, they can't top that.

Today's Best - 02.28.08

2008-02-29T05:18:00.003-05:00

5. miami offensive rebounding opportunities - as is the case when you miss 55 shots, there are plenty of chances to rebound your misses. unfortunately, as typical of the heat this year, they didn't capitalize. and instead of the heat scoring second chance points, the heat allowed a lot of first chance points to the lakers as los angeles had four players finished with at least 11 rebounds. on the bright side heat for heat fans, the heat are the worst team in the league and have the inside track on michael beasley. beasley would quickly make the heat relevant and might even convince dwyane wade to hang around past 2009.

4. nfl free agents - nfl free agency starts today and it looks like there are many players hoping to cash in. i think nfl free agency is a little overrated. the only time it seems to work out really well is if the player signed with new england. otherwise, far too many marquee free agent signings end in disappointment of some sort. and this isn't helped by the fact that most teams franchise their best players which leaves a thinner talent pool in free agency and fewer noteworthy transactions. but maybe i'm just bitter because i've been sitting by my phone since midnight waiting for an offer that doesn't seem to be coming.

3. devin harris - harris played his first game for new jersey since being traded and led the nets with 21 points in a 120-106 win over the bucks. meanwhile, the mavs fell 97-94 to the defending champion spurs and jason kidd sat out the decisive play of the game. luckily, jason kidd had company on the bench as juwan howard also sat out the decisive play of the game as well as the remaining plays of the game too.

2. california college basketball teams playing in arizona - yesterday 4th ranked ucla easily dispatched arizona state, 70-49. interestingly, this game pitted ucla forward josh shipp against his younger brother jerren. jerren shipp has not yet won a between the two of them and is probably on his way to tell on him to their parents. hopefully, ucla avoids arizona state in the pac-10 tournament because if they do play, it's likely josh will be miss the game due to parents decision. not to be outdone, in a game between two tournament bubble teams, usc knocked off arizona, in tuscon, 70-58. this game featured a head-to-head matchup between two star freshman in oj mayo and jerryd bayless, who scored 20 and eight points respectively. it also featured an arizona fan throwing a water bottle at sc's bench resulting in arizona coach kevin o'neill scolding the responsible party. there should be no tolerance for this type of behavior so i found this to be a welcome stoppage of play. the only way it could have been better is if someone dumped a bucket of gatorade on coach o'neill during his speech.

1. mlb sportsmanship - yesterday there were three spring training games scheduled that were played against college teams, washington-georgetown, boston-boston college, and boston-northeastern. all told, major league baseball teams won 55-0 and allowed a total of eight hits to their scholarly opponents. in two games, boston's 15-0 and 24-0 victories, the games were over after the top of the seventh, presumably due to some sort of mercy rule. this begs two questions: why would anyone ever not go pro immediately? and, what does anyone gain from these games? hopefully in the future, one of these games results in a bench-clearing brawl. or college players doing homework while on base.

All We Do is Jinx Things

2008-02-28T23:05:00.006-05:00

Over the past three seasons the Washington Wizards averaged over 42 wins and made the playoffs three years in a row. They returned the same nucleus of players from last season and added three exciting rookies in Nick Young, Dominic McGuire and Oleksiy Pecherov. So when we saw the opportunity to bet on the former Bullets winning at least half of their games, it seemed like easy money. Of course, we forgot the cardinal rule of gambling: everything we do is wrong.

The off-season started with Etan Thomas undergoing open-heart surgery. While there was concern for Thomas’ health and well-being, I don’t think it had much of an effect on the team. He and Brendan Haywood had a publicized feud that turned violent on more than one occasion. Etan’s absence left more minutes for Brendan and turned him into a far more effective player than he has ever been. So not only did our bet cause a health scare for Etan, it also caused aliens to fly to earth and inhabit the body of Brendan Haywood. It’s like Space Jam, only in reverse.
Unfortunately, an injury that had a bigger bearing on the team’s success took place: Gilbert Arenas. Surgery to his knee cut his previous season short, and now the same knee was acting up a mere five games into the season. Agent 0 had to endure a second operation and was forced to miss a large portion of the season. Right before the All-Star break, he proclaimed that he’d be ready to play by March 1st, but all indications are that this is not the case. In fact, recent reports state that he may sit out the entire year, so as to not hurt himself further going into free agency. Because what GM wouldn’t rush to sign a guy with a reoccurring injury who hasn’t proven himself healthy?

The silver lining in all this was the emergence of Caron Butler. I’ve been a fan of his ever since his days at Connecticut and was enthralled the day Washington fleeced LA in a trade for Kwame Brown. Tough Juice became an All-Star for the second straight year in ’08 and is one of two players to average 21 points, 6 rebounds and 2 steals (LeBron something). He and Antawn Jamison have kept the Wizards afloat, but a recent story claims that Caron may be forced to miss significant time with a tear in his hip joint. Even if he does return, there’s no guarantee that he’ll be the same player he was before. With 25 games to go, the Wizards need 14 wins if we are going to pull this one out. And just when I was getting used to having functional thumbs.

Obviously a single bet has no impact over what takes place over the course of a season, but it’s weird how badly things have gone for us this year. Maybe we should start betting on things like “the wizards dance team will pose in slutty pictures”, or just restrict our bets to officially sanctioned opposite days. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but perhaps it’s time we realized that there are no sure things in sports. Unless you count the fact that we’re going to blow it at some point. That’s money in the bank.

Clemens Party Pitchers!

2008-02-28T18:53:00.007-05:00

i know i'm horribly late on this, put i couldn't pass up another chance to talk about the hilarious misadventures of roger clemens. like most of you know, one of the many interesting sub-plots of the clemens-mcnamee saga revolves around an alleged party at jose canseco's house. well, the party itself wasn't alleged, by all accounts it took place and by some accounts it was "...awesome, bro!! wooo!!". however, what was alleged was roger clemens' attendance at said party. brian mcnamee claims that clemens was there, clemens claims he wasn't. clemens' nanny may have been chasing around kids if you believe mcnamee, or she may have been at home if you prep her before she testifies. anyways, the back and forth continued with seemingly no end in sight as if this were an episode of "my super sweet 16". last weekend however, reports surfaced that pictures of roger clemens at jose canseco's miami house party possibly exist. i thought that this was terrific news and i immediately sought out to find this evidence. and thanks to my endless supply of resources, i've been able to successfully track down these exclusive pictures. here they are in all their perjury.

things got off to a rather innocent start. looks like all that batting practice roger clemens put in is finally paying off. also paying off: a piñata filled with hundreds of syringes.

here's a picture of roger hanging out in the shriveled pall pit. nothing about this picture makes sense. why is this ball pit so deep? why is roger clemens' face so pained? whose kids are these?

not even baseball's second most prolific strikeout pitcher can say no to a theme party. here's roger with some friends in togas. other theme parties that i'm sure roger clemens frequents include 80's parties, where he wears a red sox hat and fewer pimples on his back, and republican parties, where republican senators fall in love with him and grill brian mcnamee.

if there's one person who parties hardier than jose canseco and roger clemens it's probably nintendo's prodigal son, mario mario. this is like mario's eighth party in 10 years! of course, i bet this was the only party mario's been to where princess toad compared her boob job to debbie clemens'.

apparently one of the perks of being a rich baseball player is that you own a big enough house to put a chuck e. cheese's in it. speaking of which, it's time congress opens up an investigation on this charles cheese and examines the root of his unusual continued success. the average mouse lives about one-to-two years, is measured by length in inches, and does not have a middle name. charles entertainment cheese turns 31 this year and is enormous.

as the old adage sometimes goes, you've got to fight for your right to party. and besides, what's party without random acts of rebellion against great britain? here's clemens and a few friends throwing bats and boxes of tea overboard just to show their british oppressors what they think of those darn stamp and townshend acts. take that, the queen of england.

so there you have it. feel free to draw your own conclusions, especially if the actual pictures ever emerge. personally, i don't think these or the real photos will unequivocally prove that jose canseco supplied clemens with steroids or anything else. but it will prove that roger clemens was not out golfing at the time of the party like he'd have you believe and was instead enjoying what appears to be the most fun party i've ever seen in my life.

Today's Best - 02.27.08

2008-02-28T00:54:00.004-05:00

5. mike bibby - in his first game in front of the new home crowd of atlanta, bibby faced off against his former teammates from sacramento. while his new team has a worse record than his old team, his new team is in the east, which makes their playoff hopes far more reasonable. bibby had 24 points and 12 dimes to lead the hawks to victory, bringing them one game within the playoffs. my early season prediction was that atlanta was a playoff team, and the arrival of bibby makes that one step closer to reality. but with joe johnson ignoring the other team manhandling his point guard, it's possible that chemistry issues could derail them.

4. the seven implausible assertions - they’re not deadly sins but roger clemens still could burn in hell. as a result of his hearing before congress, the justice department will open an investigation into whether or not roger dodger committed perjury. the issues on which they feel he lied include steroid use (duh), injections by brian mcnamee (double duh), his presence at jose canseco's party (mountain duh) and his knowledge of the mitchell report prior to its release (duh-blemint gum). i'm not sure what good all this investigation will do, but maybe we'll determine whether clemens' career was downright incredible, or simply uncredible.

3. chris paul - coming off three losses in four days, it seemed like new orleans was hitting a rough patch. their hot start to the season came as a big surprise, so most people assumed they were coming back to earth a bit. in an effort to prove they are still out of this universe, they knocked off the celestial body that is the phoenix suns, 120-103. cp3's 25 points and 15 assists led the way for nawlens, and with a head-to-head with deron williams and the release of his signature show line on tap, it's a good time to be chris paul. as opposed to all those other times when it sucks to be a 22-year-old superstar in the nba.

2. cj wilson - the rangers closer is an alumnus of santa ana junior college and coming from such an academic utopia, it's no surprise he considers himself smarter than his peers. while he has a contract with the club that allows him to engage fans online, he crossed an unspoken line recently when his posts criticized his teammates. "the average guy in a baseball clubhouse does drive an SUV, drinks beer, chews or dips tobacco and is relatively a [expletive]." the site on which wilson's words appeared has since deleted them, so we're left to wonder what the expletive was. my guess: cootie-head. instead of chiding him, i'm inviting cj to stop by garbage points and voice his displeasure with our site. i'm sure someone of his stature would be appalled by improper capitalization.

1. robert mckiver - all year, memphis has dominated headlines and pundits talked about how they were the only noteworthy team in conference-usa. the houston cougars, and robert mckiver in particular, are going to great lengths to prove that they belong in the conversation. with a 10-3 record in conference (two losses to memphis), the cougars still have some work to do, but they are surely on the prowl. the team's leading scorer went into hyper drive last night, racking up 52 points in a 95-67 shellacking. his night included 7 threes and 11 of 12 free throws. what do you expect from a guy whose name sounds so much like 'macgyver'? he probably scored all those points with nothing but a leaf blower and some paper clips.

Bill Walton is Awful

2008-02-27T22:31:00.003-05:00

bill walton is a great announcer and a hilarious studio analyst, but i don't really know much about his playing career. he had a few very good years, but injuries cut his career short. i was born after bill was relegated to towel waving and i always wondered how good he really was. thanks to this video, i learned that i'm not missing much. we all knew that ron burgandy is the better tv personality, but will ferrell shouldn't beat a professional athlete at his own sport. even one that required makeup before taking the court.

Today's Best - 02.26.08

2008-02-27T00:50:00.002-05:00

5. mo williams - michael redd stole the show with his game-winning three-pointer to defeat the cleveland cavaliers. but the bucks were in position to steal a game because of 46 outstanding minutes from their point guard. thanks to mo's 37 points (season high), 7 rebounds (month high) and 6 assists (day high), the lowly bucks have moved to a mere 3 games out of a playoff spot. of course, were they in the western conference, they would have been relegated to the d-league at this point. milwaukee has dealt with injuries all year long, but with redd and charlie villanueva regaining form, they look poised to make a push for the post season. let's hope yi jianlian has his surgical mask and doesn't catch whatever yao has.

4. teamwork - all around the nba you could have found examples of players putting the team's interest first. thanks to double-digit scoring from seven players, the miami heat played their best game of the year in defeating sacramento 107-86. orlando did their best miami impression, but was only able to garner six (still enough to dispatch the nets). minnesota upped the ante with four 20-point scorers in their victory over the jazz. but the best teammate around was luke ridnour, who racked up 12 assists in the first half of the sonics' loss to golden state. then again, all those assists didn't leave many assists for the rest of the sonics. ridnour is redefining the term "selfish to a fault".

3. weird home court advantages - with benches on the baselines, sunken seats on the sidelines, and dual post basket supports, memorial gymnasium provides the vanderbilt commodores with one of the most unique environments in college basketball. it also was the site of vandy's victory over the number 1 team in the country, tennessee. shan foster was the hero for the commodores, with 32 points including 6 three-pointers. interestingly this marks the fourth straight time vanderbilt has a defeated a number 1 team at home. if it happens again we may have to investigate head coach kevin stallings regarding the allegations that his club uses flubber.

2. drama - brian mcnamee claimed that roger clemens attended a party in 1998 during which he and jose canseco discussed steroids. clemens claims that he ever attended this party. now, an unnamed major leaguer has come forward with evidence corroborating mcnamee's story. in fact, the source claims that clemens joked about an incident at the party in which clemens' wife and canseco's then-wife compared the results of their breast enhancement surgery. i can't tell if i'm listening to a federal investigation or an argument between chrissy and clay on "newport harbor". a smarter writer would find a way to lead up to this joke, but i'm forced to just blurt it out: roger clemens is a boob.

1. fire sales - now that the nba trade deadline has passed, there aren't any real deals to be made. but two role players are hoping to change all that. reports say that sam cassell has been bought out of his contract with the clippers and will soon sign with the boston celtics. management is concerned about letting rajon rondo run the show, so i guess they felt the need to import gollum from "lord of the rings". likewise, brent barry has been bought out after his trade to the sonics. interestingly, barry can resign with the spurs and be eligible for the post season, as long as he sits out 30 days and signs before march 1st. if barack obama really wants my vote, he should promise to close loopholes in the nba trade rules. screw the tax code.

Yaouch!

2008-02-26T17:01:00.001-05:00

chairman yao will miss the rest of the nba season due to a stress fracture in his foot. when asked if there was any possibility of a return this year, yao told onlookers, "shut up, kid. i got a good thing going here." in the wild, wild west where ten games over .500 won't crack the playoff chase, this puts the rockets in a perilous spot. even if they do make it in, it seems unlikely that tracy mcgrady's streak of losing in the first round will come to an end.

more importantly, the ming dynasty is starting to show signs of rebellion and collapse. this will mark the third straight year in which yao misses 25 games or more. he had been putting together an excellent year, with 22 points, nearly 11 boards and over 2 blocks and 2 assists per game. he's still young and projects to have several good years left, but it’s a shame we’re missing out on one of the elite centers in the nba. maybe the great wall should hang it up now and do what i’d do if i was that tall: frighten women and children.

Today's Best - 02.25.08

2008-02-26T00:30:00.002-05:00

5. drunken minnesotans - bryant mckinnie was charged with a felony for battery and disorderly conduct this weekend. the vikings guard tackle was "throwing punches and yelling obscenities" outside a club in miami. before you rush to judge him keep in mind that mckinnie is 6'8" and 335 pounds. how do you expect him to solve his problems, chess? meanwhile, francisco liriano finally received his us visa and his on his way to training camp. the process was held up for the twins lefty because of a dui he received before the start of his rookie season. though he's recovering for elbow surgery, this is terrible news for the al central. their game plan for dealing with liriano's slider was to have him throw it standing in santo domingo.

4. steve buckhantz - along with his broadcast partner phil chenier, the wizards announcer has had a rough season. with the wiz going 2-7 in games decided by four points or fewer, his trademark call of "dagger!" has been rare. but thanks to a step-back three at the buzzer by deshawn stevenson, wizards fans have been reminded of steve's weapon of choice. washington's win over the hornets ended a ten game losing streak in new orleans and deshawn set a career-high with 33 points. the wizards' road trip continues in houston on tuesday, the hornets play host to phoenix on wednesday, while buckhantz will be questioned about his role in a series on stabbings on thursday.

3. chubby chasers - the florida marlins will head into 2008 with the lowest payroll in all of baseball. in an effort to be consistent, the marlins are also aiming to lower their standards. while many major league teams have started using a cheer squad to keep fans entertained between innings, the marlins will employ a squad of plus-sized men, who will be known as "the manatees". the team is looking for 7 to 10 overweight men who are willing to shake their jellies like bowls full of jellies at home games. i have to question the marlins' marketing department on this one. based on the demographics of florida, they would have been better off with a dance squad that performs the charleston and the lindy hop.

2. tom gordon - the phillies reliever will go into the season as the de facto closer after brad lidge suffered an injury. after tearing the meniscus in his right knee, lidge underwent surgery and will miss 3-6 weeks. it sounds like a fairly harmless injury, but it seems like relievers are incapable of extended success nowadays. in the world of athletes, the modern day closer is kind of like the sex pistols. they have a year or two of destructive performances that leaves audiences amazed, they cobble together a third year with smoke and mirrors, and they're lucky if they can avoid overdosing on heroin. then again, maybe closers aren't like the sex pistols at all.

1. tom daley - generally speaking, a website that writes about a british 13-year-old boy is walking a thin line. but daley is a diver from plymouth who is competing for a spot on the english team in a world cup competition in beijing. facing elimination, daley scored perfect 10s from four of the judges to vault his way onto the team. the youth believes that a medal is not out of the question this year and should draw support from all over the globe. in the world of athletes, daley is kind of like hannah montana. he's a teenage prodigy, he strives to live a normal life, and he's lucky if he can avoid overdosing on heroin. then again, maybe daley is exactly like hannah montana.

Have 762 Home Runs, Will Travel

2008-02-25T21:02:00.002-05:00

with spring training underway, it makes zero sense to me that barry bonds does not have a team. part of the reason stems from how many cents bonds made last season, over 1.5 billion to be precise. this is definitely a lot of money, but it's not as if baseball owners are averse to handing out huge piles of money. for the next year, would you rather pay bonds $15 million or giambi $23 million? and this assumes that he'd make the same salary he made in 2007. this late in the negotiation phase, bonds would probably be willing to sign for $10-12 million to dh and play left on occasion. would you rather pay that kind of coin to garret anderson? mike sweeney todd: the demon barber? love him or hate him, bonds brings people to the stadium home and on the road, so from a business standpoint it seems like a good decision to sign him.

perhaps his age and production are the issue. his numbers obviously weren't up to his lofty standards, but bonds still had an OPS over 1, a BB/K ratio of 2.44, and hit a home run every 12.1 ABs. he played awful in left field, but an al team that needs a dh would be perfect for him. the reduced stress on his legs would keep him healthier and allow him to pay more than the 126 games he managed in 2007. plus, he'd be a perfect locker room influence. for a young team he could talk about how things were different "back in my day", or wax nostalgic about the price of movie tickets. i don't understand why a team with a need for left-handed power wouldn't roll the dice.

i've ignored the major reason why bonds' is struggling to find a home, and that is because of steroid accusations. we poke a lot of fun and poke even more attempted fun at steroid users on this website, but the majority of the evidence is circumstantial, at best. aside from a few odd men out like pettite, lo duca, and gagne, not many have come forward to admit any wrongdoing. bonds remains steadfast that he never knowingly took steroids, yet he has become the martyr for an entire era. but steroids aren't an issue because of one man. they are an issue because of a culture of indifference throughout all sports, and perhaps society as well. you can't blame mardi gras on a single alcoholic.there are reports that tampa is interested in bonds' services. they should shorten their name from "tampa bay rays" to "tampa barrys" to try and appease him. why not? cleveland did it for jim brown.

Today's Best - 02.25.08

2008-02-25T03:49:00.004-05:00

5. darren mcfadden - i usually don't pay too much attention to the pro football combine and this year was no exception. i know prospects work very hard to prepare, but for whatever reason, i'm just very rarely interested in what happens. and this is from someone who loves minor league prospects and nba rookies. anyways, from what i could tell this year's biggest winner was darren mcfadden. he ran a blistering 4.33 40 and more importantly was the only player whose 40 time i cared to read about.

4. the detroit pistons - on friday, the pistons became the second nba team to reach 40 wins with a 127-100 win over milwaukee. on sunday, the pistons became the second nba team to reach 41 wins with a 116-86 win over the new look phoenix suns. if the pistons continue to score this easily and the celtics might have some company atop the eastern conference. similarly, if the pistons continue to win by thirty, this might make for a very uninteresting playoffs. hopefully, rasheed wallace plays the rest of the shooting with his left hand.

3. new and old cavs - on the heels of their mega-deal on thursday and due to an assortment of injuries, the cavs were forced to sign two d-league players to meet the minimum roster requirements in a game against the wizards. apparently, lebron james is either better than we all thought or the wizards are much, much worse because the cavs won 90-89. cleveland got a tremendous boost from damon jones who scored 27 points. i can't decide if this means i never should have opened my big yap about damon jones in the first place or if i should have opened it wider. yesterday, the cavs four new players finally were cleared to play and which meant damon jones returned to his usual role of player who bothers me from the bench and not the basketball court. it's tough to draw any conclusions from a game against one of the worst teams in the league, but i was somewhat impressed regardless. delonte west shot poorly but was a willing and able passer, joe smith showed off his ability to hit mid-range jumpers, wally szczerbiak hit a pair of threes, and ben wallace finished with a double-double, the first of his career. and late in the fourth, in one sequence ben wallace dunked putting the cavs up 16 and then forced a five-second violation. the cavs got the ball back and the grizzlies never threatened again. of course, they didn't really threaten at all in the second half.

2. tiger woods - on sunday, the final round of the accenture match play championship ended with tiger woods getting spoils. having once applied for a job at accenture, i think i know first hand how hard it is to win a golf tournament that they sponsor. or maybe i would if they ever called me back. anyways, yesterday tiger topped stewart cink with an 8-and-7 victory which was the largest, and losing, margin in the final match in the history of this event. for those of you who don't know what an 8-and-7 victory in match play means, i think it's when one golfer hits eight hole-in-ones while the other golfer quietly weeps in seven different sand traps. anyways, with this victory tiger woods moves past arnold palmer for 4th all-time in tour victories. he is now only 19 wins away from sam snead's pga tour record 82 wins, a record i fully expect tiger will break this easter sunday.

1. denver's summer break plans - last thursday, denver stood idly by as the trade deadline passed without making a significant move. while other western conference teams indulged in the trading frenzy, the nuggets eschewed a kleiza-artest deal and instead stood pat. this was apparently a theme this weekend, because in their two games, the nuggets spent much of their time standing pat as their opponents ran them up and down the court. on friday, the nuggets surrendered 135 points to a impotent bulls offense. then on saturday, denver coughed up a 23-point lead and lost to milwuakee 115-109. in both games it was obvious that the nuggets could have used ron artest's perimeter defense. they allowed 37 points to ben gordon and then 42 points to michael redd. they also could have used ron artest's crazy becuase if there was one thing denver's two losses was missing, it was bulls and bucks fans getting punched in the face. currently, the nuggets are tied with golden state for the final playoff spot. i'm not sure what the tiebreaker rules are but unless it's whichever team came closest to trading for ron artest, the nuggets could be in trouble.

Flipping Sweet

2008-02-22T13:54:00.002-05:00

Order for the NFL draft is determined by win-loss record and ties are broken by strength of schedule. With a three-way tie at 4-12 and .516 opponents' winning percentage, the Falcons, Raiders, and Chiefs were forced flip a coin to decide who would pick where. The methodology was as follows:

The Falcons and Raiders would match up in a coin toss with the Falcons calling it. If the Falcons won, they would pick 3rd, the raiders would pick 4th, and the Chiefs would be 5th.
If the Raiders won the preliminary coin toss, they would pick 3rd, and the Falcons and Chiefs would flip a coin.
The winner of the Falcons-Chiefs flip would pick 4th, the loser would pick 5th.

So using these rules, the Falcons had a 50% chance at the third pick, a 25% chance at the fourth pick, and a 25% chance at the fifth pick. This yields an average draft position (ADP) of 3.75. Calculations for the Raiders and Chiefs are as follows:

Raiders ADP - 50% * 3 + 50% * 4 = 3.50
Chiefs ADP - 50% * 4 + 50% * 5 = 4.50

The Falcons ended up winning the coin toss, so the order will be Falcons, Raiders, Chiefs. But why is something as important as draft order being decided with such unfair odds against the Chiefs? Why couldn't they pick high card out of a deck? Or roll a pair of dice? The right pick this early in the draft could transform a franchise for years and years, and Kansas City got hosed out of the opportunity to draft higher. I can hear Herm Edwards now.

Drop Trade Deadline Gorgeous

2008-02-22T11:45:00.001-05:00

The NBA trade deadline passed yesterday with plenty of last second deals taking place. The similarities to the 1999 mockumentary about a small time Minnesota beauty pageant are striking. Both involve so-called experts critiquing and analyzing the participants. Both involve behind-the-scenes posturing and negotiation. And both involve people trying to fleece the opposition in hopes of landing the coveted trophy and/or tiara. Here’s a look at some of the less-publicized winners and losers of these trades. But before you start cursing at me for a boring “analyze the trade deadline” column, I must point out that that is not American Teen Princess language.

Winners
Teenage Mormon Girls – They finally got the wholesome idol they’ve missed ever since Jeff Hornacek left town when the Jazz imported a great shooter in Kyle Korver. Looking at Korver, I see an odd mix between Ashton Kutcher and Carrot Top, which is enough to get anyone revved up.
Women at New Jersey Clubs – People are still buzzing over the Jason Kidd’s return to Dallas, and questioning whether or not the Mavs gave up too much. It also means that ladies from Newark to Atlantic City can hit the dance floor without fear of getting hit on the dance floor.
Balls – Steve Kerr put it all on the line with his trade for an aging Shaquille O’Neal. The jury’s still out on the trade’s success, but Kerr said it best: “If it works, I’m a genius. If not I’m a moron.” Either way he’s still the best announcer around.
Retirement – Keith Van Horn and Aaron McKie were lured out of retirement to sign multi-million dollar contracts for salary cap purposes. In a related story, I quit my job and am currently waiting for an offer.

Losers
The 2003 ScoutHoops Top 20 – Three members of this prospect class ended up in trades. #19 Trevor Ariza moved to LA, #15 Von Wafer was shipped to Portland, and #5 Shannon Brown was deported to Chicago. Chris Paul and LeBron James must’ve been worried for a second there.
Sibling Bliss – In the trade that sent Pau Gasol to LA, the rights to his brother Marc were sent to Memphis. How embarrassing is it for Marc that his brother is better than him by a three players and two draft picks? Thanksgiving should be interesting at the Gasol household.
Stromile Swift – As if getting traded to New Jersey wasn’t punishment enough, Swift was doubly-offended when he was traded for Jason Collins. That’s like getting traded to Sudan for Ebola.
Conservatives – Basketball purists who claim that a trade should be between one team and another team were aghast yesterday when two separate three-ways were consummated. The Cavs, Sonics and Bulls along with the Hornets, Grizzlies and Rockets flaunted convention with their dealings at the deadline. These taboo trades are sure to fuel the tabloids.

Today's Best - 02.21.08

2008-02-22T05:42:00.007-05:00

5. ryan howard - yesterday, the phillies slugger was awarded $10 million in his salary arbitration case against the team. this was the highest salary every awarded to a player who won their case though last year alfonso soriano was also awarded $10 million in a losing effort. i've always wanted to be a fly on the wall during a typical arbitration hearing just because i'm very curious how it usually goes. well, flies are kind of gross. maybe just a person on the wall, who can fly. oh man that'd be so cool. back to the topic at hand, from how i understand arbitration, it seems like a player makes a case for why he deserves a certain amount of money and his team makes a case for why the player stinks. maybe there's more to it. like arm wrestling or the judge allowing 10 minutes for each side to come up with "yo momma" jokes.

4. spurs fans - last night, the spurs clipped the timberwolves, 100-99 thanks to a jumper with six seconds left by human ginobili who led the spurs with 44 points. and to continue my trend of never giving ginobili credit, note that he missed 5-of-18 shots. had he hit all of these, this game would have been decided long ago. and on top of that he even missed a free throw! uh, manu, they're called "free" throws for a reason. now that i've gotten my "bash ginobili for no reason" fix we can talk about the fact that spurs fans have the least stressful team to watch. there was not a moment in that game that i thought the spurs were going to lose. it was inevitable. i wonder what it's like to cheer for a team knowing they won't ever blow it. is it even fun? the answer is obviously yes.

3. baby miner - last night, the rockets capped a very busy day with a 112-100 win over the less busy miami heat. earlier, houston swung one trade that shipped off bonzi wells and mike james for bobby jackson and another one that sent kirk snyder to minnesota for gerald green. the rockets have been playing well enough lately that i think if they manage to make the playoffs it will be less about these trades and more about carl landry dunking all the time. but the most interesting aspect about these trades to me is the rockets acquiring houston native gerald green, who i think is quickly becoming the new harold miner. if you don't remember harold miner, he was potential personified. in his rookie year he won the slam dunk contest, then in his third year he won it again. after that season he was traded and played only 19 more games in his nba career. so far, gerald green's career path has been eerily similar. this is now his third team in less than a season's worth of games and i want to see if another change of scenery will help him avoid flaming out a la miner. though i'm not sure the rockets can afford to give gerald green playing time while they fight for they're in the thick of a competitive playoff race. this means we'll likely never see someone do the cupcake dunk during a game. but if gerald green just ate a cupcake during a game that'd be almost as good to me.

2. brary bodns - sometime last week, a report surfaced that in a filing by prosecutors for barry bonds' perjury trial he failed a drug test in 2001. the sports world was abuzz, but the next day it was discovered that this was a typo as they actually meant he failed a drug test in 2000. bonds' defense is now claiming that these typos have compromised his chance for a fair trial and have filed a complaint. likewise, i expect to receive a similar complaint from bonds' team about the typos on this site very soon. anyways, because i'm not well-versed in law, i have no clue what the result could be if this complaint is accepted. it seems kind of ridiculous to throw out an entire case just because of a few typos. unless there were additional typos throughout the original document where "barry bonds" was accidentally misspelled as "roger clemens", i doubt this is going to go very far. trust me, i complain constantly, and best thing that's ever happened as a result was one time at ruby tuesday's when someone spit on a steak that i sent back to get re-cooked.

1. lebron's new teammates - the real winners of yesterday's nba trade deadline were not any specific teams, but all of the players who now get to play alongside lebron james. after missing out on mike bibby and jason kidd, cleveland gm danny ferry burned up phone lines trying to appease his lone star player. his efforts weren't in vain as he managed to pull of a 3-team, 11-player deal. all told, the cavs sent off drew gooden, larry hughes, ira newble, donyell marshall, cedric simmons and got back ben wallace, joe smith, wally szczerbiak, and delonte west. i'm sure cleveland's jersey guy is currently burning up phone lines himself trying to figure out if he has enough letters in stock to spell "szczerbiak". regardless, it's hard not to like this trade for cleveland. at only the cost of several members of the worst supporting cast in the league, lebron gets some new and better functioning toys to play with. it's like danny ferry threw away lebron's old hungry hungry hippos game that was missing all but two marbles and bought him rock-em sock-em robots. sure it's not the best toy in the world, but at least you don't have to use fruit loops in lieu of marbles when you play it. but overall, i'm not sure this is quite enough to push them past boston or detroit. of course, i'm not going to be the one who counts out lebron james. or wally scerbak.

Candace Parker has Lost Her Mind

2008-02-21T16:59:00.000-05:00

The Tennessee star will skip her senior season and leave Knoxville early to join the WNBA. There are a lot of good reasons to skip you senior year: making millions of dollars in pro sports, pursuing a passion outside of academia, or doing enough drugs to get thrown out. Nowhere on the list is traveling the country to play in front of crowds of 8,500. The idea that a person would leave college early to go to the WNBA is so funny that I forgot to laugh. Then I remembered that Candace Parker is going to leave college early to go to the WNBA and I laughed. Do you know what the rookie salary is for a player entering the 2008 season? $44,000. That's it. That's not enough to justify being a professional basketball player. That's barely enough to justify being a professional basketball.

If a man was dominating college basketball, I'd encourage him to make the jump to the pros, so why is it different for women? Because the NBA is one of the strongest sports leagues in the world while the WNBA is a running joke about lesbians. Unlike its pro counterpart, women's college basketball gets national recognition, media time, and most importantly, respect. The women's NCAA tournament gets full coverage on ESPN and coaches like Pat Summitt, Kay Yow and Geno Auriemma are legends in the sport. The WNBA's only moment of glory comes at the Shooting Stars contest, the All-Star Saturday event that is most likely to coincide with a beer run. If the slogan 'We Got Next' is true, then they've been waiting over ten years for the first game to end.

I can understand Parker's side of the argument to some extent. "Why risk an injury?" "What do I have left to prove in college?" "Why am I so tall?" Logically speaking, it probably makes sense for her to turn pro early. There's no doubt that she's ready for a tougher level of competition. And the endorsements that come from being the first woman leave college early will surely make it a sound financial decision. But a move like this is typically associated with taking a step forward in one's career, and I don't think that's necessarily the case here. I think it's entirely possible we won't hear from Candace again, at least until she's trying to hit a half court shot alongside Jordan Farmar and James Worthy.

Then again if it ends up preventing the LA Sparks from using their first pick on Darka Milicic, I'm all for it.

Today's Best - 02.20.08

2008-02-20T23:56:00.007-05:00

5. Aging Stars - Pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training, as have position players. Home run kings, on the other hand, are still sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. Barry Bonds has been staying in game condition according to his agent, and it still waiting for an offer from a major league team. To prove that the desire to play beyond one’s prime is not specific to baseball, Keyshawn Johnson has also expressed a desire to play next year. After taking a year off from NFL action, it is very questionable whether or not Key can contribute. Perhaps he and Bonds should instead focus on buying high-waist pants, keeping whippersnappers off their lawns, and eating dinner at 4 in the afternoon.4. The N.I.T. - The NCAA Tournament' reign of terror is over. While most consider the 64-participant event the most exciting in sports, the Accenture Match Play bracket has taken upsets to a whole new level. Ernie Els, one of the number one seeds, was defeated by Cinderella story Jonathan Byrd. Also falling were three of the four number 2 seeds and two number 4 seeds. Even Tiger Woods was forced to rally from three back with five holes remaining to salvage a victory. If these matches are any indication of what's to come, now might be the right time to bet the house on Belmont and Austin Peay.

3. Chris Douglas-Roberts - The Memphis Tigers and Tennessee Volunteers will face off Saturday night in a 1 vs. 2 matchup. Last time this happened was OSU-Wisconsin last year; a game the Buckeyes won 49-48. If Chris Douglas-Roberts scores another 1.32 points per minute, expect that to be topped by halftime. The junior guard scored 29 to lead the Tigers past Tulane, in what was a despicable display of caring for the Gulf Coast. Did you learn nothing from the All-Star game, CDR? Memphis’ head coach’s 400th win came at a price, as it is now evident that John Calipari doesn’t care about black people. Unless they’re good at basketball.

2. Knicks opponents outside of D.C. - The Philadelphia 76ers have quietly been playing well enough to be the seventh seed in the Eastern Conference. Last night they made some noise against a Knicks squad that faced overtime the night before. The result was leading by 20 at the end of the first, doubling up their opponent at half, and winning by a Chris Bosh. Philly has won 6 of 7 and at the heart of their surge is the youth movement. Thaddeus Young and Louis Williams have provided great minutes off the bench, while Andre Igoudala been a steadying force. In their effort to tank this season, it appears the Sixers stumbled into some success.

1. Kobe Bryant - In Shaq-Kobe Part Six Million, Bryant’s 41 points led the Lakers to a hard-fought 130-124 victory against the new-look Suns. This gives the Lakers the season series against their rivals and vaults LA past Phoenix in the standings. I caught an old interview with Kobe Bryant at the gym today and in response to his role in the Shaq trade, Kobe said, “They wanted me to level off as a player. I wasn’t going to do that.” Kudos to Kobe for understanding that he had a chance to be an all-time great and taking that risk. Personally, I agree with him and I’d take three rings and an 81-point game over four or five rings. You can call me a glory hog if you want. What do I care? I’ve got a freaking 81-point game!

update - 2.21 7:54 am

just heard an interview with ric bucher in which he basically reiterates my thoughts on kobe: "all he did was devote himself to being the best basketball player he possibly could. how can you fault him for that?" it appears the only thing stopping me from being the gm of the celebrity all-star game is a friendship with dog the bountry hunter.

Stop it, LeBron

2008-02-20T21:35:00.003-05:00

I'm sick of always talking about LeBron James and his stupid triple-doubles. Every day the Cavs play results in us spouting off about how great he is. I'd like one game from Lebron that doesn't end like tonight's against Indy (31-14-12). If this keeps up, we're changing this website's name to LeBronPoints, running polls about why LeBron James is the best basketball player alive, and starting a daily feature called "Today's LeBron James".

2008 NBA All-Star Weekend: Far East Meets West

2008-02-20T15:05:00.005-05:00

now that we are a few days removed from the 2008 all-star weekend, i think i can say for certain that by all accounts it was a terrific success for both the nba and more importantly, new orleans. and though there's obviously still more work ahead, it at least seems like there is hope and optimism in a city that only a few years ago had little. and impressively, while lending their extended support to the rebuilding effort in new orleans, the nba even managed to put on a great show. because between the different all-star games and events there was hardly a dull moment. but if i was forced to choose one thing that "stood" above all else throughout the all-star weekend, i think i'd have to go with jet li, who despite being the opposite height of most basketball players is apparently chummy with many of them.

as seen above, pictures of jet li enjoying the all-star game were not in short supply this weekend. in every new orleans nook and cranny, you could find jet chatting up an nba all-star. what were they talking about? why was he only talking to western conference all-stars? why was i so curious about this? as the visual evidence mounted, i became more convinced that the action star was using all-star weekend as a forum to pitch his various movie ideas to basketball players. here's my best guess as to what these ideas were.

rush hour 2, 2 - i'm sure jet li expressed interest in this project to an assortment of different players since it makes so much sense. hopefully it happens. because in my opinion, there aren't enough remakes of sequels.

twins too: taller - similar to the original, yao and jet li are twins separated at birth. they blossom into superstars in basketball and martial arts and eventually reunite. the rest of the movie is yao and jet finding themselves in humorous situations. situations that occur when jet li asks, "oh no, how am i supposed to be at a photo shoot and a movie premiere at the same time? ...wait a second... yao, you can go for me!!"

junior 2 - admittedly, there are probably hundreds of movies that would make more sense. but for some reason, i think it'd be really funny if jet li was really obsessed with arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito movies. almost as funny as arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito movies themselves. seriously, a pregnant man?! now i've seen everything!

white men and the temple of doom - here's steve nash sharing his idea for a summer blockbuster. if it's anything like its predecessors, my interest is piqued. not only would the movie feature steve nash as woody harrelson and jet li as short round, it would feature a two-on-two team composed of a white guy and a short asian guy beating people at basketball and then going on adventures that involve a rail car.

shanghaiami vice - "my giant" might be the first thing that comes to mind, but i doubt yi wants to get typecast so early in his young, or allegedly old, career. plus, it'd be a waste to not capitalize on these adorable suits.

pulp fiction - this isn't a movie idea so much as it's what i hope yao was saying to jet li when this photo was taken.

Whatta Mann

2008-02-20T14:42:00.006-05:00

i was at the verizon center last night to watch the knicks victimize the wizards with a 19-1 run spanning the fourth quarter and overtime. a more pathetic sight i cannot remember. while leaving the arena, the token knicks fan in my group (stupid joe) gave my fellow wiz fans and i what is commonly referred to as, "the business". however, when we reached f street, i saw a man in a suit who looked oddly familiar. if it weren't for the two other well-dressed men with him, or if i had a bit more courage, i would've shouted, "hey, is that charles mann?"

mann was a defensive linesman who spent 11 seasons in the nfl, ten of which were with the redskins. he played in four super bowls and won three championships. currently, he is 35th on the list of most career sacks. and i may or may not have seen him yesterday, joking about how the knicks are insane.

i have no idea how to confirm or deny this claim. so i implore all seven of our readers to help me out. i'm sure through some complex web of acquaintances, one of us should be able to infiltrate mann's inner circle. once we're in, a simple question pertaining to his whereabouts on february 19th will do the trick. this is honestly going to bother me until i get an answer one way or another. it's like leaving a bar and wondering, "what if i had talked to that girl?" only instead i'm wondering, "what if charles mann gave me his super bowl ring and i used it to punch daniel snyder in face ?"

jason campbell, charles mann, who's next, sammy baugh?

Combine Nation

2008-02-20T11:18:00.009-05:00

330 NFL hopefuls will descend on Indianapolis in the coming days to attend the NFL scouting combine. In addition to drug testing, interviews and physicals, the combine brings us events that measure speed, strength and agility. I find it odd that scouts pay so much attention to quarters of an inch and hundredths of a second when the drills run are not directly football related. For example, Eddie Kennison was an NCAA All-American sprinter, but has never been noted for his speed in pads. While the combine provides valuable data, I’d rather focus on how a player performs in-game. Which is probably why I don’t own an NFL team.

- 40-Yard Dash: The NFL also conducts 10- and 20-yard dashes that focus on acceleration, but the 40 has become the standard measure of speed. The fastest 40 I ever ran was a hand-timed 4.24, which converts to a 4.48 in FAT. To compare, this is the same time run by Patrick Willis, a 242 pound linebacker for the 49ers. Excuse me while I cower in fear.
- Bench Press: Typically important for linesmen, linebackers, and running backs, repetitions at 225 pounds give you an idea of how ridiculously strong these athletes are. QB Brady Quinn made headlines last year when he preformed 25 reps. I guess the Browns were looking for upper body strength when they drafted their clipboard holder.
- Vertical Leap: Verticals have long been scrutinized for their accuracy. Players extend their arms straight up to get a base reading, then jump and swat a device to measure their leap. But by locking your lower back and shrugging your shoulders, you could lower your base reading and ultimately gain an inch or two. Why are we worried about steroids while vertical enhancement runs rampant?
- Broad Jump: Why don’t they call it the long jump? No one says, “Wow, that jump was so broad!”
- Shuttle Run: My favorite days in elementary school were days we did the shuttle run. Beating my classmates in picking up and putting down erasers was an incomparable thrill. But there was always a group of kids who’d throw the erasers in an attempt to gain an edge. This is probably the same group of kids who grew up to play for the Texas Rangers in 1992.
- Three-Cone Drill: A convoluted drill that basically equates to running in circles. Scouts use it to gauge fluidity and hip movement and other clichés that sound gross when used in different contexts.
- Wonderlic Test: The test measures critical thinking and decision making, and has become an increasingly popular metric. Pat McInally, a punter from Harvard, is the only player to record a confirmed perfect score. But if the Wonderlic is as easy as the version in Madden, I’d have a pretty good shot at acing it. Or at least I’d beat Vince Young.

Dhivy’s Draft Bio
Height: 5’11¾”
Weight: 175 lbs
40-Yard Dash: 4.48 (at peak, much slower now)
Bench Press: 7 reps
Vertical Leap: 30”ish
Broad Jump: Depends on if I know the broad
20-Yard Shuttle: Ask my third-grade gym teacher
Three-Cone Drill: Faster than the four-cone drill
Wonderlic: Wonderful

Projected Round: Undrafted
Projected Tears: Several

Today's Best - 02.19.08

2008-02-20T04:05:00.007-05:00

5. jared dudley - in yesterday's spurs-bobcats game, charlotte rookie jared dudley was the only player who made at least half his shots. strangely, he was also the bobcat who had the lowest +/- as the bobcats. what does this mean? it means the spurs won 85-65 and held charlotte to an unbelievable 28.2 percent shooting. only a few weeks ago, it seemed like san antonio was being written off. but sure enough it appears as if the reports of their demise were greatly exaggerated and they were apparently just rounding into form. i know it's kind of silly to draw conclusions from a single game against the bobcats, but if the spurs either hold the rest of their opponents under 30 percent shooting or only play the bobcats for the rest of the year, they'll probably repeat as nba champs.

4. the player most likely to be traded by thursday - ron artest helped the kings beat the tepid blazers 105-94 and in the process showed why he would be an asset to any team. this win came only a few days after artest expressed interest in remaining in sacramento past the trade deadline. the kings have already traded mike bibby away and appear ready to hand over the franchise to kevin martin, shelden williams, and a slew of expiring contracts so i have to think something else is also in the works for artest. even if he says he'd like to remain in sacramento. currently, denver has been rumored to be the front runner for artest's services and i for one think this would be a terrific trade. he'd provide an immediate boost defensively to a team that's already among the most physical in the league. plus, a nuggets lineup featuring iverson, artest, carmelo, kenyon, and camby would likely be the most intimidating in the league. and if there's anything i'd like to see in the second half of the season, it's denver opponents intimidating into scoring on their own baskets.

3. the well rested knicks - the knicks were one of a few teams that did not have a single player involved in any regard during the all-star weekend. i'm sure they had a nice extended break spent relaxing and not giving a blank about these white people because in an overtime game in dc, the knicks scored 23 points and beat the wizards 113-100. the knicks scored as many points in the final five minutes as they scored in the 12 minutes of quarters 1, 2, and 4. they fell short of the record of most points in an overtime, but did manage to score the exact same amount of points in four different periods which i think is just as neat. the wizards meanwhile have lost nine of their final 10 games and two of three this year against new york. but there is hope, because yesterday gilbert arenas was cleared to practice. and though he's probably a few weeks away from returning, i expect the wizards will lose every game from now until then. this means of course that they will somehow move up the woeful eastern conference standings.

2. the durant-less sonics - kevin durant missed last night's game against grizzlies, the sonics' peers in the western conference cellar, with the flu. yet despite missing their most celebrated player, the sonics maanged to erase a 19-point, third quarter deficit to beat memphis 108-101. seattle now improves to 1-0 in games that durant doesn't play this season and 13-38 in games that he did. and for those of you who think this is too small a sample size to prove that the sonics are better off without durant, consider that since 1968 seattle is 1726-1523, for a .531 winning percentage, in all games durant didn't play. of course, since i doubt many of those 1,726 wins came against teams whose centers were the darko milicic, jason collins, and kwame brown, i guess i'll wait a few more days before starting a trade durant petition. and in case you were wondering, darko was 2-of-8 from the field, collins fouled out, and coaches decided to not play kwame brown.

1. 2008 all-star mvps - in a 93-85 setback against houston, cleveland's lebron james recorded his fifth triple-double of the season and the fifteenth of triple-double of his career. just to clairfy, both of those were the same triple-double not two separate ones in the same game. anyways, he finished with 26 points, 13 rebounds, and 11 assists. of major concern to cavs fans should be the fact that in sunday's all-star game he scored 27 points against much better players. logically, this means against the battiers, alstons and bonzis of the league, he should be going off for 60, easy. but it appears lebron is resigned to just play down to his competition for the remainder of the season. what a waste of talent. anyways, the most interesting i read about lebron was his all-star dunk late in the game over a gaggle of west players was because he was "mad at dirk because he stole my point guard". because of this i think we're in for a relatively dull trading deadline as gms do their best to avoid upsetting lebron by stealing any other players from the cavs.

The Chicago Bears Do Not Harbor Terrorists

2008-02-19T09:01:00.011-05:00

In 2005, the Carolina Panthers cut their leading receiver, Muhsin Muhammad. Within 10 hours, the Chicago Bears swooped in and signed him to a six-year, $30 million contract. After a season of 1,420 yards and 16 TDs with Carolina (both tops in the NFL), Muhammad was never able to replicate the same level of success in the windy city. Despite helping his team to two division titles in three seasons, he only recorded 12 TDs in his tenure with the Bears and his per game yardage was almost cut in half. If he didn't stop to pray five times a game, maybe he would've been more effective. Regardless, the veteran leader of the Bears' receiving corps has been cut.

Even though Chicago had better receiving options the past few seasons, Moose remained one of my favorite players with the team. I always found myself making excuses for why he was dropping passes, not getting separation from his defender, and committing Jihad during timeouts. But he always made key blocks, ran precise routes, and even caught a game-winning TD now and again. In an era in which wide receivers are the most self-indulgent egomaniacs in professional sports, Muhsin always stays humble and plays for his teammates.

Muhammad's contributions off the field are just as noteworthy as his playing career. He started The M2 Foundation, which strives to help children develop physically and mentally. He promotes the Back to Nature program, a camping trip that takes kids through the Great Smokey Mountains. He is a supporter of the Muscular Dystrophy Association and Men for Change, which raises money for women's shelters. And in 2007, his family adopted two impoverished children from Ethiopia. Muhsin truly is one of the Five Pillars of his community.

I'm a Bears fan for reasons I can't explain. They won a Super Bowl when I was two-years-old, but have been relatively quiet once I stopped chewing on my toes. Aside from Urlacher and Singletary, they haven't had a marquee player in years and their list of quarterbacks is an orgy of ineptitude. So am I cheering for their jerseys? For the Halas family? For wind? Whatever it is, I'll always be a proud supporter of the Bears, even if it means leaving Moose out in the cold. I may be saying, "oh Shiite" now, but I'm hopeful that Sunni skies lie ahead.So what if he's Christian? Have a sense of humor!

Today's Best - 02.18.08

2008-02-19T04:56:00.008-05:00

5. andy pettitte - yesterday yankees pitcher andy pettitte held a press conference to talk about his use of human growth hormone. for an hour or so, he answered any and all questions regarding his past use while taking the opportunity to apologize profusely to everyone. and although pettitte didn't address what he told congress regarding roger clemens, it still seems like he's coming out smelling like roses. or at least smelling like a different flower that didn't smell as good as roses and was forced to take hgh out of desperation. anyways, generally these press conferences involve players apologizing without once mentioning what they did. so to me, it's very refreshing to see a player being so candid. unfortunately, we're in an era where it's safe to assume that this high a level of candidness this late in one's career is likely due to steroids.

4. a fool and his money - with no nba games scheduled and with no new episode of american gladiators monday night, college basketball was the only game in town, unless your town watches hockey. mine does not. anyways, last night featured a texas-texas a&m game that was a longhorn blowout and a hard fought louisville win over an up and down syracuse team. additionally, georgetown won, xavier won, and saint mary's won. i could go in more depth about what happened in each game, but come march madness it won't matter. especially because i've already decided to bet on st mary's under any circumstances.

3. eric gagne's family - yesterday former cy young winner eric gagne, apparently unimpressed by andy pettitte, apologized to his family, friends, and teammates for being a distraction. yet for whatever reason, he failed to address why he was being a distraction, which is becoming a common practice for baseball players facing steroid accusations. it's quite a leap of faith to take this brief statement as a tacit admission of guilt, but what else can we infer if he refuses to elaborate? anyways, since these statements are so trendy, the most interesting thing i got from gagne's apology was the fact that from what i can tell, he didn't mention his fans. i think it's fair to assume this is a tacit admission that he has no fans.

2. nick fazekas - last week when the initial jason kidd trade was announced nick fazekas was probably more than a little excited that the future hall of famer was joining the mavericks. but thanks to saboteurs jerry stackhouse and devean george, the trade had to be reconfigured. and unfortunately, a fazekas-kidd duo just wasn't in the stars. in fact, it doesn't appear a fazekas-any dallas maverick duo is in the stars because tomorrow nick fazekas is expected to be cut in order to make room on the roster for keith van horn who will be immediately traded to the nets. so not a week after buying a jason kidd fat head, fazekas is now unemployed. and because of this, i expect tomorrow, jerry stackhouse and devean george will both receive nice going away presents from nick fazekas. presents that involve their cars being towed.

1. college football players getting suspended six months before the season starts - lsu back-up quarterback ryan perrilloux was suspended indefinitely yesterday for the always ambiguous "violation of team rules". naturally, an explanation this vague invites wild speculation as to which team rule was violated. my money's on rule 3, "don't tickle coach miles". in a similar story about a far less important player, tennessee punter britton colquitt was suspended for five games and had his scholarship rescinded for a recent arrest on charges of driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident. these were both violations of tennessee's team rules and also violations of the law's rules. interestingly, britton is the younger brother of nfl punter dustin colquitt and is apparently the fourth member of his family to punt for the volunteers. and if i had to deal with the incessant text messages from my family telling me to "punt it farther next time" or "remember: don't outkick your coverage, love mom" i'd probably drink excessively too.

Damon Jones: Today's Worst - 08.25.76 to Present

2008-02-18T14:53:00.004-05:00

this weekend, the nba's all-star game continued to prove why it's the premier all-star event in all sports. on display was the dunking, shooting, and caring that makes the nba so popular. unfortunately, also on display was damon jones. on the list of things i saw too much of this weekend, damon jones ranked first, with commercials for "house of payne" a distant second. it must drive david stern crazy that every year as he's trying to coordinate an all-star game, damon jones shows up, trips over extension cords, accidentally unplugs the scoreboard, and takes a dump in the commissioner's private bathroom. and if it doesn't, i'm sure it drives me crazy enough for the both of us.

although there are plenty of nba players who aren't particularly good, most of them don't spend the all-star weekend bothering their peers who are. all-star games should be a celebration of good basketball that provides an avenue for the nba to give back to their loyal fans. as such, they should never, ever involve damon jones, a miserable player who only celebrates himself and his brand of unproductive basketball and whose only contributions to the fans are turnovers and missed shots that result in hundreds of basketballs in the stands. damon jones is horrible. this isn't a new development to most people. nor is it something that would appear on espnews' bottom ticker as "breaking news: damon jones sucks". seriously, there were hundreds of thousands of people in new orleans this weekend and only two were glad to see damon jones. one was damon jones and the other was the cab driver who took damon jones to the airport before his flight back. that's it.

let me explain that this is not a problem i have with players coming to the all-star game uninvited. dikembe mutombo is always a welcome and familiar face as a courtside spectator even though he hasn't been an all-star since 2002. but mutombo is also one of the most active nba players in the community. damon jones on the other hand, is one of the most inactive nba players on his team. truthfully, i have no idea what charities damon jones is involved in. but based on what i've seen, he's more likely to wreck a house than he is to help build one. so this isn't animosity towards players who attend the all-star game, just towards the worst player who does.

david stern has his stuff together, so i'm sure that over the past few seasons, the nba has gone to great lengths to make sure damon jones doesn't know what city is hosting the all-star game. yet every year like clockwork, damon jones appears grinning from ear to ear as if people actually enjoy his company. needless to say, this is a situation that should be remedied sooner rather than later. i'm not too keen on watching another all-star weekend while having to cheer against things that will make damon jones appear on my television. anyways, since i don't have anything better to do than to come up with solutions to my trivial problems, i have finalized a simple, fool-proof plan that will keep damon jones and the all-star weekend two mutually exclusive events. step one, change the 2009 nba all-star game wikipedia article so that it says the game will be played in egypt and not phoenix. that's the only step. because if i know damon jones, he'll be forced to use the internet to find out where the all-star game is since no one else will tell him. luckily, the first result from googling "2009 all-star game" is a wikipedia article that is readily editable. then while damon jones is on a 25-hour flight to cairo and then a 25-hour flight back once he realizes he's been had, the all-star game will be able to proceed completely unmolested and free of ugly suits. well, ugly suits not worn by craig sager. (wink!)

Today's Best - 02.17.08

2008-02-18T00:33:00.008-05:00

5. Lefty - Runner-up for this category is Rasheed Wallace. He shot three jumpers with his off-hand and drained one of them. Plus, Doug Collins claimed he could beat Chris Bosh (who is left-handed) in a left-handed game of H-O-R-S-E. But the real winner was Phil Mickelson, who won for the first time at the Riviera. The LA course is Mickelson’s home away from home, one he’s been trying to win at for 20 years. After a one-under round, Phil finished 12-under for the tournament and cruised after runner-up Jeff Quinney bogeyed three straight holes on the back nine. With the Accenture Match Play Championship on tap, Mickelson is one of the four top seeds (Woods, Els, Stricker). The 64-player tournament gives reason to coin the phrase “February Frenzy”.

4. Confusion - As a kid, I was terribly disturbed by a song from The Muppet Show titled "I'm My Own Grampa". Aside from not understanding why a variety show would focus on incest, it was impossible to keep track of the twists and turns of the family tree. But a new headline from ESPN has renewed my lineage-related bewilderment: “Pettitte's father obtained HGH from son's ex-classmate”. Whose son are they talking about, Andy Pettitte’s or Andy Pettitte’s father? Why do they need to emphasize the “ex” in classmate? I have a hard time determining exactly what happened here, so I’m forced to assume that Roger Clemens is somehow behind this.

3. Dwight Howard - An impressive all-around showing during All-Star week established Dwight as the premier young big man in the league. After a mind-blowing performance during the dunk contest, jaws across America are still dropped. A windmill from behind the backboard. An homage to Christopher Reeve. A double tap move that barely makes sense in video games. And a windmill off a mini basket to top it all off. Superman capped his weekend with a perfect showing from the field in the main event. He made all seven of his field goals and led the East with 9 rebounds. His combination of size, explosiveness and creativity proves the old adage: “Dwight makes Right”.

2. War of the Words - The Philadelphia Phillies and New York Mets are still in spring training, but their trash talk has reached October proportions. Last off-season, MVP Jimmy Rollins proclaimed Philly the team to beat in the NL East, and his team backed it up with a division title. With Johan Santana on board, Carlos Beltran has fired back, saying, “tell Jimmy Rollins we’re the team to beat”. Pitchers Tom Gordon and Brett Myers have responded by saying, “we are a bunch of losers and I can’t believe reporters are actually talking to us.” Then Ryan Howard said, “I struck out 207 times in 147 games last season and my own mother said David Wright is a better hitter than me.”

1. Skip Prosser - The Wake Forest family was rocked this off-season when head basketball coach Skip Prosser died from a heart attack. His most famous student, Chris Paul, honored his late coach with his new shoe. The name "Skip" is inscribed on the inside of the tongue and the shoes will be available March 1st. Prosser's influence was also felt in his team's home victory over Duke. With the student section spelling out "WIN 4 SKIP", freshman Jeff Teague and James Johnson scored 26 and 24, while the Demon Deacons forced 21 turnovers and capitalized on poor shooting by the Blue Devils. Ironic that a game played by two types of hell spawns ended with Duke losing, seeing as how that's what I imagine heaven is like.

??? Part II

2008-02-17T19:57:00.003-05:00

What in the world is going on? I turned to TNT and "Four Brothers" was on. Why does the world insist that the All-Star Game has already started?

???

2008-02-17T19:43:00.003-05:00

The 2008 NBA All-Star Game is less than an hour away, but Carmelo Anthony is already in top form. Off the opening-tip from Yao Ming, Carmelo pulled up from 31 feet to hit a three. There must have been some sort of clock malfunction, because the time is still stuck is 12:00. Does ESPN know something the rest of us don't? Do they have access to some sort of time portal? Is Gary from web design playing a trick on us after being fired this week? Whatever the case, don't expect Melo to get shut out tonight.

Live from Daytona

2008-02-17T19:05:00.009-05:00

as big a sports fan as i am, it's strange that there are certain sports i have absolutely no interest in. things like hockey, auto racing, and mixed martial arts are unable to keep my attention. so in an attempt to broaden my horizons, i sat down to watch the daytona 500, the biggest race in the nascar season. here's a recap of the world's longest left turn:

3:29 - darrell waltrip gives the famous starting command: "gentleman, start your engines!" what happens if danica patrick makes the jump to nascar? would we have to say gentlepeople?
3:35 - i switch to hbo to see the end of "hot shots: part deux". hilarious.
3:47 - race leader denny hamlin starts swerving wildly in an attempt to disrupt the draft. i never knew that part of nascar was acting like you're drunk.
4:07 - i get bored and start watching a show on card counting in blackjack. convince myself that i could make a million dollars on my next vegas trip.
4:12 - flip back to the race and most cars are in their first pit stop. the only thing less interesting than watching cars repeatedly drive in circles is watching cars repeatedly do nothing.
4:20 - i get bored and start playing "street fighter 2". after defeating m. bison with ken on 8-star difficulty, i try to execute a hurricane kick. unsuccessfully.
4:55 - i flip back and there's a yellow flag. a trip to espn indicates that the caution was a result of debris on the track, not a crash. even the exciting moments are dull.
5:03 - i get bored and decide to go running. somewhere along the way, i calculate that the cars were going about 28 times faster than i am. at least i don't run the risk of blowing up.
6:06 - yes! dave ragan and matt kenseth collide in the first major incident of the day. now if the race ends with someone saying "shake and bake", maybe this will be worthwhile.
6:13 - nbatv is running the 2003 all-star game. for some reason, brad miller is involved. a lot can change in five years.
6:24 - another collision. this time, pole sitter jimmie johnson spins out. 20 laps to go.
6:32 - the action is getting 2 fast 2 furious and race leader clint bowyer spins. this race is ludacris.
6:41 - the sixth caution of the day slows down the field yet again. at this point, we should just give the trophy to the pace car.
6:50 - for the third time in ten laps, the yellow flag is out. this is like watching a baby trying to walk, but continuously falling down.
6:58 - ryan newman wins his first daytona 500. more impressive than the win is the fact that it is on wikipedia in two minutes. i think that website can tell the future.

with a final hour that was very disjointed, the daytona 500 ended up being a disappointment. i can see why people tune in, but it's not really my cup of tea. but at least it didn't interfere with the american gladiators finale. now that's what president's day weekend is all about!

Today's Best - 02.14.08

2008-02-15T00:54:00.010-05:00

5. dnp's - because of a death in ben wallace's family and an injury to ben gordon, the bulls only played eight players. because of alexander johnson's sprained ankle and chris quinn's inability to play basketball, the heat played eight as well. josh howard's bad back was the only culprit for dallas, so they were able to splurge and play nines. and because someone thought importing shaq was a good idea, phoenix was limited to eight players. it should be noted that one of those suns was sean marks, so it's really more like seven and three fourths.

4. tyrese rice - the junior guard led the bc eagles to victory in an acc matchup against nc state. he scored 32 and handed out 6 assists to give boston college only their fourth conference win. usually a major force in college basketball, the acc is in the middle of a down year by its standards. with only four teams sporting a plus-.500 records, it is not inconceivable that the league could set a low for teams advancing to the ncaa tournament. so rice has got work to do to earn his one shining moment.

3. rubbing some dirt on it - on february 5th, kobe bryant injured the pinky on his shooting hand in a win against the nets. x-rays show that the damage was more extensive than the team originally thought, and bryant actually has a torn ligament. rather than miss a possible six weeks by undergoing surgery, he has opted to suck it up and play through the pain. while he has been replaced in the three-point shootout by dirk the jerk, the league still expects kobe to start for the western all-stars. because without him, where would the scoring come from in an all-star game?

2. tenuous tenures - when kelvin sampson left oklahoma amidst scandal, i assumed he would abide by the ncaa regulations. i should have realized that the amount this kelvin cares about the rules is absolute zero. after a report revealed that he committed five major violations, sampson's coaching career is in jeopardy and his job status is being confirmed on a game-to-game basis. i wonder if indiana's athletic director would feel the same way had brian butch not hit a three to lead wisconsin over the hoosiers on wednesday. if sampson does get fired, perhaps he and isu freshman keenan barlow can get their own show on nickelodeon.

1. typos - erroneously filed documents pointed to a positive drug test by barry bonds, which was reported by several media outlets. less than an hour later, the report had been retracted and labeled a mistake. but now that i can make mistakes and just apologize later, i'm free to go crazy! here are some stories you can expect to see in the coming days:

mets sign johan santana to 137.5 year, $6 million contract
phil mickelson wins northern trust open with 16 over par
redskins considering trade for "cinco ocho", linebacker caleb miller
devean george buys stock in caesar's atlantic city
garbage points named "world's greatest website"

All-Star Mania

2008-02-14T20:30:00.010-05:00

we've already discussed barkley-bavetta, but the nba all-star weekend has given us so many more memorable moments. so i sat down to choose my some of my favorites. there's no doubt that this list is incomplete and that there are several glaring omissions. let us know your favorite all-star moment in the comments section below.

2004: ron artest's shoes – in hopes of landing a shoe deal, ron artest wore four different brands during the game. the only major brand artest ever endorsed was l.a. gear, which made him the ideal sponsor for 'double dare'. since i couldn’t find video, here’s the on-air call of the pistons-pacers brawl. my favorite part: bill walton saying, “this is a disgrace”.

2007: gilbert’s grapes – after shaq offered him $100k for his charity, agent zero followed the timeout entertainment on to the floor and did a between the legs dunk off a trampoline. bonus points for this because it made its way into gilbert’s fantastic all-star blog.

2007: rookie/sophomore game – the sophs scored 155. david lee made every field goal (14) and free throw (2) he attempted. chris paul ended with nine steals and seventeen assists. monta ellis converted seven alley oops. defense is overrated.

2007: shaq/howard/lebron dance - seeing the lighter side of athletes is a refreshing change from hearing about ‘taking it one game at a time’, or ‘playing within ourselves’. my dream is for juan carlos navarro, luis scola, and yi jianlian to reenact this during the rookie/sophomore game. my dreams suck.

2006: barkley on damon jones - the only bad thing about this was that it overshadowed andre igoudala. he had a behind the back dunk and a dunk in which he took off from out of bounds under the basket. meanwhile, nate robinson had to try his dunk over fifteen times.

1988: jordan-wilkins dunk contest – probably the most famous dunk contest of all-time, and one that made little to no sense. dominique’s third dunk getting a 45 was a move by the judges to keep the contest in reach, but jordan’s double-clutch from the free throw line was worth the controversy.

2003: rookie/sophomore game - the sophomores embarrassed the rookies in a game that was capped off with jason richardson bouncing the ball off carlos boozer's head and draining a three. after calling j-rich “classless” for his actions, boozer broke a handshake agreement with cavs owner gordon gund, who is legally blind. pure class.

2000: vince carter dunk contest - with a lineup of larry hughes, jerry stackhouse, ricky davis, steve francis and tracy mcgrady, this should have been the most competitive dunk contest ever. instead, vinsanity obliterated everyone. this clip is worth it just for the look of sheer euphoria on dikembe mutombo’s face.

2003: jordan’s last all-star game - despite playing only 15 games due to injury, vince carter was elected the starting 2 guard for the east, but he eventually gave his starting role to jordan. his shot over shawn marion would be number one on my list, except kobe tied the game with free throws and the west went on to win big.

1992: magic johnson (skip to 6:50) - magic had just been diagnosed with hiv and the public still didn't know very much about it. at the time, aids was basically a death sentence and most people thought you could get it from simple contact. more than the game itself, magic’s courage in dealing with this disease is what i remember most about the game. him taking over the final two minutes was a moment i'll never forget.

despite baseball's attempt to make the all-star game relevant, the nba still serves up the best showcase of their elite talent. the entire weekend is a blast and with this year's celebration being held in new orleans, there will be plenty of good done for a community that sorely needs it. as much fun as it is to look back on the past, i'm infinitely more excited to see new history being made.

now please, go back to damon jones' coat.

Today's Best - 02.13.08

2008-02-14T05:13:00.005-05:00

5. versatility - on a night that jason kidd didn't play, players across the league picked up his slack. carlos boozer recorded his first career triple-double with 22 points, 11 reobounds, and 10 assists while lamar odom finished with 10 points, 16 rebounds, and 10 assists for his 12th career triple-double. additionally, three other players came very close to triple-doubles of their own. andre iguodala had 29 points, eight rebounds, and eight assists; detroit's amir johnson had eight points, nine rebournds, and seven blocks; and antonio daniels had nine points, eight rebounds, and seven assists. interestingly, each of these players' teams won. this further proves my theory that being a good basketball player is good for your team. unfortunately, it also disproved my theory that players who lie to blind people do not get triple-doubles.

4. stan van gundy - after the monday night's loss to cleveland, magic coach stan van gundy publicly challenged dwight howard. among other things van gundy said that howard needed to make a more concerted effort to focus on defense. it was a bold move by van gundy especially considering that sloppy, mustachioed coaches are much easier to replace than franchise big men. but it seems to have paid off as dwight howard responded with 23 points and 24 rebounds in a 109-98 win against the nuggets. this likely means that in addition to dwight howard make a concerted effort to focus on defense every game, stan van gundy will also make a concerted effort to criticize dwight howard after every game. as such, last night dwight howard was so dumb that it took him two hours to watch 60 minutes. and he was also so ugly that when he was born, the doctor slapped his mother. anyways, expect the ugly, dumb dwight howard to go off for 50 and 50 next game.

3. ginobody - because i'm a spiteful and petty person, i promised myself that i will never heap praise on manu ginobili no matter what. therefore, today i won't mention the 46 points he scored on 15-of-20 shooting which included 8-of-11 from three in a 112-105 win in cleveland. instead let's talk about how the career-high 2.8 turnovers he's averaging per game that currently leads all nba players who don't start. which means in this regard, horse manure ginobili is actually the worst sixth man in the entire league. worse than malik allen!

2. memphis - last night, the number one memphis tigers won their 24th game 68-59 in hard fought game against the houston cougars. houston played admirably but ultimately couldn't overcome the fact that the tigers shot 42 free throws while the cougars shot twice. but to be fair, the cougars committed 19 fouls in the final minute while trying to extend the game. anyways, with every win the tigers get closer to a perfect season, which is my way of saying something plainly obvious while trying to pass it off as insight. but while memphis' college basketball team has been in the midst of a terific season, memphis' professional basketball team has been struggling. so far, the grizzlies have won 10 fewer games than the tigers. since trading pau gasol, the grizzlies have won a single game, which is generally what you can expect when you trade away your second best player and get kwame browm in return. though it's also what you can expect when you trade away anyone and get kwame brown in return. but with the grizzlies season going nowhere except sportscenter highlights that feature rudy gay jumping over the moon and running away with the spoon, i think it's time kwame brown gets that college education he should have gotten seven years ago. plus, with kwame brown in the mix, the memphis tigers would become the prohibitive favorites to win the ncaa tourney. or at least the favorites to violate several ncaa regulations by starting a professional basketball player.

1. devean george - yesterday afternoon, jason kidd appeared to be on his way back to dallas in a seven player trade. but in a surprise development before last night's 96-76 victory over portland, devean george, one of the five mavericks that was to be sent to jersey, told the team that he was going to block the trade. impressively, this means devean george is only two more blocked trades from matching his season total of blocked shots. in spite of this news, devean george started in place of an injured josh howard and even managed to match howard's production as neither howard nor george scored a point nor made a basket. this probably didn't endear himself to the already angry dallas crowd. anyways, in the end i expect george will eventually relent. i can't imagine he really wants to spend the rest of the season as public enemy number one in dallas. he's probably just holding up the trade until after the all-star game so that the league doesn't get confused about which team jason kidd will suit up for. but if i'm wrong and george does stay, hopefully this results in a sharp division in the mavs' posh locker room between the players who were supposed to be traded and those that weren't. and hopefully this culminates in a west side story-esque gang fight where dirk nowitzki sings "i feel pretty".

Remember When Sports Involved Playing Games?

2008-02-13T10:12:00.006-05:00

With John McCain on the verge of winning the GOP nomination for the presidency, and Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton neck-and-neck for the Democratic Party’s bid, you’d think that Congress would have more important things to worry about. Instead, Brian McNamee and Roger Clemens will face off this morning, with the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee playing the part of Judge Judy. Later in the day, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will meet with governor and crazed-theorist Arlen Specter. The topic of Spygate, specifically the league’s role in destroying evidence pertaining to the investigation, will be the focus of the agenda. Of course, they’ll probably also investigate why Goodell is so much better at his job than Bud Selig.

I don’t understand why our government thinks they need to rule over professional sports. Baseball instituted drug testing and has enforced the penalties for two full seasons. Roger Clemens is not an active major league player, so why do we care whether or not he took steroids? The league punished the New England Patriots with a fine and the forfeiture of a draft pick. Bill Belichick has complied with the league’s ruling, so why does the issue need to be revisited? Maybe this is naivety on my part, but it seems like Congress is creating an issue where there is none. I think we’d all be better served if they got back to what they do best: use partisanship as an excuse for their inefficiency.

Today's Best - 02.12.08

2008-02-12T21:19:00.008-05:00

5. snoopy* - every dog has its day and for one special dog, tuesday was that day. for the first time in the history of the westminster kennel club, a beagle has won best in show. uno, a two-year-old in the 15-inch group made history when he became the first beagle to win the hound group since 1939. to compare, when i was two, i could barely talk and often defecated on myself. while my knowledge of canine competitions is limited to what i learned from "best in show", i have to admit that the fanfare was pretty interesting, even if the commentator never mentioned how much he can bench press. in the post-contest press conference, uno attributed his success to all the beagles that came before him: joe cool, the world war i flying ace, spike, andy and olaf.

4. telestrator operators - one of my biggest complaints about announcers is how awful they are at using the telestrator. john madden, one of the best color men of all-time, only uses the technology to make sophomoric jokes. i suggest he get a wii and practice on madden '08 to hone his skills. until then, all telestration should only be done by john king of cnn. his zooming, panning and drawing skills are unprecedented, and his coverage of the presidential primaries makes me feel like i'm watching "minority report". with the ability to provide up-to-the minute statistics and detailed analysis, king would be a godsend in the world of sports. if he's good enough to cover the election of the leader of the free world, he's good enough to diagram allen iverson crossing over steve blake.

3. drunken spending - fresh off a super bowl victory, the hangover is still in full effect for the new york giants. there's word that they are close to inking a five-year, $7 million deal with kicker lawrence tynes. fans remember tynes for his 47-yarder in lambeau field to send his team to the super bowl, but his two previous misses in the game have been forgotten. also forgotten: the rest of tynes' season. the 29-year-old was 85% on field goals (18th in the league) and never attempted a kick from beyond 48 yards. plus, he is one of two kickers (adam vinatieri) to miss more than one extra point last year and finished with the lowest percentage in the nfl. we asked tom coughlin to justify the contract, but he was last seen wearing a lampshade and hitting on his best friend's girlfriend.

2. advantage: scandal - at a tennis tournament in belgium, three men with laptops were asked to leave the stands. the men were accused of "exploiting the delay between the time a point was won and the time it appeared on the official tournament web site". coincidentally, they have also been charged with "giving me the greatest idea ever". this comes on the heels of accusations of match fixing. in a match against number 87 in the world martin arguello, the then number 4 nikolay davydenko was an 11-1 underdog, even after winning the first set. after nikolay withdrew in the third set, a gambling website ended up voiding over $7 million in bets placed against him. professional gamblers and analysts say that based on the shocking odds and large sums of money wagered, there is no doubt that davydenko threw the match. it’s enough to make you wish for the days when tennis scandals just involved stabbing and shoplifting.

1. vanddderbilt - the commodores brought more 'd' than kentucky could handle. after holding the wildcats scoreless for a 9:45 span in the first half, vandy had a thirty point lead at the break. it only got worse as the commodores scored 52 in the second half, which was kentucky's output for the entire game. so theoretically, vandy could have slept in for another hour or so, shown up at the half, and still forced overtime. no matter how you slice the stats, billy gillespie's squad got worked. they turned the ball over fifteen times and only had five assists. they missed over two-thirds of their shots. they were on the business end of 10-0, 12-0, and 15-0 runs. in fact, the only stats the 'cats led in were blocked shots (5-2) and silent bus rides home (1-0).

*i think i deserve an award for writing this section without saying "who let the dogs out?", "where my dogs at?", or "you're the man now, dog!"

Dat Call Was Turrible

2008-02-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

In a matchup of last year’s National Championship, Rutgers took on Tennessee in Knoxville. Aside from being an extremely high profile game for women's basketball, Vivian Stringer's squad played for a worthy cause. In tandem with the Jimmy V Foundation, the Scarlet Knight’s wore pink jerseys and shoes to support “Think Pink”, an initiative to support breast cancer research. I assumed that meant Tennessee was supporting breast cancer ignorance, so I cheered against them. The presence of Candace Parker made it easy to do so. Here’s quick rundown of some of the reasons I dislike her:

Everyone goes crazy every time she dunks, even though she’s 6’4”. I’d dunk all the time if I was 6’4”.
She dates Shelden Williams.
She stole Chris Paul’s nickname (CP-3).
She willingly dates Shelden Williams.
Judges handed her the McDonald’s All-American Dunk Contest even though JR and Josh Smith did dunks that were a billion times better.
She looks like Janelle from “The Real World: Key West”
At some point she asked herself, “should I go on a date with Shelden Williams?” and decided that it would be a good idea.

Rutgers had a one point lead when Nicky Anosike was fouled with 0.2 seconds on the clock. Replay clearly showed that the clock malfunctioned, and that the game should have been over. Instead, Anosike hit two free throws to give the Volunteers the 59-58 win. When questioned about the call, officials were dumbfounded that anyone would choose to spend time with Shelden Williams.

Meanwhile in DC, Villanova had Georgetown on the ropes. The score was tied at 53 and ‘Nova could hold for the last shot. As Scottie Reynolds (who went to my brother’s high school) drove, his pass was deflected to Jonathan Wallace, who took off up the sideline with less than a second on the clock. Wallace appeared to step out of bounds with a tenth of a second remaining and the ref blew the whistle. But instead of a turnover, Corey Stokes (who went to someone’s brother’s high school) was called for a touch foul 70 feet from the basket. Wallace made the free throws and G-Town escaped with an aided victory.

Referees get abused for their inconsistency and inaccuracy. But as far as I know, we don’t have a better way of interpreting and enforcing the rules. So until the government allows me continue my research aimed at creating a robot with the eyes of Tim McClelland, the brain of Dick Bavetta, and the biceps of Ed Hochuli, I’m going to have to live with the occasional controversial ending. But at least I don't have to kiss Shelden Williams.

Today's Best - 02.11.08

2008-02-12T02:13:00.000-05:00

5. dallas philanthropy - over the last two nights, mediocre eastern conference teams that are defying logic to remain in the playoff hunt have run roughshod over the mavericks. on sunday, new jersey blew out dallas to remain the 8th best nba team on the east. then yesterday, philadelphia rode terrific defense and a reggie evans-josh howard collision to beat dallas 85-76. the mavericks are now 22-6 against the west and 12-11 against the worst including a 4-9 mark on the east coast. i'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this. such as, the mavericks really aren't as good as i thought they were. or the mavericks have had to start jj barea in their last five games. or the mavericks don't know what time zones are. either way, i'm not sure the return of devin harris from injury is going solve all of the mavs problems. unless devin harris grew like 10 feet while he was injured. and even then, that'd probably cause more problems than it would solve.

4. the league's best sub-.500 playoff team - the warriors came back from a 23 point deficit to hand the wizards their eight straight loss. the wizards jumped out early but the calm, steadying hand of stephen jackson helped golden state claw back. ultimately, jackson finished with 41 points and the wizards took wild threes and turned it over like they forgot which side of the court they were supposed to shoot on. anyways, as a wizards fan, i'm not sure if i should be encouraged that they've been playing so well recently without caron butler and antonio daniels, or hopping mad that they've let winnable games escape. on one hand, the wizards rookies and role players are getting much needed experience. on the other hand i'm hopping mad that it's been two weeks since they've last won a game. but i guess it could be worse, they could be in the western conference where an eight game losing streak would result in an immediate lottery pick.

3. poortland - in a game between the two teams who are angriest that they don't play in the east, the rockets defeated the blazers 95-83 in houston. since their terrific run from december to early january, portland has cooled off considerably. they haven't won consecutive games in over a month and it looks like they might need greg oden next year after all. on the other side, houston has been playing much better of late and have run off 10 wins in their last 11 games. it's going to be interesting to see what each team does around the trade deadline. the rockets have been getting suprisingly good production from their rookies carl landry and aaron brooks, but they still look like a team that's missing a piece. the blazers however, as documented in truehoop, could have as many as 21 players under contract for next season, so they could be very active in the trade market. hopefully, these teams kill two birds with one stone and just trade with each other. my suggestion: mutomobo for oden straight up. it makes perfect sense, the blazers need veteran leadership and the rockets would be willing to trade veteran leadership for greg oden.

2. kansas state - texas handed kansas only their second loss of the season last night in a 72-69 thriller. it was a back and forth game throughout as neither team held a lead larger than seven points. ultimately, texas prevailed thanks to their great play down the stretch. and that's pretty much as generic as a recap can get. but to me, the real story is that with a jayhawks loss, kansas state moves into first place in the big 12. hopefully, this means that michael beasley just leaves school now to go pro. like right now. like i hope today in his physics class when his teacher assigns homework, beasley stands up, throws all his papers in the air, and screams "well, i'm going pro!" although, if his physics teacher is anything like my physics teacher, he better actually go pro. because if he doesn't and shows up for class the next day, he's going to have to clap erasers after physics for the next month.

1. bigotry - yesterday, john rocker, former pitcher-current jerk, alleged that bud selig knew he failed a drug test in 2000 and that the league and the players association "advised him how to effectively use steroids." rocker then alleged that new york "is the most hectic, nerve-racking city" and "having to take the 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you're riding through beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with aids, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year old mom with four kids" is "depressing." anyways, his intial allegations, if true, would be pretty serious. though they would have been more serious if they weren't from such a classless bigot. also, why did it take so long for this to come out? rocker's been out of baseball for a while why was this the perfect time to say something and not years earlier? but i guess questioning the timing of someone who doesn't think the appropriate time to make ignorant and intolerant comments is never is kind of fruitless.

Brendan Haywood is the Worst Player on Errf

2008-02-11T22:47:00.000-05:00

brendan haywood, a player who is 7-feet tall, just lost a jump ball to chris webber, a player who does not own knees. this is completely unacceptable. chris webber hasn't won a tip since nba jam: tournament edition.

Patriot Lames

2008-02-11T18:10:00.000-05:00

During the pre-game intros for last night's Pro Bowl, the AFC Champion Patriots were booed lustily by the fans. Every other player received vociferous praise, especially Super Bowl champion Osi Umenyiora. Defensive tackle Vince Wilfork had a theory on why his team was the target of haughty Hawaiian hatred: "everybody hates you when you're on top". Vince must've skipped that episode of Sesame Street when he was a 200-pound toddler, because he clearly doesn't understand what 'top' means. Garbage Points interviewed all six Patriots after the game, and asked them for their thoughts on the fans' outburst:

Dan Koppen - "I was really surprised that the fans booed us. After four years of Colt Brennan, you'd think they'd be used to a team that steam-rolls through the regular season, and then craps out when it really counts.

Matt Light - "We probably didn't do ourselves any favors by taking the field with the Imperial Death March playing over the loudspeaker. But when your head coach is the most evil man in the universe, it kinda comes with the territory."

Logan Mankins - "Why do I think they were booing? Fans paid to see Tom Brady throw bombs to Randy Moss. Instead they get Logan Mankins and Logan Mankins' disgusting beard. You do the math."

Asante Samuel - "Who cares? Do you have an idea how much money I am going to make this off-season? I don't give a damn what a bunch of rainbow warriors think. And remember when I laid out Larry Fitzgerald? I'm the greatest!"

Mike Vrabel - (holding back tears) "It's not fair! I am a football player!" (incoherent blubbering)

Vince Wilfork - "They weren't saying 'boo', they were saying 'U'. You know, as in the University of Miami? It's nice to see that even in a foreign country, people respect the value of a good education."

The 2003 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition*

2008-02-11T17:58:00.000-05:00

this weekend we were inundated with all sorts of new information regarding roger clemens performance enhancing allegations. i know we've been talking about clemens a lot recently, so i won't go over all these new wrinkles. instead, i'll just touch on the newest wrinkle that i found most interesting. specifically, the wrinkle concerning roger clemens' wife not wanting wrinkles. on friday, brian mcnamee told investigators that he injected debbie clemens with hgh before the 2003 sports illustrated photo shoot. not only does this mean that the 2003 si swimsuit edition should be branded with an asterisk forever, it means that in my mind, brian mcnamee has already sewn up the title of most hilarious person of 2008.

i'll readily admit that the benefits of hgh kind of escape me as it pertains to athletes. but as it pertains the non-athlete wives of athletes, it has escaped me and then started a new life in cabo as "sterling van buren" the inventor of thumb tacks. hopefully this doesn't come off as sexist but, why is it at all useful for women to take hgh before they parade around in bikinis? i'd understand steroid use if debbie had a pair of testicles that she needed to shrink before wearing a revelaing bathing suit, but as far as hgh, i'm completely ignorant. what does hgh do that breast augmentation, liposuction, or even air brushing does not? this isn't to say that i don't believe brian mcnamee. because i do for two reasons. one, because this would be a very weird thing to make up, and two, because i'd much rather believe a mcnamee than a clemens. it just seems to me that debbie clemens thinks hgh is some sort of all powerful flintstones vitamin that will let you live forever. and i doubt brian mcnamee injected her before having the following conversation.

debbie clemens: brian, i have a photo shoot tomorrow, inject me with hgh.
brian mcnamee: uh mrs. clemens, i don't think you understand what hgh does.
debbie clemens: listen, does my husband pay you to think or to poke things in butts?
brian mcnamee: (sigh) ...poke things in butts.
debbie clemens: then shut up and inject me with hgh you nitwit.
brian mcnamee: ...you'll be sorry. just you wait.
debbie clemens: what did you just say?
brian mcnamee: i said, you'll be sorry. just you wait.
debbie clemens: thank you brian, i have lost weight!

i'd apologize for talking about roger clemens so much recently, but frankly i'm not sorry. everyday this story finds a way to top itself. and now with this revelation that debbie clemens used hgh too, i just don't know if there's an end in sight. tomorrow we could find out that the clemens' family dog was a cat before mcnamee injected it with hgh or that koby clemens, roger's eldest son, is actually just a big syringe and i wouldn't be the least bit surprised. but if there is a positive that can come out of this bizarre report, it's that perhaps women who feel pressured by hollywood to look a certain way will eschew eating disorders and just order hgh. then when i open my hgh mart, the hgh will fly off the shelves and i'll meet girls with low self esteem. we all win!

Today's Best - 02.10.08

2008-02-10T23:41:00.000-05:00

5. justin dentmon - the junior guard from carbondale, il came off the bench to lead his huskies to an upset of the number 4 team in america, the ucla bruins. his twenty points led washington, but the real story was his defense against darren collison. the all-pac 10 point guard was held to three points on 1 of 8 shooting (his lowest output of the season) and turned the ball over nine times. "i just kept having these dreams of playing above my abilities," said dentmon, to which he later added, "call me now for your free reading." the game got chippy in the final minute when washington was trying to inbound the ball. to avoid a five second violation, tim morris threw the ball off a ucla player's face and it bounced harmlessly out of bounds. something tells me morris is the kind of guy who would check the ball by chucking it at your shins.

4. carmelo anthony - on friday, 'melo set a career high when he scored 49 points against the short-handed wizards. thanks in part to how short his opponents' hands were, anthony was able to get off uncontested shots all night and shot 19-25. had it not been for the wizards double teaming him without the ball for the final minute plus, he probably would have set a season high for the nba. he followed up his record performance on sunday when he faced off against lebron james. despite sitting out the fourth quarter of a forty point blowout, carmelo scored 27 and ran his professional record against lebron to 8-2. in fact, in their only matchup during high school, carmelo led oak hill academy beyond st. vincent-st. mary's. upset with his team's performance, damon jones ripped into his teammates, seeming to direct his anger at lebron james. it should be noted that lebron finished with 30 points while damon jones missed every shot he took and needed help tying his shoes before tip-off.

3. shawn marion - the matrix made his first appearance in the heat lineup this sunday against the lakers. it has been well-documented that amare stoudemire and marion did not get along and that marion and amare each wanted a bigger role. yahoo! sports confirmed that their wishes came true when they announced that each was the top performer for their respective teams. while the suns won their game, miami lost for the 22nd time in their last 23. it appears that marion got his wish, but at what cost, shawn? at what cost?

2. terrifying collisions - as if hockey wasn't hard enough to watch, now it's getting downright uncomfortable. in the third quarter of a panthers-bruins game, richard zednik ran into his teammate olli jokinen. more specifically, zednik's neck ran into the bottom of jokinen's skate. he skated toward the bench, leaving a trail of blood behind him. the game was stalled for fifteen minutes and eventually ended with buffalo victorious. surgery was successful and zednik is now in stable condition. the same can't be said for the future of a league with waning fan interest and on-ice safety issues.

1. wussy football - thanks to two touchdowns each from terrell owens and adrian peterson, the nfc was able to rebound from a seventeen point hole to defeat the afc in this year's pro bowl. a.d. took home mvp honors, along with a brand new car. the final game of the season is always scaled back a little to prevent injuries, but i think they went too far this year. rule changes included the elimination of intentional grounding and the inability for defenses to play nickel or dime packages. on back to back plays in the third quarter, al harris and darren sharper each received unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. harris' was called for press coverage, while sharper was whistled for blitzing. next year, the rules committee is considering banning play-action passes and reverting to two-hand touch.

When I Was Your Age, Chris Webber Was A Warrior and Gas Was Slightly Cheaper

2008-02-08T16:59:00.000-05:00

the previous image is from nba live 95, my favorite super nintendo game when chris webber was last on the warriors. last night, webber returned to the warrior starting lineup for the first time in 14 years. back then, michael jordan was a baseball player, kids on my bus were playing magic the gathering, d2: the mighty ducks was out in theatres, and nicole brown simpson and ron goldman were still alive. times have indeed changed. and now that webber is back in the bay, i've been reminded of what an unstoppable force the live 95 warriors were.

their real-life counterparts were the second highest scoring team in the league and won 50 games. what a lot of people don't often talk about is that golden state did this despite tim hardaway missing the entire season with a knee injury. avery johnson was forced into a loud and starting role, the warriors bowed out early in the playoffs, and chris webber was traded after the season. webber and hardaway never got a chance to play together and golden state had to wait until just last year to play their next postseason game. this meant that my snes remains the only place where the warriors true potential was on full display. and because i'm pretty sure you'd like to be re-introduced to the players that composed the starting lineup of the best video basketball team of all time, here they are.

since being drafted 3rd overall in the 1991 nba draft and failing to meet his potential, billy owens has been one of the more famed draft busts in the league. but in 93-94, owens had a decent season and was rewarded by the fat cats at ea sports. owens was one of the best fifth options in the game and would routinely embarrass the vinny del negros of the world. according to the ratings, he was the second best dribbler and the third best passer on the team. in this game, he was golden state's tayshaun prince, if tayshaun were an avid magic the gathering fan.

chris mullin has since become the warriors general manager and was responsible for signing webber. off hand, i can't remember another time a former player turned gm signed one of their previous teammates. hopefully, next week mullin adds sarunas marciulionis and terry teagle to the team as well. anyways, before he was chris mullin the gm, he was chris mullin the player who i made toss up as many three pointers as possible in nba live. in real life, mullin was much more than a spot up shooter. but at the same time, in real life he battled alcoholism early in his career. and i've often heard the best way to avoid a relapse is to spend every waking minute camped behind the three-point line with one thumb on the chuck button. since mullin was the second best three-point shooter on the team, more often than not this strategy worked. and when it didn't work, at least mullin was one of the only players in the game that had a blonde flat top.

in his two previous seasons before live 95 came out, tim hardaway averaged 22.5 ppg and 10.2 apg. unfortunately because of his injury, hardaway never played a single game with chris webber. though if this game is any indication, if hardaway had played the 93-94 season, in every game the warriors would have jumped out to 70 point leads by halftime before my brother reset the game in frustration. because of his speed and quickness ratings, hardaway was almost impossible to guard. and if that weren't enough his near perfect 98 passing and 95 homophobia ratings were among the highest in the game.

growing up, latrell sprewell was my favorite player in the league. i bought had a sprewell warriors jersey and once i traded a then-expensive grant hill rookie card for like 25 latrell sprewell cards. my friends thought i was such an idiot at the time. but as it turned out, we were all idiots for spending money on basketball cards. but that doesn't change the fact that in nba live 95, latrell sprewell was ruthless. not only was he the team's best three point shooter, second best passer, and second best dunker, he was a terrific defender. one last interesting thing about sprewell, since 1980, no player has played more minutes in a season as he did in 93-94 and only ron artest has been suspended more minutes in a season as sprewell did in 97-98 after he choked pj carlesimo.

for whatever reason, even though he only spent one season in golden state, i think of chris webber more as warrior than any a bullet, wizard, king, sixer, or piston. i think it's because washington traded him for mitch richmond before he got really good, i always liked shaq and kobe's lakers more than the kings, the iverson-webber duo was a disaster in philly, and he chose number 84 on the pistons. so though he may have had better seasons elsewhere, i don't think he's ever been on a more talented team than that warriors team his rookie year. unfortunately, it's doubtful he'll be able to reclaim much of the magic that led to webber being one of the best players in live, let's just hope he does enough not to derail a possible warriors playoff berth. step number one, make sure it's another 14 years before chris webber starts another game for golden state.

Today's Best - 02.07.08

2008-02-08T06:20:00.000-05:00

5. teenage drama - for those of you who haven't been following the intriguing story of kevin hart, here's a brief, but not that brief, summary: high school student holds a press conference on national signing day to announce what school he has chosen, high school student picks cal over oregon, both schools release statements that they never recruited high school student, high school student is believed to have been defrauded, authorities search for the scam artists who defrauded the high school student, authorities find nothing, high school student admits he made it all up, high school student does his pre-calculus homework. so to summarize, kevin hart is the funniest person i've ever heard of. no wonder he shares the same name with the star of "soul plane" and "in the mix ". anyways, if something there is one positive that could result from this, it's a buddy cop movie called "hart to hart". the plot would revolve around one kevin hart coming up with an outrageous lie about how he made lieutenant when in fact he isn't even in the police force while the other kevin hart flies the soul plane. then there would be a 40-minute food fight to end the movie.

4. booing teenagers - last night, indiana beat illinois 83-79 in double overtime in eric gordon's first game in champaign. illini fans had it in for gordon as last year he backed out of a verbal commitment to illinois and signed with the rival hoosiers. gordon only had one point in the first half, but moderately turned it on after that with 18 points and a banked three that forced the first overtime. so despite the vicious heckling and relentless booing, eric gordon gets the last laugh. anyways, as i watched highlights of this game, i tried to figure out the most i've ever been booed at one time. i honestly, couldn't come up with anything other than in elementary school when my parents really let me have it during dinner one time. therefore, my new goal this year is to at some point be greeted by a chorus of boos from a large group of people. my other goal this year is to verbally committ to play basketball somewhere and then reneg and sign with one of their rivals.

3. happyi new yaor - yesterday, was the lunar new year and yao ming celebrated by having a typically efficient game with 22 points 14 rebounds to help the rockets top the cavs 92-77. then after the game yao and his panda friends ling ling and ting ting went back to the bamboo furniture shack, or so salesgenie.com would have us believe. mercifully though, yi jianlian, the league's other chinese player, had the night off. since the american new year started yi has been dreadful, averaging 7.3 points per game on sub-35% shooting. but now that this horrid jianlianuary is behind him, hopefully yi has made a chinese new years resolution to stop bringing shame to his country.
2. hurt schilling - something is wrong with curt schilling but i refuse to read any articles to find out what it is for fear of accidentally having to read things that schilling has to say. but if i had to guess using only the headline "schilling: i'll relent to nonsurgical option", i think it's a pretty safe assumption that schilling is somehow injured. either that or schilling is a faith healer who doesn't believe in surgery. or even better, a scientologist who doesn't believe in medicine. and who also doesn't even... who's glib, who's glib, and doesn't even know what ritalin is. anyways, the most annoying thing about curt schilling is that even in headlines, curt schilling manages to get his two cents in. "schilling: i'll relent to nonsurgical option" could have very easily been "schilling to relent to nonsurgical option" of "schilling did something". but of course, with curt schilling everything is "me" and "i". though i guess that's just how he is. besides, when you're a scientologist and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one who can really help.

1. golden state worriers - chris webber's return to the bay was spoiled last night as a bulls team without ben gordon, kirk hinrich, and luol deng beat golden state 114-108. so how were the bulls able to put up 114 without their three most gifted offensive players and on a night where ben wallace was held to 0-of-7 from the free throw line? because the warriors are the worst team in the world and let chris duhon score 34 points on 11-of-16 shooting. this was a career high for duhon and likewise a career low for me. even worse, duhon's 34 points were the most points scored by any player yesterday. this means that forty years from now, chris duhon will be able to tell his grandchildren that on february 7th, 2008, he was the nba's most prolific scorer. then when his grandchildren tell him, "yeah, but duhon, you sucked every other day of your life", chris duhon will respond by swatting them with his cane. thanks warriors, you've just contributed to child abuse and also a future where grandchildren that call their grandparents by their last name.

Rocket in an Blue Dress

2008-02-08T01:19:00.000-05:00

I remember sitting in the computer lab of my highschool fervently trying to obtain a copy of Kenneth Star's report that outlaid the sexual misconduct of former President Bill Clinton and one Monica Lewinsky. Why the enthusiasm you ask? Because me and my friends are perverts, and you don’t get lurid tales of oral sex, cigar deviancy and inappropriately stained blue dressess in Catholic-school text-books. Anyway, the story of the blue dress complete with the official presidential seal was always my favorite; what kind of creep would you have to be to save such a "souvenir" for over two years? While I respect Ms. Lewinsky for turning her and Bill's clumsiness into fame, you can’t blame me for placing her directly into the starting lineup of the All-Weirdo team.

Well move over Ms. Lewinsky because Brian McNamee has just out-creeped you. Reportedly, Mr. McNamee's defense team has turned over to Congressional court used syringes and gauze pads that McNamee says were part of the steroid and human-growth-hormone treatments that he administered to Roger Clemens. The source says that the materials were from 2000 and 2001 and contain Clemens' DNA. While I am in favor of anything that sullies the career of Roger Clemens, I cant get over the fact that any sane person would save such items without some kind of pre-meditated strategy to either set Clemens up, or to wait for the technology to arise that will enable him to create an army of cloned Roger Clemenses (in which case I hope the technology arises the day after I perish, and not a day sooner). The man saved used, bloody, gauze for 8 years!! Where do you keep something for 8 years? Does he have a refrigerator filled with other weird and disgusting stuff? Andy Pettite’s snot rockets, a 2000 Yankees "championship" hair doll, Derek Jeter's herpes medicine? Makes you wonder, was Chuck Knoblaucks confidence and career ruined because every time he tried to throw to first he was thinking about why his tobacco spitoon kept disappearing? All I know is that if I'm Roger Clemens, I'm coming clean, and quick, because you never know if Brian will open up a whole new can of worms when he pulls a Lewinsky and unearths some sort of "rocket-fuel" stained garment he's been saving for a rainy day. A gross can of worms indeed.

Super, Scintillating, Sucky

2008-02-07T12:01:00.000-05:00

i realized something during last night's unc-duke matchup. as much as i hate duke, i can't really bring myself to cheer for north carolina, either. i can't tell if it's roy williams or tyler the defiler, but something about that team just irritates me. the main reason i tuned into this game was the return of dick vitale. he annoys me to no end, but his catch phrases and trademark voice modulations make every game exciting. with a sport as emotionally as college basketball, we need someone like vitale to give us the right level of enthusiasm. constantly hearing about greg paulus having the heart of a warrior is an unavoidable cost.

but i live in an acc market and the game was blacked out on espn. normally i don't mind having to watch local channels because the play-by-play guys are more interesting. but for some God forsaken reason, my20 decided that billy packer would be the right choice for this game. it's weird that for fans of the acc, the biggest conference matchup (and possibly the biggest rivalry in all of sports) wasn't announced by the conference’s biggest proponent. vitale is such a huge fan of the acc that when i learned of his throat ailment, i naturally assumed he caught mono from making out with mike krzyzewski. the only respite i got from killjoy packer was a stretch early in the first half in which the station had technical difficulties (the silence was preferable). i know the man is a legend in the ncaa, but i wish he'd stick to making fun of bad acts by the muppets.
without ty lawson, the game was never really in doubt, and duke cruised to victory. but it was probably more entertaining for those who heard someone yelling about PTPers, trifectas, and dipsy-do-dunk-a-roos. without vitale, “march madness” is just “march”.

From Way Downtown...Bang!

2008-02-06T20:55:00.000-05:00

The NBA announced the six participants that will make up the field for this year's three-point shootout. Along with the skills competition, the dunk contest, and Charles Barkley racing an aging referee, it makes up All-Star Saturday, one of the most fan-friendly days of the season. This year's contest has a varied field and it stands to be an excellent competition. Here's a rundown of the entrants, along with my odds of them walking away with the title of "best three-point shooter off a rack in a timed shootout against no defense":

6. richard hamilton - rip is shooting 47% on the season, but is merely a 34% shooter for his career. he strikes me as the kind of player who shoots best in the flow of a game, rather than on an island. maybe the league will allow him to run off a screen before his shots.
odds to win: 1 in 12

5. kobe bryant - jellybean jr. is shooting just above his career average at 35% this year. he's looking to become the only player to win both the slam dunk and three-point contests. like hamilton, i trust him more in a game situation than i do in a contest like this. but kobe shines under pressure, so it's hard to count him out. unless you're me.
odds to win: 1 in 10

4. peja stojakovich - coming off an injury-plagued season, peja has been an important cog in new orleans' renaissance. as a back-to-back winner in '02 and '03, stojakovich has been there before and should have the crowd behind him 100%. but the man's full name is 'predrag'. blech.
odds to win: 1 in 9

3. jason kapono - last year's winner is shooting an absurd 51% from behind the arc this year. and after tying marc price's record for a final round last year, he looks poised to win. you know who else looked poised to win? the patriots. how'd that work out for new england?
odds to win: 1 in 7

2. steve nash - aside from being the most accurate passer in the league, nash is extremely accurate in his passes to the basket. his unbelievable conditioning will keep him fresh in the late rounds as well. plus, having shaq cheering him on will give him a pretty healthy boost.
odds to win: 1 in 5

1. daniel gibson - after a breakout performance in last year's playoffs, gibson has emerged as a go-to-scorer for the cavs. his three-point shot is one of the reasons the cavs were able to recover from a spotty start. expect gibson to avenge his teammate damon jones' poor showing last year. now if only everyone would just stop calling him "boobie".
odds to win: 1 in 3So there you have it. A detailed look at how the 2008 three-point contest is going to play out. And if it turns out I'm wrong about this, remember that I picked Mike Miller to win last year.

Today's Best - 02.05.08

2008-02-06T00:21:00.001-05:00

5. Super Fat Tuesday – On a day in which politicians vie for the support of their party, a celebration on Bourbon Street is signaling the beginning of a stretch of fasting and deprivation. Speaking of idiots pandering for public approval and people who could stand to shed some pounds, Roger Clemens appeared before a congressional hearing today. The Rocket gave a five-hour deposition that was not accessible by the public, all while under oath. We may never know what came of the proceedings, and it’s entirely possible that Clemens did nothing wrong. But here’s an interesting tidbit: his first name isn’t really Roger! Who knows what else he’s been lying about?4. Math – The Butler Bulldogs began their matchup against Valparaiso by allowing the Crusaders 12 unanswered points. It was an unusual strategy but it ended up paying off. AJ Graves led the way with 20 points as the Bulldogs spent 39:43 clawing their way back into the game. A kick out from Graves to Pete Campbell gave Butler their first lead of the game in the final minute. This game is a perfect example of my idea for judging games based on who leads more, rather than who leads last. Basically, it involves taking an average of the point differential every minute. By my calculations, the result should’ve been a 71.7-67.3 win for Valpo. It’s all part of my plan to make sports harder to understand and less enjoyable.

3. LeBron James – After agreeing to pay a $23 fine for driving 259 mph on his 101st birthday, James was tasked with leading his team against the Boston Celtics. Wait. It must’ve been a $101 fine for driving 23 mph on his 259th birthday. Whatever it was, it seemed to have no effect on LeBron, as he narrowly missed his fifth triple-double of the season. With Kevin Garnett sitting out his fourth straight game, LeBron scored 9 points to go with 12 rebounds and 33 assists. Also of note, every player who came off the bench for the Cavs had a first name that started with the letter “d”. Which is surprising considering they gave up 113 points.

2. Nappy-headed…uh… - First off, Epiphany Price has the coolest name I’ve ever heard. She’s also the main reason the Huskies’ 34-game home winning streak is no longer intact. The sophomore scored 27 of her career high 33 in the second half to lead the Scarlet Knights to victory over the number one team in the country. She even went on an 11-0 run against UConn, by herself. I assume she had teammates on the floor at the time, but I doubt their presence was much of a factor. This was Rutgers’ third straight game against a ranked opponent and their next game is against last year’s national champions, the Tennessee Volunteers. Who made their schedule, Don Imus? Am I right, folks?

1. Trade Rumors – Ric Bucher’s haircut reports that the Miami Heat informed the Man of Steel that he may be traded to the Suns for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks. The Big Aristotle paired alongside Amare Stoudemire sounds like a terrifying frontline and the Suns are glad to unload a disgruntled Marion, but how is The Diesel supposed to mesh with the Suns style of play? They have the number four pace factor in the league, while “The Big Salary Cap Burden” gets tired opening a jar of peanut butter. People always say that Kobe never won a ring without Shaq, but keep in mind that Shaq never won a ring without Kobe or Wade. Speaking of Dwyane, trading his best friend and mentor all but assures that he won’t be resigning with the Heat when his contract is up. Congrats to Steve Kerr and Pat Riley for orchestrating a trade that ultimately hurts both teams.