Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Thats A Scary Mask Bro!

I’ve never really liked Halloween; even when I was a kid, I thought costumes were silly. Batman doesn’t wear the Larry Johnson Cons with the REACT Juice and Batman doesn’t have to wear glasses over his mask. But my fourth grade representation of Batman did. I guess as an adult, more creative costumes are now in play, but I still have no real interest. I have noticed however that certain athletes parade around like its Halloween everyday, scaring little kids and haunting the dreams of those that are forced to watch them perform on the field:

  • Shelley Duncan – Poor Yankees, after every homerun not only do they have to deal with the fear of having this Yeti descend upon the dugout, but they also have to deal with the most powerful high-fives and forearm smashes imaginable. Robinson Cano only exchanges pleasantries with Duncan when he has his arm fully wrapped in a protective layer of towels.


  • Reche Caldwell – I’m not sure if Reche Caldwell is scary or is constantly scared of something, but either way there is no earthly reason for someone’s eyes to constantly be like this. It’s a strange mix between scared, surprised and just insane.


  • Monica Seles – With ridiculously attractive female tennis players so pervasive in the sport today, It makes you wonder if whoever is in charge of women’s tennis kind of nudged her out of the door. “Ms. Seles, were going in a different direction – the direction opposite that of gargoyles roaming the greens.”

  • Chris Kaman – What would happen if Hulk Hogan had a drunken rendezvous with one of the villains from the Hills Have Eyes and then taught the offspring to play basketball – poorly? My guess is that the result would closely resemble Chris Kaman. You would think in such a pretentious city Chris Kaman would find it hard to fit in, maybe everyone is to horrified to say anything.

  • Tyrone Hill – This ghoulish looking power forward haunted the fan bases of the Warriors, Cavaliers, Bucks, Sixers and Heat over his 14 year career. I remember once during a Cavaliers/ Knicks game, my great-aunt saying to no one in particular “Oh Lord! Why don’t they stop putting the camera on this goblin?…it’s making me sick.” That’s the power of Hill’s face; it could make even the sweetest old lady have something mean to say.

Have a happy and a safe Halloween!

The Complaint Department - Blocking Foul

during last night's rockets-lakers game, the players on both benches stood until their team scored their first basket. either they thought the national anthem hadn’t ended, or this was some sort of team bonding device. usually i’d applaud such a show of unity, but what about the people who bought tickets behind the bench? don't basketball players realize how tall they are? the only thing worse than paying to see kwame brown is paying to see kwame brown and having andrew bynum prevent you from seeing kwame brown. a sluggish start led to the lakers' bench blocking everyone's view for three minutes of game time, while the rockets weren't ushered to their seats until the 7:30 mark. fans can take solace in the fact that as poorly as this game was played, it was probably a good thing they weren't forced to watch all of it. the rockets won 95-93 on a shane battier three in a game that on-lookers described as "obstructed".

the other issue is that the players were dangerously close to the court, and in mike james’ case, on the court. had the refs cared, they may have been able to call the rockets for six men on the court, which would have resulted in a technical foul. in a game that went down to the last possession, an extra point for the lakers would have been huge. and what if a loose ball went near the sideline? would the other team get out of the way? or just let the oncoming player careen into them? i was hoping that shane battier would dive at the lakers’ bench and spark a lumberjack match.

Today's Best - 10.30.07


Here's a daily rundown of the best performances of last night. If there's something you think has been overlooked feel free to let someone know.

5. michael finley - the league's one-time most underrated player scored 11 points in a victory over portland. more importantly, he received his first championship ring and kissed the lady handing the rings out.

4. phil jackson - the lakers lost by two points to the rockets. but if phil jackson didn't use his coaches' decision to not play sasha vujacic, they would have lost by two hundred points.

3. matt kemp - after grady little resigned and joe torre took over as manager of the dodgers, the future of the next dave winfield suddenly looks much brighter and far less mismanaged.

2. jj hardy - in last night's episode of "a shot of love with tila tequila", one of the non-lesbian males attacked another non-lesbian male. but thanks to jj hardy's quick thinking, the situation was quickly defused before it escalated further and our focus could return to trying to figure out why no one else thought of this premise for a show before now.

1. kobe bryant - lakers fans booed kobe during player intros for not wanting to play with below average teammates, yet cheered those same below average teammates. kobe responded by pouring in 45 points and nearly leading his below average teammates to a comeback victory.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Season Preview: Division Standings

it took a lot of time and a lot of extraneous words and sentences and paragraphs, but our team previews are complete. and now with less than 30 minutes before a new basketball season tips off, what better way to further put our inept forecasting skills on display than to share our predictions of the final division standings? the number in parentheses is each team's projected rank within the conference, and in some cases their projected number of wins.


East
Dhivy
Joe
Quang

AtlanticBOS (2)BOS (1)BOS (2)


NYK (7)NYK (6)NYK (8)


TOR (9)NJN (8)NJN (9)


NJN (10)TOR (12)TOR (11)


PHI (14)PHI (14)PHI (15)

CentralCLE (1)CHI (2)DET (1)


DET (3)DET (3)CHI (3)


CHI (5)CLE (4)CLE (5)


MIL (12)MIL (10)MIL (13)


IND (15)IND (15)IND (14)

SoutheastWAS (4)WAS (5)WAS (4)


MIA (6)MIA (7)MIA (6)


ATL (8)CHA (9)ATL (7)


ORL (11)ATL (11)ORL (10)


CHA (13)ORL (13)CHA (12)

West
Dhivy
Joe
Quang

NorthwestDEN (5)DEN (3)DEN (4)


UTA (6)UTA (6)UTA (6)


SEA (11)POR (11)POR (11)


POR (13)MIN (13)MIN (12)


MIN (15)SEA (14) SEA (14)

PacificPHO (1)PHX (2)PHX (3)


LAL (7)LAL (8)LAL (7)


GSW (9)GSW (10)GSW (8)


LAC (12)SAC (12)SAC (13)


SAC (14)LAC (15)LAC (15)

SouthwestSAS (2)DAL (1)SAS (1)


HOU (3)SAS (4)HOU (2)


DAL (4)HOU (5)DAL (5)


MEM (8)NOH (7)MEM (9)


NOH (10)MEM (9)NOH (10)

the person who has the most accurate standings at the end of the year wins a free dinner from a refrigerator at my house of your choice. and if there are those of you who want in on this action or if you generally think we've got bats in the belfry, feedback is always welcome. but not as welcome as exterminators to get rid of these damn bats.

Season Preview: Washington Wizards

Joe: I really like Gilbert Arenas, but this doesn't translate to me really liking the Wizards. Ive never liked Antwan Jamison's game, Brendan Haywood is the biggest waste of space ever, and now he wont even have the only thing keeping him motivated, his blood-feud with Etan Thomas. If Haywood does not provide an inside presence, I have to believe that it will be too much for Gilbert Arenas to overcome by himself. But then I remember that Gil has unlimited range whether he is using two hands or one, and he really isn't all by himself anymore with the emergence of Caron Butler - and suddenly my outlook on the Wizards improves.

It always seemed as though Caron Butler was going to be a real legitimate NBA player even in his days at UConn. Growing up during his time with Miami and the Lakers, Caron has finally broken out into a very reliable two way player, that takes alot of the "playmaker" pressure off of Gilbert. I continue to be unimpressed by the third head of the three-headed monster, Antawn Jamison. It seems as if the Wizards could get the production that Jamison provides at a cheaper price. I am always surprised when I am reminded that Jamison id 6'9 as he routinely gets abused down low by smaller players and he is constantly loafing around the three-point line. The Wizards were smart letting Jared Jefferies leave and go to the Knicks two years ago and picked up a much cheaper and better player in DeShawn Stevenson. What's interesting about Stevenson is that he turned down a multi year extension with the Magic to sign for less and has probably played his way to a better contract last year. He offers great defense on the perimeter and has seemed to mesh with his teammates and gain confidence in a jumpshot that was erratic at best earlier in his career. The Wizards will rely on contributions from Andray Blatche and Darius Songaila to shore up their undersized and unmotivated front-line. If Blatche develops, and the injuries from last year are avoided, I could see the Wizards grabbing one of the last playoff spots in the East.

Dhivy: When people talk about the Wizards the first thing that comes up is always Gilbert Arenas. People think of him as a clown or a jokester who doesn’t take the game seriously. Whether it’s playing poker during halftime or dunking off a trampoline at the All-Star game, basketball purists are quick to complain about his antics. Well if that’s the way it’s going to be, then I want my basketball tainted and diluted. Gilbert is one of the most entertaining players in the league, not to mention one of the best. People complain when athletes have nothing to say, but they also go nuts when an athlete does anything out of the ordinary. So rather then worry about what Arenas is going to do next, let’s just sit back and fire up the hibachi.

When I heard that center Etan Thomas was going to have open-heart surgery, my first thought was “I hope he’s ok and can play basketball again some day”. My second thought was “I hope Haywood doesn’t jump him in his hospital room”. The Wizards biggest star is Gilbert Arenas, as he rightly should be. But I think the contributions of Caron Butler have been overlooked in light of Agent Zero’s wackiness. Caron is a deadeye from 20-feet, he’s explosive enough to get to the rim, he rebounds, plays defense, and can trigger a fast break. The success of this team hinges on the big three, including Antawn Jamison. While he’s not a great or even good defender, his outside touch and arsenal of junk shots make him a valuable leader.

The lack of size is what will end up hurting this team in the long run. The bench consists of waves of guards, but very little in terms of an inside presence. They’ll rely upon Andray Blatche and Dominic McGuire to give them quality frontcourt minutes, but how much can they expect from these kids? Dominic McGuire had a fantastic summer league and Blatche has responded well to the challenge of playing center, but they have little to no experience. Perhaps the under the radar players to watch are Gilbert’s backcourt running mates. DeShawn Stevenson was brought in to be a defensive force, but he was a welcome surprise offensively as well. Antonio Daniels is a savvy veteran and can play both backcourt positions without making many mistakes. And their first-round draft pick Nick Young is an exciting athlete who will have a great impact off the bench. The style of play has changed in the NBA to a more wide-open, offensive minded focus. With all their weapons, the Wizards could be a dangerous match up for the rest of the league.

Quang: it's october 30, 2007 and today is probably the most i've ever liked a bullets/wizards team. i thought this was important to note because who knows what happens tomorrow? the wizards could sign or talk to or look at anderson varejao, in which case i'd like them less. or the wizards could even get busted by the league for team-wide use of performance enhancing flubber, in which case i'd like them a lot more. but regardless of what the future holds, it doesn't change how excited i am right now for this team and for their season to begin. i have obvious biases, but this looks like as fun and interesting and likable a team in the league. better yet, they are all mostly competent basketball players. and as i've been trained to do as a typical fan, i've convinced myself that these zards are going to surprise people this year. well, other people. short of the team being held scoreless over a month or the plot from space jam happening in real life to the wizards, i doubt anything that happens takes me by surprise. anyways, i've prepared myself for the possibility of a wide range of events this year, but i still have some cautious optimism that washington could approach 50 wins. why? because of most important number regarding the team: zero, as in the number of games i expect the wizards to lose this year.

on initial glance, this wizards team doesn't seem much different from years past. they didn't acquire the low post presence people said they need and the only improvement defensively will have to come from within. i've always thought that these problems were slightly exaggerated, but they're still probably the two biggest question marks this year. what i think is being overlooked is that even though center and defense are still immediate concerns, the wizards have quietly addressed other deficiencies. and as a result, this year they have continuity among starters, they have a bench, and they have young talent that can develop within the franchise. by my count that's three areas of improvement as compared to two areas of concern. it's simple arithmetic! the wizards can't fail!

over the last previous two offseasons, the wizards lost larry hughes and jared jeffries. over the past three years they've had to introduce new players like antawn jamison, caron butler, and deshawn stevenson. now for the first time since ernie grunfeld became general manager, the wizards return the same starting lineup. therefore, instead of waiting through an adjustment period and getting players accustomed to their teammates and the system, the wizards can start the season on the same page. the page where they start murdering teams. their most important starter, gilbert, at only 25 has become one of the most difficult players in the league to gaurd. my main concern is that his knee is not fully healed from the ligament tear he suffered last year. though if his knee is fully healed, my new main concern is that he suffers a wrist injury from making too many threes. antawn jamison starts at power forward and elicits a lot of debate among wizards fans. i think he's great. he's the team leader and he plays like the 50-year old guy at the gym who tries flip shots and hook shots from three. caron butler returns for his third year in washington. his play has earned him the nickname "tough juice" and i think soon he's going to become the leader of the team. deshawn stevenson is the incumbent shooting guard. he's a physical player and is effective as long as he doesn't have to carry the team. i mean, the team is like 14 other guys. that's a lot of weight for one person to carry while also trying to play basketball. rounding out the starting five is brendan haywood, most likely everyone's least favorite wizard. if he's merely average, i think the wizards will be pleased.

next up is the wizards bench, which has long been a problem for this team. whenever the first team rest
s, the reserves spill out onto the floor and eventually are mopped back onto the bench having provided no offense whatsoever. but i think this year will be different. calvin booth, michael ruffin, and jarvis hayes have all been signed away. jarvis hasn't seemed comfortable with his surgically repaired knee until he torched the wizards in preseason a week ago. and although i like booth and ruffin, whenever they touched the ball i was sure that they'd punt it out of bounds. this year things are much brighter. antonio daniels returns as the top option off the bench. he showed in the playoffs what he's still capable of, namely efficiently running an offense and screaming loudly when he drives to the basket. likewise, darius songaila is also going to play a big role. last year, he was injured while selfishly playing for his native country in the world basketball championships and missed much of the season. he's good enough to play 20 minutes a night and i expect he'll bounce back and turn in a largely underappreciated season. virginia alum, roger mason jr re-signed with the wizards after turning down an offer from the spurs. he's a decent shooter and logically, if the spurs pursued him, he must be either good or annoying. the wizards are hoping for a breakout season from the super versatile andray blatche, a player who has drawn comparisons to kevin garnett and hugh grant. lastly, washington also has at their disposal a trio of talented rookies, who at this point are all already twice as good as peter john ramos.

regarding blatche and the rookies, it's been a very long time since the wizards had good players on their team that they drafted and developed themselves. so it's very refreshing to see four on the same team that i think could make a big difference in their future. blatche has incredible potential and finally seems to have found the work ethic to match. worst case scenario, in his best season he averages a triple-double a game. best case scenario, in his worst season he averages a quadruple-triple per quarter. more likely, i think he'll become a solid 3rd option, in which case i'll be very happy. next up is oleksiy pecherov. last year, when the wizards drafted him with marcus williams, josh boone, shanon brown, kyle lowry, and renaldo balkman sitll on the board, i screamed bloody murder. but i have since warmed to this pick and realized why i'm not an nba general manager. because if i was, i'd make horrible trades and scream bloody murder. pecherov is a seemingly typical europlayer in that he can shoot, has a funny haircut, and plays hard nosed basketball. i have him pegged as the next andray blatche. in this year's draft, the wizards selected nick young and dominic mcguire, two californian players who are now roommates living together in one of gilbert's houses. nick young fell into their laps and was a dynamic scorer at usc. dominic mcguire was among the nation's leaders in blocks and can do a bit of everything. at fresno state he recorded two triple-doubles, once with blocks and once with assists. but best of all to me, these two can dunk. the one thing the wizards' play has been lacking recently are dunks that make me jump out of my seat and wander around aimlessly in my neighbors' yard. with the addition of these two high flyers, i'm sure this will be the season where my neighbors finally spring for taller fences.

as evident, i love this team. but, i'm not in love with them. though, i think they have the talent to get homecourt in the first round i also think a lot of things have to fall into place for them to get to the eastern conference finals. particularly jumbotrons falling into place atop the pistons, bulls, and celtics. regardless, this is shaping up to be a very exciting and interesting year. and hopefully the wizards can enjoy the success they had last year before injuries began to amass and delay their offseason as long as possible. because after the season, when jamison's contract expires and arenas opts out, the wizards may have to face numerous hurdles in trying to become a title contender. but as usual, i have a solution. trade gilbert for kobe. it might not be the most popular move, but kobe is the superior player. also, when gilbert opts out, the wizards can just re-sign him! this would make the wizards' tentative line up for 2008-09: gilbert, kobe, caron, jamison, who re-signed for the league minimum, and nick young, who grew 15 inches over the summer. they'd go 81-1 in the regular season with their only loss being a 93-57 setback against the bobcats because the scoreboard misrepresented the 1,057 points they rung up. then they'd march through the playoffs sweeping all of their opponents in only three games.

Achilles Heel:

  • Darius Songaila (j)
  • Brendan Haywood (d)
  • Oleksiy Pecherov, only because according to espn, he's zero years old. (q)
Unsung Hero:
  • Deshawn Stevenson (j)
  • Dominic McGuire (d)
  • Nick Young (q)
Bold Prediction:
  • Gilbert Arenas never has to play basketball again after signing a lucrative deal with the Benihana restaurant chain. (j)
  • After the Wizards win the East, 13-year-olds accuse Gilbert of cheating on Internet chat boards. (d)
  • Because of Arenas' cheating in Halo, David Stern makes the Wizards forfeit all of their games last year. And as the worst team in the league last year the Wizards draft Kevin Durant from the Sonics. (q)
Favorite Moment:
  • Steve Francis hits a desperation three from just over the half-court line to win a game in the Verizon Center for the Knicks... he gets on top of the scorers table and is joined by the Knicks as they celebrate in front of his hometown crowd. (j)
  • Gilbert Arenas beating Deshawn Stevenson in a three-point contest in which Gilbert shot one-handed from the college line. (d)
  • In a game that they eventually lost against the Rockets, Calvin Booth drains a three with 30 seconds left that brings the score within one. It was his second career three, both of which have come in losses to the Rockets. (q)

Season Preview: Utah Jazz

Quang: i've never been a utah jazz fan. i don't think there's ever been a game they've played where i haven't rooted against them or at least rooted for any of their players to score on the wrong basket. i guess that's just how i was raised. in the west, stockton and malone were the enemy and barkley, robinson, olajuwon were my heroes. as a kid, rooting for the jazz was like rooting for harry and marv in home alone, or rooting for gaston in beauty in the beast, or rooting for harry and marv in home alone 2: lost in new york. now i'm an adult, and unfortunately i haven't matured. whenever i watch jazz games i still loudly root against them and similarly, whenever i watch home alone 2 i still hope harry and marv haven't yet learned from their previous mistakes.

as much as it pains me to say, this current jazz team isn't quite as annoying as previous incarnations. i really wanted to hate deron williams, but he's just a really good point guard. i still think chris paul is better, but the gap in my eyes is close, which
is something i never thought i'd admit after they got drafted. carlos boozer screams too much for no reason, but he's a very good power forward and punished the warriors last year. mehmet okur, despite rumored chemistry issues, is an incredibly useful center and is too unassuming to make me very upset otherwise. matt harpring is frequently mentioned as one of the strongest players in the league. not as frequently mentioned is how he is one of the few nba players who has a legoman haircut. but like always there are plenty of jazz players who i hope get their shoelaces tied together. i never liked kirilenko even when he was good, but now he's become nothing more than a scarecrow. gordan giricek is a do everything player in that he does everything poorly and clumsily. and i really want to like paul millsap, but just something about how hard he plays kind of irritates me. i'm sure if he fell to any other team in the 2nd round i wouldn't feel this way, but this is the hand i was dealt.

the jazz have an interesting mix of players, but i'm not sure they'll be able to challenge the western conference elite just yet. and even though they are a definite playoff team, i'm not sure they'll enjoy the success they had last year when they lost to the spurs in the conference finals. if either morris almond or ronnie brewer can become the true shooting guard they've been missing for as long as i can remember, this team will be a factor. but regardless of if that happens or not, just out of habit i'm probably going to root against the jazz in every game they play. it's nothing personal. but even though my movie tastes have broadened as an adult, rooting for the jazz is still like rooting for whichever eddie murphy character is the antagonist in norbit, or rooting for poverty in the pursuit of happyness, or rooting for french stewart in home alone 4. it's unamerican.


Dhivy:
Everyone thinks of the Utah Jazz as a classy organization, but I don’t get it. Jerry Sloan reportedly uses anti-gay slang in addressing players he sees slacking off. Carlos Boozer broke a handshake agreement he made with former Cavs owner Gordon Gund, who is legally blind. And one of their most famous players is the pound-for-pound dirtiest player in NBA history, John Stockton. So forgive me if I come across as anti-Jazz.

Andrei Kirilenko has fallen out of favor in Utah, which isn’t much of a surprise. His value as a fantasy player is greater than his actual value, and he’s extremely injured prone. Probably because he took steroids while he was training to fight Rocky Balboa. The Jazz would be best served trying to find a team to take Kirilenko off their hands. Even if they don’t find a piece that can help them win now, they’d get cap flexibility or a draft pick. Besides, they have players who play Andrei’s position already. Between Mehmet Okur, Carlos Boozer and Paul Millsap, the frontcourt is loaded and there’s no real need for someone to make $33 million to sit on the bench and bawl his eyes out.There’s not much I like about this Jazz team, but one exception is Matt Harpring. As soon as he goes into the game, he is immediately drenched in sweat. Either he works really hard when he plays, or he’s just gets nervous. He played at Georgia Tech alongside Stephon Marbury, which makes me believe he too asks random floozies if they’re gonna get in the truck. Of course, since he lives in Utah, he probably has 4 or 5 women get in the truck at once. Ronnie Brewer is another young player I’m irrationally infatuated with and I’m hoping he gets more minutes this year. Jerry Sloan is notorious for sticking to his own way of doing things, but if I can change, and you can change, everyone can change.

Joe:
Deron Williams ruined my 2005 March Madness I had what would be a great game between two of my favorite programs and coaches of all time line up with Pitino's Louisville squad against Olsen's Arizona team in the Final Four, to decide who will play UNC for the national championship. Well the chubby point guard on Illinois definitely had different plans, willing his team to victory and hitting multiple back breaking three-pointers in overtime to squeak by Arizona in the Elite Eight before playing the role of the heady floor general in a lopsided win over Louisville. With my bracket busted, I held a two year grudge against Williams. I laughed at the Jazz for picking him before Chris Paul and Ray Felton. Then I watched in disbelief as in his second year in the NBA he flourished, becoming the team leader Jerry Sloan wanted him to be. My hatred of Williams reached a climax and ended on the same day. In a game against the Knicks with the Jazz down one in overtime Williams hits a deep step back jumper to put the Jazz up one with three seconds left... with me on the verge of tears wondering why Deron Williams wants to constantly hurt me so, Stephon Marbury streaks down the length of the floor and puts in a layup with no time left to give the Knicks the win. I felt some measure of retribution and decided to sweep our differences under the rug.

Jerry Sloan's young team with another year of experience under there belts are destined to repeat the success they had last year. They have the core components for success, a great point guard and an excellent post scorer and rebounder in Carlos Boozer. The tandem is eerily reminiscent of Stockton and Malone except with longer shorts and I would assume more tact around Kobe Bryant's wife. The duo is flanked by Mehmet Okur who is apparently became really, really, really good after being traded from the Pistons. I knew he had extremely impressive range for a big man but i was pleasantly surprised last year by his deceptive quickness when putting the ball on the floor and either putting up an assortment of floaters or hitting the open man. Perhaps through some kind of weird transference Andrei Kirilenko lost all of his basketball skills which were promptly absorbed by Okur. Apparently Kirelenko is seeking approval from Jerry Sloan and has requested that Sloan deliver an equal amount of compliments as condemnations. I doubt that will happen, Jerry Sloan is just not a warm and fuzzy person, but because I believe you can't become a scrub overnight without some kind of injury, I think Andrei will bounce back this season
regardless. I also expect increased growth from Paul Millsap who was a rebounding fool last year. Rebounding and defense are skills that are tough to lose so if Millsap could focus on his offensive game, and avoid catching whatever afflicted Kirilenko Utah could have one of the most formidable frontcourts in the league. There is not much depth at the point guard spots or at the wings. The Jazz will have to rely on Jason Hart to carry backup point guard duties and youngsters Ronnie Brewer and Morris Almond may not be ready to provide quality minutes at the 2 and 3 positions. The Jazz, like the Nets are also guilty of providing a Collins brother gainful employment. They are like the wonder twins, in that they are twins and when you see them on the court you wonder why the hell you couldn't make the NBA.

Achilles Heel:
  • Gordan Giricek (q)
  • Andrei Kirilenko (d)
  • Jarron Collins (j)

Unsung Hero:

  • Ronnie Brewer (q)
  • Matt Harpring (d)
  • Ronnie Brewer (j)

Bold Prediction:

  • True to their surnames, Carlos Boozer and Ronnie Brewer both get wasted before a game. True to his surname, Jarron Collins plays seven miserable minutes of basketball during a game. (q)
  • Jarron Collins proves that Jason Collins not the worst player in the NBA. Just the second worst. (d)
  • The Utah Jazz experience a huge early uptick in ticket sales from the African American female demographic due to some confusion regarding Morris Chestnut and Morris Almond. (j)

Favorite Moment:

  • The game winning three Gilbert hit against the Jazz over Deron Williams at the buzzer. The Jazz had no chance. (q)
  • Andrei Kirilenko crying after only playing 16 minutes in a Jazz playoff game. (d)
  • Deron Williams beats Kevin Martin and throws down an unexpected one-handed dunk on Brad Miller late in the season. (j)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Season Preview: Toronto Raptors

Dhivy: Bryan Colangelo has done a great job of building this team into a contender. He began his career by helping create the up tempo style the Suns play. While he doesn’t have the same kind of talent in Toronto, the team has had success with a roster of shooters and guards that are able to push the pace. They also jettisoned most of their veteran players, and as a result only Darrick Martin and Rasho Nesterovic have been in the league longer than six years. Of course, in that time, Martin has still not corrected the spelling on his first name, and Nesterovic is still the worst player Stephen A. Smith has ever seen. So these are not two veterans I would consider “savvy”.

TJ Ford and Jose Calderon combine to give the Velociraptors one of the more formidable point guard duos in the league. Ford was the starter for the entire year, but Calderon saw his minutes increase as the season went on and in their playoff series, it was Calderon who saw most of the crunch time action. While both will get minutes and both will improve, expect Calderon to become the go to guy. I love TJ Ford, but the European-style team requires a European point guard. And TJ Ford is… ahem… not uh, as… non… dark… as Jose… Calderon… black people.

Andrea Bargnani and Chris Bosh are two promising young bigs and they are able to score from inside and out. What I like about them is that they don’t rely on their outside touch and are willing to beat people up in the post. Jason Kapono, Anthony Parker and Juan Dixon are three good shooters who are more or less interchangeable and can spread the floor. I don’t think Kapono was worth the $24 million the Raptors gave him, but he’s a solid addition. Carlos Delfino comes over from Detroit and he’s poised to get more minutes in Sam Mitchell’s rotation. I don’t think this is a good thing. While he was called a potential breakout player in Detroit, he’s not a great shooter and turns the ball over too much. The Raptors have a great deal of depth, but the talent is not very impressive. Another playoff berth is a possibility, but they have some work to do before I buy into it.

Joe: I have a sneaking suspicion that the Raptors success in the Atlantic Division last year was an absolute fluke, and it simply took a busy off-season by the rest of the division while Toronto kept stagnant to send them back down to the lower rungs. Looking at the team, it is built like a Euro league squad, everyone can shoot however not a single player including Chris Bosh has any interest in playing defense. Moreover there are tons of foreign players on the roster, which is fitting for the lone team outside of the United States. It was this change of philosophy that I believe caught teams off guard last year, this season, opponents will catch up to the system.

Breaking down the roster, the franchise piece remains unquestionably the lefty Chris Bosh, who elevated his game in the middle of the season last year before slowing down at the end and in the playoffs. I suspect that it is his still frail build that caused him to wear down in the stretch run. There is no reason for Bosh to still be rail thin when he shares a weight room with Joey Graham. Just standing next to Joey Graham probably adds 100 pounds to your bench press max. Graham is the only front court player that actually plays in the low-post. As Bosh is much more of a high-post/ face-up player that kind of shies away from the contact in the paint. The remaining front-court players can be found set up 18 feet and further out from the basket. Last year's 1st round pick Andrea Bargnani has a deft shooting touch that really emerged in the latter half of the season, and Jorge Garbajosa plays a similar game. The two-headed monster at the point guard spot features the speedy T.J. Ford and Jose Calderon who seems a little better suited to run this offense but is forced to the bench due to the difference in their contracts. Apparently the front office were not happy with Morris Peterson at the wing position, failing to resign him, making Anthony Parker the de-facto starter at small forward. Jason Kapono signed with the team after his breakout season with Miami and will be the starter at shooting guard. Kapono should be able to make the best of his slow-footed sharpshooter skillset within this offense, however just like the team he is going to, he is no longer a secret. The remainder of the roster is filled with a who's who of underachievers and bench fillers including Carlos Delfino, acquired from the Pistons, Rasho Nesterovic who is guaranteed to be called out by Stephen A. Smith, and Juan Dixon, a heart-warming success story who hasn't experienced much success in the NBA and sticks around mainly due to his work ethic.

Quang: the raptors returned to the playoffs last year for the first time since they traded vince carter for alonzo mourning, eric williams, and aaron williams and two first round draft picks. interestingly, neither of those three players were still on the team and the two draft picks have since become players worse than vince carter i'm sure. yet somehow the raptors won their division and had the fourth best record in the conference. and looking at last year's roster, it's hard to figure out how they managed to play so well. mo pete, a very solid contributor in years past, was mostly a non factor and saw his playing time plummet to a career low number of minutes. this was strange even before you consider the fact that trasho nesterovic and jorge garbajosa combined to play in 147 games, starting 133 times. admittedly, garbajosa isn't dreadful, but his name is "garbajosa". that's got to catch up at some point. joey graham, kris humphries, and andrea bargnani were other key contributors and were barely average last year. most of the rest of the roster wasn't anything to write home about, unless your parents like to receive letters about middling basketball players. basically, the raptors' success was due mainly to the maturation of chris bosh, the incredibly effective point guard duo of tj ford and jose calderon, the solid, steady play of anthony parker, and terrific coaching by sam mitchell. if the raptors are to build on what they accomplished, all of those people need to prove that last year was no fluke.

the raptors made only minor tweaks coming during the offseason. they let mo pete walk and instead signed jason kapono, who last year with miami, in addition to winning the all star 3-point competition, shot an insane 51.4% from 3 point range and a pedestrian 48.2% from 2 point range. i only have few rules in my life, and one of them is if you're shooting 51.4% from outside the arc, you aren't shooting from outside the arc often enough. someone who obviously agrees with this mantra is the raptors' only other addition, carlos delfino, a 32% career three point shooter. i doubt he's expected to do much other than provide energy off the bench, something that was apparently discourged in detroit. otherwise, the raptors will hope to improve from within. and there are a few likely candidates. andrea bargnani enters his second year and his hoping to show more of his potential to become the raptors' second offensive option. chris bosh is only 23 and already a two-time all star, he's going to a nightmare if he continues to develop. lastly, tj ford is on his way to stardom. of course i say this as one of his most unabashed fans. he is the fastest player in the league. he's also the most important player who ever played basketball at texas. yes, more important than durant. and also more important than brad buckman. much more important than buckman.

i've had mostly nice things to say about the raptors so far, but i don't really like their chances to repeat last year's success. i'll admit that they look like a very sound team and they play fairly good defense as compared to the other teams i like over them. but even though the stats suggest they are a good offensive team, i think they lack a proven 2nd scorer. it looks like they're one of those pesky teams that gets contributions across the board. though
i think they'd be better off if bargnani, kapono, or even tj can become a reliable weapon who consistently can take focus away from bosh. i'm not sure this is the year it happens though. but worry not raptors fans, i have a stop gap solution: sign frank thomas. chicks dig the long ball and over his career illustrious career, chicks have dug frank thomas over 500 times. is hitting a home run anything like making a three point basket? of course not. it's clearly much harder. and if it's not, what do you risk by signing the greatest baseball player in mlb history? does nothing sound about right? you'd risk nothing? seriously, what kind of a city lets uros slokar play basketball for their team but not the big hurt? apparently a city that should be making plans to watch frank thomas hit 173 home runs next summer instead of its basketball team in the playoffs for consecutive years.

Achilles Heel

  • Carlos Delfino (d)
  • Rasho Nesterovic (j)
  • Rasho Nesterovic (q)

Unsung Hero

  • Jose Calderon (d)
  • Joey Graham (j)
  • Juan Dixon (q)

Bold Prediction

  • Jorge Garbajosa becomes the spokesperson for Garbage Points, and the site starts focusing its analysis on soccer and bullfighting. (d)
  • Tired of being constantly made fun of for having "girls names" Andrea Bargnani and Kris Humphries change their names to Andre and Chris (j)
  • Andrea Bargnani is injured for the season when he and his brother Luigi accidentally fall into lava while rescuing Princess Toad from Bowser's castle. (q)
Favorite Memory
  • Chris Bosh ruins Richard Jefferson’s day with a block in Game 2 of their playoff series. (d)
  • Morris Peterson nails a composed three pointer with less than a second left to send a Raptors/Wizards game into overtime after catching a ball that Micheal Ruffin threw into the air to kill the clock. (j)
  • Hearing that Anthony Parker's younger sister, Candace Parker, was engaged to fellow NBA player, Shelden Williams. This would make Shelden Williams the lone player in the NBA to be worse at basketball than his wife and his brother in law. (q)

Season Preview: Seattle Supersonics

Joe: This will be unpopular but I'm going to let everyone know that I think Kevin Durant will not be the be the rookie of the year, let alone the best rookie on his team. that honor will go to Jeff Green. The fact that Green stayed in school and played major conference basketball for three years, has made him a much more complete player than Durant at the moment. Not only can Green play defense on his man, something Durant has not learned to do; but he also has an NBA- ready body and won't be bullied like Durant surely will. This is not to say that Jeff Green has a higher ceiling than Durant, but for this season, I'd put my money on Jeff having a better year.

The sad part about this team is that with Ray Allen trying to sniff out a championship in Boson and Rashard Lewis exiting for a payday, the two players I spoke about earlier are among the few bright spots on the team. The backcourt features the most useless point guard competition of all time, featuring Earl Watson and Luke Ridnour, two tremendously flawed players, Watson offensively, Ridnour defensively, that will be vying for starter's minutes. Nick Collison and Kurt Thomas are bruisers down low, who will work tirelessly for rebounds and get clean-up points around the basket. Chris Wilcox has a ton of upside down low, but now entering his 6th season, it's about time that he put up or shut up. From the early preseason returns it seems that he refuses to be silent. Another enigma is Robert Swift the highly touted fourth year seven footer who still remains in the league because you cant teach height. Swift finds himself as the starting center in Seattle, an honor he will surely fumble away as if it were an entry pass. Wally Szczerbiak has resurfaced, and can provide some of the outside scoring and all of the defense (none) that Rashard Lewis provided while he roamed the wings. PJ Carlesimo will also have a hard time keeping Delonte West off of the floor. I suspect he will be in the starting line up at either one of the guard spots by the end of November.

Quang: three years ago, the supersonics won 52 games. over the last two years the sonics have won a combined 66 games. what was different in 2004-05? well for starters, nate mcmillan was the coach. but after the season he opted for portland, and as a result, the sonics had to find another coach. one, who was likely not among the top 30 in career steals. therefore without someone constantly reminding them to "steal the ball! steal the ball like i did 1,544 times in my career" the sonics defense suffered. and their potent offense was suddently not potent enough. other departures from seattle that summer were antonio daniels, quietly effective that season, jerome james, loudly defective that season, and ibo kutluay, a player whose only nba season was with these 52-win sonics and accumulated a player efficiency rating of -13. and now we've reached the point of my spontaneous history lesson. how bad do you have to play that you have a -13 player efficiency rating? how is it possible to have a rating that is lower than matten cleaves by 22.1? what does a -13 player efficiency rating even mean? does that mean ibo kutluay had a 13 player efficiency rating for the other team? was ibo scoring points on his own basket? did all ibo's passes go through his own basket? if five ibo kutluays played against a normal basketball team what would happen? would it just be a lay up line? what if five ibo kutluays played against five ibo kutluays? would it even be a basketball game or just an ibo kutluay game of freeze tag? why is this more interesting to me than anything else about the sonics?

well unfortunately for the sonics, ibo kutluay is not walking through that door. and for the first time in over four years, neither is ray allen nor rashard lewis. but kevin durant is. he is the most exciting sonic since shawn kemp was blistering listers and siring children. i figure durant should be more than enough to help sonics fans forget about their miserable 2006-07 campaign before realizing that their franchise's savior is inevitably going to save the franchise from oklahoma city. but regardless of where the sonics eventually hang their hat, one thing is certain, their rookie tandem of durant and jeff green is one of the most exciting upcoming duos in the league. i expect in a few years i'll be talking about the durant and green combo like i talk about nacho cheese combos. which is to say, i'll talk about them so much my breath will smell like nacho cheese. anyways, it's rare nowadays to see two rookie teammates enter the season with the franchise basically put in their hands, so i'm interested to see what happens. hopefully they'll find more success together than eddy curry and tyson chandler did. and if not, hopefully neither of them gets robbed at gunpoint in their own home.

other than durant and green, the son
ics have loads of other players. how many of them will be key contributors down the road remains to be seen. at point, the sonics will choose from luke ridnour, earl watson, and delonte west. west seems like the most talented player, but also seems like he's still learning the position. at power forward, chris wilcox and nick collison will share the minutes. wilcox is the superior athlete and his name appropriately rhymes with knee socks. whether he's a better player than the solid but unspectacular collison is something you should ask someone who doesn't write about ibo kutluay for paragraphs on end. also, the sonics have so many raw and unproven centers that the last season of project runway was about robert swift, johan petro, and mouhamed sene's development into startable players. thus far, heidi klum has not been impressed. finally, helping to bridge the gap from the present to the future are veterans wally szczerbiak and kurt thomas. i'm sure they'll play a fair amount of minutes this year to make david stern think the sonics haven't given up on their season yet. but as far as this season goes, it's highly unlikely that the sonics aren't lottery bound. if they show flashes of what's on the horizon and if kevin durant avoids any serious injury or incurable disease, i'd consider their season an unbridled success. although i guess if kevin durant leads the sonics to the nba championship i'm pretty sure they'd take that too. we'll call that plan b for now.

Dhivy: Kevin Durant is so good it makes me want to look both ways before crossing the street. Plenty of analysts have gone into detail about his various strengths, so there’s no need for me to reiterate them. Instead, here’s a partial list of the things that Kevin Durant has caused me to do while watching him play: scream loud enough that people outside my apartment notice, run laps around my living room, turn over my furniture, call my friends and scream at them, call my parents and scream at them, call strangers and scream at them, and research whether or not I could legally adopt an eighteen-year-old against his will. He’s had some early struggles in the pre-season and has an injury to overcome, but I’m confident that this year he will win Rookie of the Year, win the Sonics the NBA Championship, and record a grunge rock album that wins several Grammys.

The focus in Seattle is on youth, as the only players with more than 6 years of service are Kurt Thomas and Wally Szczerbiak. Their role on the roster is simply to mentor the younger players, meaning it’s their job to make sure that Damien Wilkins turns in his homework. Along with three young centers in Petro, Swift and Sene, they don’t have much in terms of talent but they do have 24 fouls. Nick Collison and Chris Wilcox provide flexibility in the frontcourt. Wilcox is an high-flyer with a scorer’s mentality while Collison focuses more on ge
tting put backs and defending. One player rarely mentioned is point guard Luke Ridnour. While his scoring has been inconsistent, he sees the court well and minimizes turnovers. He’ll never be a spectacular player but he’s a great facilitator and should make Durant’s transition easier.

The concern I have is whether or not Jeff Green can be the player the Sonics need him to be. At Georgetown, he had a tendency to disappear in big games. This is a problem, because instead of focusing on in-game adjustments, the coaching staff was constantly looking for him under tables and behind shrubs. Whether or not he can contribute without scoring remains to be seen, and could determine how far this team goes. Oh, wait. They have Durant. The Sonics are going to kill everyone.

Achilles Heel

  • Robert Swift (j)
  • Robert Swift (q)
  • Jeff Green (d)
Unsung Hero
  • Jeff Green (j)
  • Chris Wilcox (q)
  • Luke Ridnour (d)
Bold Prediction
  • Wally Szczerbiak demands that Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" is played after every one of his made shots. So he can sing along "I'm Wally Szczerbiak" (j)
  • The Supersonics make a machine that fuses all three of their 21-year old, 7-foot tall centers into one supercenter they name Moswiftro. Seattle wins the NBA Championship for the next five seasons partly because no one can devise a game plan to stop a 21-foot tall center. (q)
  • Johan Petro and Mickael Gelabale are kicked off the team for constantly smoking cigarettes, wearing berets, and sporting pencil thin moustaches. (d)
Favorite Memory
  • Luke Ridnour shoots a 12 footer from his knees after diving for a loose ball. (j)
  • Gilbert Arenas makes a driving lay up off the glass at the buzzer to beat the Sonics. Then he takes his jersey off and lays it out in the middle of the court. (q)
  • Ray Allen and Keyon Dooling getting into a fight during a game. Keyon Dooling is a punk. (d)

Season Preview: San Antonio Spurs

Quang: the spurs' continued success is baffling to me. yes, they have the best big man on the planet, a shifty point guard who gets to rim with ease, and even an argentine who is the herkiest and jerkiest player in the league. but surrounding this core are players who wouldn't make much of a difference on most other teams. yet, for whatever reason, they are perfect fits in san antonio. can you imagine any of the spurs' role players playing anywhere but san antonio? it wouldn't make any sense. at some point i figure this formula has to stop working. but it's probably not this year. though i don't think the spurs are as invincible as they seem, their only addition was signing ime udoka and the likelihood of all their players, most of which aren't particularly young, playing as effectively as they did last year is not realistic. at the same time, i doubt they regress enough this year such that they aren't the prohibitive favorite.

i've found that many people seem to root against the spurs because they are boring and aren't very fun to watch. i
think this may be another reason for their success. when their opponents watch game film of the spurs i bet someone ultimately asks aloud "what else is on?" the rest of the team agrees that they can't stomach watching the spurs play any longer and force the coach to thumb through his collection of dvds. then by the time "little man" has finished, the other team has learned nothing other than the plot of "little man" and the spurs beat their brains in. this probably isn't anything close to what actually happens. in fact, i don't think the spurs are boring to watch at all. the way they suffocate teams and execute perfectly on defense is very interesting to me. i actually root against the spurs for much more trivial reasons. namely because i can not stand manu ginobili.

at this point, some of you may be asking yourself "why doesn't quang like manu ginobili? he's so wild, he flops all the time, and he complains about everything! he's great!" well, ginobili isn't great. he's so wild, he flops all the time, and he complains about everything. it's miserable to watch. i'll admit that he's probably better than i give
him credit for, but only if you admit that he's infuriating. he over exaggerates every bit of contact and when he doesn't get calls he wags his finger at the ref. if manu ginobaloney ever wagged his finger at me, he'd have one less finger and one more finger in his eye. i don't understand how he has fans. not even fans as in people who cheer for him, but fans as in things that keep his san antonio house cool. if i had a fan i'd sell it to nearly a billion other people before i sold a broken one to ginobili. i remember one time i was at a spurs game and i saw ginobili in the restroom. before i could tell him how lame i thought he was, he left without washing his hands. uh, "all employees must wash hands" not "some ginobilis must violate health codes". immediately after that, he played in a competitive basketball game in which he probably touched hundreds of things with his grimy hands. so gross. obviously, i just made that story up, but it definitely sounds like something he'd do. that jerk. so in summary, the spurs are the favorite to take home the championship and ginobili is the favorite to receive the most hate mail from me.

Joe: Everyone says that Tim Duncan is boring and has no personality, i doubt that is the case. We see him on the court and he's at work and he takes his profession seriously and his demeanor is perfectly acceptable for the work place. Since when do people have to be the class clown at work? The reason we probably don't see him in his element is because he has no desire to share his personality with complete strangers. And when he does decide to share his personality with his teammates on the bench Joey Crawford ejects his ass from the game. I bet you whatever Duncan was saying on the bench was super awesome.

Why the hell would anyone pick against the Spurs? They contain the perfect mix of skilled players, veteran know-how and just plain dirtiness to be a title threat year in and year out. The team is built on defense with Tim holding down the middle, guarding all the tough assignments and sometimes taking the brunt of unexpected defensive lapses from others on his team which results in having Lebron James' nuts on his head. Bruce Bowen is not so much a great defender as he is a filthy person. he is the only player allowed to still hand check, he tugs jerseys, places his knee strategically in the groin of his opponent in his defensive stance, hes a complete villain out there and doesn't get disciplined for anything. Tony Parker was dogged early in his career for not being enough of a passer to run this San Antonio team. Now, he's still not an elite passer but his offensive game has evolved to the point that he can get into the paint at will and put up any shot he wishes to comfortably. Manu Ginobili is really, really annoying but its to the point that I can't even complain about it because he's proven to be good, i just don't have to like his game, hes a drama queen, a flopper on defense and he tries to make everything he does on offense as difficult as possible. Robert Horry, Michael Finley and Brent Barry provide a strong veteran presence and outside scoring from the wing positions. Darius Washington and Tiago Splitter, the two San Antonio acquisitions from the draft will contribute what they can to the team, with Washington it's a sense that he is on the brink of collapse before every foul shot.

Dhivy: While other teams might have a more exciting roster or be more fun to watch, the Spurs remain the best team in the NBA. The core has remained the same throughout their three championships. Tim Duncan is the most consistent fundamentally sound player in the league and is still in his prime. Tony Parker is one of the best penetraters in the league and has seen his role expand within Popovich’s offense. And while he flops around a lot and gets on my nerves, I have to admit that Balki Bartokomous plays big in big situations and is a surprisingly good athlete. They’ve been using the same formula for years now, and I don’t see any reason why it won’t keep producing.

Wait, I see a reason now: the Spurs are too old. Six of their key players have been in the league longer than ten years. Reports are that the Spurs are so old, they don’t use a shot clock, they use a shot sundial. These reports have not been confirmed. Francisco Elson and Fabricio Oberto split time at center, but I’m not convinced either is a good choice. I suppose when you play with Tim Duncan, you can get away with just being serviceable. Another reason to worry about the Spurs this year is because Bruce Bowen is terrible. Whether or not he’s doing it intentionally, his “defense” is really just him fouling people all the time. He’s been accused of stepping under people when they shoot, making it dangerous for them to land. And for some reason he can’t shoot free throws, despite being an above average shooter from the three-point line. To paraphrase Common, Bowen is driving me crazy like the astronaut lady.

While I’m not a fan of SanAn, I will be cheering for Darius Washington this year. He’s probably best remembered for missing two free throws with no time on the clock against Louisville in the 2005 Conference USA Championship. Now he's played a season overseas before joining the Spurs. I’m hoping he can unseat Jacque Vaughn as the team’s backup point guard. And then I’m hoping he can unseat Tony Parker as their starting point guard. And then I’m hoping Eva Longoria dumps Parker, moves in down the street and hires me to be her gardener. Scandalous.

Achilles Heel:

  • Beno Udric (q)
  • Francisco Elson (j)
  • Bruce Bowen (d)
Unsung Hero
  • Ime Udoka (q)
  • Robert Horry (j)
  • Darius Washington (d)
Bold Prediction
  • Robert Horry wins his 8th championship ring this year with the Spurs. He now has a ring for every finger, on his deformed right hand. (q)
  • After her show is canceled for being dumb and outlandish, Tony Parker's wife Eva Longoria truly becomes a desperate housewife. I'm so clever! (j)
  • Scientists will change the term for a nervous reaction from “flop sweat” to “Manu sweat”. (d)
Favorite Memory
  • Manu Ginobili punching Kobe Bryant in the elbow with his face. Everyone in my house cackled hysterically. All one of me. (q)
  • After Steve Francis and Jamal Crawford complain about Bruce Bowen sticking his foot beneath them on jump-shots so they have no where to land, Isiah Thomas gives his team orders to "Break his f*cking foot!" (j)
  • Every time they cut to the announcers during a Spurs home game, the same Indian man is seen wearing a Valvoline t-shirt. He’s my favorite fan in the world. (d)

Season Preview: Sacramento Kings

Dhivy: The Maloofs used to be the cool owners in the league. They had a trendy casino and an exciting NBA team. Now the roster is full of other teams’ castoffs and the Maloofs are so desperate that they had to bring back the cast of “The Real World: Las Vegas”. New head coach Reggie Theus brings some questionable new ideas to the team. For instance, when he coached the Deering Tornadoes, Theus allowed a girl to play on the boys’ varsity team. The Maloofs found this forward thinking appealing, while I find it appalling. She has to have her own locker room, you can’t pat her butt on the way out of a huddle, and a girl cannot be a king: she would be a queen.

Further digging their grave, the Kings signed Mikki Moore this off-season, a move that at best could be described as “blunderous”. His success last year was directly attributable to playing alongside Jason Kidd. Without the same quality of floor general, Mikki Less will go back to his old habits. Habits like shooting with his eyes closed, playing defense while eating cheeseburgers, and falling asleep at the free-throw line. He’ll fit in well with the other ludicrous centers on the roster, Brad Miller and Shareef Abdur-Rahim. This plan to ruin any chance Spencer Hawes has at a career just might work after all.

With the injury to Mike Bibby, the scoring onus falls on Kevin Martin and Ron Artest. Artest is one of the most complete players in the league, but his offensive skills have never truly recovered since his year-long suspension. And though his production was a welcome surprise last year, Kevin Martin’s jump shot is so ugly that when it was born, the doctor slapped its parents! The youth in Sacramento provides some hope, particularly Francisco Garcia. He has great range, good ball-handling skills, and has the ability to be a solid defender. Quincy Douby is another rangy shooter, but he tends to run hot or cold. Rookie Mustafa Shakur was great in “Austin Powers” and his athleticism will be a great asset. However, the Kings have some serious work to do if they expect to get back to the days of Vlade Divac and Doug Christie. Also, how sad is it that they’re pining for the days of Vlade Divac and Doug Christie?

Joe:
You know that kid in your neighborhood that really taught himself how to play basketball? They never had someone to model their technique after, and just settled into a bad shooting form that never got corrected, but was oddly effective. I bet you Kevin Martin was one of those kids. He is by far the most awkward
player I've ever seen yet he is the leading scorer on this Sacramento Kings team due to a preposterous 47% FG percentage from the jump-shooter. It definitely was no fluke either as he shot 48% from the floor the year before. Although I respect his game, I feel kind of shaky endorsing a team that boasts Kevin Martin as their primary source of scoring. Ron Artest could help fill it up as well, but I also feel shaky about endorsing Ron Artest for anything as he is liable to get suspended, lose interest in the team, or get traded for pennies on the dollar at any time.

Coach Reggie Theus of New Mexico and more importantly "Hang Time" fame inherits a roster that looks good on paper, but seems to lack cohesiveness. Theus has already experienced a setback, learning that his dependable, long tenured point guard, Mike Bibby will miss the first six weeks of the season with a thumb injury. This will surely mean that Quincy Douby or the erratic Mustafa Shakur will be forced into many more minutes early in the season than they are prepared for. Up front, Brad Miller will try to regain his all-star caliber form, and Mikki Moore will have to prove that he is worth the contract he signed based on his stellar play in New Jersey last year. And by stellar I mean annoying. Mikki Moore is the most overly-demonstrative player in the league. Every time he gets a putback, hits a jumper or even sees a teammate hit a jumper he runs down the court snarling, shouting, fist-pumping or doing something that chaps my hide. I'm so happy that he is on the west coast now and on most nights i will be asleep while he is on the court acting like a clown. The roster is filled out with Kenny Thomas, a reliable presence down low, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, who is probably in the twilight of his mediocre career and Francisco Garcia, a player I absolutely loved watching play for Rick Pitino's Louisville teams and is poised for a breakout season.

Quang: last year, the kings missed the playoffs for the first time since 1998 and spent their summer with the debate club on their way back to sacremende for the semifinals. i'm sure when asked about it, someone said something along the lines of "well, we'll start a new streak last year." doubtful. the kings are essentially the same team and have only added spencer hawes, known more for being a republican than a center, and mikki moore. mikki moore drives me crazy. i'm so angry he's on the west coast now and on most nights
i will be awake while he's on the court acting like a clown. as if their season wasn't going to be difficult enough, mike bibby hurt his thumb presumably from giving his team so many thumbs down. i'm not even a mike bibby fan but the kings are in serious trouble if orien greene and mustafa shakur are their only players with point guard experience. because of this, and a long list of other shortcomings, i expect the kings will spend most of the season trying to convince kevin durant to go back to school so they can draft him first overall in the next draft.

the kings actually come into this season with more relevant players than i originally thought. ron artest is likely their most talented player. everyone should be well aware of the things ron artest brings to the table by now, but if someone were to ask me to describe him in one sentence it'd be: "ron artest wears number 93". kevin martin was nearly was the league's most improved player last year and was rewarded with a healthy contract extension. some may consider him the kings' best player but i'm not completely sold yet. he's obviously a gifted scorer, but i'd like my team's star player to contribute other stats as well. brad miller is coming back from one of his worst seasons as a pro. he was apparently fatigued from a summer spent glued to the bench in the world basketball championships. it's unlikely he'll ever return to his heydey, but a return to startable center isn't out of the question. at power forward, kenny thomas and shareef abdur rahim are going to share minutes. they fought or almost fought each other last year. their feud will probably continue this year as if which one of them played more laughably ineffective minutes actually mattered to anyone else. lastly, rounding out the guard rotation is john salmons, a jack of all trades type player, francisco garcia, a scorer who hasn't scored much since college, and quincy douby, kevin martin part 2.

anyways, the biggest question i have concerning the kings is the following: what would you rather own, a casino or an nba team? fortunately, for the maloof brothers they don't have to choose. but for the rest of us, we're forced to spend our every waking moment considering the pros and cons of each. if you owned a casino, you can always have a place to eat, sleep, and gamble. also the only people who can kick you out of the casino is you. however, if you owned an nba team, you can attend basketball games for free while also doing your part to help keep sasha vujacic from gainful employment. in the end, i think i'd opt for the latter and try my hand in the nba mainly because the decisions i make on a daily basis would be much more interesting and much more likely to appear on espn as breaking news. like "breaking news: owner of the kings decides to change the name to the sacramento quangs" or "breaking news: owner quang of the kings eats david stern's entire birthday cake, regrets nothing" or "breaking news: owner of kings accused of tampering after declaring rudy gay the best player on earth." more specifically about the kings, i think the best case scenario for them they is a 35 win team, though if i were a kings fan i'd would prefer fewer wins in exchange for a higher draft pick. worst case scenario? the entire team is caught at the palms casino betting on their opponents. interestingly, this is my best case scenario assuming i somehow find out about this beforehand and bet accordingly.


Achilles Heel:

  • Mikki Moore (d)
  • Mustafa Shakur (j)
  • Shareef Abdur-Rahim (q)

Unsung Hero:

  • Franciso Garcia (d)
  • Francisco Garcia (j)
  • John Salmons (q)

Bold Prediction:

  • Arco Arena will be quarantined when it is discovered that SARS stands for Shareef Abdur-Rahim Syndrome. (d)
  • The Maloof Brothers decide it's better for the Kings to fly chartered flights as the team begins to question why Shareef Abdur-Rahim and Mustafa Shakur keep getting "randomly picked" for additional screenings at commercial airline checkpoints. (j)
  • Spencer Hawes takes off his mask and reveals that he's been Curtis Borchardt the entire time. "No wonder you sucked," David Stern comments. (q)

Favorite Moment:

  • Mike Bibby had the chance to opt out of his contract last year, but realized he was too bad to get a better deal and stayed in Sacramento. (d)
  • Coach Eric Musselman pleads no contest to DUI, most likely caused because he had seen his team play. (j)
  • The Kings win their first game of the season and Eric Musselman enthusiastically celebrates like a child who just learned it was a snow day. After the season he gets canned like a coach who was in over his head. (q)

the curse is over! again!

the boston red sox defeated the colorado rockies to sweep the world series. congratulations go out to insufferable sports fans and bandwagon jumpers alike. a late inning home run by the wacky bobby kielty turned out to be the difference and the mvp went to mike lowell, that handsome devil. as nice as it would've been to see a new team hold the title, there's something comforting about having a juggernaut to knock off. when reached for comment, george steinbrenner grumbled and went back to "watching his stories".

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Season Preview: Portland Trailblazers

Joe: I love Portland! Oh don't get me wrong - they are terrible and especially with Oden out for the season they don't have a chance to compete in the West. But Portland made me so happy on draft night last year that they will always be associated with utter bliss to me. In exchange for Zach Randolph they agreed to accept an-ill fitting Steve Francis and an effeminate Channing Frye. When I heard the announcement I fell to the ground holding the remote and crying kind of like Dikembe Mutumbo did when his Denver Nuggets team upset the Seattle Supersonics in the first round of the 1994 playoffs. Although the trade helped both teams - The Traiblazers had a definite plan to move ahead with a more youth oriented team, and the Knicks added a high-post player who can rebound, i felt like sending hand written thank you notes to Paul Allen and Kevin Pritchard.

The Blazers were dealt a serious blow to their youth development process when Greg Oden was lost for the season. I doubt that even with Oden, they would be even close to contending, but the time missed on the floor will definitely steepen his learning curve as the remainder of the young nucleus congeals. As of now the team centers on two very young potential all-stars, Brandon Roy and Lamarcus Aldridge. Walt "Clyde" Frazier says that Brandon Roy reminds him of himself, so that is definitely a ringing endorsement. Roy is a tall, skilled guard that can play a complete game on both sides of the ball, he causes match up problems against smaller guards that he can post up, but is still deceptively quick to the basket. Aldridge has the tendency to play just as softly as his frontcourt mate Channing Frye. He did however show definite signs of breaking out at the end of last year with some monstrous performances before being sidelined with a late season injury. This pre-season he has posted some gaudy numbers and looks primed to continue his ascent. Darius Miles is still on the roster, however he hasn't been relevant for a while and I would assume that the front office has been trying desperately to ship him out of town as to not poison the attitudes and work ethic of the younger players. There is also an intriguing battle going on at the point guard position. Both Jarrett Jack and Steve Blake are heady, hard working guards, and although both want to start I see them both playing similar minutes and each contributing in key spots. The remainder of the roster is consists of youngsters. Martell Webster is supposed to have infinite talent but has not been able to put it together yet; Josh McRoberts has a smoking hot mom; Travis Outlaw showed some promise last year and Rudy Fernandez and Taurean Green may not get much time on the court, but are expected to be a large part of the team's future.

Quang: when i read that greg oden was going to miss the season due to microfracture i felt horrible. it was like i lost a friend. well, it was like i lost a friend's dad. that was my obligatory greg oden is old joke. other old jokes i thought of but won't subject you to include: "greg oden? more like greg olden!", "greg oden hurt his knee, running from a tyrannosaurus rex!", "greg oden was ohio state's mvp... i mean their aarp!", and "greg oden is mad old." uh, it appears i accidentally subjected you. i owe you one. obviously, the big question across the league is if oden's potentially great career has already ended before it even began. i'm optimistic this isn't the case, but i'm also far from someone who knows anything. but hopefully oden can follow in amare stoudemire's footsteps and return a year from now showing no ill effects and ready to dunk on michael olowokandi.

in a controversial move, the blazers have decided to play out their season even after losing oden for the year. thankfully they have a plethora of players that can contribute. unfortunately, nearly the entire team is young and developing. raef lafrentz is the only blazer older than 30. his veteran leadership will be key. especially if he tells the blazers how to avoid years where they average 3.7 points per game. otherwise, the rest of the young blazers will have to learn on their own. their most important player, brandon roy, was a rookie last year and seems to have assumed the leadership role on the team. he's a do everything player who seems to be one of the few players who benefited from staying in school all four years. lamarcus aldridge is the next best blazer. he and oden will form a very imposing tandem in the frontcourt for years to come. unfortunately, this year he and pryzbilla will form a very posing tandem. between steve blake, sergio rodriguez, and jarrett jack, the blazers have a solid point guard rotation. additionally, travis outlaw looks ready to fulfill the promise that darius miles couldn't and even though portland thought the best way to unlock martell webster's potential was to trade for his doppelganger, i still think martell is going to be a very useful player. but seriously, if james jones and martell webster are different at all i would love to hear how. i imagine they always see each other walking around and then wonder who put a giant mirror in front of them. lastly, channing frye was brought in with steve francis from a trade that sent zach randolph, dan dickau, and fred jones to the knicks. channing will likely become the best channing to play for the blazers since channing “the glide” drexler. francis was immediately bought out, which means he'll make $34 million over the next two years to not play for the blazers. something i'm doing for free.

anyways, i thought this team was too young to be a playoff contender before greg oden's injury and i certainly don't think they are one now. so i think more important than wins and losses this year is that the young blazers gain more experience and continue to improve. after the season, portland is likely going to add another lottery pick which would give them so many young promising players it will be impossible for one of them not to get in some sort of trouble with the law. then writers will be able to dust off the "jail blazers" nickname, an old favorite, and can continue being holier than thou by telling no one in particular "nothing good happens at 2 am." uh, ihop is open past 2 am. and if getting a rooty tooty fresh n fruity at my local ihop at 2 in the morning is wrong, i don't want to be right. to summarize, the playoffs are unlikely this year, but the other 14 western conference teams better all hope they win the west in the next two or three years. because after that, i think the blazers are going to whip them nightly and then join me at ihop for a celebratory rooty tooty fresh n fruity.

Dhivy: As soon as Greg Oden went down for the season, people were ready him proclaim him a bust. I thought this was a little preemptive. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not privy to the inner circles of the NBA, but the last time I checked, a player’s career typically last longer than one year. By my count, Jarrett Jack has been in the league for at least two seasons and no one has asked him to leave yet. So it would logically follow that Greg Oden should be back next year, and dominate the middle as he did at Ohio State. Who knows, maybe he’ll be even more comfortable now that he’s playing with people his own age.

Even without Oden, the Blazers aren’t dead in the water. They had three outstanding rookies last year in Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge and Sergio Rodriguez. Playing together from day one, the three were able to establish a great chemistry. Aldridge reminds me of a young David Robinson and once he develops a more consistent post game, his value will skyrocket. Roy was a deserved Rookie of the Year and is able to do a little bit of everything. If you looked up the word ‘versatile’ in the dictionary, you’d find the definition, “capable of doing many things competently”, which is what Roy is. Rodriguez is able to penetrate well and is great at finding the open man. Along with Steve Blake, Jarret Jack and rookie Taurean Green, the backcourt is in great shape for years to come.

Production from the 3 and 4 will be integral to the Blazers success. Darius Miles should return from microfracture surgery, which means he’ll probably turn into Amare Stoudemire. His presence brings the Blazers an element of athleticism, along with an element of disgusting celebrations. Travis Outlaw and Martell Webster are two prep school stars who have been somewhat productive, but inconsistent. The trade that shipped out Zack Randolph brought back Channing Frye, who was a stud in his rookie season with the Knicks. And though Lauren Conrad is embarrassed to be seen in public with him, Josh McRoberts is Oden's BFF and his skill set makes him a tough match up. Whether or not Nate McMillan can find the right mix among his players remains to be seen, but the Blazers will not fail due to lack of depth. They will fail due to lack of Greg Oden.

Achilles Heel

  • Raef LaFrentz (j)
  • Joel Pryzbilla (q)
  • Raef LaFrentz (d)

Unsung Hero

  • Jarrett Jack (j)
  • Martell Webster (q)
  • Josh McRoberts (d)

Bold Prediction

  • Paul Allen has the people at Microsoft come up with a program that rigs the draft order in order to obtain O.J. Mayo. When Mayo refuses to play in the Portland market, Paul Allen literally purchases him. (j)
  • LaMarcus Aldridge makes people forget about Greg Oden's injury after enlisting in the Men in Black. (q)
  • Greg Oden leads his team to the 2007-2008 Wheelchair Basketball Championship. (d)

Favorite Memory

  • In a game against the Jazz, Brandon Roy makes Gordan Giricek fall before pulling up for a mid-range jumper. (j)
  • Dan Dickau getting shipped to the Knicks in the Zach Randolph trade. It was the 8th timae in Dan Dickau's career he's been traded. Two more times and Dan Dickau gets a free sub. (q)
  • Drafting Joel Pryzbilla in a fantasy league and immediately deciding that my team stunk. (d)

Season Preview: Phoenix Suns

Dhivy: Up to this point, Steve Nash’s career has defied logic. It’s not unusual to get better at your job after you turn thirty, but this is assuming that you work as a regional manager or an a financial analyst. The physical demands of a NBA season should not allow someone to improve at Nash’s age. Nevertheless, he is playing more minutes at a more efficient clip than he ever has. I would predict a regression, but Nash might just be one of those freaks of nature who can sustain a high level for a long time.

Nash might not be the same player without the weapons he has to surround him. While Amare Stoudemire is still playing himself into condition after off-season surgery, he is one of the elite finishers in the league and can run with any big man. His developing touch from outside has made him an even more dangerous match up. I get tired of hearing how great Shawn Marion is, but he does play with a lot of intensity. That’s not to say he’s a great player; he strikes me as a product of the system more than anything.

Since Nash always finds the open man, the Suns ancillary players become an important aspect. Raja Bell is always trying to get in people’s heads because he’s not very good otherwise. His success hinges on being able to disrupt his opponent mentally, which I find very irritating. Leandro Barbosa and Boris Diaw have each carved out nice niches on this team. Barbosa is the speedy offensive juggernaut, while Diaw is a fat piece of trash. People always say he’s a versatile player, but when your line is 9, 4 and 4, versatility is a nice way of saying bad. The key additions the Suns have made are Grant Hill and Alando Tucker. Both are excellent mid-range shooters and should stabilize the rotation by relegating Marcus Banks to the bench.

The primary concern I have with the Phoenix Suns is their chemistry. Shawn Marion has made it clear that he is unhappy with his role and wants to be the star. While a team like the Lakers can function with its star unhappy, it becomes a major issue for the Suns. Mike D’Antoni’s style of play depends on everyone moving, cutting, and running. If one player doesn’t buy into the scheme, the system loses steam. I’m not saying the Suns are going to miss the playoffs or fall into a Bolivian, but I question those who consider this a championship caliber team.

Quang: over the past few seasons, the phoenix suns have become the darlings of the nba. fans blow them kisses, critics whisper sweet nothings into their ears, and they frequently get love notes from secret admirers in the mail. yes, everyone seems to love the suns. but not me. if the suns were a student in my class when i was in elementary school, on valentine's day i'd give them cards that read "don't be my valentine!" or "i choo-choo-choose you... to suck!" they'd obviously tell on me and i'd get detention. but it'd be worth it. because i just don't like the suns. they're a good team that plays as well together as anyone else in the league. and i appreciate that they've helped reintroduce uptempo basketball to the nba. so why don't i like them? because they're the only team in the league that whines and cries if the other team touches the ball after a made basket. if your system can be completely thrown off because the other team catches the ball when it comes through the basket, your system needs to be re-evaluated. does it bother anyone else that a two-time mvp screams at refs for delay of game fouls? no? then i'll get bothered for the both of us.

with that complaint aside, the suns are a very good team, though they haven't had a great deal of playoff success to show for it. a lot of people attribute this to their inability to play when the game gets slowed down and the fact that opponents can game plan against them for a entire series. i think this is partly true, but at the same time the suns have also caught a few tough breaks. of course, the suns have complained abut these tough breaks so often that i stopped feeling bad about them getting tough breaks. anyways, the suns come back this year trying to prove that it's possible to win a championship playing the way they do. and they apparently thought the best way to do so was to sign grant hill, not really a difference maker any more, and ship off players kurt thomas, james jones, and three first round draft picks for cap space.

most of the familiar faces are returning and are a year older. for steve nash that may not be the best news. but since he's been playing so well at his age, i think he can continue for at least another year. of course, i also think that steve nash is on steroids. look at him. he's so hairy, no one would ever see the backne. it's the perfect crime! also returning is amare stoudemire who looked into the face of microfracture and slapped her, giving hope to all future microfracture patients and domestic abusers. i think his miraculous recovery will continue. of course, i also think that amare stoudemire is on steroids. look at him. he's so tall, no one would ever see the backne. it's the perfect crime! the last part of the big three, shawn marion, wishes it were more of a big two. i'm getting a little tired of shawn marion's constant complaints about being under appreciated. where could he possibly have a better situation? i bet shawn marion plays in over 400 different fantasy basketball leagues because it's the only realm where he is more valuable than stoudemire and nash. the rest of the roster includes barbosa, one of the fastest players in the league, raja bell, one of the most irritating players in the league, boris diaw, one of the laziest players in the league, and marcus banks, one of the most overpaid players in the league. they also drafted alando tucker, a player without a position, which means he'll fit in perfectly with the suns, and dj strawberry, a defensive minded guard. overall, this team seems worse than last year. none of their players can be expected to improve that much and i have doubts that they are deep enough to make the conference finals. though if they do make it, i'll be proven wrong temporarily until it is revealed the entire team ate steroids before the season.

Joe:
Everyone says Phoenix is "soooo fun to watch" and I'm sure if you liked everybody on the team then they would be fun to watch , but I personally can't stand them. I cant quite put my finger on it, but i think it begins with the public's reaction to Steve Nash. In the beginning of last year the way that Nash was playing was making me furious that he would probably win the MVP for a third consecutive year. The problem was that this time would be the first time that he actually deserved it. He solidified his standing as the leader when during a brief, 4 game absence due to injury; The previously red-hot Suns won a dog-fight with the hapless Trailblazers then lost games to Atlanta, Chicago and Seattle, looking completely lost without him. I wouldn't have been so mad if the first two MVP awards had not just been handed to him when Kobe was the obvious choice in 2005-06 and Allen Iverson was the obvious choice in 2004-05. This turned out to be moot once again, as MVP voters decided that they will solve this problem by simply botching the vote for the wrong person once again.

Anyway, before people start saying that I am unreasonably anti-Nash, I must say that I think he does an excellent job running this team, and he has definitely put his name in the hat to be considered one of the best point-guards in the NBA right now. The players amassed around him, give him the perfect combination of inside and outside threats. Amare Stoudamire is the perfect "inside" player for Nash to work with. I think while working in his laboratory to come up with the antidote for microfracture - he has also learned how to be a great high-post player and gets a large percentage of his points from high screen and rolls and pick and rolls. Because of Nash's ability to deliver the baseline pass so well, defenders leave the middle of the key wide open for Stoudemire to crash down from his high post position. This bread-and-butter play with Nash has actually stunted Amare's development as a low post player, but I guess if he knows how to do what works effectively there is no real reason to work on his low post game. Shawn Marion, although malcontent recently, has been doing what he does for the longest while and is actually one of the most underrated players in the game. He is constantly running the floor, filling up a stat sheet, playing hard-nosed defense, and tying up any lose ends. Marion's trade demands are about recognition, and I perfectly understand that, because ever since Mr. Nash came into town Marion has been looked at as a second rate player even though he was well on his way to becoming the franchise. Raja Bell is another important piece to the team, usually getting the assignment of attempting to shut down the best two-guards in the West and more often than not doing a good job, or at least decent enough that he gets punched in the face for his troubles. Boris Diaw's breakout season two years ago has severely overrated him, but he is a capable player who's skill set is similar to Grant Hill's who joins the squad. Leandro Barbosa is really fast, like really.....really, fast and that gives the Suns all sorts of easy buckets in transition. Yea, the team is kind of stacked, and they will win the Pacific once again, but I still don't think they have the edge to advance to the finals ....yet again.

Achilles Heel

  • Shawn Marion (d)
  • Brian Skinner (q)
  • Marcus Banks (j)
Unsung Hero
  • Grant Hill (d)
  • DJ Strawberry (q)
  • Leandro Barbosa (j)
Bold Prediction
  • Leandro Barbosa reveals that he is so fast because his mother was a kangaroo. (d)
  • Grant Hill misses half the season, not due to injuries, but because he doesn't realize the Suns play some games on the road. (q)
  • Rookies, D.J. Strawberry and Alando "Doctor A" Tucker form a prolific nucleus that seems will carry the franchise for years to come, only to fall into an unfortunate cycle of addiction and excess. Later in their careers they make significant contributions to the hated Lakers championship teams. (j)
Favorite Memory
  • The Suns’ team plane is stuck in a snowstorm and when they finally arrive in Phoenix, the Wizards beat them in an overtime thriller. (d)
  • Speaking to Michelle Tafoya after a game, Steve Nash attributed his poor play in the first half to diarrhea. (q)
  • Robert Horry delivers a crushing hip check to Steve Nash, the Suns pout. (j)

Season Preview: Philadelphia 76ers

Dhivy: I’m usually quick to point out a team’s potential, but even I have to admit that the Sixers are going to stink this year. They’ve built their roster around the idea that Andre Iguodala can become a franchise player. And while he contributes in many different areas, I don’t see how he’s any better than Gerald Wallace. His athleticism is freakish and he’s their most exciting player, but he would be better served as a second or third option. Due to the dearth of talent on the roster, AI is going to have to carry this team and I don’t think he’s up to it.


The Sixers boast a second absurd athlete in Rodney Carney. He has developed some range and could be a valuable piece this year. I’m very excited about their first-round pick, 7-footer Jason Smith. He has excellent range and mobility, and his defensive ability will find him minutes. Willie Green and Andre Miller combine to play point guard and though neither is a long-term solution, they are reliable players.

The rest of the roster is more reminiscent of the city of Philadelphia: desolate and depressing. They have over $60 million tied up in Samuel Dalembert and Kyle Korver, neither of whom is a complete player. Thaddeus Young has a world of potential, but is too raw to have an effect this season. The final piece of the puzzle is Shavlik Randolph, which presumes you are looking at a puzzle of unfulfilled promises.

It’s hard to imagine that a team could trade away someone as talented as Allen Iverson and actually upgrade their roster. Fortunately for all you left-brainers out there, you don’t have to. The Sixers gained some draft picks through the trade, but nothing that could make an impact right away. This team will struggle and while they have they have the potential to make Sportscenter’s Top 10 on a nightly basis, they’ll be very fortunate to make the top 10 in the East.

Joe: There was some funny math going on in Philadelphia that severely dealt a blow to my talent always prevails theory. It seemed like after Allen Iverson was shipped out to Denver, a burden was lifted from the collective shoulders of the team. With Andre Igoudala steering the ship the young Sixers team began to fall in line and play to a record of above .500 (29-28). While i don't think this will continue in the new season, I do believe that this team will be able to sneak up on teams that look past them. One player that will definitely fly under some teams radar is Kyle Korver, a deadly shooter and the type of player that could ignite a mini-run with a barrage of three pointers on any given night. His shooting coupled with Igoudala's slashing will be able to lead the Sixers to a respectable record even though they will almost definitely be the bottom feeders in the improved Atlantic Division.

Andre Miller seems to have cut alot of weight this season, seems much lighter on his feet and ready to play the high caliber brand of point guard he played in his days with Cleveland. The starting center Samuel Dalambert provides a key defensive presence although he has the tendency to disappear in some games. The Sixers need him to become more consistent especially so he can cover for the two primary shooting guards, Korver and Willie Green that far too often get beat into the paint by their man. This team is loaded with young wings which kind of explains the seemingly idiotic move of releasing Derek Byars the swingman drafted by Billy King in the 2nd round who showed how good he can be last year during the regular season and most importantly in the regular season. Apparently the organization felt that he would not be able to overtake Rodney Carney, who still hasn't developed an NBA player's frame and Thaddeus Young the exciting first round pick out of Georgia Tech. The only other players of consequence on this team are Louis Williams who will spell Andre Miller, Reggie Evans a hard worker who isn't really that skilled at basketball and Shavlik Randolph, a loser who wasn't even good when he played for Duke in the college ranks.

Quang: entering this season, i have two questions about the philadelphia 76ers. first, after trading away allen iverson, one of the team's most beloved players, is andre iguodala good enough to become its franchise player? and second, since when did it become acceptable to name your team after a year? a year isn't even a thing. it doesn't even contain a single letter. if you were playing pictionary and you picked the card that said "1776" what would you even draw? i'll tell you what i drew: nothing. and now i'm not invited to game night any more. thanks, the year 1776. team names should be menacing, like the philadelphia fire ants, or the philadelphia foot soldiers. or the philadelphia filibusters. even worse, the team isn't even called "the philadelphia 1776ers", they're "the 76ers" or just as commonly, "the sixers". if i told my dad i was going to name my son after him as a way to honor and pay tribute to him, and then started calling my son "sixer" he'd spank me for two hours then send me to my room without desert. and i'm a grown man! if whoever makes these decisions is stubbornly set on keeping this ambiguous reference, then at least try to make it more clear. call the team the philadelphia independents or the philadelphia self-evident truths. or sign benjamin franklin to back up andre miller. this is a problem that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

that's of course not to say there aren't other problems the 1776ers need addressed, because this year they are likely going to be one of the worst teams in the league. the only starters written down in pen are andrew miller, iguodala, and samuel dalembert. miller and iguodala are fine starters, though the fact that they're both named andre may raise some concerns about chemistry. dalembert is an adequate starting center and was moderately succesful last year, but he should very rarely ever be the third best player on a team. so by my count, the sixers have two openings in the starting lineup and two million sixers fans with headaches. let's run through their assortment of options. at power forward it looks like reggie evans is going to get first crack even though he's a prototypical back up with one very particular strength. whether it's due to unproductive play or getting busted in a "to catch a predator" sting, i can't imagine he keeps the job all year. the only problem is that the sixers' next options are shavlik randolph, among the most disappointing mcdonald's all americans in recent memory, and jason smith, a rookie with a high motor who will likely learn from the bench. the guard/forward situation is a little less dire. the likely candidates are willie green, rodney carney, and kyle korver. korver is the biggest threat offensively, but mo cheeks seems inclined to play him as a sixth man. willie green doesn't do anything better than average and at this point in his career, carney is an athlete whose main offensive weapon is triple jumping on fast breaks for titanic dunks. unfortunately, even though these are two big question marks, whatever the sixers decide at either position won't likely matter. even if they ran out matthew lesko and the riddler to start alongside miller, iguodala, and dalembert, i don't expect that it would cost them any more than 5 to 10 wins.

the real story of the sixers is not what they can do to contend this year, but what can they do to contend in the future. andre iguodala needs someone to share the load and it is unclear how much longer andre miller can continue playing at a somewhat high level. luckily, as one of the youngest teams in the league, they have several interesting players. i've already mentioned, carney and jason smith who both look to play very prominent roles in the sixers' rebuilding. beyond that, thaddeus young was their 2007 lottery pick and a player i was hoping would fall to the wizards. he's supremely athletic and and could develop into a very nice compliment to iguodala in the future. at guard, the sixers are hopeful louis williams becomes starter material. he's a scorer first and a scorer second, but is too skilled not to contribute in some respect down the road. in summary, the sixers have inklings of talent, but most of it is too young to help them make any noise in the near future. last season, i thought the sixers biggest problem was playing too well after trading iverson and instead of getting a coveted top-5 pick, they selected in the late lottery. hopefully, they've learned from these mistakes and lose so often this year that the lottery rewards the sixers with the top 7 draft picks.

Achilles Heel:
  • Shavlik Randolph (d)
  • Shavlik Randolph (j)
  • Shavlik Randolph (q)
Unsung Hero:
  • Jason Smith (d)
  • Thaddeus Young (j)
  • Louis Williams (q)
Bold Prediction:
  • Reggie Evans will impersonate a doctor in an attempt to touch Chris Kaman’s testicles again. His scouting report takes on a new connotation when it says "good ball-handler". (d)
  • Larry Brown pushes to become head coach and GM of the team after a bad start. He refuses to play Andre Igudola, Thaddeus Young and Andre Miller, because Reggie Evans and Shavlik Randolph are "Larry Brown guys." (j)
  • During a timeout, Mo Cheeks berates Andre Miller and demands to know why he didn't pass to a wide open Kevin Ollie on the play before. "Kevin Ollie's still in the league?!", Andre Miller screams. "Kevin Ollie's still in the league?!", Mo Cheeks screams. "I'm still in the league?!", Kevin Ollie screams. (q)
Favorite Moment:
  • Maurice Cheeks helping 13-year-old Natalie Gilbert sing the National Anthem when she forgot the words. (d)
  • At a Knicks/ Sixers game attended by me and my brother, We scream out to the court "Nate, don't let Willie Green beat you - hes a bum!" Nate Robinson immediately steals the ball from him and goes in for an easy lay-up. Me and my brother should be coaches. (j)
  • The 76ers trading Iverson to the Nuggets for Andre Miller, Joe Smith, and two first round draft picks. The next day, GM Billy King reads the paper and screams, "Joe Smith?! I thought J. Smith was JR Smith! Good Grief." (q)

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Season Preview: Orlando Magic

Joe: I'm not a big fan of the Orlando Magic, and its mostly due to my refusal to admit that Dwight Howard has fully arrived. I think I can only get away from asserting that for one more season until I'm just universally considered delusional. I still feel there are far too many times when Orlando, trying desperately to run their offense through their young 7-footer, sees Dwight dribbling the ball off of his foot or traveling trying to do a spin move. Granted, when Howard does get a reliable move or three under control he will be very close to the unstoppable two-way force that we saw in the post when Shaq roamed the very same key in the beginning of his career.

Apparently the Magic made a big splash in the free-agent pool when they signed Rashard Lewis to a max deal. Rashard Lewis scores the quietest 20 points per night, and is just not that impressive to me. He really does nothing to distinguish himself, never uses his height and length on defense and isn't a particularly strong rebounder or defender. Once again, this might be a future play as Lewis could stretch the floor especially when Dwight starts commanding automatic double teams. Aside from these two there doesn't seem to be much else going for the Magic. The backcourt features two PGs that I loved in college in Jameer Nelson and Keith Bogans, but to this point neither has distinguished themselves as a serviceable NBA player. Nelson will certainly be public interest story, as he has dedicated his season to his late father, a tug boat worker whose body was found in the Allegheny River earlier this year. Foul play has not been ruled out. I would like to see him do well this season for that reason, and I know he definitely has it in him from his days at St. Joes. Trevor Ariza, JJ Redick and Hedo Turkoglu round out the lineup,aside from the occasional rim-rattling dunk from Ariza, none of these guys are of any particular interest to me.

Quang: last year, the magic cobbled together just enough wins to qualify for the playoffs. their offensive shortcomings were exposed in the first round and the pistons swept them out of the playoffs. to address their desperate need of perimeter scoring, the magic signed rashard lewis twice. i'm not usually someone who complains about contracts, sometimes you have to overpay to make sure you get what you want, but this one in particular made me scratch my head. the original contract was a max deal for five years, $91 million. for reasons only beknownst to them, they decided to make it a sign and trade and sent a 2nd round pick to the sonics for the right to keep rashard around for a sixth year at $24 million. for those of us who aren't nba teams, let me try my best to make a ridiculous analogy. let's say you were walking around the desert for the last week and you happened to come across a mcdonald's. you really want a double cheeseburger but they're charging $15 for it. since you're so hungry you decide to fork over the cash. now before you start eating your double cheeseburger, some guy walks up to you. he says that if you give him a 2nd round draft pick, he'll let you eat that double cheeseburger six years from now and it'll only cost you $24 million. "uh, can't i just buy another cheeseburger six years from now?", you ask. "i guess so," he replies. "won't this cheeseburger be spoiled in six years?", you counter. "it's a possibility," he answers. "it's a deal!", you tell him. congrats, you are now a general manager of an nba team.

the magic's only other significant acquisition was stan van gundy, who was hired after they dumped brian hill, probably as per penny hardaway's suggestion, and after they were dumped by billy donovan. the magic are hopeful stan van gundy can help dwight howard reach his potential which apparently is a more involved task than just saying things like "hey dwight, dunk this ball as hard as you can over those guys." anyways, i'm hopeful too. because even though he's so young, i was having doubts he'd ever become a dominant post scorer. but after watching him a little in preseason, some of my fears have been erased. now my biggest question concerning dwight howard is, why is he wearing elbow pads? does he rollerblade to the arena and forget to take them off? has he petitioned the league to allow him to wear a helmet too? do his parents force him to wear it? "aw mom, all the kids'll make fun of me...", dwight pleads "if those kids make fun of you, they're not your real friends," mrs. howard assures. i don't know why i find this so interesting.

anyways, the magic apparently have other players. the only other two that i particularly like include jameer nelson, who should be able to fit in better now that the onus of scoring has been somewhat lifted, and trevor ariza, an athletic slasher who should fit in nicely with this team. other than that, i don't really think the magic are that spectacular. hedo turkoglu is decent enough i guess. but not someone you need to keep around. i don't really like carlos arroyo much, not even as a backup point guard. or a person. tony battie will have shoulder surgery and miss most of the season. this wouldn't be a big deal if that didn't mean more minutes for adonal foyle. keith bogans is somehow both a defensive stopper and an offensive stopper. keyon dooling might play a big role on this team. he could be useful, especially if he's picking fights with ray allen. lastly, the magic's first round selection last year, jj redick (the jj stands for jared jeffries) is looking to get more minutes. he has to be the only player in the nba whose wingspan is shorter than his height. he is a willing and capable shooter, but there is not a single person in the nba that he can guard. not even dick bavetta. well in summary, i've seen some hugely optimistic predictions for the magic. and after considering all the facts, i'm not quite as hopeful. to me, the magic seem a little top heavy. i think they'll miss the contributions they got from grant hill and darko last year and will ultimately fall short of the playoffs. but the future is bright for orlando, especially if david stern lets dwight howard use a skateboard. he'd be so fast!

Dhivy:
I hate Carlos Arroyo. I thought about writing that sentence 100 times in place of previewing the Magic’s season, but quickly thought the better of it. A backup point guard on an average team shouldn
’t be able to draw that much anger out of me. From now on, I’ll do my best to ignore him completely.

The Magic made a big splash in the free agent market by signing Rashard Lewis to a max deal. While his combination of outside touch and size is a rare commodity, I don’t see him as a franchise player. I would have said the same thing back when the Magic signed Tracy McGrady, so maybe Lewis will prove me wrong. The true centerpiece of this team is Dwight Howard, the gentle giant entering his fourth season. Dwight is one of the really good guys in the NBA. He passes out scripture to his teammates, engages in dance battles with Shaquille O’Neal, and always has a smile on his face. Except for when he’s eating breakfast; that would just be weird. Watching some of the things he can do makes it no surprise that Tim Duncan once said, “I am glad that I will be out of the league when he is peaking”. Then again, it’s possible that Duncan meant “peeking”, in which case Dwight Howard is a creep.

Unless Bo Outlaw undergoes a career renaissance, the Magic organization must rely on Jameer Nelson to be the third option. Nelson will be playing this season with a heavy heart after the tragic death of his father. Here’s hoping he has a great season. But I do not have the same level of faith in the rest of this roster. Hedo Turkoglu has been a consistent scorer since arriving from Sacramento, but someone who is 6’10” needs to get more than 4 rebounds a game. JJ Redick is by far my Most Hated Duke Alumnus, and as if he was concerned about losing this title, he grew a mini-mohawk this preseason. More than likely, he lost a bet to see whether or not he could go 24 hours without Coach K calling to check up on him.

One player I do look forward to seeing on this team is Trevor Ariza. He was a part of the trade that sent Steve Francis to New York and is still a work in progress. But his defensive tenacity and raw athleticism make it possible that he’ll find a way to contribute for the Magic.

But seriously, I really hate Carlos Arroyo.

Achilles Heel:

  • Bo Outlaw (j)
  • JJ Redick (q)
  • Carlos Arroyo (d)
Unsung Hero:
  • Keith Bogans (j)
  • Trevor Ariza (q)
  • Trevor Ariza (d)
Bold Prediction:
  • Trevor Ariza gets his first career triple double in a game against the Philadelphia 76ers - gives a wink to Larry Brown who called him "delusional" and wanted to send him to the D-League while with the Knicks. (j)
  • Dwight Howard reveals that he's been playing his first three years in the league while wearing 20 pound ankle weights. With the ankle weights off for the first time, Dwight Howard rebounds every single missed shot in the NBA. (q)
  • Carlos Arroyo will be deported to Puerto Rico for crimes against humanity. These crimes include being really annoying, being really annoying across state lines, and conspiracy to be really annoying. (d)

Favorite Moment:

  • Dwight Howard "walking it out" non-stop during All-Star Weekend. (j)
  • In a tie game against the Spurs, Tony Parker holds the ball for the last shot. He drives to the basket and is blocked by a soaring Dwight Howard and Jameer grabs the rebound with 0.8 seconds left. After a timeout, Turkoglu throws a lob from the scorers' table that Dwight slams in over Tim Duncan, winning the game. (q)
  • Dwight Howard placing a sticker that reads “All things through Christ” 2’6” above the rim in the dunk contest. (d)

Season Preview: New York Knicks

Quang: in order to avoid stealing the thunder of our resident knick-picker, my preview is going to be short and sweet. well, it'll be sweet. but let me first start off by saying that i really like the knicks. not ironically like some people do because they seem like they're in a perpetual state of turmoil, i actually like them. they have good players, they're fun to watch, and joe screams about them so much that on numerous occasions he has started avalanches. it's disappointing to me that the knicks have become such a punching bag by fans and media alike. i guess such is the life in new york, where they are quick to build you and up and quick to take you down. but hopefully, people realize sooner rather than later that while they're complaining about perceived mismanagement and people not giving a care about these white people, they're missing out on watching a very deep and talented team. and if you still want something to complain about, how about how this is all still larry brown's fault.

looking over the knicks' roster, i'm hard pressed to find a glaring weakness. oh wait. i must have missed jerome james. and jared jeffries. but jerome james is likely to miss the entire season due to a knee injury which seriously jeopardizes jerome james' chances of missing the entire season due to coaches decision. either way, jerome james was not going to make a difference. if the knicks were a lego set, jerome james was one of those extra pieces they give you just in case you lost some of the other pieces. however, jared jeffries is another story. he was signed to be a factor defensively, however had anyone in the knicks consulted me first, i would have told them that "jared jeffries stinks and has never made a lay up in the nba. and he also isn't a good defender, you twit." but once again my insight was unused, and jared jeffries is a knick. hopefully, someone realizes that there is a laundry list of players who should see the floor before jeffries so he can be relegated to his rightful role of sitting on the bench laughing at the kiss cam on the jumbotron.

as i was saying, the knicks have many good players. despite their defensive deficiencies, eddy curry and zach randolph are two of the best post players in the league. accordingly, the knicks should run a play where they have both curry and zach on the same block, pass one of them the ball, and have them both back down a defender. it'd be like the "flying v" except backwards. and not from a movie suitable for children. stephon marbury is great though it doesn't seem like he's been accepted by knick fans as i would have expected. he's still very gifted and seems willing to accept a secondary role on the team. also his shoes cost $15. he could buy over a million pairs of his shoes this year with his salary. what other player could say that? jamal crawford is returning after suffering a stress fracture last year. he is an incredibly effective scorer, though not a particularly efficient one. and that's why i love him. nearly every shot he takes is ill advised. hopefully, after his basketball career comes to an end, jamal becomes a guidance counselor. advice i imagine he'd give: "the sats? don't bother, colleges don't even look at them!", "your gpa is only 3.9? my assists per game was higher than that!", "why would i write you a recommendation when i could pull up from downtown!!"

other than those four, the knicks are expecting significant contributions from nate robinson, quentin richardson, fred jones, david lee, and renaldo balkman. robinson and fred jones can handle the backup guard duties, and whether quentin richardson is starting or coming off the bench he's going to fire away from downtown. lee and balkman provide relentless energy no matter when they play. any team would like two sparkplugs like this off the bench, especially one who fights crime in his spare time like renaldo blankman. anyways, i think the knicks are likely going to surprise most people. but that's mainly by virtue of most people being very low on their chances. this roster looks like it should be good enough to grab up at least a 7th or 8th seed, but things always seem to happen to the knicks. so i'm not sure anything is guaranteed other than isaiah thomas grinning on the sidelines throughout the season.

Dhivy: The Knicks off-season was one of the more interesting among all NBA teams. It involved some questionable workplace relationships, elicit activities, and a large cash payment. And that was just to get Zach Randolph!

The lawsuit against head coach and grinning ninny Isiah Thomas overshadowed the team itself. Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry provide a formidable (fat) front line that will draw double teams on a regular basis. I’d feel better about this if they weren’t kicking out to the likes of Quentin Richardson (fat), but an open shot is an open shot. The Knicks have some serious youth in the form of David Lee, Randolph Morris, and Nate Robinson. While I’m not enamored with the prospects of the latter two, Lee has a chance to become a Dennis Rodman type rebounder, hopefully without becoming a Dennis Rodman type person. The Knicks most recent draft picks consist of Renaldo Balkman, Wilson Chandler, and Mardy Collins. I couldn’t tell you the difference between these three, except that Mardy Collins is a goon. While three members of the Knicks have won televised dunk contests, the only one who truly deserved it was Fred Jones. Perhaps he’s been around too long to be considered a breakout player, but I have to support anyone who looks so much like Big Boi from Outkast.

Stephon Marbury has been very good for a very long time and I don’t think he gets enough recognition. He’s also the only person I can think of named Stephon, so it’s likely that he has a transformation chamber that allows him to turn back into his nerdy counterpart, Steven Q. Marbree. There are only ten people in NBA history who have a better assists per game average and among those ten players, only Oscar Robertson has a higher scoring average. He’s still a fairly young player and has an outside chance at the Hall of Fame with some playoff success. On the other hand, his backcourt running mate is an absolute clown. A few weeks ago, Joe passionately argued that Jamal Crawford is just as good at Gilbert Arenas. This may come as a shock, but Joe had been drinking at the time. Crawford is a 40% shooter who has never averaged 18 points a game, while Arenas throws his jersey into the crowd after games and cheats at Halo 3. Now you tell me, who is the better basketball player?

Joe: Shandon Anderson, Michael Doleac, Howard Eisley, Maciej Lampe, Moochie Norris, Bruno Sundov, Mike Sweetney, Keith Van Horn, Charlie Ward, Clarence Weatherspoon and Frank Williams. These were the players, along with Allan Houston that Isiah Thomas inherited when he took over the Knicks in the middle of the 2003-2004 season. I dont really care who you are, when you get dealt a hand that bad and are given the job of turning the team over without any salary cap flexibility, what are you supposed to do? If it were me - I would start weeping because obviously someone has went out of the way to try and screw me. Not Zeke, through a series of trades (more good ones than bad ones in my opinion) and savvy drafting he has turned that roster into one that features a borderline hall of fame point guard (based on the numbers)in Stephon Marbury; the most unstoppable inside scorer in the league outside of Tim Duncan and Yao Ming in Eddy Curry ;a fringe All-Star in Zach Randolph; one of the best pure rebounders in the game in David Lee; a consciousless and unbelievably clutch combo guard in Jamal Crawford, a leader and shotmaker in Quentin Richardson and the next Gerald Wallace in Renaldo Balkman. Granted the Knicks are still well over the salary cap, but the roster is 100 times better. This team is loaded with talent and everywhere I look pundits are saying that the Knicks are not going to be a playoff team. I say pundits are lame.

In my quest to find out why everyone thinks my beloved Knicks are a bunch of losers, I came up with a number of prevailing reasons: I will try to debunk these reasonings.

Stephon Marbury has had a very interesting summer. Even I, one of the most ardent Stephon fans had to scratch my head in disbelief when I saw his rambling, bizarre interview on Mike'd Up. Whatever the deal is, Stephon seems to be in a very happy place right now, and I think that will translate to solid results on the basketball court. What I AM interested in is what he was doing before he became Born Again this summer. Steph admitted during the sexual harassment trial that two years ago he had sexual relations with a Knicks intern in the back of his truck after she was celebrating her birthday at a strip-club. According to the testimony, he asked her "are you going to get in the truck?" and she did - simple as that. What's the big deal? Seems like an awesome story to me. The New York media tried to make Stephon Marbury look like some kind of sleazebag, saying that he lured her into the truck. I took a drive through Manhattan in my Pathfinder and asked sexy ladies if they would like to get in the truck, and I didn't get a single yes, I'm guessing the "luring" part consists of having a nicer truck or a better job. The papers also unfairly presented the story in such a way that made her seem innocent and underage - she was a college senior.

Many are saying that it will be difficult for Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph to share the ball down low, this would be a valid point if Zach's game was similar to Curry's. Curry dominates the low post, while Zach Randolph was tailor made for the high post. Zach has a velvety smooth jumper from 19-20 feet out, he can put the ball on the floor and most of his "big man moves" originate from 12 feet from the basket. Eddy Curry is a different type of beast. I saw Eddy Curry take 3 jumpshots last year, two were from 10 feet out and I screamed at my TV till my head hurt. The other was a perfect three pointer at the buzzer in a late season game against the Milwaukee Bucks to send the game into overtime that also resulted in me screaming till my head hurt then calling everyone I knew to tell them it was the most unbelievable thing Ive ever seen. The bottom line is that Eddy Curry operates extremely well from 10 feet or less and doesn't stray away from that area except when he wants to flaunt his 3-point stroke once per season. The best thing about the pairing is that they both command a double team which puts all sorts of pressure on defenses - opening things up for each other and for Quentin, Jamal and Steph out on the perimeter.

Others say the team has too many interchangeable pieces. Oh Really? I think that is called depth, and it seems like its only a bad thing when people are talking about the Knicks. Nate Robinson has looked unbelievable this postseason. He is seeing the court much better and it seems like he is finally reigning in his phenomenal athleticism. Renaldo Balkman got the words, "Hustle Harder" tattooed down his calves. I cant even imagine how someone could hustle harder that Renaldo already does. After an already impressive rookie season, this year is when all of the people that criticized Isiah's decision to pick "The Predator" with the 23rd pick will eat some serious crow. And lastly David Lee is universally praised and yet even he isn't good enough to start on this team. The Knicks probably have the best second unit in the league, a group that brings a high voltage change of pace that is completely different from the Knicks bread-and-butter inside game.

The rest of the team is a functional mix of players including Mardy Collins, rookie Wilson Chandler, Fred Jones, Malik Rose, Jared Jefferies, and some guy named Jerome James... lets just pretend James isn't on the team, its better for everyone that way.


Achilles Heel:
  • Jared Jeffries (q)
  • Quentin Richardson (d)
  • Jared Jefferies (j)
Unsung Hero:
  • Renaldo Balkman (q)
  • Fred Jones (d)
  • Jamal Crawford (j)
Bold Prediction:
  • Spike Lee, fed up with the Knicks play of late, sells his season tickets. It isn't until it's too late that he realizes that he's been watching the New York Liberty play. (q)
  • Tragedy strikes the Knicks when Nate Robinson is captured by Azrael and Gargamel uses him for a magic potion to make gold. (d)
  • The Knicks drop the appeal of the Anucha Brown Sanders verdict and decide to pay her double the 11.6 million dollar figure if she agrees to replace Jerome James on the roster. (j)

Favorite Moment:

  • In a tie game against the Nuggets with 28 seconds left, Jamal Crawford dribbles out the shot clock. With nine seconds to go, he gets caught in the air and his pass is easily picked off. With several Nuggets down the court, Najera attempts to pass it down for the winning points. Crawford swats the pass, grabs the ball, and with plenty of time for a closer shot, he shoots and makes a desperation three. (q)
  • David Lee goes 14 for 14 from the field in the Rookie-Sophomore game. (d)
  • In a tie game at Denver Jamal Crawford begins a wild sequence by throwing an errant pass directly to a defender, stealing the outlet pass, and launching a three-pointer while falling to give the Knicks the lead with less than four seconds left. Gus Johnson, calling the game, flipped his lid. (j)

Friday, October 26, 2007

Season Preview: New Orleans Hornets

Joe: I knew there was something special about Chris Paul from the moment he punched Julius Hodge in the nuts in a NC State/Wake Forest game. It proved to me that Chris Paul will do whatever he needs to do in order to give his team an advantage, including swift equalizers to the groin. It is this mindset that has made him a savior of sorts in New Orleans. Paul's injury-marred season was the only thing that kept the Hornets from a playoff berth last year. This year with Paul healthy, he will be able to take full advantage of the talent that has slowly been building around him. Tyson Chandler sets a very nice defensive tempo in the middle and the 7-footer who has always been teeming with talent has become an automatic double-double. Chandler is joined down low by David West, a very underrated forward who knocks down open shots and also cleans up around the glass with the best of them. Joining Paul in the backcourt is Bobby Jackson, a volatile scorer that can fill it up on any given night and is a willing defender. Peja Stojakovic was supposed to give the team a more consistent source of outside scoring than Jackson, however those plans were thwarted when the one-dimensional sharp-shooter was forced to have season-ending back-surgery. The pick up of Morris Peterson in the off-season should give the Hornets some insurance in case Peja's balky back flares up again. Having all these players healthy together should produce some very positive returns in the win column. If the injury bug bites again it will force some inexperienced players into heavy minutes. Hilton Armstrong is raw and still rail thin, but he has the same skill-set as Chandler and should fill in nicely if the big-man is sidelined for any reason. Julian Wright seemed like an NBA-ready star in Kansas and should be David West "lite" in his rookie season. if the moons align correctly this team could sneak into the 8th playoff spot in the West, and anyone looking to stop Chris Paul from reaching his postseason goal should invest in a cup.

Dhivy: The New Orleans Hornets were besieged with injuries last year and never lived up to the potential of their roster. They have so many quality big men that Byron Scott could give the team math puzzles asking how many permutations of forwards and centers the Hornets could play. While this might improve their team’s average SATs, it would probably hinder their development as basketball players. Tyson Chandler was an absolute menace last year and spending time watching Team USA blow foreigners out of the water will surely help his game. If he develops his offensive skills, he could have an impact similar to Dwight Howard’s. Hilton Armstrong and Melvin Ely are unspectacular, but serviceable backups. At power forward, they have the hard-nosed David West and the ultra-athletic Julian Wright from Kansas. I’m assuming they’ll find a way to meld these players together and create the best power forward of all-time, Juliavid Wrightest. Their smalls are injury risks, but Mo Pete and David Schwimmer are great shooters who can create lanes for their guards to penetrate.

The one injury the Hornets could not survive last year was Chris Paul, who has become the heart of this team. I’m very biased toward Paul, ever since he scored 61 points in a high school game to honor his grandfather (who was beaten to death in a robbery at the age of 61). Paul’s final points came on a driving layup on which he was fouled. He air balled the free throw on purpose and walked off the court in tears. It was a great moment. Before this turns into an episode of “Outside the Lines”, I’ll mention that he also once punched Julius Hodge in the nuts during a game. That too was a great moment.

Two under the radar players on this team are Bobby Jackson and Rasual Butler. Jackson has long been one of the great sixth men in the league and is the perfect backup for Paul. His high energy style of play leaves him injury prone, but his skill and desire can’t be denied. I’ve been a fan of Butler's ever since his days with the Miami Heat. His length and quickness make him a good defender, and he’s shown the ability to score from inside and out. If the Hornet’s bench is as much of a boon as I expect, it will be because the Butler did it.

Quang: for the last two years, i've been fairly surprised that the hornets have stayed in the western conference playoff race so late into each season. interestingly, their newfound competitiveness
coincides with chris paul's arrival in the big easy. but we all know that correlation does not imply causation so before we anointed chris paul the hornet's unquestioned savior, i wanted to examine a little deeper. after spending a number of hours poring over the evidence and number crunching, i was able to arrive at a statistically significant conclusion. so according to my research, i've determined that my null hypothesis that "chris paul is not the hornet's unquestioned savior" can be rejected and instead
the alternative hypothesis that "chris paul is real, real awesome" is true. it's good to finally put that issue to bed using statistics. john hollinger would be proud. of chris paul.

as for the upcoming season, this is the most i've liked a hornets team since the alonzo mourning and larry johnson days. and this is even with players i don't much care for like peja stojakovic, a regrettable free agent signing, and jannero pargo, a regrettable person. tyson chandler, in his first season out of chicago, had career numbers. he's a very active defender, but offensively he's still trying to learn to score on plays other than alley-oops and put backs. if this year is tyson's first averaging double figures in scoring, the hornets would obviously be even more dangerous. david west is the team's incumbent starting power forward and somehow has become the hornets' top scorer. the bench consists of bobby jackson, rasual butler, and hilton armstrong all of whom would provide good depth on any team. the hornets only noteworthy free agent addition was signing morris peterson. mo pete is a solid player who for whatever reason saw his minutes drop dramatically last year after a breakthrough season. he'll provide the scoring punch that desmond mason did not a year before. he'll also provide the herpes that desmond mason did not a year before. and finally, julian wright, the hornets' first round draft pick, was one of the more versatile players in the draft and at 22 is a key to the hornets' future success. like most rookies, there are questions about how soon he can contribute, but i think a player with his diverse skill set can carve out a spot in the rotation almost immediately. and if not, he can blame it on the time he went up for an uncontested breakaway dunk and fumbled the ball out of bounds.

last year, the hornets erroneously thought they were only a few pieces away from serious contention and made puzzling transactions as such. this year, they've restocked a little and even after giving away jr smith, kirk snyder, and cedric simmons, they appear better built for the future than before. but regarding this year, there are two
main obstacles between the hornets and the playoffs. one, their division is stacked. the spurs, mavericks, and rockets are all undoubtedly better and the grizzlies have rudy gay, who once dunked from half court and then ate an entire pizza after the game. anyways, making the playoffs as the fourth best team in your division is a pretty daunting challenge.
especially considering their second largest obstacle, being a poor offensive team. for a team with chris paul, they play very slow which makes each possession that much more important. who takes the last shot for the hornets? who takes the rest of the shots? david west may be their leading scorer but i have trouble believing he's their first option. is peja stojakovic the answer? he's an accurate shooter, but is he good enough to carry an offense and justify his fat contract? or will he just continue cashing in checks from the hornets and his tremendously popular syndicated tv show? maybe with a multi-talented point guard like chris paul, having a top flight scorer isn't of utmost important since we ultimately know he's going to be the one decided where the best shot comes from on each play. regardless, like the previous two seasons, the hornets will be competitive throughout the year. but come playoff time, i think new orleans will be on the outside looking in, resulting in numerous reports from other teams of a peeping tom roaming around the premises.

Achilles Heel:
  • Peja Stojakovic (j)
  • Jannero Pargo (d)
  • David Wesley (q)
Unsung Hero:

  • Hilton Armstrong (j)
  • Rasual Butler (d)
  • Julian Wright (q)
Bold Prediction:

  • Due to a mixup by a Hornets equipment manager, Bobby Jackson doesn't have access to his trademark knee-high socks. His teammates all laugh at his puny calves. (j)
  • Mevin Ely’s cornrows and goatee fuse together and it becomes impossible to tell which end of his head his hair is growing from. (d)
  • Chris Anderson is reinstated by the league and returns to the Hornets after a two year suspension. Before his first game, he tells his teammates, "it's time for Birdman to fly" and somehow climbs onto the jumbotron. The game is delayed because as Anderson explains, "Birdman just dropped acid and Birdman is tripping balls." (q)
Favorite Moment:

  • Chris Paul throws a wicked one-hander down on Dwight Howard and seems to mouth "I'm God" while staring him down after the play...It could have been "And One" but "I'm God" would have been so much cooler. (j)
  • When Ryan Bowen (who was with the Rockets and is white) played the Spurs, Ryan and Bruce Bowen would joke that they were brothers. (d)
  • Dwight Howard is late on a screen and Chris Paul blows by him and throws down the most surprising dunk of the year over a trailing Dwight. (q)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Season Preview: New Jersey Nets

Joe: There are only three things I like about the state of New Jersey:
1. It's illegal to pump your own gas - every gas station is full service so you always feel like royalty when you stop at a gas station.
2. Atlantic City - the closest thing to Las Vegas on the eastern seaboard.
3. Being able to watch Jason Kidd play point guard.

It's rather annoying that Steve Nash is considered the best point guard playing the game right now. The last time i checked there are two equal aspects to a basketball game, and although an argument can be made as to which one of these players - Kid or Nash - runs a basketball team better, there is nothing even remotely redeeming about Steve Nash's defense especially when comparing it to the lock down defense played nightly by Kidd. Factor in rebounding and Jason Kidd is easily the best point-guard still playing the game.

Even with the brilliance of Kidd, I don't see the Nets being much better than they have been the past couple of years. This means they will be good enough to make the playoffs, but are not deep or even relevant enough down low to make any real noise in the postseason. Many say that the injury to Nenad Krstic was a huge blow to the team, I don't think so at all, Krstic plays little to no defense is not enough of a rebounder and plays too far away from the basket to be considered a real post presence. As much as i hate to say this - Mikki Moore was extremely instrumental in the limited success of the Nets, and all Krstic's injury did was open up an opportunity for Moore to show his worth. There is no questioning the quality of the Nets backcourt as Kidd is joined by a productive albeit less motivated Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson who has made strides to become a much more consistent offensive force than he was touted to be coming out of Arizona. Even the Nets backups for the wing positions, Bostjan Nachbar and Antoine Wright are very capable. If they are able to make some roster moves or a young player or two were to blossom within the frontcourt, we could have a very difficult team to match up against, but as long as the Nets have Jason Collins occupying a starting roster spot, Jason Kidd's greatness will be wasted.

Dhivy: The New Jersey Netropolitans have been a consistent playoff team in the East, due in large part to the presence of Jason Kidd. And while I think Vince Carter is a pansy and Richard Jefferson is a fairy, they’re excellent finishers who compliment Kidd well. While it seems that this team is in prime position to challenge for the East, you have to factor in one key piece of information: Vince Carter signed a new contract this off-season. This is a player who has a history of letting his physical gifts go to waste. What incentive does Vince have now to put his head down and attack a defense? Of course, if you are a fan of off-balance threes and half-hearted defense, the Nets are the team for you.

As with every team ever that has ever played basketball ever, I’m looking forward to seeing how the Nets’ young players develop. I was disappointed that Kidd was not traded to the Lakers last year, because it would have opened a starting spot for Marcus Williams. Marcus was one of my favorite college basketball players because he has such great court vision and awareness. An apprenticeship behind Kidd is a great advantage and with Jason getting older, I think the gap between the two will be smaller than people think. When he wasn’t buying drugs, taking drugs or being arrested for buying and taking drugs, Sean Williams was the nation’s top shot-blocker at BC. He and Josh Boone create problems for the opposition’s penetration, as they are both proficient at turning shots away. They should expect to see more playing time once Lawrence
Frank realizes he’s accidentally been playing Jason Collins this whole time.

The biggest unknown with the Nets is the return of Nenad Krstic. Before his injury he was a rising star in the league, and he’ll need to regain form quickly if the Nets want to vie for a conference title. As an insurance policy, they signed Jamaal Magloire in the off-season. They tried to rescind their offer when they remembered that it wasn’t 2003, but David Stern has a policy against do-overs. For whatever reason, the Nets are a team I don’t like to watch. Here’s hoping Vince Carter submarines their chances this year and he’s forced to join a traveling carnival, in which he jumps over Frederic Weis for nickels.

Quang: for the past few years, the nets have seemed to fall short of expectations. they have an all world point guard, an incredibly gifted shooting guard, one of the best third options in the league, and an adorable coach. this core has been together for about two and a half years and all they have to show for it is two losses in the eastern conference semifinals, one loss in the first round, and a "this core has been together for about two and a half years and all i got was this lousy t-shirt" t-shirt. if i were skip bayless, i'd call them the new jersey nots and sit across jay crawford with a smug grin on my face as if coming up with clever names was some sort of substitute for intelligent discussion. but, as you can tell from my haircut, i'm no skip bayless.

the biggest problem the nets have faced in the past has been a shallow talent on a short bench. here are some of the nets top reserves over the past few years: travis best, rodney buford, jacque vaughn, brian scalabrine, scott padgett, clifford robinson, lamon murray, zoran planinic, and bostjan nachbar. on any other team, this would be a list of players who only played when the score was lopsided. yet on the nets, this is a list of players who played significant minutes when the score was sided. this is without even mentioning their starting center for the past three years, jason collins. everytime i see jason collins he always has the same expression on his face. his mouth is slightly agape and he looks very pained. ironically, this is probably how most nets fans look whenever they look at jason collins. jason collins is terrible. in the 231 games he's played over the last three years, he's started 228. in these games, he's played 6280 minutes and scored 935 points. jason collins hasn't recorded a double-double in over two and half years. he had one single-double last year. i don't care at all how well you play defensively, but if fetuses have grown into babies who have learned to walk and talk since the last time your team's starting center has collected 10 rebounds and scored 10 points in the same game, it's time to cut him loose.

if jason collins is ever relieved of his starting job, i think the nets could be anywhere from decent to good. however, if the nets would rather jamaal magloire come off the bench, this range of success plummets down to lottery team to so bad that the nets players fake their own deaths to get out of their contracts. coming into this season, this is one of the nets' deeper teams, though there is still a lot left to be desired. marcus williams was a steal late in the first round and his uconn teammate josh boone is a serviceable player. nenad krstic is quietly becoming a solid starter and bostjan nachbar was surpringsly not miserable last year. also, they drafted one of my favorite college players last year, sean williams. the playoffs are likely for this team, but far from a certainty. and unless jason collins finds a pair of michael jordan's old shoes, i expect the nets will battle inconsistency for most of the season and eventually flame out in the first round of the playoffs.

Achilles Heel
  • Jason Collins (j)
  • Vince Carter (d)
  • Jason Collins (q)
Unsung Hero
  • Bostjan Nachbar (j)
  • Josh Boone (d)
  • Josh Boone (q)

Bold Prediction

  • Jason Kidd needs 1 more assist in the final game of the regular season to average a quadruple double, Jason Collins fumbles the perfect pass out of bounds with 5 seconds left. (j)
  • Marcus Williams leads the league with 3.1 steals per game. However, only 2.2 of these steals are of basketballs, the remainder consists of laptops. (d)
  • After a fifteen game losing streak to begin the season, part owner Jay-Z inserts himself into the starting lineup. The Nets finish the season on a 5-62 run. "It was worth a try," Jay-Z tells Vince Carter. "No it wasn't," Vince replies. (q)

Favorite Memory

  • Jason Kidd and Vince Carter both get a triple double in the same game against Washington. (j)
  • Hearing Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter give post-game interviews with the wimpiest sounding voices imaginable. (d)
  • Bostjan Nachbar posterizing Samuel Dalembert. Historians claim it is the weirdest poster ever. (q)

Season Preview: Minnesota Timberwolves

dhivy: At the time of this writing, there is a rumor floating around that the Minnesota Timberwolves have traded Mark Blount and Ricky Davis for Michael Doleac, Wayne Simien and Antoine Walker. There is also a rumor that Trang Pak is a grotsky little biotch and Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin. FYI, the first suggestion spell check gave me for ‘biotch’ was “biotech”. I found this hilarious. This trade amounts to one team’s headache for another team’s headache. Davis staying with the Wolves would hinder the development of some of the younger players. Walker, on the other hand, can assume a position as a role player and facilitate the youth movement in Minnesota. While it doesn’t help Minnesota win right away, they’d probably be better off without Ricky Davis. Of course, there are very few things that wouldn’t be better off without Ricky Davis. The only exception that comes to mind is Skip Bayless, because no Ricky Davis means he’d have one less person to scream about.

The rebuilding began with Kevin Garnett finally being traded. Why they accepted an offer from the Celtics that was worse than an offer the Celtics made a month earlier remains to be seen. Regardless, Kevin G’s departure leaves a roster with a lot of untapped potential, youthful athleticism, and Mark Madsen’s dancing. Al Jefferson has been proclaimed the focus of this offense and while he’s a promising athlete, I question whether he can actually handle the burden of leading a team. I’m much more excited about the prospects of Randy Foye and Corey Brewer. Foye is a fearless penetrator and a natural leader on the court. Brewer was a jack-of-all-trades at Florida and has a chance to excel in the open court. Chris Richard would have been a star at any college program other than Florida, and was a steal in the second round. Dunk contest champion Gerald Green is more athlete than basketball player, but if they draw up a play where someone needs to jump over a table for a dunk, Green would be the most likely recipient. And if given the opportunity, I see Rashad McCants as the breakout player on the Timberwolves. A lot of the things he does remind me of Latrell Sprewell. For example, this off-season alone, McCants choked PJ Carlesimo and strangled a woman he was having sex with on his yacht. At this rate, he’ll soon claim he can’t feed his children on a multi-million dollar salary.

quang: the timberwolves finally traded kevin garnett this summer after mismanaging his talents for the last few seasons. but luckily for minnesota fans, another superstar has come to town to help them forget about the big ticket. his name is adrian peterson and he plays football for the minnesota vikings. but timberwolves season ticket holders shouldn't feel too bad because one, the wolves have a stable full of young, promising talent and two, if adrian peterson played for the wolves, he'd probably just foul out of every game after collecting six charges within the first three minutes anyways. not really the production you're looking for from a starting power forward. but like it or not, a new era of timberwolves basketball is upon us and we have no choice but to grin and bear it. well, i have a choice, because i don't really care about the minnesota timberwolves. but you don't.

as if the team wasn't unstable enough, minnesota recently completed a trade that sent ricky davis and mark blount to the heat for antoine walker, michael doleac, and wayne simien. this is a move that all but ensures the wolves will make an absolute killing on their media guide sales as it brings the total of new faces on the team to an even and unlucky 13. consider that mark madsen has now become the longest tenured timberwolf and with four years of service, he has been on the team twice as long as the next most veteran players, rashad mccants and marko jaric. what insight could mark madsen possibly have? "uh, have you tried trying as hard as possible? that seems to work for me." other than shooting, dunking, passing, defense, and cool sneakers, chemistry is the most important thing in basketball. so unless juwan howard is a whiz with the bunsen burners and ryan gomes owns a lot of lab coats, i expect the timberwolves will struggle mightily this year.

there is hope in the horizon though. al jefferson, the centerpiece of the garnett trade, at 22 is already halfway towards becoming a very potent weapon in the post. randy foye came into his rookie season as a candidate for rookie of the year and was compared favorably to dwyane wade. this year, he'll be given every opportunity to deliver on that promise. rashad mccants was microfractured last year, but is a deadly shooter and hasn't been the off the court problem that many predicted. corey brewer is already the wolves' best defender and could become an excellent complimentary player for this team. and gerald green is still trying to prove that he's more than an athlete, and at 21 he has a lot of time to present his case. if two of these players develop into certified stars, the wolves will be in good shape. even their bench is filled to the brim. craig smith is one of the strongest players in the league and is the team's resident bully, ryan gomes is just a player (translation: he's not athletic, but he hustles), and sebastian telfair was overhyped but isn't washed up yet. the biggest question to me is who is the team's leader? most of the veterans aren't good enough to demand attention and the young players haven't proven enough to take the lead. juwan howard? theo ratliff? greg buckner? are these wings that any of the young wolves would like to be taken under? hopefully someone like randy foye can assume a leadership role so we avoid situations where juwan howard tells someone else what to do. in fact, i can't think of anything i'd like the wolves to do more this season than constantly call juwan howard, "rook" and tell him things like "welcome to the league, rook" or "rooks in the back, rook." anyways, assuming they don't try to sign joe smith again, the wolves are all but guaranteed a lottery pick this year. but i think they'll be better than most people expect and i'd even venture a guess that with the addition of antoine walker, the timberwolves will not miss kevin garnett at all. and if you don't believe that how about "with the addition of antoine walker, i am given another chance to include strange pictures of antoine walker".

joe: Many are saying that this team without Garnett will be a shoe-in for worst record in the NBA. While I am not saying that they are going to be even close to a competitor, it wont surprise me if this team could scratch out 30 wins, which definitely wouldn't put them in contention for worst in the league. Al Jefferson seems like he will be the real deal, hes aggressive down low and already has an assortment of post moves. The front line is further bolstered by Ryan Gomes and Crag Smith, both effort filled bangers that should give the Timberwolves some toughness down low. Randy Foye seemed like a capable NBA starter last year, and although it seems as though the coaching staff feels as though he will fit at point guard, I believe that Sebastian Telfair would be a better fit as early reports from preseason indicate that he has rededicated himself to basketball and is no longer trying to smuggle his "girlfriend's" gun onto the team plane or sending out hits on rappers in New York City clubs. For the sake of full-disclosure you must realize that I am irreversibly programmed to give any basketball player from the Marbury/Telfair/Thomas (Jamel), the benefit of the doubt. Telfair running the point position will allow the Wolves to play Randy Foye at the two, since I don't believe that Gerald Green is yet capable of being an NBA starter. Obviously I am happy about the trade today that sent Antoine Walker to Minnesota, my feelings about Walker were documented in the preview for the Heat. Walker could provide a more positive veteran presence to the team as a whole, but don't be surprised if Ryan Gomes and Al Jefferson add the three pointer from the hash-mark to their budding repertoires. I'm not sure if you get a ring for winning a National Championship but at the very least Corey Brewer, Rashad McCants and Chris Richard have five pieces of championship net between them so at least you know they have a winning mentality which is important for a young team.

Achilles Heel:

  • Sebastian Telfair(d)
  • Marko Jaric (q)
  • Gerald Green (j)
Unsung Hero:
  • Rashad McCants(d)
  • Craig Smith (q)
  • Corey Brewer (j)

Bold Prediction:

  • The Timberwolves have a chance to beat the Clippers but Greg Buckner lets a loose ball go through his legs. Brevin Knight picks it up and scores the game-winner. (d)
  • With a 2008 salary of nearly $12 million, Theo Ratliff is the team's most well paid player. As such and in order to build team unity, he treats the team to a few games of cosmic bowling. On Jupiter. (q)
  • Sebastian Telfair is embarrassed when he once again takes his girlfriend's pillowcase on the team flight - apparently not only is she a gun enthusiast but also a frequent visitor to adult specialty shops. (j)

Favorite Moment:

  • Any time Kevin McHale was shown wearing a sweater he bought in 1987. He’s such a biotech. (d)
  • Hakim Warrick dunking on Mark Blount so violently that Mark Blount tried to change his name to Hakim Warrick. (q)
  • Kevin Garnett probably gave an impassioned speech to his teammates about how things will be different next year... he was sooooo right. (j)

Season Preview: Milwaukee Bucks

Joe: Every year Milwaukee seems to be better than I though they would be before the season started. This is mostly because every year I look at their roster and who they decide to spend money on and I cant fathom that they would win more than 15 games. This year its the same, outside of Michael Redd, there is nobody on the team that i even have complementary words for. Andrew Bogut showed some signs that he was worthy of a number one pick a couple years ago, but he is still raw, and he hates Americans and made some borderline racist comments, so I honestly hope he develops a condition that requires microfracture surgery and the only surgeon available is the one who did Penny Hardaway's. Mo Williams is a capable point guard who flourished while Redd was injured last season, but plays somewhat passively when the sharp shooting lefty is on the court with him. The only other player of consequence (for this season) is Bobby Simmons who missed all of last year and will need to work his way back into the swing of things. I'm a bit cautious of considering the Chinese sensation Yi an impact player this year especially considering the steep learning curve of his older and taller counterpart Yao - as far as I'm concerned he wont be a factor. With that said, I fully anticipate being in awe as the Bucks hang around the outskirts of the Eastern Conference playoff picture yet again.

Dhivy: The pre-season hype surrounding the Buckaroos was centered around the acquisition of Yi Jianlian. I use the word ‘hype’ loosely since no one is ever excited about the Bucks’ prospects, and because Yi is teh lame. The Chinese government tried their best to send him to a major media market, but Milwaukee called their bluff and drafted him anyway. After some posturing by both sides, Yi was allowed to sign with the Bucks. There are many rumors of what took place behind the scenes, ranging from the Bucks promising Yi 20-25 minutes per game, to David Stern forcing the Chinese government to acquiesce, to MTV offering Yi a role on the train wreck that is “A Shot at Love”.

While Yi isn’t expected to have an instant impact, he does join a quality list of big men in Milwaukee. Andrew Bogut has developed toughness he didn’t have in college and has a chance to be a 15/10 guy. He is backed up by Dan Gadzuric, who surprised me by turning out to not be 45 years old. The position battle between Yi and Charlie Villanueva is what intrigues me most about this team. Villaneuva is definitely the “smooth”er player and is less likely to find himself in a “hairy” situation or to “shave” points. The Bucks hope none of these players gets hurt because it would require them to go to Michael Ruffin, who they signed from the Wizards. He is best known for his ability to have big muscles and not do anything of value on a basketball court. My most cherished memory of Ruffin was when he threw the ball straight up in the air with a three point lead and five seconds left on the clock. Morris Peterson calmly caught the ball and nailed a three to send the game to overtime, which the Wizards went on to lose. Which proves the old adage, “Michael Ruffin can’t even throw a basketball correctly, what a loser.”

The Bucks offense revolves around Michael Redd and he has become one of the great scorers in the league. Some would argue that his game is one-dimensional, but they are just jealous because their game is zero-dimensional. The Bucks boast three athletic swingmen in Bobby Simmons, Desmond Mason, and David Noel. However, their athleticism far outpace their skills and the Bucks will struggle to find consistency among them. Maurice Williams and Charlie Bell share the point guard responsibility, but Ramon Sessions from Nevada may push them for playing time. Maybe it’s just my infatuation with rookies, but I like Sessions’ tenacity and feel he can contribute on a young team. In the end, the Bucks are in the unenviable position of having a top-flight talent surrounded by sheer mediocrity. Don’t expect this team to challenge for a playoff spot.

Well, I guess if you really want to expect it, go ahead. Just don’t tell your mother.

Quang: let me start off by that i'm not a racist. some of my best friends are asian. just yesterday i went to pf changs! then when i picked up my dry cleaning, i told the asian employee how articulate he was. so clearly, i am the furthest thing from a racist. i even have siblings who are asian. nearly my entire family is asian! how could i be racist?! now that that's clear, i think yi jianlian is going to be a tremendous flop. not because i think asians aren't good at basketball, but because yi jianlian isn't good at basketball. and for some reason china has babied him around so much that his main predraft workout was played against lawn chairs and garden gnomes. then they tried to force yi into a market with more asian people, like los angeles or chicago or the bay area or china. refusing to play for a team because they stink is one thing, refusing to play for a team because there aren't enough people cheering for you who look like you do is quite another. where does it end? when yi buys pants, does he only allow asian people to help him? can only asian firemen save yi's cats from trees? does yi only employ asian chimney sweeps? i definitely understand the desire to feel comfortable and to have people who can relate to you, but guess what, yi? you are a 7 foot tall asian millionaire. no one relates to you. if that weren't enough, apparently, yi jianlian is mandarin for "danny almonte" because there have been persistent rumors that his listed birth date was falsified to allow him to play in junior competitions. though he claims to be born in 1987, which would make him a precocious, young prospect, it has been alleged he was born anywhere from 1981 and 1984, which instead would make him lying, old man. there's a big difference between being a mediocre player at 19 and being a mediocre player at 26. but maybe i should be more open-minded. i'll admit that at times during summer league he did show glimpses of his potential. of course at other times he showed glimpses of getting crapped on by rudy gay.

as for those bucks who don't care that no asians show up to their games, i think they have a fair number of good players on their team. the problem though is that they don't have enough great players. michael redd is their primary star. he has increased his scoring averaged every year he's been in the league. i think seven years indicates a trend, therefore he will likely continue this improvement forever and by the time michael redd becomes a senior citizen, he'll torch these young whippersnappers to the tune of 158.6 points per game. next on the bucks' totem pole is mo williams, who flirted with miami only to re-sign with the bucks. what a skank. he's only 24 and is likely to get the bucks' their money's worth throughout the duration of the contract. after this i see a lot of questions marks. charlie villenueva followed up a surprisingly good rookie season with a stinker and missed over half of the season. andrew bogut is a solid center and an excellent passer, but whether he can develop into the dominant player that most 1st overall picks are expected to become is a little unclear. the other players who will see substantial time in the rotation are desmond mason, charlie bell, and bobby simmons. i'd be more comfortable with these players if they played a less prominent role on the team, or in charlie bell's case, if they even wanted to play for the team.

other than david noel, who i hope plays more minutes only because i like him, the rest of the team seems pretty weak to me. if i were a bucks fan, dan gadzooksric, michael ruffin, royal ivey, awvee storey, jake voskuhl, and ramon sessions are not names that would instill any confidence in me. and i say this as huge michael ruffin and royal ivey fans. but unless this situation is addressed, the bucks will struggle to secure a playoff spot. thankfully though, i have a solution. sign prince fielder. he's already one of milwaukee's beloved players, and he hits homers. how many homers did andrew bogut hit this year? oh that's right, zero homers. in fact, just sign the entire brewers' team. imagine trotting out a starting lineup of prince, rickie weeks, corey hart, ryan braun, and jj hardy with bill hall coming off the bench. now after they finish the season 0-82, imagine how bad they'd kill the other nba teams in the annual company softball league. but since i'm not running the bucks, it looks like they're content on opening the season with their current roster. and as it stands now, it doesn't look like they have the talent to stay in a duck hunt let alone a playoff hunt.

Achilles Heel

  • Dan Gadzuric (j)
  • Desmond Mason (d)
  • Dan Gadzuric (q)

Unsung Hero

  • Charlie Bell (j)
  • Ramon Sessions (d)
  • Bobby Simmons (q)

Bold Prediction

  • Andrew Bogut gets caught with a small arsenal of weapons in his car, blames it on the NBA lifestyle. (j)
  • Yi Jianlian’s daughter will be kidnapped and he will have to rely on an inspector from China teaming up with a fast-talking black cop to get her back. (d)
  • Michael Ruffin demands to be traded to a team that is in a market with a larger community of people of his race. The Bucks trade Michael Ruffin to the movie Mars Attacks. (q)

Favorite Moment

  • Andrew Bogut gets dunked on by Andre Igudola in a game against the Sixers (j)
  • I don’t know if this qualifies, but while in the D-League, Awvee Storey punched a teammate in the head and gave him a concussion. (d)
  • In a game against the Jazz, Michael Redd scores 57 points, 25 of which in the fourth quarter. (q)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Season Preview: Miami Heat

Quang: What a difference two years can make. it seemed like only yesterday dwyane wade and shaq fell behind 0-2 to the favored mavericks in the nba finals only to lead the heat back with four straight wins, clinching the championship. during their victory parade, dwyane wade was heralded as the league's best player, shaq promised to win the nba finals again next year, and pat riley had assumed the mark madsen role of weird dancer on championship team. well more than a year later, dwyane wade is coming back from several injuries that hurt bad enough that he cried, shaq is apparently a liar, and the only dancing pat riley does is dance dance revolution at the local arcade, or more likely, he's not dancing at all. what happened? well miami's "15 strong" played like "15 wrong". shaq and dwyane combined for a toal of 91 games and the rest of the team was so bad, that chris quinn was once asked to start a game. a basketball game! the heat managed to cobble together a decent run after falling a season-high six games under .500. they finished the year on a 25-13 run, especially impressive considering dwyane wade missed 23 games during that stretch.


the heat enter this season hoping to atone for a humiliating first round sweep by the no name chicago bulls. dwyane wade will not be ready for the beginning of the season, but since the heat went 16-7 in games he missed due to his shoulder injury, perhaps they don't need him. that is of course ridiculous. wade is by far their most important player and if he misses more than month, the heat could be in trouble. shaq's still a handful, but his status as league's most dominant is about to be revoked. can he still carry a team if he plays less than half an hour of basketball a night? and who does miami call on beyond these two? udonis haslem is their next best player, but he's an ideal complimentary player and if he were to scream "i demand double teams!" he would be mostly ignored. alonzo mourning is still playing well but the heat need offense more than they need defense and someone who gets dunked on because he tries to block every shot. jason williams is supposedly healthy. though he's not much better than average at this point, he is good enough to limit smush parker's mintues. backing those two up is chris quinn, who i can't believe has played 408 nba minutes while chris thomas, his superior teammate from notre dame, has played zero.

other than wade's injury status, the other thing i'm interested in seeing is how the few young heat players play. miami drafted daequan cook in the first round. he's a potent scorer who parlayed a season playing with oden and junior conley into a guaranteed nba contract. he might not contribute much to this veteran team this year, but he could become a good option behind wade in the future. the most talked abou
t miami youth is dorell wright. he's immensely talented and wildly athletic, but this appears to be his last stand. he needs to prove that he's more than just promise or he'll be searching for a new team come summer. i'm hopeful he can learn a few things from penny hardaway, like how to be as incredible as he used to be and how to get great shoes as he used to wear and how to get a lil dorell like he used to have. it's not out of the realm of possibility that he can become the scottie pippen to wade's michael jordan. though i think the heat would be pleased if he just becomes the walt williams to wade's mitch richmond. of course then they'd be displeased that dwyane wade had slightly regressed, but one problem at a time.

an interesting recent development regarding the heat involves speculation about a ricky davis and mark blount for antoine walker and friends trade. i don't like this trade for several reasons, but primarily because dorell wright was all but guaranteed a starting spot coming into the season. personally, i'd rather take my chances with dorell wright and antoine walker, but i've never met pat riley and i sir, am no pat riley. on the outside, this trade is mainly due to antoine walker failing to meet pat riley's conditioning standards. unlike other contributors to this site, i'm not an antoine walker apologist. but let's not forget that the man was robbed at gunpoint in his own house very recently. if i was robbed at gunpoint in my own house, i wouldn't be in shape for work either. but that doesn't mean i wouldn't be able to go to work and do my job effectively and fire away threes from midcourt. so let's cut antoine some slack before we start trading him for headcases. anyways overall, i think the heat are still a playoff team, though how well they finish is going to be determined by dwyane wade. depending on his health, the heat could finish as high as the third seed and as low as the seventh seed.

Joe: If I was 6'9, and averaged 18 points, 8 boards and 4 assists and also provided the added bonus of shooting 33% from three point land across an 11 year NBA career, I would have very few detractors, everyone would say that I had a solid career and probably an All-Star level player. But if I were to tell you the same thing and add that my name is Antoine Walker peoples reactions toward me would change quicker than I could launch a three and do a shimmy-shake. Now that I think about it, I think I'm the only person in the world that thinks Antoine Walker is a good player. The man has one of the most complete inside, outside games I've seen from a player 6'8 or above in the past decade, and while he does get shot happy sometimes the bottom line is shooting threes is fun - and everybody always wants to see NBA players "have fun out there" right?

Just like my opinions are off the beaten path with Employee Number 8, I am also of the opinion that the Miami Heat are definitely not washed up yet. Seems like everyone has forgotten what Dwayne Wade is capable of when healthy. This term thats going around "The NEW NBA" was coined because of how difficult Dwayne Wade is to guard. When you couple Wade's leadership and ability with the old gray-beards down low and the still impressive crop of role player that the Heat have collected over the years and this is still one of the most dangerous teams in basketball. Pat Riley is going to expect alot from his young flourishing swing-man Dorell Wright who at this point will be the only other source of consistent perimeter scoring besides Wade. A real area of concern for the coach is point guard play. While Jason Williams has been serviceable, he provides little in the way of defense and has suffered from nagging injuries in the past couple of years. While fresh legs have been bough on board in the form of Smush Parker, aside from hitting the occasional three, he brings little to nothing in the form of court awareness on either side of the ball. If Pat Riley could get Shaq, Alonzo and Walker motivated for one last run at the championship, then outsource all the real work to Wade we will have a serious contender on our hands.

Dhivy: The hopes of the Miami Heat were dashed last year when Dwyane Wayne separated his shoulder on a seemingly harmless play. To mask the tears, the normally stoic Wayne was forced to flip down his shades. I have to take most of the responsibility for this, as I bought his jersey before the season started. Previous jerseys I’ve bought include Grant Hill and Ken Griffey Jr., two Hall of Fame players whose careers were derailed by injuries. I thought Dwyane was good enough to avoid me jinxing him, but apparently I’m just that powerful. Hopefully he can bounce back and prove that it’s a different world from where you come from.

Late-eighties Cosby spin-offs aside, this could be a defining year for the Heat. With an aging roster, the window is closing on their championship aspirations. The center tandem of Shaq, ‘Zo, and Doleac have a combined 38 years in the league, making injuries inevitable. Shaq has already lost a step or two and he is far more prone to foul trouble thanks to his reduced mobility. Apparently ‘fu’ is short for ‘fu*king slow’.


How the rest of the supporting cast can assist Wade will determine this team’s fate. Pat Riley has made it known that he’s not into fat chicks, as Antoine Walker has been benched until he can get his weight down. Udonis Haslem and Wayne Simien are capable rebounders and defenders, but look for Dorell Wright to provide a scoring punch at forward. Wright showed flashes of brilliance last year and will bring some serious excitement to this team. Of course, the Heat live and die on the exploits of Dwyane Wade, and his game is going to have to reach another level for the Heat to be competitive.

While Wade plays point at times, the traditional point guards on the Heat might cause some head scratching. The team was unhappy with the play of Jason Williams, so they brought in Smush Parker. This is tantamount to being unhappy with having the flu and getting chicken pox instead. This move also relegates Chris Quinn to a smaller role, which is a step closer to the role he should be filling: non-NBA player. Some might question what if any impact an aging Penny Hardaway can have on this team. But if ‘Blue Chips’ has taught us anything, it’s that Penny is great at throwing game-winning alley-oops to Shaq and asking Pat Riley “they gonna take my momma’s house and job?” Based on their backcourt aside from D-Wade, this team would be better described as the Miami Tepid.

Based in part on Wade's lingering injuries, the Heat are talking about bringing in Ricky Davis and Mark Blount for Walker, Simien, and Doleac. I want this trade to happen just because it would involve two of the NBA players I hate the most: Walker and Davis. Who shoots at his own rim to try and get a triple-double? That's not even how a rebound works. As much as I hate him, Davis is a capable scorer and can be a mentor for Dorell Wright, assuming the heat are trying to turn Dorell into an overrated slacker with a messy goatee and no heart. The other players are primarily involved for cap purposes and Blount would have a minimal impact on the Heat. Pat Riley must be spinning in his grave.

Achilles Heel
  • Smush Parker (q)
  • Smush Parker (j)
  • Smush Parker (d)

Unsung Hero

  • Udonis Haslem (q)
  • Udonis Haslem (j)
  • Dorell Wright (d)

Bold Prediction

  • Shaq's comment comparing his past and present sidekicks to the Corelone brothers in the Godfather movies becomes eerily prophetic when Penny breaks Dwyane Wade's heart and Dwyane Wade has Penny murdered on a boat. (q)
  • Alonzo Mourning will get a block, and he won't be demonstrative. There is no longer hunger in the world. (j)
  • Antoine Walker admits in a post-game interview that he eats because he’s unhappy, and he’s unhappy because he eats. (d)

Favorite Memory

  • During an All Star game practice, Shaq dance fought several of his Eastern Conference teammates. It was the biggest robot I've ever seen (q)
  • Every member of the Heat roster tries to guard Jamal Crawford - they don't even come close to stopping him as he goes off for 52 points. (j)
  • Udonis Haslem throwing his mouth guard at Joey Crawford (d)

Season Preview: Memphis Grizzlies

Dhivy: Everyone keeps telling the world that Darko Milicic is ready to go off. I’ve been hearing since his days with the Pistons that he is impossible to guard and that he is a monster on defense. Unfortunately for the Grizzlies, Darko is very possible to guard and is at best a friendly ghost on defense. His numbers improved with more minutes in Orlando, but on the other hand, my numbers would improve with more minutes in Orlando. And by ‘numbers’, I mean the number of times the ball is stolen from me and the number of times the crowd throws things at me.

Pau Gasol has long been the talk of trade rumors, but the Grizzlies would be best served by keeping him. Combined with Hakim Warrick on the front line, they’ll create an aggressive, athletic twosome that could defend the rim well. They also have two great shooters in Mike Miller and Casey Jacobsen. While both are very one-dimensional players, the speed and quickness on the rest of the roster will create plenty of open shots. Tarence Kinsey was a great late-season surprise and we all know how much fun Rudy Gay is to watch. The Grizzlies should have the PA system play a sound effect that says “that’s so gay!” every time Rudy does something awesome during a game. Like the time he jumped over fifteen school buses while dunking.

While he is the team captain, Damon Stoudamire might be the third best point guard on the roster. Kyle Lowry and Mike Conley are both extremely quick and can get to the rim with ease. Thanks to the rule changes against hand checking, players like this are incredibly tough to defend. While there is no go-to-guy on this team, they have solid depth and should benefit from the leadership and tenacity of Gasol. Look for the Grizzlies’ new head coach Marc Iavaroni to run and create a style of play similar to that of the Suns. I see this team fighting for a playoff spot and taking a lot of people by surprise. And if they suck, at least I took a chance.

Joe: I cant stand the damn Memphis Grizzlies. Me and one of my roommates in college used to make it a point to play as much NBA Live 05' against each other as we could without failing out of school. As it became more competitive, absurd wagers were made that for some reason had the loser trek to McDonalds to purchase an obscene number of apple pies. Well, at one point he became particularly fond of using the Memphis Grizzlies - and for some god-forsaken reason he could not be beat with that team! To this day I believe he used some kind of a cheat code because when he picked Memphis, Shane Battier became the best basketball player to ever play the game, repeatedly compiling quadruple doubles and prompting my roommate to refer to him as "Sugar Shane". Bonzi Wells was unable to miss any shot from beyond the three point line, and Lorenzen Wright morphed into Tim Duncan. No matter what team I picked I had no answer for the god-damn Memphis Grizzlies. I cant think of the Grizzlies without thinking of getting my ass handed to me by Mike Miller followed by my car smelling like McDonalds apple pies. I guess there could be worse things than that last part however.

With that said,the Grizzlies as currently constituted is a much different and is absolutely a formidable team in the NBA. The team remains centered around Pau Gasol, a bonafide star in the league coming back from injury and one of the first foreign players to play in the post with a mean-streak and without the flopping and general softness. Moreover, just watching Rudy Gay's raw ability on the court should make the seven executives that passed up on him cringe. I see a very Tracy McGrady like career for him based on his silky smooth, effortless game. On the other wing is Mike Miller who at his height can get any shot he wants and usually hits them. Continuing down the roster there is tons of young talent including the college phenom point guard Mike Conley and another foreigner that is building up a mean-streak of his own in Darko Milicic, who is finally playing with a chip on his shoulder and proved in Orlando that when motivated he can be a genuine force down low.

Aside from the Gasol injury last year I believe the Grizzlies were seriously hurt by the injury to their other rookie, Kyle Lowry. Lowry is always the most active player on the court, hes a menace on defense and although he has plenty of room to grow offensively, hes the type of player that will hustle his way to 15 points primarily on fast-breaks and free throws. Additionally he takes care of the ball well and is an above average passer so hes definitely invaluable on the floor. Factoring his ultra competitive nature, he will make sure he does all the little things to win out the battle between Conley and himself.

Quang: during the 2006 offseason, memphis traded shane battier to the rockets for the draft rights of rudy gay. before you read any further, let me explain that rudy gay is probably my favorite person who plays basketball and among my top 10 favorite people who have ever seen a basketball. it's hard to pinpoint exactly why i like him so much, but i think it has something to do with the fact that one time in college he beat god in a slam dunk contest. anyways, no sooner than one second after rudy gay was drafted did i consider the pros and cons of buying a jersey that read "gay" on the back. pro: rudy gay is the greatest. con: rudy gay's biggest fan is flat broke. well i never ended up getting the jersey but i found other ways to support him. like attending a random celebration of rudy gay they had in the city that appropriately called the annual gay pride parade. it was nice to see that there were so many other people like me who really support rudy gay and his rights. i thought it was pretty enjoyable until this really angry guy got in my face. we had a very heated argument that, if i remember correctly, essentially boiled down to him telling me that because he doesn't flaunt how much he doesn't like rudy gay, i shouldn't flaunt how much i do like rudy gay. i told him that "i'm here. i'm a rudy gay fan. get used to it!" and walked off. it was an interesting day to say the least.

well, that was probably the strangest paragraph you'll read today and possibly over the next couple weeks, but it doesn't change the fact that rudy gay is so awesome i can barely move. consider this, before rudy gay arrived in memphis, the grizzlies had been swept in the first round of the playoffs three straight years. rudy gay managed to end this streak before it reached a fourth consecutive year in his inaugural season. coincidence? hardly. which makes it even more baffling that he finished behind brandon roy and andrea bargnani in the rookie of the year race. brandon roy won it simply because the headlines wrote themselves, ("roy wins r.o.y." or "brandon r.o.y.") easing the workload for those lazy sportswriters. similarly, andrea bargnani finished second because he was the first overall pick and also because the headlines wrote themselves ("bargnani finishes second" or "andrea bargnani runner up to brandon r.o.y."). uh, sportswriters, rudy gay played 78 games last year. brandon roy played 57 and bargnani played 65. doesn't every game count? or just the ones that roy and bargnani play in. plus, if brandon roy was so good, why did his team end up with the first overall pick? if bargnani was the second best rookie, why'd his team finish third in the conference? what a travesty. rudy gay better win rookie of the year this year or these voters will have some questions to answer. from me. about rudy gay. and whether they can get him to sign a jersey for me.

regarding the grizzlies chances this year, i actually think they will be in the playoff hunt. pau gasol was hurt to start last year, which is what some people will tell you was the real reason memphis didn't get swept in the first round. but he's still good, even though he oddly suggested he wanted to be traded during the grizzlies first bad season in recent memory, which was mainly bad because he hurt himself playing for another team. but to appease him they traded for juan carlos navarro, his teammate from spain. this should help pau continue to eat pieces of paella for breakfast, and then use that energy from the paella to play efficient basketball. further, mike miller, despite his subpar showing at the fiba tournament this summer, is very underrated. perhaps he'll never become a star, but he'll definitely always be an effective player. the grizzlies also have two promising point guards in mike conley and kyle lowry who should be great fits in iavaroni's offense. hakim warrick has shown great development so far and darko milicic is 7-feet tall which is more than someone who is 6-feet tall can say. the grizzlies also can call on tarence kinsey, who looks like a gem, and casey jacobsen, who i'm only mentioning because in his last nba season he played 84 games. finally, the only player i haven't yet mentioned on the grizzlies who i think will make a significant impact is its starting small forward, rudy gay. rudy gay is going to become the next murphy timmons, a fictional person i just made up because rudy gay has no real contemporaries. to summarize, rudy gay is going to lead the grizzlies into the playoffs and is going to throw down at least thirty different dunks that make me scream until my neighbors start a petition.

Achilles Heel

  • Darko Milicic (d)
  • Damon Stoudamire (j)
  • Stromile Swift (q)

Unsung Hero

  • Hakim Warrick (d)
  • Kyle Lowry (j)
  • Juan Carlos Navarro (q)

Bold Prediction

  • Damon Stoudamire’s legal troubles continue when he tries to hide his weed from airport security by placing it in a big pile of plutonium. (d)
  • Darko and Pau torture so many people in the paint they rename the key in Memphis "Hostel". (j)
  • Contrary to public thought, Pau Gasol reveals that he hasn't been growing a neck beard. In fact, a neck beard has been growing Pau Gasol. (q)

Favorite Moment

  • Rudy Gay dunking on Yi Jianlian in the Summer League and reminding us all that Communism doesn’t work. (d)
  • Rudy Gay has three offensive dunks in one game against the reigning MVP Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns. Steve Nash is a fraud. (j)
  • In a game against the Rockets, Rudy Gay blocks a three attempt by Vassilis Spanoulis, retrieves the ball, and runs down the court and dunks it as Spanoulis stumbles around closely behind. I hate Spanoulis. (q)

Season Preview: Los Angeles Lakers

Dhivy: Lebron always gets praised for getting so much out of a bad supporting cast, but Kobe Bryant has it almost as bad. The Lakers rely on Kobe more than any other team leans on their star. He was the only player last year to account for more than 30% of his team’s points. And while he’s been labeled as selfish in the past, Kobe was one of four non-point guards to make the top-20 in assists. Kobe is arguably the most talented player in the league and arguably the best adultery-committer.

The rest of the Lakers’ roster looks like someone is planning an elaborate practical joke that involves angering the entire city of Los Angeles. I’m a fan of Chris Mihm, and I think he has a chance to bounce back from injury to contribute on this team. But he can’t be expected to be much more than a rebounder and defender. And when your other options involve Marc Gasol (the Frank Stallone of the NBA), Andrew Bynum (the Bryant Reeves of the NBA), and Kwame Brown (the Kwame Brown of the NBA), you’ve got trouble at the 5. If I were Phil Jackson, I’d eliminate the center position and play two foci instead. I like Brian Cook as a shooter and Luke Walton does a little bit of everything, but the rest of the Lakers’ frontcourt is uninspiring. Sun Yue is named after the Korean lady on “Lost”, Lamar Odom was better when he was a pothead, and Ronny Turiaf is only good for waving his arms wildly from the bench. I guess you don’t need to be a great forward when you’re only asked to rebound Kobe’s misses.

The Lakers’ guards are young, but there is a lot of potential. Javaris Crittenton has shown the ability to distribute this pre-season and could secure minutes as the season progresses. Jordan Farmar and Maurice Evans were hit-or-miss last year, but I expect a more consistent performance now that they’ve spent a year in the triangle. The return of Derek Fisher isn’t a flashy move, but his leadership should serve to diffuse the annoying tendencies of Sasha Vujacic. I never thought that someone could look so much like Steven Karp from “Undeclared”, yet make me laugh so little. Congratulations son, you’re a meathead.

Phil Jackson’s won nine championships, but look at the teams he has won with. The first three-peat was Jordan, Pippen, and Horace Grant. Tim Floyd could have bumbled this team to at least two titles. The second three-way was again Jordan and Pippen, along with Toni Kukoc and Dennis Rodman. I assume this is the reason Vladimir “Rodman”ovich is on this year’s Laker team: to try and recapture some magic. Finally, Jackson scored his final threesome with a young Kobe plus Shaq at the peak of his dominance. The triangle offense isn’t even his creation; Tex Winter is credited with developing it. For all the praise of his Zen coaching style and assigning reading to his players, he’s been very lucky to be in the right place at the right time. This season, Phil Jackson must’ve gotten bad directions and misplaced his watch.

Joe: At this point is there any combination of players that Kobe Bryant can't take to the playoffs? Try as Lakers general management might to concoct the exact combinations of Sasha Vujacics, Smush Parkers, Brian Cooks and Chris Mihms, they still haven't come up with a roster so awe-inspiringly terrible that Kobe can’t will them to the post-season with his unmistakable combination of skill and sheer defiance. Some are saying that Kobe will not be Laker when the season starts, others are saying that Kobe is being juvenile about the situation and that steps have indeed been taken to fill up the team’s needs. These steps have included signing Derek Fisher and drafting Javaris Crittenton out of Georgia Tech. I for one believe that whatever good these modest gestures may bring will be immediately counterbalanced by the worst managerial decision yet. What managerial decision is this? Well the last time I checked, a 6'9” F/C out of the University of Virginia was on the Lakers roster. Now it makes perfect sense to me why Bryant has been in a general mopey malaise the past two weeks; it's because the most over-hyped yet tremendously under whelming basketball player in the history of the Commonwealth of Virginia now graces the same roster he does. I wonder if Mitch Kupchack inquired into the availability of Elton Brown's New York counterparts - Omar Cook and J.C. Mathis - because I'm sure they would always be game to under perform comically on a big stage.

Aside from Bryant there are way too many ifs on the roster. If Luke Walton could make another step in his development then Kobe will have a worthy point-forward who, from all indications, has a Masters degree in the triangle offense. If Andrew Bynum can live up to his already legendary hype, then Kobe will have a dominating post presence that could open up space for him to shoot jumpers all the way to the second round of the playoffs. And if Vladimir Radmanovic can return from his snowboarding injury he will be able to routinely draw a big man out for Kobe to soar in and dunk his way to the second round of the playoffs. But the key is once again going to be the supposed number two option on the team, Lamar Odom, who is unlimitedly talented, but can’t seem to ever put it together in long enough spurts to be a consistent sidekick. Whether due to frustration or injury, his attempts at meshing with Bryant always seem to come up short - and so will the Lakers season, in an all too familiar fashion.

Quang: the story of the lakers season last year was their failure to acquire jason kidd. the nets were only asking for a package centering around andrew bynum and the lakers balked like daniel cabrera with coco crisp on third. unlike daniel cabrera though, the lakers didn't try to bean the nets in the head with the next pitch. lakers fans spent the rest of the season wondering what could have been and what should have been. and who can blame them. a kobe-kidd duo is hard enough to get on a fantasy team let alone a reality team, and would have been incredibly difficult to play against. but as it turned out, the lakers didn't get kidd and were incredibly easy to play against. the suns proved this by making short work of them in the first round of the playoffs. so school was out and its most important player spent his summer vacation making ambiguous trade demands while the owner got a dui.

coming into this season, the big question surrounding the lakers is whether or not kobe bryant gets traded. the second biggest question surrounding the lakers is whether or not "black mamba" is a good enough nickname. my suggestions are kobe "2-4 the show" bryant or "challenge 24". discuss amongst yourselves. in the meantime, i think that before kobe packs his bags he should give the lakers one last chance. because to me, this team looks better than it did last year. for one, smush parker and his butt cheek hair cut is long gone. playing point this year are local product jordan farmar, veteran derek fisher, and rookie javaris crittenton. none are likely going to produce like smush parker, meaning they will all likely be useful players. chris mihm is also returning after missing most of last year with an ankle injury. he is no star, but he is good enough that kwame brown won't be asked to play so many minutes and do things he can't do. like make baskets or play defense or rebound. otherwise, the team remains virtually the same. most people think this is a bad thing, and though i agree to an extent, i think the continuity could help. luke walton showed vast improvement last year and i'm sure that we haven't seen the best of the odom-kobe pairing yet. also, i have a feeling that in order to stop people from looking at him and imagining jason kidd, andrew bynum will come back this year driven and ready to contribute as a 7-foot do everything point guard.

the problem i have with lakers extends to its supporting cast beyond the starters because it is among the most irritating group in the league. this is probably the same problem kobe has with the lakers and i bet he will grow frustrated looking at the box scores in the morning paper and seeing that "brown" turned it over five times. then as he tries to figure out whether it was "kwame brown" or "elton brown" he gets really frustrated that he even has to make that distinction. let's look at the other players mitch kupchak has surrounded kobe with. brian cook is one of the softest players in the league and somehow in limited minutes received eight technicals, the sixth highest total in the league. what does brian cook have to complain about? "uh ref, i'm jacking up threes over here. call a foul!" vladimir radmanovic got hurt lying about snow boarding and his career peaked when he was on seattle and scored 85 points when i played as the sonics in a game of nba 2k2. the lakers also seem to be leaning towards giving more burn to ronny turiaf which unfortunately means he'll have less burn as the person on the bench who refuses to sit down. dhivy and i once bet the over on a lakers game and used his white board to tally the total points. then we decided to keep a tally of "number of times ronny turiaf stands up from the bench for no reason" and compare it to the total points. the final result was something like 197 total points scored and 17 total unnecessary ronny turiaf stand ups. and if that weren't enough, sometimes sasha vujacic is allowed to play just to prove that he is the worst "sasha" in the league. all things considered, i anticipate if kobe stays, the lakers will underwhelmingly qualify for the playoffs as a 6 or 7 seed. though if kobe does get traded, i anticipate the lakers average 39 points a game and phil jackson's triangle offense becomes the phil jackson hopes maurice evans doesn't dribble off his foot out of bounds offense.

Achilles Heel

  • Kwame Brown (d)
  • Kwame Brown (only because Elton Brown will be gone from the roster thanks to Kobe) (j)
  • Sasha Vujacic (q)
Unsung Hero
  • Luke Walton (d)
  • Jordan Farmar (j)
  • Jordan Farmar (q)
Bold Prediction
  • The front office is forced to trade Chris Mihm after his refusal to stop saying "this is why I'm hot". (d)
  • Derek Fisher will be praised as a great team leader within the first couple of weeks, an annoyed Kobe Bryant will purposely flail his arms on shot attempts to take out his own teammate. (j)
  • Fed up with his surrounding talent, Sasha Vujacic demands a trade to a team better suited for his skills. He is traded to a pile of trash and loses his starting job within three games. (q)
Favorite Memory
  • Kobe caught on tape saying "ship his ass out" in reference to Andrew Bynum. (d)
  • Going up for a three pointer in the corner, Kobe Bryant purposely flails his arms and leaves Manu Ginobili in a crumpled heap on the ground. (j)
  • The four consecutive games where Kobe scored 65, 50, 60, and 50 points. Unfortunately in those same games, his eleven other teammates scored 51, 59, 61, and 61 points respectively, and Kobe finished 1-3 during that stretch. (q)
our hearts and prayers go out to everyone dealing with the california wildfires. you stay classy, san diego.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Season Preview: Los Angeles Clippers

Joe: I feel like the Clippers simply overachieved in the 2005-2006 season and expectations were far too high coming into last season. Sure there were injuries to key players, most notably what is most likely a career altering knee injury to Shawn Livingston, but bottom line is that placing much credence into Sam Cassell's renaissance season and deciding that Chris Kaman is a legitimate NBA center set this team up for failure. Now the injury bug continues to run rampant and this team is in definite trouble if Elton Brand is not able to contribute for the first several months of the season. The Clippers will have to rely on youngsters Josh Powell and Al Thornton down low til their one true all-star caliber player returns, and even upon Brand's arrival, this team is not talented enough to reach the postseason.One player who may be able to step up now that he is the "go-to guy" in Brand's absence is Corey Maggette. Maggette has bitched for most of his recent career about playing time and his role on teams and this is the perfect opportunity for him to put up or shut up. The Clippers will definitely need Maggette to prove something because after him, the small forwards on team are Tim Thomas and Ruben Patterson and if there is ONE thing I know about basketball it’s that the less Tim Thomas is out on the court the better. I can’t see this team doing much else than competing with the Kings neck-and-neck for sole possession of last place in the Pacific Division.


Dhivy: Sports analysts are constantly proclaiming that Elton Brand is the most underrated player in the NBA. But if everyone says he’s underrated, then doesn’t that increase his arbitrary rating? I would argue that it’s gotten to the point that people talk about him so much, that Brand is overrated. The biggest question the Clippers face going into this season is the severity of his achilles injury. They drafted Al Thornton to back up Brand, but he may see extended minutes to start the season. Combined with Chris Kaman and Paul Davis at center, the Clippers have a formidable front line that will keep them in games.

Unfortunately for Clippers fans (Frankie Muniz and maybe some other people), the rest of their roster is not helping them out. For the fifteenth year in a row, Sam Cassell is slowly decaying before our eyes. Veteran savvy can only take you so far and at some point this season Cassell will realize that his bag of tricks is empty. Shaun Livingston is one my favorites on YouTube, but he won’t see any action until 2008. And Corey Maggette is still going to be unhappy with his role, there will still be trade rumors surrounding him, and he will still stay with the Clippers throughout the season. I get bored on having the same people on my fantasy roster; I can’t believe the Clippers haven’t gotten tired of Corey Maggette yet. The most egregious mistake the Clippers made was signing Tim Thomas to a deal after his obvious fluke of a season with the Suns. It has never been more obvious that someone was playing for a new contract and was going to regress once he got it.

When the Clippers made the playoffs in 2006, they had an amazing seven game series with the Suns and there was a legitimate excitement about the team. But when the beginning of last season rolled around, the Lakers were once again the only game in town. So what happened that caused the Clippers to lose all that momentum? Whatever it was, the Clippers have faded into an afterthought once again and as long as Kobe sticks around, I don’t see them challenging the Lakers for supremacy in LA. Maybe they could get Guillermo Diaz and Dan Dickau to guest star on “The Hills”. Drama!

Quang: the clippers entered last season brimming with confidence after taking the suns to seven games in the conference semifinals the year before. being so pleased with themselves became their downfall because last year nearly every player regressed. so instead of building on their surprise success, the clippers spent the season fighting for a playoff spot up until the final day. they fell short and got an early start on getting their tans in the warm los angeles sun. i guess no one had the heart to tell them that there's only one sun and not individual ones for every city. but give i figure we should give them a break since they were probably upset about not making the playoffs.

as if this season wasn't going to be hard enough for the clippers, during an offseason workout elton brand ruptured his achilles and is going to miss a good portion of the season. this prompted some genius on the clippers to ask elton whether or not he was on steroids. i would love to know what prompted this. was he sitting around thinking, "elton brand ruptured his achilles?! hmm... didn't i read that taking steroids makes you rupture your achilles? or wait, maybe i read that taking steroids gives you severe backne. no, i'm pretty sure severe backne is something else. i bet elton brand's on steroids. i better ask him." what did he expect elton brand to say? and what would he have done if elton brand said "yes i took steroids, how did you know?!" idiot.

anyways, the clippers have people other than elton brand and that dummy on their payroll. sam cassell is back and is the cagiest and craftiest player in the nba. corey maggette returns just to be at odds with coach dunleavy. cuttino mobley has had the same season for five straight years. quinton ross is the team's defensive stopper and a player who jon hollinger compares to jud buechler. tim thomas admittedly played better than i was expecting last year, but i was expecting him to play all of his minutes with his jersey on backwards and eating paste. and lastly, chris kaman hasn't recovered from being molested by reggie evans. the two players i'm interested in watching this year is al thornton and paul davis. thornton because he was unbelievable at florida state last year and davis because he was awful at michigan state. davis is going to see a good number of elton brand's minutes. you may remember paul davis from that great gatorade commercial with dwyane wade. uh, why would you be in a commercial where you get dunked on? i bet the gatorade people told paul davis that they wanted to film a commercial where dwyane wade dunks on paul davis and then paul comes back and dunks on wade. then after wade does his take the crew pretended to film paul davis. "how'd that look, good?" paul davis asked. "uh... that was perfect, paul. thanks," the director replies.


Achilles Heel

  • Tim Thomas (d)
  • Tim Thomas (j)
  • Tim Thomas (q)

Unsung Hero

  • Paul Davis (d)
  • Josh Powell (j)
  • Al Thornton (q)

Bold Prediction

  • In a game against the Bucks, Brevin Knight stops at mid-court and starts dancing when the stadium sound system starts playing Tom Jones’ “It’s Not Unusual”. (d)
  • Realizing he doesn't have the basketball ability to be called "The Kobe Stopper" anymore, Ruben Patterson uses the co-habitation of the Staples Center to his advantage, paying off Staples Center employees to play annoying tricks on Kobe. (j)
  • Tired of living in the Lakers' shadow, the Clippers legally change their name to the Los Angeles Clippers of Anaheim. After the season, tired of living in the Angels' shadow, the Los Angeles Clippers of Anaheim legally change their name to Hooters Presents the Clippers. (q)

Favorite Moment

  • Tricking people into watching Shaun Livingston’s injury by telling them he had an awesome dunk. (d)
  • Chris Kaman shoots two air-balls in the final 19 seconds with the Clippers down one in a loss to the Hawks. (j)
  • The Clippers signed University of Washington's Will Conroy and played him for a few games. Will Conroy is so much better than Nate Robinson it makes me want to eat dinner right now. (q)

Monday, October 22, 2007

Season Preview: Indiana Pacers

dhivy: Ever since Ron Artest went into the stands in Detroit, the Pacers team has had trouble finding an identity. They haven’t been contenders, and they haven’t been rebuilding. They’ve been stuck in the middle ground of an average team who just goes through the motions. As a fan, that’s the worst place your team can be. Obviously, every fan wants their team to win. But failing that, I want my team to build towards the future and convince me that there is reason to hold out hope for next season. Looking at the Pacers this year, I hope they realize that this is the fate they have to accept.

Public Enemy #1 on this team is Jermaine O’Neal. He is constantly hampered by injuries and has a general sense of malaise. At this point in his career, he can’t carry a team and he would be better served as an ancillary player. I expect the Pacers to try and move him during the season, which may be exactly what O’Neal needs. I could see him having the kind of impact that Rasheed Wallace had when he was traded to Detroit, only he would have that impact less boisterously. Jamaal Tinsley is unathletic and can’t shoot, which at most jobs, would not be a problem. Being a professional basketball player however, these are essential skills. My hope is that Tinsley’s minutes on the court are limited to running out at timeouts to high five people.

The roster has some potential, the greatest of it being Ike Diogu. Many people expect big things from him, but I tend to dislike players who play below the rim. If this were a 40+ YMCA league, Ike would probably be an MVP candidate with his arsenal of flip shots and power dribbles. Danny Granger and Shawne Williams are two young forwards who have a chance to make a name for themselves with their athleticism and all-around game. In the backcourt, I really like Kareem Rush and I feel like he’s never had a chance to prove himself. Given the minutes, he can be a very capable scorer on a team that will struggle to find points.

There is nothing interesting about this team. The Pacers are lame.

quang: the pacers... i spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out how to finish that sentence and "..." was the best i could come up with. maybe because they aren't particularly fun to watch nor are their current players particularly exciting. not a good formula for an interesting preview. looking back, the pacers' 06-07 season was up and down. it began with jamaal tinsley, marquis daniels, and stephen jackson getting into some sort of melee or mario party at a strip club that resulted in arrests, shots fired, and stephen jackson getting hit by a car. so that was an "up". then around midseason, they shipped off jackson, al harrington, and sarunas “superfan” jasikevicius for mike dunleavy, troy murphy, and ike diogu. at the time, everyone said that ike diogu was the x-factor in the trade. but whenever a trade lands you two dorky white guys, especially when these dorky white guys are asked to compete in basketball, it's an obvious "down". anyways, at the end of last season, the pacers were surprisingly the best team to miss the playoffs despite having an unhappy superstar, white guys, and a soon to be fired head coach. at the end of this season, i suspect the pacers will be the worst team to miss the playoffs.

during the off-season, it looked to me like the pacers needed to overhaul their roster. they clearly did not agree, as instead of making a big splash they spent their summer wading around the kiddie pool creeping out young children and concerning their parents. they ultimately signed travis diener, who i like as a player especially when he's playing with dwyane wade at marquette, and kareem rush, a good fit in jim o'brien's offense, and just because they didn't think anyone was paying attention, they traded for a 2nd round draft pick whose first name is stanko. well i was paying attention, indiana pacers. real mature.

in addition to those... additions, the pacers return mostly the same team. if they had a lot of young talent this wouldn't be an issue, but the pacers are composed of a lot of players who don't really have much untapped potential. jamaal tinsley is an average point guard. jeff foster is a tenacious rebounder, but offers little else. mike dunleavy is kind of versatile in that he does a lot of things equally normal. troy murphy is a 6-11 center who has a job because "you can't teach 6-11". similarly you can't teach troy murphy to score with his back to the basket. danny granger, ike diogu and to a lesser extent, marquis daniels and shawne williams are the only pacers with promise. but by the time they fulfill that promise, jermaine o'neal will have gone crazy. that's why i think it makes sense to trade him now before his value gets any lower. they're already headed to the top 5 of the lottery. why not try to get another pick to give the franchise some hope three years in the future? oh that's right because stanko barac is the future. the pacers...

joe: Last year, when the huge trade that sent Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington and Sarunas Jasikevicius out west to Golden State in exchange for Troy Murphy, Mike Dunleavy, Jr. and Ike Diogu, I was reminded of when back in fifth grade i learned that the Native Americans traded the island of Manhattan for what amounted to roughly $24 worth of trinkets. While I'm sure the Lenape tribe are kicking themselves - I'm positive that when you factor in inflation $24 dollars worth of trinkets included at least one or two pretty sweet trinkets. On the other hand if this were colonial times and Larry Bird tried to offer the Lanape his newly acquired pieces of Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy, they wouldn't even consider giving him Staten Island. Basically I'm saying that Indiana traded two of the more talented players in the NBA that helped led their new team to one of the greatest playoff upsets of all times for two overpaid, talentless losers and an undersized power forward project.

The prospects for this team are bleak. Jermaine O'Neal wasn't particularly happy with the franchise's direction last year, I would venture to say that if he has to go a full year with the squad that has been constructed he will be on full suicide alert this summer. I have been guilty of not picking up on the beginning stages of a rebuilding process before - I didn't see Utah's resurgence coming - but could somebody please tell me what the plan is here? You get rid of two of your best athletes, then hire Jim O'Brien who pledges to run a more exciting up-tempo game. It's been documented that I don't really know much, but I would think the lead-legged Troy Murphy would be the last person I would want on an "up-tempo" team and I think it is this quality that got him shipped out of Golden State as he didn't fit into Don Nelson's up-tempo style.

Danny Granger, a healthy and refocused Kareem Rush and an always consistent Jermaine O’Neal could make enough noise to prove me wrong, but if they do it would make it even less likely that there is any help on the way in the form of O.J. Mayo, Derrick Rose or Ty Lawson in the early lottery.

Achilles heel:

  • Jamaal Tinsley (d)
  • Shawne Williams (q)
  • Troy Murphy (j)

Unsung hero:

  • Travis Diener (d)
  • Marquis Daniels (q)
  • Kareem Rush (j)

Bold prediction:

  • Reggie Miller will come out of retirement and score 8 points in the final 11 seconds in a game against the Knicks. The Knicks will win 127-8. (d)
  • the pacers play so poorly during the year that they don’t qualify for the 2008 postseason. they don’t qualify for the ’08-’09 regular season, either. (q)
  • Danner Granger and Jermaine O’Neal join a local Indiana rec league so they can remember what it feels like to win again. (j)

Favorite Memory:

  • Seeing David Harrison play and remembering that he cried on an episode of “The Real World: Philadelphia”. (d)
  • during the last game of the season, the game ended, and we didn’t have to think about the pacers for the rest of the summer. it was awesome. (q)
  • Jamaal Tinsley and Marquis Daniels are questioned about a fight at some run down saloon, apparently somebody was trying to steal coats. (j)

Season Preview: Houston Rockets

joe: I had such high hopes for the Rockets last year as it seemed that a healthy Tracy McGrady, a tall Yao Ming and a solid crop of glue guys including Shane Battier and Luther Head would be unstoppable on a nightly basis. Unfortunately i forgot to take into account that Tracy McGrady's back is about as reliable as Lindsey Lohan the day after a party at George Jung's house. Although McGrady only missed 11 games due to injury, there were many games that his balky back forced him to leave early or play a limited role. This was coupled with a leg injury to Yao that forced him to miss 30+ games.

Despite injuries to the two superstars the Rockets were able to clinch the fourth seed in the 2007 NBA playoffs. In an interview with Stephen A. Smith before the playoffs, Tracy McGrady said "If we don't win a series...it's on me!" I'm not quite sure what this means, but yet again the Rockets were unable to make it out of the first round. Moreover, apparently Houston management must have thought that it was Jeff Van Gundy who made the statement, because he was fired shortly after the season. This year, assuming McGrady hasn't subjected himself to some kind of weird punishment to atone for the Rockets first round departure, the Rockets seem like an even better lock to make noise in the Western Conference. Steve Francis returns to the city that he displayed All-Star caliber talent and Houston is hoping that he can return a fraction of that productivity the second time around. While I am glad that Francis is no longer on the Knicks, I have a hard time believing that a player can fall off as suddenly as Steve Francis did and I honestly believe he still has some good basketball left in him. Houston made the best out of their draft selecting a very underrated post player in Carl Landry and a possibly explosive scorer in Aaron Brooks. Rick Adelman once again has a talented group to work with and should be able to produce at least a playoff worthy regular season - and perhaps he will be able to be the coach that could lead Tracy McGrady into the second round round and beyond. One player I am worried about is Rafer Alston, I'm from New York, and therefore am obligated to appreciate the kid that they call Skip. However Rick Adelman's uneasy history with style before substance point guards (Jason Williams) is well documented meaning Rafer's starting role could be in jeopardy if he doesn't improve his consistency on the court especially with the newly acquired Mike James on the roster.

quang: for the past two seasons, because they have the best duo in the league, i've predicted that the rockets will win the west. two years ago, the rockets failed to make the playoffs and last year, they finished fourth in the conference and lost a heartbreaking first round series to the jazz. this year, despite all the new talent they've brought on board, my predictions for the rockets will be a little more conservative. here goes: this year, if the rockets don't make the playoffs, don't have the tallest asian player in the nba, and don't score at least one point in each game this season i will eat my hat. or since i don't actually own any hats, i'll instead eat a bunch of pizza bagels. and if you want, i'll even put some of them on my head.

regarding the rockets themselves, and not what i'll eat or wear if they're held scoreless in any game this year, i think everything is in place for a very successful season. they are one of the deepest teams in the league in addition to their two elite cornerstones. yao is an mvp candidate when healthy and tracy mcgrady, despite being so willing to defer, is always capable of scoring 40 with ease. behind them, the rockets have a small militia of other players looking to contribute. shane battier is a reliable starter, even though at the time i was hopping mad they didn't pair rudy gay with tracy mcgrady. hopping mad! chuck hayes is the incumbent starter at power forward. he's very good defensively but would be an offensive liability in horse, never mind an nba game. he also may lose minutes to his new, crafty argentinean teammate, luis scola, who even before playing his first minute in the nba is already its greasiest player. luther head is a top option off the bench and has the envious job of launching threes as frequently as possible. bonzi wells' role is likely to expand in that this year he's going to get a role. last year, bonzi didn't play much. i assume jeff van gundy confused bonzi for the van gundy family dog because bonzi was housed as such. where did jeff van gundy's real dog stay? why didn't jeff van gundy's wife say something? didn't bonzi's family wonder where he was? what a disaster.

the last thing of interest on the rockets is their hawks-like glut of point guards. of course, the main difference between these two situations is that all of the rockets' point guards are capable while some of the hawks' point guards are tyronn lue, but you get the idea. between steve francis, mike james, rafer alston, and rookie aaron brooks, houston has a number of options to help run their team. ultimately, because of how many reliable players they have, i think the rockets will be a class below the western conference's elite. i think early in the season it will take time to adjust to all the new players and settle on a rotation, but by the end of the year this will be a dangerous team in the playoffs. i'm hopeful this is the year that tracy mcgrady sheds the label of "the best player to never get past the first round of the playoffs" and instead claims a new label. like "the best player with a girl's name" or "the tallest asian player in the league."

dhivy: John Hollinger’s recent PER projections predict Yao Ming to be the most efficient player in the league. Does anyone else think it’s hilarious that a Chinese player is projected to be the most efficient? He also thinks that Yao Ming will be good at math and enjoy eating rice. Now I love John Hollinger, but I have to respectfully disagree with him on the matter of Yao. In the words of KRS-One, Yao will be “number one, two, three, four, and five”. Think about this: Dwyane Wade is 6’4”, which is pretty tall. But Yao Ming is an inconceivable 7’5”. That is a full foot taller than Wade. Imagine if Wade suddenly grew a foot in the off-season, wouldn’t he be the greatest basketball player ever? Too late, ‘cause Yao Ming is already that tall! Nice try, Dwyane!

Since Yao already called dibs on the most of the top spots, Tracy McGrady will have to settle for being the sixth best player around. There is no one who makes the game look as effortless as he does. People forget what a combination of power and grace Tracy is, because he doesn’t even look like he’s trying. In years past, Yao and T-Mac were the extent of the Rockets offense, but they’ve added some quality role players to help this year. Bonzi Wells had his best season under Rick Adelman’s tutelage and that is the first time I’ve ever used the word ‘tutelage’. Steve Francis had success playing alongside Yao and it’s not too crazy to think he won’t succeed in Houston again. But I think the Rockets have had a true go-to scorer on their roster all along: Luther Head. After struggling shooting threes his rookie year, Head’s percentage jumped to 44% while taking nearly 100 more attempts. Another off-season of seasoning will make Head a lethal weapon for this team.

What could prevent the Rockets from being a championship contender is their defense. Shane Battier and Chuck Hayes are good at what they do, and Yao has become a legitimate post presence. Beyond that, the Rockets are forced to rely on Dikembe Mutombo, who is a few years away from boxing Warren Sapp on Fox. One of the clumsier people in the league, Dikembe is constantly hitting people with his preposterous elbows. My brother told me that once while he was at Georgetown, Dikembe walked into a bar and asked, “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” Is this the kind of person you want to rely on to defend the rim? The Rockets should just play Yao 48 minutes a game. He’s so tall.

Achilles heel:

  • Dikembe Mutombo (j)
  • Mike James (q)
  • Dikembe Mutombo (d)

Unsung hero:

  • Carl Landry (j)
  • Chuck Hayes (q)
  • Luther Head (d)

Bold Prediction:

  • Tracy McGrady has a nervous breakdown when his XBOX wont let him get past the first round of the NBA Live playoffs. (j)
  • a chinese person will play a very large role on the rockets. his name will be general tso. (q)
  • The huge vein on Tracy McGrady’s arm will spring to life and average 8 points and 3 rebounds a game. (d)

Favorite Memory

  • Yao Ming goes up for a shot just outside of the paint and is rejected by Nate Robinson. (j)
  • any time jeff van gundy refused to play vassilis spanoulis. in other words, my favorite moment was every second of the rockets' season. i hate spanoulis (q)
  • Yao Ming walks to the sidelines while the cameras catch him saying “you can’t f*cking guard me”. (d)

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Season Preview: Golden State Warriors

Joe: I understand that there will probably be a rush to make this everybody's "second-favorite team" because of the huge upset over the Mavericks in the first round of the playoffs last year - and honestly, looking at this roster I fully understand why. This team starts with Baron Davis, one of the most talented players in the NBA who has suffered from bouts of inconsistency due to injuries and general malaise. Reports out of Golden State have Davis as fit-and-trim and looking forward to taking this team to the next level. Selfishly I preferred it when he was kind of out of shape...it made his dunks over people that much more impressive. It was kind of like he was saying "Imagine if I were to take this basketball stuff seriously." Now that he is taking it seriously, and I know his talent, It's now expected.

Some would say
that the loss of Jason Richardson hurt this team, but Stephen Jackson brings so much more to the table defensively that hes probably a better fit for Don Nelson's chaotic style. Trading him for a big that could run the floor in Brandan Wright was incredibly smart considering they were overloaded at the two-guard spot with the emergence of Monta Ellis.

Although this will be one of the more enjoyable teams to watch, I'm not sold that they will experience an over-abundance of success. It would be impressive if they can keep up the tenacious defense being played during that Mavericks series through the long grind of an 82 game season. Factor in an injury to Baron Davis and this team becomes a machine without a start button as there is nobody on the roster that can adequately play the point guard position with any type of consistency, let alone play to the level of Davis.

Quang: last year, i watched the golden state-dallas series with several die hard warriors friends of mine who hadn't seen them in the playoffs since latrell sprewell was bald. so maybe some of their enthusiasm rubbed off on me, but it was as fun and exciting an nba playoff series i can remember and i'm not sure i've ever screamed as much at two teams without money being on the line. the mavericks had no answers for them as if the warriors were some really hard sudoku puzzle. most impressive to me was the fact that the warriors managed to knock out the best team in the league while three of their key players, al harrington, monta ellis, and mickael pietrus, were essentially non factors. i guess this speaks to how well baron davis and the rest of the team played. unfortnately in the next round, the jazz exposed many of warriors' weaknesses, namely their inability to play down low. utah tossed them aside after five games which gave them an early start to reload for another season of frenetic basketball.

with jason richardson gone, the team now revolves around baron davis who everyone knows when healthy is one of the top players in the league. that's why last year's playoffs were more of a coming out get together or coming out luncheon than it was a coming out party for him. behind baron, the warriors have a more mature stephen jackson ready to help lead the team. a few years ago this would have been a recipe of disaster, but this year i think it's more of a recipe for crazy halftime speeches. the other key holdovers include monta ellis, matt barnes, and andris biedrins who return hoping to build on last year's breakout seasons. and if al harrington figures out what went wrong in the playoffs last year and if pietrus plays like he remembers that this is his contract season, the warriors will be in good shape. the back end of the rotation was a question mark last year and could be especially important if injuries hit as hard as they did early last year. kelenna azubuike and patrick o'bryant are hoping to participate more this year than they did last. azubuike has been playing well in the preason but the jury is still out on patty cakes. why a player's skill level can be determined by a jury is something i'll never understand. anyways, the new faces include troy hudson, who has been living off of a few good postseason games for a couple years now, marco bellinelli, who was drafted in part to sell bellinelliball t-shirts, brandan wright, who despite being immensely talented is closer to being served in a sushi restaurant than he is to making an impact, and austin croshere, who went to the same high school as baron davis along with almost 1,000 other famous people like kate hudson and zach morris and that nerdy black kid with the raspy voice.

more specifically regarding this year, i think the warriors will fight for one of the last playoff spots all season. but ultimately, i'm not sure they have enough to make it two consecutive playoff berths. i don't think they've improved that much, if at all, and i'm not convinced their committee of shooting guards can replace jason richardson's production and leadership. they positioned them well for the future, but to me, their prospects for this season are a little murky. but if the warriors and their fans still believe and if don nelson continues playing his benny hill brand of basketball, maybe they'll prove me wrong. in which case, i'll just edit this post to reflect what actually happens.

Dhivy: I was very disappointed in the Golden State Warriors last year. When an 8-seed defeats a 1-seed in the playoffs, the player with the biggest mouth is supposed to lie down on the court, hold the ball straight up in the air, and scream at the top of his lungs. Baron Davis should be ashamed of himself.

Like the Rockies are doing now, the Warriors clicked at the right time had a great season. Unlike the Rockies, the Warriors played basketball and are really tall. As much as I loved watching this team last year, I can’t imagine them replicating the same level of success. Baron Davis showed the world the kind of player he can be when he’s healthy, but Baron Davis is never healthy. And Stephen Jackson played a huge role in their success last year. The same Stephen Jackson who ran into a crowd and started punching random people in Detroit. The same Stephen Jackson who fired a gun outside a strip club in Indiana. The same Stephen Jackson who once admitted he still wears gang colors. The fact that Don Nelson called Jackson “one of the finest human beings I’ve ever known” makes me wonder what caliber of sordid individuals Nelson is usually accompanied by.


On the bright side, the Warriors have three rookies who I expect to be solid players. Stephane Lasme averaged 5 blocks and recorded four triple-doubles in his senior season at UMass. A glaring weakness for the Hawks last year was interior toughness, and Lasme provides it in bunches. Marco Belinelli was great in “Life is Beautiful” and has a game tailor-made for the NBA. And while I’m not entirely sold on Brandan Wright, he was one of the most physically-gifted college players last year and should strive in a wide open system. If Monta Ellis can recover from his scary training camp injury and Matt Barnes can provide some of the scoring the Warriors lost in the Jason Richardson trade, it’s not a stretch to imagine another postseason featuring Jessica Alba courtside.


Achilles Heel
  • Patrick O'Bryant (j)
  • Troy Hudson (q)
  • Stephen Jackson (d)
Unsung Hero
  • Troy Hudson (j)
  • Mickael Pietrus (q)
  • Stephane Lasme (d)
Bold Prediction
  • A calmer Stephen Jackson will run into the stands again. This time he signs a Golden State fan's 'We Believe" t-shirt before punching someone in the face. (j)
  • Andris Biedrins' horrible free throw form results in other teams employing a "Hack-an-Dris" strategy. Andris is injured after the third game yet teams still foul him while he's on the bench in street clothes. He's forced to shoot free throws because the refs say "there isn't a rule against it" even though there clearly is. (q)
  • Eva Longoria cheats on Tony Parker with Mikael Pietrus and they agree to a French joust, in which two people drive those funny bikes at each other while holding baguettes. (d)
Favorite Memory
  • I tried but failed to find a better moment than the Baron Davis helmet on Andrei Kirilenko. (j)
  • Baron von Davis' cold war ending dunk on Kirilenko that was so bad that Kirilenko was crying about it two weeks before it happened at the end of the bench during a first round game against Houston. (q)
  • Baron Davis hugs a random fan after the Warriors knock of the Mavericks in Round 1 of the playoffs. (d)

Season Preview: Detroit Pistons

Quang: deeeee-troit baaaasketball. loooooost in the fiiiirst round. to leeeee-bron jaaaaamesketball. well, you get the idea. for the second straight season, the pistons were the best team in the east despite losing ben wallace. but similarly, for the second straight season the pistons lost in the eastern conference finals, despite losing ben wallace. this has led to discussion on top of discussion about the pistons' window closing. well i have some news for you, not only is the pistons' window open, but they put an apple pie on the window sill and have the air conditioning on full blast. what on earth does this analogy mean? no clue! but the plodding pistons are still, at least for this year, a top-two team in the east even if their electric bill is through the roof.

if you can't tell, i think the aging pistons storyline is overblown. lindsey hunter is the eldest piston. this year he isn't going to be asked to do much other than occasionally bother the ball handler and then smile when the ref calls him for a foul. antonio mcdyess and rasheed wallace both celebrated their 33rd birthdays 10 days apart from each other in september. but mcdyess played very well in a reserve role last season and though rasheed had a down year offensively, he's still a few years away from reaching olajuwon on the raptors territory. plus, he still led the league in technicals, so apparently he still cares. chauncey billups is 31 but still plays at a high level and also recently signed a contract extension that all but ensures it will be a few more years before he's overpaid. the only other player who is 30 years old on the pistons is nazr mohammed, who by the end of the season could only be found on the side of detroit milk cartons. i assume flip saunders' new years resolutions were to "lose weight" and "stop playing nazr mohammed" because in the final 53 games of the season a slimmer flip saunders only gave nazr mohammed 196 total minutes. the playoffs were no different and in 16 games, nazr played five minutes. five minutes is so few minutes that grammatically i have to spell it out. although he did score five points in those five playoff minutes, i don't think the fact that nazr mohammed is on the wrong side of 30 is going to make a difference unless flip saunders actually thinks he is capable of averaging 48 points per game. and if flip saunders believes that then he should know that one time i made two free throws with the clock stopped. i'd have to think my infinity points per game average would have helped the pistons beat the cavs last year.

since, we already have a good idea of what we can expect from rip hamilton and tayshaun prince, namely hard-nosed, solid basketball, i'm more interested to see a few other of the pistons' non-thirtysomethings. jason maxiell plays like a wrecking ball would play if wrecking balls could dunk and block shots. i assume with more minutes and an expanded role he'll be a pleasant surprise. amir johnson, in addition to being the last player ever drafted out of high school, oozes potential according to pistons fans who ooze optimism. as for the newcomers, the pistons took rodney stuckey and arron afflalo in the draft. afflalo always struck me as slightly little overrated so i'm skeptical he'll make any impact on this veteran team. stuckey, however, should be one of the first guard options off the bench. lastly, the pistons signed jarvis hayes who i like despite being a wizards fan. he got a raw deal in washington, but i hope he does well in a new environment. unless his environment is against the wizads. in which case i hope jarvis hayes accidentally locks the entire team in their locker room.

Dhivy:
No one ever expected Chauncey Billups to sign somewhere else so when he re-upped in Detroit, so it wasn’t a big story. I think it should’ve been, because the Detroit Pistons are going to regret giving him $60M over 5 years. He’s 31 years old and over the past five seasons, he’s played 480 games, not including internation
al play. At some point he has to start breaking down and I’d wager it’s going to happen sooner than later. Something tells me Billups is going to leave many Pistons supporters pissed off.

The good news if you’re a Pistons fan is that the rest of their roster is outstanding. The bad news if you’re a Pistons fan is that you probably live in Detroit and there’s a 1 in 4 chance you’ve been shot while reading this. I don’t like Rasheed Wallace because of his constant complaining, but even I have to admit he’s a great player. Once he stopped settling for the threes and started abusing people in the post, he became the Pistons most reliable weapon. Also, he bought a championship belt when they won the NBA title, which made no sense. Richard Hamilton is almost impossible to guard one-on-one because of his constant movement off the ball, and because looking at his mask terrifies me. But the player that scares me the most on this team is Tayshaun Prince, because he’s their best defender and always seems to find open shots. He too is proficient at backing down smaller players.

The fun thing to watch here is how the youth will be integrated into a veteran rotation. The
Pistons have two rookie guards who could contribute right away in Arron Afflalo and Rodney Stuckey. Interestingly, Afflalo’s middle name is Augustin, which makes his initials ‘AAA’. The Pistons marketing department is no doubt hard at work trying to figure out some convoluted slogan to make out of this. I kinda hope he gets pulled over for a DUI so we can just go with ‘AA’. Jason Maxiell became a bigger part of the rotation late in the season and his improvement in the off-season might relegate Antonio McDyess to a smaller role. Finally, Amir Johnson has been a popular name this off-season, and the Pistons expect big things from him. I’ve only seen him play once, but I was really impressed with his athleticism. Also, if anyone reading this is in my fantasy basketball league, I was lying. Amir Johnson is terrible.

Joe:
On my one trip to Detroit, me and a couple of coworkers decided to hit up one of the down
town casinos followed by a local strip-club. After a couple of hours at the casino, I met up with my coworkers who had taken a beating at blackjack and craps. I had made a killing at poker and decided that I wanted to go get my Pac Man on - so like a true soldier went to the strip-club as they tried to win their money back. I walk up to the line for the club and all of a sudden I'm being escorted in amongst a wave of people directly into VIP. Apparently I had gotten mixed in with Jalen Rose's entourage and before I know it I'm downing Jager-bombs and getting a lap dance up in VIP alongside Jalen Rose and his boys. Not trying to bring any attention to myself I remain quiet until an obviously inebriated Jalen walks up to me, gives me a pound a says "I don't know you, but i like what you're doing!" The point of this long winded story - Jalen Rose would make this team MUCH cooler. I bet you Teyshaun Prince and Nazr Mohammed wouldn't put my drinks and lap-dances on their tabs, I bet you they've never even seen a bare breast - lames.

As far as the Detroit Pistons go, regardless of how uncool they are they are still an extremely good basketball team. I don't know what else Chauncey Billups has to do to get mentioned in the ranks of the elite point guards he plays extremely under control at all points in the game and manages this team better than anyone could. Richard Hamilton needs to take off that silly mask at some point but that's my only gripe with him. Further, the Pistons would have to be fools not to resign Chris Webber who has made it clear that he wants to return and due to the ties with the city would probably offer a home-team discount. Hes 34 years old, 6'10 and still has offensive skills for every day of the week. Yes, seven offensive skills IS a lot in case you were wondering. Regardless of whether they re-sign Webber, Jason Maxeill has shown signs that he could fill the void and can complement Rasheed Wallace down low. This team isn't headed to the lottery any time soon.

Achilles Heel

  • Nazr Mohammed (q)
  • Chauncey Billups (d)
  • Flip "Tuck" Murray (j)
Unsung Hero
  • Jarvis Hayes (q)
  • Jason Maxiell (d)
  • Jason Maxiell (j)
Bold Prediction
  • During a game, Rip Hamilton gets inadvertendly elbowed in the face and his mask breaks. Hamilton is forced to wear two masks for the rest of the season. (q)
  • Tayshaun Price reveals that his arms are so long because his father is Dhalsim from Street Fighter II. (d)
  • Chris Webber decides to pay for free but controversy arises when he admits taking money from a Pistons booster - This season and last are wiped out of the NBA record books. (j)
Favorite Memory
  • In the first quarter of game 5 of the eastern conference finals, Anderson Varejao wildly drives towards the rim and Antonio McDyess collars him and gets ejected. Anderson Varejao is the worst (q)
  • Rasheed Wallace hits a 75-foot shot at the buzzer to send a game to overtime. (d)
  • Carlos Delfino drives baseline and throws down a WICKED one handed dunk on Emeka Okafor. (j)

Friday, October 19, 2007

Season Preview: Denver Nuggets

Dhivy: The Denver McNuggets’ previous season was marred by the suspensions of Carmelo Anthony and JR Smith. Conversely, their previous season was awesome because they punched a New York Knick in the face. If I could punch Nate Robinson and only get a 15-day suspension from my job, I would gladly serve the time.

A full season of Carmelo and AI sounds like a nightmare for opposing teams and fun for anyone who owns NBA Live ‘08. I hate when people say that having two prolific scorers on the same team would create a problem in sharing the ball. If I offered you a team of Carmelo, Iverson, Wade, Amare, and Yao, would you turn it down because there are too many scorers? I didn’t major in basketball but I think scoring points is better than not scoring points. But what do I know, I’m just a kid. JR Smith has a chance to re-establish himself as a burgeoning young star and should be a great third fiddle. The backcourt is packed with depth and is flexible depending on what the team needs: defense (Yakhouba Diawara), explosiveness (Anthony Roberson), or a floor general (Anthony Carter). The frontcourt has experience as well, but the big three are all injury-prone. If Nené, Camby, or Martin suffers a sustained injury, look for Linas Kleiza to emerge as a reliable scorer. Also look for Hubie Brown to have trouble pronouncing his name. Kleiza’s emergence could force the Nuggets into a smaller lineup, which would help fuel their fast-break offense.

Whenever someone plays a game in Denver, they mention the change in altitude playing a major factor. But teams in Denver have long been known for running fast break offenses, as far back as the ABA days. Is this a good idea? I understand that training at higher altitudes would give the Denver team an advantage, but would they tailor their game around the fast break specifically for this purpose? Is this why the Denver Broncos have had a long history of a great running game? My suggestion is that someone finances a study that aims to prove that the average athlete who trains in Denver is better conditioned than an average athlete who trains at sea level. And yes, I did run out of things to say after the second paragraph.

Joe: I often have nightmares that the NBA - in their nonstop pursuit to become the "global game" - changes their rules to mesh with the International game. This would entail trapezoidal lanes, high-school distance three-point lines and general softness. Although this would be one of the most horrible things I could ever imagine, I am consoled by the fact that if this were to happen Carmelo Anthony would become easily the best player ever. It seems that Carmelo's calling in life is to absolutely dominate the international game - and although I don't respect the international game, I respect the hell out of Carmelo Anthony. Put him up against foreign competition, and his jumper becomes automatic, he starts assaulting big men in the post and all of a sudden becomes the most potent finisher when attacking the basket. Not to say that he doesn't possess these skills when playing domestically, but if he were to play with the same zeal he does during the Summer competitions, he would take long strides in narrowing the widening gap between King James and himself.

This year, Carmelo has a full season with probably the best weapon a basketball player can have on their team, a mature, humbled, Allen Iverson, who wants nothing more than to reach the promised land of an NBA championship. I for one believe they can give the other contenders a pretty good run for their money. Aside from the two superstars, this team boasts a quality center in Marcus Camby who will consistently score in the mid teens without having a single play called for him. Couple this with the return of Kenyon Martin who acts as a low-post offensive boon to the team and we have a lot to work with here. I'm particularly encouraged by the way Amare Stoudamire made micro-fracture surgery his bitch. Hopefully Kenyon took notes, because when healthy, he's still one of the most exciting power forwards in the league. The rest of this roster fills out nicely, with Nene and J.R. Smith playing integral roles on both sides of the ball and should give them some dimension of depth that is needed for a conference final run.

Side note, it bought a smile to my face seeing that "Plastic Man" Stacey Augmon was on this roster - I remember him killing the Knicks back in the mid nineties and for years to come I went about thinking that Stacey Augmon was one of the most under-appreciated players in the NBA.

Quang: the nuggets' 06-07 campaign was one of the most eventful in the league. they lost their starting power forward for the season after the second game, they traded for future hall of famer allen iverson, and best of all, they fought the knicks. unfortunately, interesting seasons apparently don't help win playoff games and the spurs knocked the nuggets out in the first round. at least denver can take solace in the fact that they lost to the eventual champion and played them close in four of the five games. and if they don't take any comfort knowing that, they can always fight the spurs and ruin both their seasons. then everybody wins. especially teams who play the spurs and nuggets.

of most interest to me about the nuggets is the fact that carmelo anthony has become one of the five most difficult match ups in the league. and another summer spent cooking international competition has done nothing but solidify his status of one of the premier players in the league while also fueling rumors that carmelo is a bigot. there is no other explanation for his extraordinary numbers in fiba games. he obviously just doesn't like foreigners. though as long as he uses these prejudices to win basketball games, i have no problem turning a blind eye. either way, it's gotten to the point where carmelo's foreign policy of dunking on over-matched countries has made him a legitimate presidential candidate. this would be great, not only because he'd be the tallest president in history, but also because he'd win the national electoral college basketball tournament and then forego the remaining three years on his term to play professionally. it'd be like air bud except in real life. and instead of a dog it's carmelo anthony, who is president of the united states.

carmelo's political career aside, regarding this season i think this year the nuggets are a class below the three mainstays atop the western conference. on paper though, i think they have comparable talent to the west's elite but the denver nuggets are not a professional origami team and their games are not played on paper but on basketball courts. with that said, they'll run past most teams simply because they have so many good players on their roster. allen iverson is still an all star and tries so hard at his job that it makes me feel bad that at my job most of my time is spent eating other people's lunches. marcus camby, though often nicked up, is the best defensive center in the league when healthy. jr smith gave glimpses of his potential even though he found himself in yet another coaches' dog house at the end of the season. kenyon martin is returning from his second microfracture but all reports so far have been fairly positive. and since he doesn't have a third knee to injure, i'm holding out hope that he plays most of the season. further, with linas kleiza, nené, eduardo najera, von wafer, and steven hunter it looks like they're deep enough to avoid playing yakhouba diawara ever again. though i think the nuggets will miss steve blake, if the cards fall in place it wouldn't be a surprise if they made an extended playoff run. it'd be just like air bud: seventh inning fetch except in real life. and instead of baseball, air bud plays basketball. and instead of air bud being played by a dog he's played by carmelo anthony, who helps his team make an extend playoff run.

Achilles Heel
  • Kenyon Martin (d)
  • Steven Hunter (j)
  • Chucky Atkins (q)
Unsung Hero
  • Linas Kleiza (d)
  • Kenyon Martin (j)
  • Von Wafer (q)

Bold Prediction

  • Nené reveals the true reason he only goes by one name: his last name is “Doodoó” (d)
  • In one of their few disagreements all year, an "all grown up" Allen Iverson lets George Karl know that Carmelo Anthony doesn't have the flu and skipped practice for some other reason. Carmelo tells Allen to "stop snitchin" (j)
  • Kenyon Martin gets injured in the first game of the season and after seeing a doctor he is advised to undergo season-ending surgery. However, after a hospital mix-up Kenyon Martin returns midseason as RoboCop and the Nuggets win the NBA Championship. (q)

Favorite Moment

  • Carmelo Anthony punches Mardy Collins in the face, and then runs away from Nate Robinson. (d)
  • Carmelo does the moonwalk off of the Garden floor after punching the Knicks Mardy Collins in the face (j)
  • The Knicks-Nuggets brawl, obviously. Though the best part was the lazy refs who just ejected all ten players who were on the court, even Eduardo Najera. Eduardo Najera!

Season Preview: Dallas Mavericks

Quang: coming into last season, i didn't think the mavs would even sniff their success from the previous year where they reached the finals. i thought that they relied too much on one-on-one play, as evidenced by having the second fewest assists in the league, and i didn't think they rested on their laurels and didn't improve their team enough in the off-season. i was almost certain this would come back to haunt them. but strangely, it was the mavericks who came back to haunt the rest of the league as if dirk nowitzki either knew what they did last summer or had become ghost dad. according to wins and losses, last year, the mavs were the best team in the league. however, according to the playoffs, the mavs were tied with the raptors as the tenth best team in the league. what happened? the golden state ghostbusters weren't afraid of no mavs and bounced them out of the playoffs. the mavs' season ended with them falling short of 70 wins despite winning 67 in the regular season.

this year, the mavs will try to regroup. i assume. i guess there's an off chance that they think oj mayo is the missing link and therefore delay regrouping for another year to secure his rights, but for argument's sake, i'm going to proceed as if this is not the case. anyways, in the off-season the mavericks added eddie jones and trenton hassell but otherwise, their team remains essentially the same. whether or not this is a good thing is up for discussion. obviously winning 67 games is no fluke, though apparently neither are their struggles against the warriors. but the fact remains that dallas fields a deep team with many talented players. dirk is the reigning mvp and no playoff upset can take that away from him. devin harris is a player on the rise in that he's generally on the rise from the floor after having fallen down trying to draw an offensive foul. jason terry and jerry stackhouse are reliable scorers and crafty veterans. further, the mavs even have the self proclaimed second best center in the league, erick dampier, who for the second straight playoffs played fewer minutes than desagana diop. this logically makes diop the best center in the league giving dallas quite a tandem. lastly, josh howard has developed into the mav's second option and plays like he's still mad about being the last pick in the first round of the 2003 draft. so far he's more than proven his worth. consider that since drafting howard, the mavs have only lost 91 games, which translates to a winning percentage of .723. conversely, during the same time span, those teams that did not draft josh howard have lost a total of 4,788 games. that's 1,197 losses a year! pathetic.

one last interesting thing to note: after looking over john hollinger's recently published player efficiency ratings, he expects seven of the best 10 mavs to regress this year. the only maverick who he predicts will actually improve their efficiency rating by more than .3 is devin harris. whether this is a sign of bad things to come or just an indication of how well you have to play in order to win 65+ games is unknown. it's something to consider, but come playoff time, i still expect that the mavs will be very much a factor. and if they aren’t hopefully they blow it in as spectacular fashion as they did last year.

Joe: The epic collapse in the first round of the playoffs proved a lot about this team. The fact is that they can't win when it counts and Dirk Nowitzki is severely overrated. But alas the sportswriters decided to award him with the MVP when by the time he received the hardware it was painfully evident that it wasn’t deserved.

Since I dont really feel like writing about this team - Im gonna take this time to bitch about the MVP award: This idea that the MVP should be on a high performing team is absolutely preposterous. There is already an award for high performing teams – it’s called a record. That record can get you the title of Division Champion, it should not give the best player on the team an advantage at being awarded the League MVP. I’ve heard people say that the most "valuable" player isn’t necessarily the "best" player. What kind of fuzzy math is that? In what other sense is that true? Under no circumstances should Kobe or Lebron not be MVPs, not only are their numbers better than Dirk's but their teams are WORSE. Awarding Dirk (and Steve Nash before that) the MVP because "their teams are great" is like giving someone a head start in a race and then placing obstacles in the way of their competitors, then praising them for winning the race by a nose. It's ridiculous and in my opinion the last three MVPs should be vacated.

Plus Dirk Nowitzki has Josh Howard on his team ... and Josh Howard is better than him.

Dhivy: The Mavericks face some serious mental hurdles after being defeated in the first round of the playoffs last year. Fortunately, mental hurdles require less physical exertion to clear and they hurt less if you fall. Plus, you can always run around them and just pretend you won the race. They’re mental, for Pete’s sake.

Dirk Nowitzki was not held in high regard when he was first drafted, and scouts have begun to sour on one of Dallas’ draft picks: Nick Fazekas. The two share a remarkably similar skill set, and Dirk should serve as the perfect mentor. If injuries or age start to slowdown Jerry Stackhouse, look for Fazekas to be a very important cog in the Mavericks’ plans. While Dampier and Diop are horrible offensively, they bring the toughness and defense that a team need to contend in the West.

In my mind, the biggest thing holding the Mavericks back is their point guard situation. Jason Terry and Devin Harris are good players, but Avery Johnson wants to see them run the offense and distribute rather than look for their own shot. Harris is incredibly quick and can get to the rim at will, but Terry’s postseason was highlighted by lazy threes and turnovers. Defensively, Harris is one of those guys who will jump backwards upon contact rather than play actual defense.

Finally, we get to the real story of the Mavericks: Josh’s Howard’s headband. The way he wears it seems to defy gravity. How does it stay on while perched so high? The headband even seems to irritate Howard at times, who has been known to throw it after calling technical-inducing timeouts. Garbage Points got an exclusive interview with Josh’s headband and when we asked if it was easy being such an annoying accessory, the headband responded, “No sweat!” That’s right, I finished with a pun.

Achilles Heel


  • Devean George (q)
  • Devin Harris (j)
  • Jason Terry (d)

Unsung Hero

  • Maurice Ager (q)
  • Eddie Jones (j)
  • Nick Fazekas (d)

Bold Prediction

  • In yet another controversy surrounding Dirk Nowitzki, he wins his second straight MVP even though his team fails to win a single game. (q)
  • The Mavericks will blow the Warriors out by 40+ in their first meeting of the season. Pundits will mistakenly refer to it as a "measure of payback" (j)
  • Jerry Stackhouse will be suspended one game for a flagrant foul on Shaquille O’Neal. It will be at a Hornets-Clippers game. (d)

Favorite Moment


  • The Mavs sign 44-year old Kevin Willis late in the season a move to "give the team another big man for the postseason". In the postseason he doesn't play a single second and becomes the oldest player to be eliminated from the first round of the playoffs by an 8 seed. (q)
  • I'm sure at some point during last season Avery Johnson refered to his days playing with "The Ad-Mir-Ayl" (j)
  • Dirk Nowitzki winning the MVP award with his team eliminated from the playoffs. (d)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Season Preview: Cleveland Cavaliers

Joe: Lebron James is an enabler. And it has gone on for way to long. I'm watching the footage of the Cavaliers trip to Shanghai to play their exhibition against the Magic. Lebron James is in the back of the team bus and in trying to contemplate the time difference is asking Drew Gooden questions about the implications of missing a birthday due to the to the time change, or possibly celebrating it twice if you flew the other direction. I'm sitting there trying to revel in the greatness that is Lebron James's deepness - but I am distracted by the king of all losers, Damon Jones sitting right next to him. WHY DOES LEBRON ALLOW THIS?!? Doesn't he not know that the more he hangs out with Damon Jones, the more it enables Cleveland management to infer that Lebron James enjoys being on a team full of losers. I bet you Damon Jones had something to do with Lebron's terrible decision to wear a Yankees hat to game 1 of the ALDS at Jacobs Field (wrong for so many reasons). Damon Jones is ruining Lebron James' life in more ways than we know, I used to blame it on Damon Jones, but more and more I realize it's really Lebron's fault.

Anyway besides Lebron James this team is the absolute pits. And really, there is nothing wrong with that because one Lebron James is all you need to make the playoffs. What would be nice is if Larry Hughes would step up and be the Pippen to Lebron's Jordan - but I've been wishing this for two years now and Larry keeps finding different ways to disappoint me (Does anybody remember his "Flight Brothers" days in Philadelphia with A.I. ... soooo much promise!). Daniel Gibson showed some definite signs of being legitimate in the postseason last year, but he is still more of a shooting guard than a pure point, which means that Lebron James will still have to handle those duties more often than should be expected of him. Mike Brown can't expect his superstar meal-ticket to be more unselfish when he needs him to run the point.

Quang: after last year's finals in which the cavs were swept, everyone stood patiently in line to take turns bashing them. "the worst team that ever made the finals!", people screamed. "cleveland is terrible, the east is up for grabs!", other people added. "eat your vegetables!", my mom reminded me. well, it's almost six months later and two things are true. one, for the 06-07 season, the cavs were the best team in the east, and two, i'm a grown man, you can't tell me what to do any more, mom. from what i gathered, there was too much energy spent lambasting those horrifically inept cavaliers whose names did not rhyme with voltron frames and not enough enegry spent celebrating how well voltron frames had to play in order to get his horrifically inept teammates to the finals. it was nothing short of spectacular watching polygon dames practically will his team to victory throughout the playoffs. though, i'm not ready to say that mastadon flames wanted it more than his opponents, especially since his team got swept in the finals and also because i'm pretty sure both teams played hard my man, both teams played hard, his performance was impressive nonetheless. so with an extended playoff run under his belt, this season, taiwan claims and the cavs enter this season hoping to prove last year's success was no fluke. in case you were interested, here are the other lebron james rhymes i came up with: withdrawn names, foregone lames, respawn games, and crayon shames.

lebron enters this season with questions surrounding several key contributors, namely, anderson varejao, sasha pavlovic, and damon jones. the fact that was a list of cleveland's key contributors is further proof of how good lebron james is. varejao and pavlovic are restricted free agents who are threatening to play in europe, while damon jones thinks his talents would be of more use elsewhere. if we're being honest, i don't like any of these three players. so if i were danny ferry i'd tell varejao, pavlovic, and damon jones, "good riddance" in portugese, serbian, and dumbass, respectively. pavlovic is garbage, damon jones is a travesty wrapped in another travesty who is unable to guard an orange traffic cone, and anderson varejao is my least favorite person who lives on planet earth. besides, shannon brown is already better than pavlovic and also meets the cavs apparent requirement to hire someone with a girl's name, damon jones' production could be easily replaced by daniel gibson, or if gibson needs a breather, an orange traffic cone, and half of varejao's minutes are spent sprawled out on the court after attempting to take charges from players shorter than 6 feet tall.

in regards to the cavs who actually want to play with lebron, for the most part, they seem like capable players. zydrunas ilgauskas is on the down slope of his career, but still a better than average center. drew gooden is pretty much just asked to dunk and rebound though he manages to fit in a few ill-advised jumpers here and there. devin brown was recently signed and should immediately jump into the rotation simply because he's not ira newble. however, i think the non-lebron player that that the cavs' success hinges most on is larry hughes. he's one of my favorites and one of the players i root hardest for. during his tenure with the club, in addition to being miscast as a jump shooter, he's dealt with injuries, the tragic death of his younger brother, and most recently his wife's brain aneurysm. those things notwithstanding, i'm hoping that, mike brown finds a way to get him more involved not only because the rest of the league is quickly forgetting how good he actually is but also because i think he could be a good compliment to lebron. to summarize, at first glance, the cavs didn't appear to improve their team much, if at all, making a repeat of last year's success difficult in a stronger eastern conference. but, we, well i, may be overlooking the fact that although the team itself didn't improve much, lebron james will.

Dhivy: Is there any team in the league with a bigger discrepancy between its best and second-best player? Do the Cavaliers even have a second best player? Last season, I watched Lebron James play with 11 people tied for worst player in the NBA. As long as they have Lebron the Cavaliers are playoff bound, but I’m sure the front office is worried about an off-season that included co-hosting the ESPYs, hosting SNL, and laser-eye surgery. It’s important to note that this was not done to correct his vision; rather it allows Lebron to shoot laser beams from his eyes.

A potential star on the Cavaliers roster is Daniel Gibson. He had a great run in the postseason, and he figures to get many of the same open looks this year. The Cavaliers need to find a second shooter to space the floor for Lebron if they expect their offense to improve. My hope is that Shannon Brown can be that player. While he is more of a slasher than a spot up shooter, his presence opens up the possibility of alley-oops and put back dunks. And the last time I checked, that’s what wins championships.

In the off-season, former Dukie and current Cavaliers GM Danny Ferry’s office was painted with a UNC logo. Rather than laugh it off as a harmless prank, he said “I have no sense of humor when it comes to that”. What a Debbie Downer. If he took his job as seriously as he does his school rivalries, the Cavaliers might actually have a shot at defending the Eastern Conference title. Their salary cap situation makes it nearly impossible to import an impact player, so while other teams have the potential to upgrade their team during the season, Cleveland will be hard-pressed to do so.

Oh, and Damon Jones is the Devil.

Achilles Heel

  • Zydrunas Ilgauskas (Damon Jones is the obvious choice but, it's way too easy) (j)
  • Eric Snow (q)
  • Anderson Varejao (assuming he re-signs) (d)

Unsung Hero

  • Drew Gooden (j)
  • Shannon Brown (q)
  • Daniel Gibson (d)

Bold Prediction

  • Larry Hughes helps instead of hinders the team.
  • Lebron James averages both a triple-double and double-triple for the season on the strength of 120 points, 15 rebounds, and 107 assists per game.
  • Due to basketballs recklessly ricocheting in every possible direction, OSHA classifies Quicken Loans Arena as a hazardous workplace.

Favorite Memory

  • An easy alley-oop is thrown to Anderson Varejo, Lebron James comes streaking down the sideline catches the ball over Varaejo and throws down a vicious dunk on his own teammate.
  • During the trophy presentation ceremony after winning the East, all the Cavs start yelling "awwwwwww.... yeaaaaah!" on the dais for no apparent reason.
  • Lebron’s posterization of Tim Duncan. Take that, Virgin Islands.

Season Preview: Chicago Bulls

dhivy: Growing up, I think most people my age were fans of the Bulls because of Jordan. Now that I’m more cynical, I realize that I hate a lot of things about these Bulls. They were stupid enough to draft my two least favorite players in college basketball last year: Joakimberly Noah and Erin Gray. At center, imagine a complete offensive liability who takes too many shots, and an aging defender whose skills don’t equal his reputation. Fortunately for the Bulls, Ben Wallace only takes up one roster spot. Combine all this with two Duke alumni (Deng and Duhon) and the dirtiest player in the league (Nocioni) and you get a team that is going to infuriate me on a nightly basis. I’m predicting an off-year, simply because I want to see this team fail miserably, especially after balking at a Garnett trade.

That’s not to say they don’t have some bright spots on their team. Ben Gordon is one of the premier 4th quarter players in the league, a quality the Bulls need to exploit a little better. I would hire a hypno-therapist to trick Gordon into thinking it’s always the fourth quarter. Or that he’s a chicken. Either way is good. Thabo Sefalosha is an emerging threat who fits well into a talented backcourt rotation. I read that he spent this off-season collecting Army knives, chocolate, and neutrality. And though he doesn’t look the part, Kirk Hinrich turned himself into a legitimate offensive force last season. His outside shot used to be a liability, but if he continues on his past improvement, we could see 18+ a game. Hinrich’s also one of the few players that draws a lot of charges on defense, yet doesn’t make me want to throw things at my TV. Honestly, who takes a charge?

joe: It wasn't too long ago that the Bulls organization was walking around rather smugly because they "hoodwinked" the Knicks by unloading Eddy Curry for two unprotected 1st round picks, Tim Thomas and Othella Harrington. Imagine Eddy Curry in the middle of that Bulls lineup now. This would be the most unstoppable team ever - no questions asked. Now the final results of the deal are in the open and the Bulls have parlayed Eddy Curry into two unskilled athletes in Johakim Noah and Tyrus Thomas to complete a front court that already contains an old facsimile of the two in Ben Wallace. Together there has been upwards of three offensive moves executed by them in their entire careers while Eddy has flourished into if nothing else an ultra-reliable interior scorer.

Regardless of my problems with the roster there is no denying that this is a great defensive team and will win a bunch of games based on their defensive intensity alone. However having a perimeter offense based around streaky shooters with no low-post safety valve, puts this team in the same situation it was in last year. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing while expecting a different result - John Paxon is a certifiable madman.

It makes me sick when pundits say that because of the glut of young talent the Bulls are the best choice for the Lakers to trade Kobe to. I like Ben Gordon as much as the next guy, hes fearless, good with the ball and remarkably clutch, but he is also undersized at the two, has trouble guarding bigger guards, is an extremely erratic shooter and plays better when coming off of the bench. Yet this is the guy that people want to package Luol Deng (at best Jamal Mashburn before the microfracture surgery) with for KOBE!?!? Maybe this is why Kobe has been acting strangely, this is how his value is being assessed.

quang: last year, the bulls were pegged as a dark horse team after signing ben wallace. they won nearly 50 games and delivered on this promise. however, to this untrained eye, chicago's 8-win increase was less about veteran moxie and more of a result of kirk hinrich's continued improvement, ben gordon pouring it in, and luol deng remembering that he was at some point the second best high school player behind lebron james. in the playoffs, the bulls impressively swept the defending champion heat in the first round but dropped the first three games in the eastern conference semifinals to the pistons and were dispatched shortly afterwards. had the bulls beaten the nets for their 50th win in the final game of the season, they would have clinched the number 2 seed with only the nets and either the depleted raptors or wizards standing in their path to the conference finals. but as the old saying goes, if the queen had balls she'd be king. and as king, his/her path to the eastern conference finals would have been markedly easier. thus with no balls, the bulls headed into the off-season trying to build on their modest success.

for this season, the outlook is sunny in the windy city. the bulls signed veteran joe smith, who i assume can adequately replace pj brown's production for the simple reason that he is on an nba roster while pj brown is not. also, not only is joe smith a former 1st overall draft pick, the timberwolves forfeited about four or five other draft picks just to sign him. that's like six first round draft picks in one! additionally, the bulls re-signed andres nocioni, who is expected to reprise his role as the player on the bulls that makes me the angriest, and also drafted joakim noah-bilities, whose main draw is relentless energy and relentless screaming. maybe scott skiles hopes that noah's passion will rub off on his teammates. although, if i were his teammate, i'd be more worried about noah's hair rubbing off. otherwise, the bulls' ascension to the top of the east is contingent on their returning players' development.

the thing i'm most interested to watch for in the bulls' upcoming season is their lankiest player, luol deng. how much better can he get? can he become the bulls' franchise player? luol is a very proficient midrange shooter and last year his dramatic improvement coincided with a concerted effort to shoot less from behind the arc. he only attempted seven threes last season which unfortunately means he needs to find other avenues with which to improve his game since according to basketball-reference, it's fairly difficult to take fewer than zero threes in a season. even though, i kind of dislike the bulls, i'm very curious how luol evolves this year. if he can develop a post game or if he begins to attack the basket more frequently i think he'll avoid the obvious ceiling that exists for players who rely mainly on midrange shooting. then i guess we'll see who's... laughing out luol-d! no good? how about, "he's luol that and a bag of chips"? "this one's for luol the marbles"? "luol deng, every deng"? "it's luol or nothing"? laughing out luol-d it is.

Achilles heel

  • Ben Wallace (d)
  • Ben Wallace (j)
  • Chris Duhon (q)

Unsung Hero

  • Thabo Sefalosha (d)
  • Thabo Sefalosha (j)
  • Thabo Sefalosha (q)

Bold Prediction

  • It is revealed that Scott Skiles has mob ties and he is assassinated by David Stern. (d)
  • Scott Skiles decides to reenact his headband policy, because "that kid we drafted is a f*cking clown" (j)
  • kirk hinrich loses his title as "the best player from those stacked kansas teams" when jeff boschee creates himself in nba live 08 and maxes out his stats. (q)

Favorite Memory

  • In the Bulls’ first game, Andres Nocioni gets a technical foul after innocently claiming he was fouled on a shot. (d)
  • Scott Skiles sends Ben Wallace into the game, only to realize he is wearing a headband. He waspromptly removed. (j)
  • after starting most of the season, andres nocioni is suspended one game for elbowing mikki moore in the neck. he does not start another game for the rest of the season and even misses 28 game due to injury. (q)

Season Preview: Charlotte Bobcats

Dhivy: The Bobcats strike me as a team who has a bunch of role players with no floor leaders. Someone might step up to assume the role, but everyone has question marks. Can Emeka Okafor and Gerald Wallace stay healthy enough to be consistent contributors? Can Raymond Felton make the jump to elite young point guard? Can Jared Dudley bring his winning mentality to the Bobcats without screaming every time he makes a basket? Can Matt Carroll continue to strive as the only white player in the league who wears a shooting sleeve?


The Bobcats face an uphill battle this season and not even “He-Man” Herrmann can save them. They eschewed the you