All We Do is Jinx Things

Over the past three seasons the Washington Wizards averaged over 42 wins and made the playoffs three years in a row. They returned the same nucleus of players from last season and added three exciting rookies in Nick Young, Dominic McGuire and Oleksiy Pecherov. So when we saw the opportunity to bet on the former Bullets winning at least half of their games, it seemed like easy money. Of course, we forgot the cardinal rule of gambling: everything we do is wrong.

The off-season started with Etan Thomas undergoing open-heart surgery. While there was concern for Thomas’ health and well-being, I don’t think it had much of an effect on the team. He and Brendan Haywood had a publicized feud that turned violent on more than one occasion. Etan’s absence left more minutes for Brendan and turned him into a far more effective player than he has ever been. So not only did our bet cause a health scare for Etan, it also caused aliens to fly to earth and inhabit the body of Brendan Haywood. It’s like Space Jam, only in reverse.
Unfortunately, an injury that had a bigger bearing on the team’s success took place: Gilbert Arenas. Surgery to his knee cut his previous season short, and now the same knee was acting up a mere five games into the season. Agent 0 had to endure a second operation and was forced to miss a large portion of the season. Right before the All-Star break, he proclaimed that he’d be ready to play by March 1st, but all indications are that this is not the case. In fact, recent reports state that he may sit out the entire year, so as to not hurt himself further going into free agency. Because what GM wouldn’t rush to sign a guy with a reoccurring injury who hasn’t proven himself healthy?

The silver lining in all this was the emergence of Caron Butler. I’ve been a fan of his ever since his days at Connecticut and was enthralled the day Washington fleeced LA in a trade for Kwame Brown. Tough Juice became an All-Star for the second straight year in ’08 and is one of two players to average 21 points, 6 rebounds and 2 steals (LeBron something). He and Antawn Jamison have kept the Wizards afloat, but a recent story claims that Caron may be forced to miss significant time with a tear in his hip joint. Even if he does return, there’s no guarantee that he’ll be the same player he was before. With 25 games to go, the Wizards need 14 wins if we are going to pull this one out. And just when I was getting used to having functional thumbs.

Obviously a single bet has no impact over what takes place over the course of a season, but it’s weird how badly things have gone for us this year. Maybe we should start betting on things like “the wizards dance team will pose in slutty pictures”, or just restrict our bets to officially sanctioned opposite days. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but perhaps it’s time we realized that there are no sure things in sports. Unless you count the fact that we’re going to blow it at some point. That’s money in the bank.