5. snoopy* - every dog has its day and for one special dog, tuesday was that day. for the first time in the history of the westminster kennel club, a beagle has won best in show. uno, a two-year-old in the 15-inch group made history when he became the first beagle to win the hound group since 1939. to compare, when i was two, i could barely talk and often defecated on myself. while my knowledge of canine competitions is limited to what i learned from "best in show", i have to admit that the fanfare was pretty interesting, even if the commentator never mentioned how much he can bench press. in the post-contest press conference, uno attributed his success to all the beagles that came before him: joe cool, the world war i flying ace, spike, andy and olaf.
4. telestrator operators - one of my biggest complaints about announcers is how awful they are at using the telestrator. john madden, one of the best color men of all-time, only uses the technology to make sophomoric jokes. i suggest he get a wii and practice on madden '08 to hone his skills. until then, all telestration should only be done by john king of cnn. his zooming, panning and drawing skills are unprecedented, and his coverage of the presidential primaries makes me feel like i'm watching "minority report". with the ability to provide up-to-the minute statistics and detailed analysis, king would be a godsend in the world of sports. if he's good enough to cover the election of the leader of the free world, he's good enough to diagram allen iverson crossing over steve blake.
3. drunken spending - fresh off a super bowl victory, the hangover is still in full effect for the new york giants. there's word that they are close to inking a five-year, $7 million deal with kicker lawrence tynes. fans remember tynes for his 47-yarder in lambeau field to send his team to the super bowl, but his two previous misses in the game have been forgotten. also forgotten: the rest of tynes' season. the 29-year-old was 85% on field goals (18th in the league) and never attempted a kick from beyond 48 yards. plus, he is one of two kickers (adam vinatieri) to miss more than one extra point last year and finished with the lowest percentage in the nfl. we asked tom coughlin to justify the contract, but he was last seen wearing a lampshade and hitting on his best friend's girlfriend.
2. advantage: scandal - at a tennis tournament in belgium, three men with laptops were asked to leave the stands. the men were accused of "exploiting the delay between the time a point was won and the time it appeared on the official tournament web site". coincidentally, they have also been charged with "giving me the greatest idea ever". this comes on the heels of accusations of match fixing. in a match against number 87 in the world martin arguello, the then number 4 nikolay davydenko was an 11-1 underdog, even after winning the first set. after nikolay withdrew in the third set, a gambling website ended up voiding over $7 million in bets placed against him. professional gamblers and analysts say that based on the shocking odds and large sums of money wagered, there is no doubt that davydenko threw the match. it’s enough to make you wish for the days when tennis scandals just involved stabbing and shoplifting.
1. vanddderbilt - the commodores brought more 'd' than kentucky could handle. after holding the wildcats scoreless for a 9:45 span in the first half, vandy had a thirty point lead at the break. it only got worse as the commodores scored 52 in the second half, which was kentucky's output for the entire game. so theoretically, vandy could have slept in for another hour or so, shown up at the half, and still forced overtime. no matter how you slice the stats, billy gillespie's squad got worked. they turned the ball over fifteen times and only had five assists. they missed over two-thirds of their shots. they were on the business end of 10-0, 12-0, and 15-0 runs. in fact, the only stats the 'cats led in were blocked shots (5-2) and silent bus rides home (1-0).
*i think i deserve an award for writing this section without saying "who let the dogs out?", "where my dogs at?", or "you're the man now, dog!"
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